AL/AIF

[sophiegrace]

All the feels go here. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

[sophiegrace]

M is up for good and rearing to go so I'm going to start my post, but it might take awhile to get up. I've been holding a lot in about Cooper it seems.

[shedreamsincolor]

Oh boy. Thanks sophiegrace for starting. I don't know why but I assumed that once baby was here things would get easier. And while that is partially true it has come with a whole slew of unexpected emotions.

First of all, I conceived Isaiah while I still should have been pregnant with Robin. So there just this constant mind fu** of "If Robin was here than Isaiah wouldn't exist" I love Isaiah more than anything. I can't imagine our family without him. So why am I still just so sad/mourning the loss of Robin? I've brought this up to my therapist and her best advice is that this is "circular thought" meaning I can go around and around on this but I'm never going to find a satisfactory answer. Doesn't stop my thoughts from spinning though

[ClassyMrsA]

shedreamsincolor I had similar feelings/thoughts after I had Lillian. I had an early loss, but I still felt sad about this person who I will never know. And of course if I had, I wouldn't have Lillian who I cannot live without. I don't really have any advice on that, just lots of hugs.

[shedreamsincolor]

ClassyMrsA - glad to hear I'm not the only one who has those thoughts. They drive me nuts and I'm sure will decrease as time goes by. But for right now every *first* with Isaiah is a reminder that I didn't have that same first with Robin, which just puts me in a funk. Christmas was especially hard.

[hangry]

Oh danib that is a lot of events and emotions to have to balance. You are seeming to do a wonderful job sorting through all that. There is no textbook way to feel or cope, but I am proud of what you have done and sorry you have had to deal with it at all. C and H are lucky to have you as a role model, as well as a parent.

[kleigh]

danib That is so much to deal with/process emotionally. You are doing an amazing job as mommy to C and H and which is not to say you can't grieve for all of the other aspects. I understand what you're saying (also an unexplained IF diagnosis) when you reference how people make you feel like you should only feel lucky to have C and H and basically push aside or feel guilty about the other pain you've still felt instead of exploring it or being supported through it.