Sick of charting - AW rant

[joy]

I'm sorry, Em. You do seem to be tracking a lot of stuff. Have you considered just backing off to temping and CM?

This is all I do. I don't stress about what days sex happens, I certainly don't use Preseed, OPKs or even wonder about how much CM I have.

I read a lot of stuff on here from people who go full force and burn out. It seems like this happened to you. Don't lose sight of why you're tracking anything - just to confirm ovulation and know when to test/get your period. That's it!

Tracking doesn't have to be this life-encompassing thing. It really doesn't. Back off, have sex for you guys, and just be for a bit. Remember why you were doing all that junk to begin with and realize that you don't NEED all that. Ovulation confirmation is the name of the game and can be achieved in with faaaar less info.

[juliayadda]

Ugh I am sooo there.

My biggest frustrations with charting:

1. I didn't get CHs this month

2. I sometimes get cross hairs at a weird time and miss sex time

3. Then I stare at my chart and yell at it for being stoopid

Trigger warning spoiler talking about my child/loss:

SPOILER: Click to show

I am just feeling down that my DS will be 9 if I get pregnant next cycle. Every cycle we dont conceive he gets older. He really wants a younger sibling. He tells people at school about it, so all his teachers end up thinking I am pregnant. My baby sitter once was convinced I was pregnant with how he talks. I was pregnant when he was two, and lost the baby. He would have been 3 and had a sibling to play with. This makes me incredibly sad.

[Camaja]

@wineandcupcakes pretty much summed up my experience perfectly. I'm only on cycle 7 and haven't even been charting this whole time but I totally understand your frame of mind. I never realized how mentally exhausting this whole process can be. Even at only cycle 7 I find myself feeling emotionally drained and have definitely kind of taken a step back to reevaluate whether my sanity is worth all of the obsessing I've been doing.

I'm sorry you're finding yourself at this stressful and frustrating place. As others have said, make you and your husband a priority whatever that means for the two of you!

[jawswife]

Feb 15, 2015 12:22:09 GMT -5 juliayadda said:

Ugh I am sooo there.

My biggest frustrations with charting:

1. I didn't get CHs this month

2. I sometimes get cross hairs at a weird time and miss sex time

3. Then I stare at my chart and yell at it for being stoopid

Trigger warning spoiler talking about my child/loss:

SPOILER: Click to show

I am just feeling down that my DS will be 9 if I get pregnant next cycle. Every cycle we dont conceive he gets older. He really wants a younger sibling. He tells people at school about it, so all his teachers end up thinking I am pregnant. My baby sitter once was convinced I was pregnant with how he talks. I was pregnant when he was two, and lost the baby. He would have been 3 and had a sibling to play with. This makes me incredibly sad.

Hugs, my DS is also 9 and talks constantly about having a baby brother or sister and it breaks my heart. He has been asking since he was 5. I know he will be an amazing big brother when the time comes. It just hurts to know I haven't been able to make that happen.

[cateyes]

I agree with the people who say to maybe just track temps. Then you know when to test and when you just O late. Have sex when you want to and don't when you don't. I have temped for 16 months and am grateful because when my first crazy cycle came (33 day average and then a cycle that was almost 80 and ended with provera), I would have been on the crazy train for sure. You can always just temp and stop timing.

[physiomeg]

I'm sorry you feel so frustrated @emilie818, and I totally understand what you're going through. If my cycles were more regular and not so long, I would definitely take a break from temping at this point.

When I first tried OPKs, i peed on over 50 of those damn things (one per day) with not one positive. It was pure frustration and really started to affect me emotionally. So, I stopped using them. I know they could be valuable, but I just can't do it.

You do what's right for you. Take care of yourself and know that whatever you do, if it makes you happy it's the correct decision.

[kawaiikitsune]

I have been where you are and it sucks. *huge hugs* I did take a temping/OPK break a few cycles ago. It was simultaneously relieving and panic inducing. I loved not having to remember to temp as soon as I woke up. Just being able to get up and pee and not worry "Oh shit, I forgot to temp." Not obsessing over my chart and symptoms. Or peeing on sticks. Then the uncertainty set in. I had no clue when/if I had O'd or when to expect my period. Go figure, my cycle ran a bit longer that month and I had no idea how many DPO I was or if I had gone past my normal LP. When I did pick back up charting the next cycle, I decided to follow some advice from a fellow Bumpie (I believe it was joy or queenofcats). Don't schedule sex. If MH and I happen to have sex during my FW, great. If not, no big deal.

Honestly, if you feel you need the break and you're okay with the fact that you won't be able to pinpoint O, I say go for it. At the very least, hopefully this was therapeutic for you and you can go back into temping/charting/etc. with a new wind.

(Sorry for the novel)

[icaughtfire]

Feb 15, 2015 12:19:32 GMT -5 joy said:

I'm sorry, Em. You do seem to be tracking a lot of stuff. Have you considered just backing off to temping and CM?

This is all I do. I don't stress about what days sex happens, I certainly don't use Preseed, OPKs or even wonder about how much CM I have.

I read a lot of stuff on here from people who go full force and burn out. It seems like this happened to you. Don't lose sight of why you're tracking anything - just to confirm ovulation and know when to test/get your period. That's it!

Tracking doesn't have to be this life-encompassing thing. It really doesn't. Back off, have sex for you guys, and just be for a bit. Remember why you were doing all that junk to begin with and realize that you don't NEED all that. Ovulation confirmation is the name of the game and can be achieved in with faaaar less info.

SO. MUCH. THIS.

I'm sorry you feel frustrated. I fully agree with Joy -- temp to know what your body is doing & fuck all the rest. Enjoy your husband because you want to, not because you feel you HAVE to hit another day in your FW. ((HUGS))

[queenofcats]

Feb 15, 2015 13:23:28 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

I have been where you are and it sucks. *huge hugs* I did take a temping/OPK break a few cycles ago. It was simultaneously relieving and panic inducing. I loved not having to remember to temp as soon as I woke up. Just being able to get up and pee and not worry "Oh shit, I forgot to temp." Not obsessing over my chart and symptoms. Or peeing on sticks. Then the uncertainty set in. I had no clue when/if I had O'd or when to expect my period. Go figure, my cycle ran a bit longer that month and I had no idea how many DPO I was or if I had gone past my normal LP. When I did pick back up charting the next cycle, I decided to follow some advice from a fellow Bumpie (I believe it was joy or queenofcats). Don't schedule sex. If MH and I happen to have sex during my FW, great. If not, no big deal.

Honestly, if you feel you need the break and you're okay with the fact that you won't be able to pinpoint O, I say go for it. At the very least, hopefully this was therapeutic for you and you can go back into temping/charting/etc. with a new wind.

(Sorry for the novel)

I believe it was joy, but it's a sentiment I can get behind. Don't make it into a chore.

I didn't temp or chart during our treatment cycles because it wasn't necessary, but I'm so glad I did before. Having all that information and knowing whether I should pee on a stick was great. But it's okay to take a break, sometimes you need it.

[wowcheezits]

(((HUGS))) to you, @emilie818. I feel that way sometimes too when it comes to charting. You need to do what's right for you.

[icequeen]

Big hugs, @emilie818. I hate that you are feeling so discouraged. I know many of the ladies, including me, can empathize with the burden of tracking, charting, planning, and interpreting. It is a complete mindfuck most of the time and I can't even tell you how many times I have had to step back and be like, "Whoa, girl...you need to chill out and quit obsessing." It's not an easy thing to do! But it is necessary. Especially if you feel like it is taking a toll on your marriage. I agree with the PP who said that if you feel like your cycles are relatively "normal" and predictable, then foregoing the charting and temping might be a good idea for at least a few cycles, until you are ready and willing to take another shot at it. After all, not charting or temping will not prevent you form becoming pregnant, you are just letting go of some of your control over the situation. Hang in there, honey!

[peaseblossom55]

I have no advice really. Just sending you hugs.

[helloerrbody]

@emilie818, I don't have any good advice, but I'm sending you hugs!!

[teenybenoit]

Hugs to you. This baby making business can most definitely be overwhelming. I found for me that taking time out to go on actual dates with my husband helped, I mean I haven't stopped temping or charting because this is my first month and technically I am still benched, but taking time out to go to dinner or a coffee and a drive and making it a no baby zone meaning no talk of baby making, conception, charts, temps, not even the mention of a baby Ruth bar is allowed, it helps for us to feel a little normal for a moment. Good luck.

[jazzra369]

Girl, yes. I totally understand. The TTC process can be so draining.

[roastytoasty]

Hugs to you @emilie818!

I'm on cycle 8, and so hear you. I have definitely checked out of the Ed/EOD stuff. I went all in one cycle, and being super scheduled and stressed out for a month, just to never ovulate, was a pile of shit. Now it's just whenever we're in the mood. So far so good!

[URMySunshine77]

I just want to send a hug and let you know that we're in the same place. I just want to go back to fun sex. We're on cycle nine, month eleven.

I hope this month is better for you.

ETA: I think that OPKs are a negative thing for me. I become so fixated on finding -1 that I forget about the importance of other CM days.

[grannypantiesrock]

I gave up on charting about 6 months ago. I'm regular give or take a day. We just start EOD around CD 10 and then try to hit O-1 and O once the OPK is positive. I'm so over it. I was spending so much on FRERS last year. I would test multiple times a day. Now I just use cheap wondfos and I test waaay less. It's not that I don't care, but now I'm expecting disappointment whereas before I was optimistic. I also have used and given up on Preseed and Diva cups. Meh.

[MrsC0617]

Hugs Em. TTC is a bitch. I'm going on month 13 now and I've had it too! I second what PPs have said. Try to relax and enjoy time with your H.

[longhornwino0907]

I don't have an additional advice to give; just wanted to send you ((hugs))

[setsuna17]

Hugs. I definitely know how you feel. Sometimes I want to take a break too, but since I'm a control freak, I think not knowing would actually be harder for me. I too think you should do what's best for you.

[piccyami]

Hugs. I'm feeling the same way, since we've moved onto cycle 9 today. I really needed to hear some of the things everybody else had to say. I don't know if I can take a complete break, but I'm not ordering any more opks for this month.

[Ruca]

Not sure what your cycles are like but if they are fairly regular I suggest just humping it out. When TTC we just have sex every other day or every 2 days for 2 weeks. We have fun having lots of sex but then I don't obsess over everything because I know we're covering all possible O times. ((HUGS))

[jefa]

I quit temping after about 8 months. I gained a lot of knowledge from those months. My cycles are a pretty consistent length. I know that I consistently have a couple days of ewcm before o. I know my cp. So I just started making sure that we HIO when I see those signs. It's ok to stop if you want. Good luck!

[remylove1011]

Just wanted to send some hugs! I quit temping last cycle and don't plan to start again. I was also feeling stressed by all of it and since we're now seeing an RE for me it's pointless. I know in general when I O ater temping for 13 months and have good secondary signs (CM), so I don't plan to start again. For me, it's been one less thing to stress about.

[mainewifey]

Lots of hugs! I'm temping one more month until our first RE appointment and then I'm done. Which is sort of sad because this is only my 1st month temping. I'm too much of an obsesser. I can't just put in my temp and let it go.

[twinkie0612]

I think if you need a break take a break. It's not like you can only get KTFU if you temp. I temped up until I started medicated cycles with my RE, with the exception of one cycle where my husband was convinced we would get pregnant if I just stopped temping and had sex everyday from the time my period was over until God only when. I still used OPKs and tracked CM and after over 2 weeks of ED sex I cut him off. Needless to say his plan didn't work for us.

I don't temp when we are between treatment cycles trying on our own. I do use cheap OPKs because they will give me an idea of when I ovulated and when to expect my period. This works for me and at this point I don't think there is much more I can learn from temping. Figure out what works for you.

[joy]

This thread makes me both sad and encouraged.

Temping is not about getting pregnant - it's about understanding your cycle. I'm sorry that so many women are finding it stressful or are obsessing about it. That is not its intention. All the spectacular temping in the world will not get you pregnant nor predict that you are. Anyone who is doing that, just go ahead and stop .

But, this also makes me encouraged that teaching these skills to women separate from pregnancy will be beneficial. Temping is a great tool to any woman who is past puberty and before menopause, regardless of trying to conceive status. Even if you never intend to have kids, understanding the basics of a menstrual cycle is important. This is really underscored by the women here who temped, understand their bodies, and have moved on from it but still carry the knowledge that temping gave them. That's awesome.

Now. To build my group and start figuring out how to teach this information to a wider audience. Hmm.

[mrssims8212]

I just want to say I totally understand where you're coming from and it sucks. I'm on cycle 11 and it seems like after all of the effort the let down is even worse. Hugs.