Hump day randoms and babies

[tjanca22]

Thinking about you today buckyb!

What's going on with you today and of course show us your little monsters/angels!

[tjanca22]

Why are my kids crying? Because I've given both kids medicine this morning which means obviously we must scream about it 😕

[tallblonde]

Thinking of you buckyb! Hope it's uneventful and for a quick recovery.

[tallblonde]

Last night was rough, N was so gassy she screamed from 8:30-11, poor thing. We did a warm bath and she eventually pooped in the tub (I've never been so glad to see something so gross) after pouring cup after cup of warm water on her belly. Then at least she slept until 5:30, phew.

Highs in the 50s and sunny, so an exercise walk is on the agenda today.

[dashook]

GL buckyb! Thinking of you and C today!

[dashook]

tallblonde big poops by D often bring me a sense of relief! Glad N sorted it out.

Not much going on today. DS just left with the nanny for storytime and I hear D waking up upstairs. I have my moms group at 1:30 and aside from that not much else going on, which is nice.

Edit because it sounded like I was posting about how much I personally enjoy pooping 😂

[kleigh]

I have to get these kids on a walk today. In fact make it two.

Bloody hell, people would ask me in the first few weeks if one baby crying would wake the other one. No, the answer WAS no. That has changed in the past couple weeks. They won't take more than 10 minute naps because one or the other starts to cry and wakes the other one and then they cry because they're still tired. Charming.

Anyway, my mom and sister came over last night so H and I could have a "date night.". We just went to dinner which was nice but... (and I hate to put this here and not know when I can next respond)... I think our marriage is slowly dying.

So many reasons but one big issue we're having is the daycare etc. We have nothing lined up and I'm supposed to start back on Wednesday. My mom has offered to leave her job and come help me the 3 days per week that I work from home (I'll have to pay her something but cheaper than market rate and so many benefits in my eyes - more reliable than a college student, don't have to show/tell her anything she's raised so many kids, they get to spend time with their grandma, I could have her help me with my work if need be, she'll do cooking and cleaning, I feel comfortable with her taking them places/to the store, etc).

H is adamant that he will divorce me if I do this. Why? Because it's not fair to his mom.

What? Why is this about your mom?



ETA I offered for his mom to come over whenever to see them, do a little language "lesson" - not to mention she freaks out the second they start to cry and hands them off. Also my mom isn't allowed to do it but he has no other suggestion - except to hire a college student, like I have the time to look for/interview one. And with his free time you would think he looks for one then, nope - is on his phone every second morning or night.

I don't know what's going to happen here...

[LizInFL]

Morning!

Thinking of you and C buckyb . Let us know how things go when you get time.

kleigh Oh dear, that sounds really tough. The first year with a new baby can be really hard on a marriage...I can only imagine the strain is multiplied with two babies. I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now. 

eta: it sounds like your mom is a good option, at least for the interim since you don't really have another strong option at this point. If it wasn't a question of your mom leaving her job, then I'd say maybe y'all could do a trial run for X amount of time...but that isn't really fair to your mom if it doesn't work out, b/c then she's SOL. She kind of needs to know one way or another, I assume. And beyond that...besides the fact that she probably isn't the most...um, suitable...to care for the babies, is that something your MIL would even want to do? 

[LizInFL]

Not much on the agenda here today, just a trip to the tile store to finalize stuff for our kitchen backsplash and probably a visit with my parents. Rosie (the roomba) is running right now and DS is running around yelling at me and the baby to pick up our feet, lol.

C didn't seem to have any averse reactions to the vaccines yesterday, so that's good.

ETA: and here's a pic...poor kids, this was kind of the 'lost week' of their lives, I have not been taking many photos lol.



C at her appt yesterday (pre-throw up;)

[cookswithwine9]

kleigh I can't believe your H is so adamant about this. Did he actually use the word divorce? That's insane to me! My H wants equal time with the grandmas too. Since his mom works during the week and my mom doesn't we decided my mom is the week day baby sitter and his mom is the weekend baby sitter. It works for us and them so they get to see O equally. My mom will also be watching O full time when I go back to work until his day care spot opens up (March or April) mainly due to H's mom cant watch him full time because she works. Is there a deeper issue he's upset about? It doesn't seem like it's just about who is watching the babies.

[tallblonde]

@kleigh I'm confused by this as well. It doesn't sound like you have that many options right now and not much time. I don't think that's something to threaten divorce over either. I'm sorry.

[dashook]

waitwhat sounds like a great night! You were due for one, for sure.
kleigh echoing the others with a wtf and I'm sorry you are going through this. This should be about what is best for the babies and not any family politics. What is best is having consistent, loving, reliable care and it sounds like your mom would be perfect, as well as economical. I'm sorry lady. It's hard to work on marriage stuff when you're so busy with the constant needs of a new baby, let alone two.

[dashook]

Speaking of babies, where did mine go? She looks so big to me all of a sudden.

I can't do side by sides but here's a decent comparison series. Twelve days old vs. 9 weeks 4 days old:
*poof*
*poof*

[tjanca22]

Just got back from a big trip to Costco to stock up on meat and other necessities. Nursing now, but I still need to portion out and put things into freezer bags. After that the plan is to be lazy until I need to pick up DS from daycare.

Cute 2mo baby!

[ClassyMrsA]

kleigh W.T.A.F I cannot believe he would say that. I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. I know DH has some feelings about how his mom doesn't see the littles as much as my parents do. But we live in the same city as my parents while his live in Colorado. It's part of our issue with no one talking to me about when or for how long they are coming to visit. That said, I can't imagine him threatening to divorce me over my mom seeing them more even if she was closer. It sounds like you need the help and he isn't doing anything to find another solution. I hope you can get it worked out. Hugs!

vinolove and waitwhat We have the Alamo Drafthouse here that does baby day on Tuesday mornings. I went a few times when Lillian was a baby. They have food and a full bar, too, so it was fun. I think they are adding more days throughout the month for families with children who have sensory issues. It's generally seen as a less family friendly place, but they've been working to change that. They have locations in lots of places now.

[ClassyMrsA]

Afm...

We had a hectic morning with Lillian's ballet class and then a mom's club event that included kids yoga. Unfortunately Lilah puked on me (like everything I fed her came up...even my butt was soaking wet) so we left the meeting part early. I was feeling a bit sick myself, but I think it was just stress, anxiety, etc. I'm feeling a little better now. Just kind of depressed about other stuff. Lilah seems fine now. She nursed a bunch when we got home, played on her mat, and fell asleep. Lillian is napping, too, so it's quiet for once.

Here's Miss Lilah napping on her mat. 2.5 months old!! Please ignore the onesie. It was our backup outfit after the puking episode.

[kleigh]

Thanks ladies. I don't mean to be a Debbie downer I'm just stressed AF and it makes my life even more stressful having to worry about childcare instead of just going with the easy option.

His mom (does not work) has loosely "offered" to "help if we need it". But I took it to be the same kind of offer for help as letting us stay there (she promptly brought all of our stuff including every last pen or hair pin or half consumed groceries to our house my first week from the hospital - like pretty sure those grapes can be tossed or eaten by you guys) and has since said how difficult it was. Or like the offer to watch the dog which she constantly complains about.

That's the thing, among other issues, she constantly complains that she can't handle "all the stuff she has to do" (eye roll). She's a SAHM to a 13 year old who is very independent and is either with her friend or in her bedroom. So aside from dropping her to school/picking her up, taking the dogs out and feeding them, she does nothing all day. I lived there, I know this. She cooks dinner once a week and cleans the house once a week. But she constantly is "so tired", "no one understands how hard it is", etc - so no thank you - don't need you to "help" and the. complain about it. Also she smokes. Also she can't handle one while we're there with her. And since I'm the one home with the kids trying to work, I don't necessarily want her to be the person in the house with me - remember this woman and I don't care for each other very much. And actually H does agree she couldn't handle the twins, but still says it's unfair.

So yes, he'd rather have some young kid who *I* get to find, interview, hire, manage, watch, etc "helping me" and you know, when they show up hungover or just don't show or lose their shit with the kids or quit without notice or whatever, it's only my job on the line.

[kleigh]

FTR totally not a blanket statement about SAHM - just noting that she doesn't work but doesn't have much else going on either.

[ClassyMrsA]

kleigh Have you looked at Care.com or similar site? You might be able to find someone you can trust that way. It still means you'd have to deal with finding someone, but could help with the concerns of the person not being reliable/not being able to handle the babies.
Eta: 100% agree with danib about saying you found someone (your mom) etc. Also agree about addressing the divorce issue. That's serious stuff to throw out there. The above is a suggestion should you decide you need to do something other than have your mom help you.

[kleigh]

danib and ClassyMrsA Here's the thing, even if he didn't mean the divorce thing, if I bring in my mom he'll be so resentful that he was "strong arm"ed (even if he does have the ability to find someone of his own) that it's be nearly as painful. I think he was probably using the term to "scare" me into knowing how serious he is but I just don't have any other options or time.

[ClassyMrsA]

Jan 25, 2017 14:20:55 GMT -5 waitwhat said:

ClassyMrsA little L looks so big in that picture!!

I know!! Not the best comparison, but this is 2 weeks and last week (2 months 1 weekish).

[kleigh]

Jan 25, 2017 14:54:39 GMT -5 waitwhat said:

kleigh does your mom and H get along well?

Very much, I've never met anyone that didn't like my mom, she is extremely nice and lovey dovey to everyone. I think the real issue is that his mom is not like that (I've mentioned it here before). He's always had this not-so-spoken about "jealousy" (can't think of a better word) that my side is all so close and happy go lucky and positive and sit around and tell stories and laugh and joke and hug and say I love you and we are involved with each other and their family is polar opposite - I think he is having internal issues realizing that my mom would bring more to it than his mom.

[kleigh]

danib It'll backfire because she would never turn it down even though she knows she can't manage it - she would do it and struggle through it.

ETA wouldn't turn it down mostly because she'd be afraid of what it would look like or what family/friends would say, not cause I believe she'd really want to. She's not really the nurturing type.

[goldenlove3]

Wow I don't know how it's already 3:30. I'm just getting on here and catching up. I've been spending every nap trying to de-clutter the house and organize things because we have cleaning people coming tomorrow. It's funny that my motivation to clean is that I don't want the cleaning ladies to see the same piles of clutter for the 3rd month in a row. There's already so much baby stuff everywhere. I can't even imagine what will happen when he actually plays with his toys. I told H I need a new shelf for the basement so I can start to organize just the baby stuff alone.

Here are some pictures of my 12 week old (how???)..

He developed dimples last week:

Trying out his new toy:

[goldenlove3]

kleigh I'm sorry you're in that situation. It sounds like having your mom help would be perfect. That sucks that YH isn't on board with it. Is there any type of compromise that you can come up with like if you need a date night or something, your MIL can watch them? Maybe you don't even want that since she can hardly handle them though.

I love my MIL but I'm just a lot more comfortable with my own mom. When I go there, I know that she'll make me something to eat if I'm hungry and she will completely take care of C and give me a break. Not that my ILs don't take him and play with him and feed him, etc, but it just feels different for some reason. I feel like it's more of a burden and I'm constantly asking if they want me to take him back where with my parents, I KNOW that they don't want to give him to me. In the beginning, H made a comment to me that I should visit his family more often but I'm just not as comfortable dropping in with them.

Anyway, I know it's not nearly the same thing that you're going through and it really sucks that YH would mention divorce over it. Family politics suck sometimes.

[dashook]

Oh wow goldenlove3, I think he's really starting to look like you!

[goldenlove3]

Jan 25, 2017 17:00:00 GMT -5 dashook said:

Oh wow goldenlove3 , I think he's really starting to look like you!

Really? He looked like me (and my siblings) as newborns but I think he's starting to look more like H now. It's funny because my uncle met him for the first time a couple weeks ago and said he looks exactly like my dad did as a baby. 

[dashook]

Jan 25, 2017 17:15:35 GMT -5 goldenlove3 said:

Jan 25, 2017 17:00:00 GMT -5 dashook said:

Oh wow goldenlove3 , I think he's really starting to look like you!

Really? He looked like me (and my siblings) as newborns but I think he's starting to look more like H now. It's funny because my uncle met him for the first time a couple weeks ago and said he looks exactly like my dad did as a baby. 

Ha, that's funny! I guess idk YH at all. I mean I don't know you either lol but just from pics I've seen, I totally see a resemblance.

[ClassyMrsA]

starbuck27 That's sucks. Hugs.

goldenlove3 I can send you a picture of what it looks like once they start playing with stuff. Lol. It's...bad.

[buckyb]

Hi everyone! Thanks for all the well wishes today. Calvin was a rockstar and the surgery was successful. The urologist was able to repair the blockage on the left side. He said there was plenty of healthy tissue so no need to remove it now. He said it was one of the biggest blockages he'd ever seen that didn't need to be removed.

Calvin is out of recovery and is resting. I'm hoping to get to feed him at some point tonight. Pumping is the worst. H is heading home shortly and will be back in the morning. Here is my sleepy guy: