Help me out here...

[king26]

We've been doing IF treatments for 3 years and I feel like I've super versed in that.  I knew everything about every test, procedure, stats, etc. and had great questions for my RE.  Now that I'm pregnant I feel like a fish out of water.

I had our first OB appointment this past week and I had no questions.  He seemed surprised as was I.   We've done nothing yet to start preparing and I feel like I'm super confused here.

So here are my questions...what should I be asking at these appointments?   We go back the 15th for our NT scan.  Should I ask for a cell free DNA test since I'm 36?  What questions should I be asking my doctor?  Should I ask for other tests?

Also, what books are you reading to help you prepare?  I don't even know what we should be doing so I'd like to get some books for me and one for my DH. 

Today we started talking about what we will need for this baby and again..we have no clue!  I mean we know the obvious things like crib, carseat, stroller, etc.  but what else?   Where do I look to find out what we need and what brands we should get?  Help!

[bsouls]

I never really asked questions at OBGYN appointments. They're just monitoring you. If something came up, I'd ask - otherwise I didn't really have anything. I forgot to ask about additional testing now that I'm 37, but I figure I'll find out what my office does at the NT scan. Offices all seem different and not all run the same testing.

I just read What to Expect when You're Expecting last pregnancy. Plus, I had various apps that I'd look at daily. H didn't read anything. Sometimes I'd get him to glance at the book, but mostly I just relayed pertinent information.

My kid was due March 19th and my baby shower was the beginning of March... you've got plenty of time. I didn't know where T was going to sleep until the week before she was born when someone at work offered me a used bassinet. We used Babies R Us for our registry and they have suggestions. But, really, you have no idea what you'll need or prefer - everyone is different. My best advice is to not open/wash everything until you want to use it. We returned a bunch of stuff a couple months after birth because we didn't need it (no clue why I thought I'd need more than two fitted sheets). Also, if people offer used baby things then accept it! Babies are only potted plants for 6-8 months and then you've got a bunch of bulky crap in your house.

[nutmeg8484]

First, take a deep breath. Everything is going to be okay.

I read part of what to expect during my first pregnancy. It was okay and gives a general run down of, you guessed it, what to expect. Most of the advice/answers/concerns were answered by Google or TCF.

I'm generally a need to know everything that's going on type of person, but I found that through pregnancy I got calmer. The first like 6 months is pretty easygoing as far as things you need to be looking for and complications that might arise. I'm not sure what questions they were expecting at 12ish weeks, but I don't think I asked any other than "you hear a HB right?" And "can I get some zofran, please?" Idk maybe I'm just much more go with the flow than most people.

I would probably be asking for the NIPT testing. It should be covered due to your age.

For baby gear you can check out lucieslist.com. It will be your best friend while comparing gear, building a registry, and trying to figure out what you actually need. Hint: it's really not all that much.

My biggest piece of advice would be to sign up for prime if you don't have it and to sign up for the Amazon family part. They send out really good diaper deals routinely and you can stack them with the 20% subscribe and save discount. I've never paid more than 1/2 price for diapers with the exception of the NB ones I had to go buy when my peanut came out as a tiny little peanut.

Now take another deep breath. You have time to figure out the details.

[Deleted]

Deep breaths. You have tons of time yet.

I'm a bigger fan of apps over books. Most books have too many examples of xyz random obscure thing that could possibly go wrong..which is not helpful. Apps are more likely to just tell you what is going on this week.

I rarely had questions for my OB beyond what the heart rate was and if I was measuring on track, so don't feel bad about that. You'll likely have more questions toward the end; I kept a list on my phone so when I thought of something I could write it down quick.

As far as stuff, there is a lot out there. Try not to get overwhelmed. Your kid literally needs diapers, a crib, and a car seat (and formula if you choose to go that route) to come home. Consumer reports can be helpful. Any baby store will have sample registries or examples of how many blankets, sheets, etc you should have. Newborns really don't require much stuff, no matter how many products are out there.

[yoshijo28]

king26 I feel similiar to you. We spend years visualizing being pregnant but then we are and it's like, now what?!

I have no clue what to buy, when to visit daycare, what classes I should take..

So obviously I have no good advice but you're not alone. I'll be watching this thread!

As for the OB questions I just asked what tests we'd need. I'd reccommend NIPT testing, not even for your age but peace of mind. Other things I asked about were exercise, safe medications, if some symptoms I was having were normal.

[yellowcat]

I never ask anything unless it has to do with travel or food restrictions. I would do the DNA testing, most insurance covers it after 35 and it is just some extra piece of mind.

With our first my husband nested hardcore. He insisted on doing all the small home repairs we had put off and having the baby room ready 3 months early. DD is 8 months and has yet to sleep there (she still wakes up multiple times a night so we just keep her with us)!

I had my shower in March for a May delivery only because I live out of state and that was the latest I felt like traveling.

I would say do not stress yourself out with a bunch of books, just ask friends or family who have had kids. My sister read EVERYTHING and it made her crazy. I would also ask around about a registry and what you actually need as opposed to what people think they need. There are so many things people bought us that we ended up returning because the stuff was not necessary. The two must haves are a swing and a boppy pillow.

[jessa1228]

I second the suggestion of Lucie's List for baby gear ideas. I also agree that honestly, you really don't need a whole lot. Some babies hate swings, some hate bouncers.

I started reading WTE the first time around and it was somewhat helpful, but the truth is that a lot of it is just learning as you go. H and I felt so clueless in the beginning - like, neither of us knew how to change a diaper. But you learn. And as long as baby is fed and warm and loved, you're doing it right.

[muscari]

Ahh you know what king26 , this post could have been written by me! I feel rather knowledgable on TTC, tests, procedures, yadda yadda as we spend years and years trying to get to this point and had to come over quite some hurdles ourselves too.. But now that we finally are KU again and all seems to actually be going in the right direction I feel so clueless! So *hugs* you're definitely not alone, and I think it's great you started this thread!

With my first pg I bought Ina May's Guide to Childbirth as a prep for giving birth, which apperently is a really good book. I have yet to read it heh. I installed some apps on my phone, like Ovia and Pregnancy+ as well as a Dutch app I won't bore you with:)

We aren't quite ready yet to start a lot of baby prep. Things like buying stroller&car seat, starting on the nursery etc, it'll come in time.  I doubt I'll have a babyshower (not really a thing here) but will no doubt get some gifts from the parents and hand-me-downs anyway and will go from there. Thinking about this all feels a little too overwhelming still so I've been pushing it off *g*. One thing I did already look into was day care, as waitlists apperently can be crazy. Now I'm lucky to have a real good day care center at work (benefit of working for one of the largest hospitals in the country I guess) and getting a spot there shouldn't be a problem phew. I'm just unsure whether I should also tour/check out some others or just this one (maybe start with this one, and only check out others if we don't like it?).

As for testing, since I'm 39, DOR and POF we are doing the genetic testing. Used to be covered by insurance for all women above 36 but they changed the rules and testing is now OOP for everybody.. so weird. But whatever, we still want to get it done. Here they just offer ONE test, a combination of BW (they test for 2 things; PAPP-A and fß hCG) and the NT scan. Based on the outcome (percentage of risk) you will be referred for either the NIPT, or for CVS or AFT invasive testsing (which then wíll be covered by insurance. I'm slightly peeved by the fact that the 'rules' change as per April '17 and one can go straight for the NIPT, OOP but at similar cost as what the testing costs us now.. which I would have liked as it feels more accurate? But well.. not an option. Oh and we get a more extensive anatomy scan as we conceived through ICSI.

Sorry, I'm rambling! Time for bed:)

[muscari]

Oh btw thanks for the link to Lucie's List! What a great website. And I love the fact it covers not just American stuff but also European stuff (or at least it does at the car seat section)

[king26]

Thank you to everyone for the suggestions, they are very helpful! I'm a pretty detail oriented person and like to have things done well in advance so this will help me get started.

yoshijo28, muscari, I'm glad I'm not alone in this crazy boat!

[cravingchocolate05]

I usually only asked about whether heartbeat and size were on track and then about any weird aches or pains I was having. I would keep a list on my phone and add to it starting a week or so before the appointment.

For my DS, I didn't get most of the baby stuff till I was 7 to 8 months along, same for the nursery. Like others have said, the big ones are diapers and carseat. I went crazy paranoid about the carseat and loved this website: carseatblog.com. It has very detailed reviews on current carseats. The other big newborn thing for us was a bassinet. We had the crib set up, but I was too scared to have him in the nursery, so he spent the first six months in a bassinet in our bedroom. I think we'll do that for this one too. We also liked having a motorized baby swing. That gave us some free time and helped with our sanity in the first weeks.

I remember it being soooo overwhelming going to Toys R Us to register for baby stuff (fortunately my sister in law came along and she has a bunch of kids, so she prevented me from buying a bunch of things some people like but I didn't really need (wipe warmers, etc). I think toys r us also has people at the store that could help.

[mrshall1027]

As others have mentioned, there isn't really anything in particular to ask your ob, other than things that would come up along your pregnancy. Maybe you can talk to them about your birthing plan, but honestly, the hospital staff will have more to do with that than your doctor.

For birth, I wish I would have read up more on that. I didn't know much about epidurals and I ended up getting much more medication than I would have wanted. I couldn't move my legs, and that was terrible. The hospital didn't pay attention to my birth plan, and H and I were so tired from laboring all night that we totally forgot about it. So, be sure to go over that with them as soon as possible before things get crazy or you get too tired.

As for baby items, I agree with the others. There's not a whole lot you'll need. I can think of the following:

Bottle warmer, bottles, sanitizer, bottle dryer, and a dishwasher container for bottle pieces. I pumped exclusively, so these were must haves. Be sure to sanitize! You do not want to expedience thrush!

Swaddle blankets (loved Aiden and Anice (?) brand)

We used a diaper changing pad for my daughter to sleep on for the first month or so. We put it between us by our pillows and because it's thick and has sides that kinda go up, she didn't move at all. It was also nice to use the belt strap to buckle her in just in case she did try to move. We have a king size bed, so there was enough room and our pillows weren't anywhere near her.

We invested in a monitor (Levana) that makes sure the baby is breathing. It beeps loudly if it doesn't detect breathing movements and it made us feel so much more at ease. There's really fancy ones, but this one worked great and I think it was around $70.

Use socks on their hands instead of mittens. No need to buy another item when socks work well enough.

Definitely get burp clothes and don't leave home without them.

Don't be afraid to hire a lactation consultant if you just can't get it. Breastfeeding can be a major challenge and a consultant can be a life saver.

Look into classes for childbirth, breastfeeding, and infant care. Even though my husband had two kids before our daughter, he learned a lot from the classes we took.

I'll add more later if I can think of anything else.

[addymac]

Feb 5, 2017 1:04:03 GMT -5 mrshall1027 said:

We invested in a monitor (Levana) that makes sure the baby is breathing. It beeps loudly if it doesn't detect breathing movements and it made us feel so much more at ease. There's really fancy ones, but this one worked great and I think it was around $70.

I would be VERY hesitant to use one of these monitors. Every Dr I know (nicu and peds in multiple hospitals I talk to) HATES them, unless your baby gets sent home on a monitor from the hospital due to real respiratory/ heart issues, because they are unnecessary and if they fall off or beep unnecessarily it causes a lot of unnecessary panic and worry in parents and has shown that statistically it leads to an increase in unnecessary hospital ER visits and overnight admissions. Also, babies normally go a certain amount of time between breaths. It's totally normal for a baby to not breath for 15 seconds and then take a breathe, so if these monitors are too sensitive, they will trigger the alarm for no reason.

[mrshall1027]

Feb 5, 2017 6:42:47 GMT -5 addymac said:

Feb 5, 2017 1:04:03 GMT -5 mrshall1027 said:

We invested in a monitor (Levana) that makes sure the baby is breathing. It beeps loudly if it doesn't detect breathing movements and it made us feel so much more at ease. There's really fancy ones, but this one worked great and I think it was around $70.

I would be VERY hesitant to use one of these monitors. Every Dr I know (nicu and peds in multiple hospitals I talk to) HATES them, unless your baby gets sent home on a monitor from the hospital due to real respiratory/ heart issues, because they are unnecessary and if they fall off or beep unnecessarily it causes a lot of unnecessary panic and worry in parents and has shown that statistically it leads to an increase in unnecessary hospital ER visits and overnight admissions. Also, babies normally go a certain amount of time between breaths. It's totally normal for a baby to not breath for 15 seconds and then take a breathe, so if these monitors are too sensitive, they will trigger the alarm for no reason.

I see your point, but for us, it was nice to have and I'll be using it with this baby. Ours never went off accidentally and worked well. The only time we heard it go off was when it wasn't on her right or fell off. I'd much rather have something that may scare me for a few seconds than nothing and wish I had it if something were to happen.

[bsouls]

I think bottle warmers are silly. We used hot water in a cup to warm bottles. My SIL had a bottle warmer she used for my niece and when we started watching my niece she'd bring it over. It seemed to take forever and the milk felt so warm. It ended up breaking and then they just used warmed water in a cup. We also just hand washed bottles and had the plastic grass for them to air dry. We never had thrush or any other infections.

I also read about the baby breathing monitors not being the best, so I would bother with one.

It's sort of funny how everyone prefers different things.

[Deleted]

Feb 5, 2017 11:00:54 GMT -5 bsouls said:

I think bottle warmers are silly. We used hot water in a cup to warm bottles.

Yup, same here. It was way faster.

Also, wipe warmers just dry out wipes. Andplusalso, I didn't want him to be only used to warm wipes because we need to go places. Cold wipes forever and always.

[nutmeg8484]

Feb 5, 2017 11:48:26 GMT -5 @kristyw13 said:

Feb 5, 2017 11:00:54 GMT -5 bsouls said:

I think bottle warmers are silly. We used hot water in a cup to warm bottles.

Yup, same here. It was way faster.

Also, wipe warmers just dry out wipes. Andplusalso, I didn't want him to be only used to warm wipes because we need to go places. Cold wipes forever and always.

+1

[violajack]

Needs - Boob*, blanket, things for them to poop on, safe sleeping surface. You'll probably also need a car seat to bring them home in, but YH can always run out and get that while you're recovering.

Nice to haves - whatever makes the baby happy. And this varies so much from baby to baby. I'm a big fan of the rock and play. Both kids slept in it extensively. It was especially helpful with my second because he had digestive issues and sleeping on a slight incline was so much better for him.

*Assuming you want to breastfeed and it works for you. It's hard. Like HARD. So much harder than giving birth. I wish I'd spent half as much time researching breastfeeding as I had researched birthing. The baby is going to come out of you one way or another. Your body will either do it's thing, or the nice doctors will numb you up and cut them out. With both of mine, but especially my second, birth is a thing that happened to me, not so much a thing I did. Those babies came out fast. And they only have to come out once. But breastfeeding, man oh man, that is a thing you have to do. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and like wow, are you still hungry? And the baby can't get to the boob on its own for a looooooooong time. You have to be able to position yourself and the baby over and over and over and over and you'll get it just right and then need to pee sooooo badly. And you have to manage your supply, and maybe some pumping, and why does it still hurt?!?

Brace yourself, you're going to be pregnant forever. But then you'll have a newborn for like a hot second before they're rolling over and sitting up and starting solids and then you have to make food and then more food and so much food and then they're walking and do you even remember where you put those cabinet locks you asked for at your baby shower? It's a wild ride, but it's going to happen whether or not you have just the right brand of butt paste. Your baby will love you anyway.

[nutmeg8484]

This is my favorite response violajack. And right on target. The days(and nights) are long, but the years are short.

[Deleted]

violajack Cosigned.

[therealbug]

Between being PAIF and PgAL, transitioning to the OB is just weird. It's hard to be prepared to ask questions about the duration of the pregnancy and birth when you go to every appointment expecting the other shoe to drop.

I had some specific questions that were related to a twin pg that I wanted answered from my OB because they were "deal breakers" as far as staying with that practice. Before your next appointment, think about what your deal breakers are (honestly, I only go to those deal breakers because I had bought a couple good books that gave me a good foundation on what the doctor should be recommending in my case). For a singleton pregnancy, an example of a deal breaker may be how your OB's practice handle deliveries. Is it a small practice or a large practice where you will have whatever OB is assigned to that day?

Other questions you might ask at your next appointment if your doctor did not answer these on their own: what prenatal testing do they recommend for you and when; is there any foods or activities you should be avoiding; how much do they want you to gain; can you exercise or is there any restrictions; birth philosophy, do they induce at a certain point, c-section rate, etc.; and if, you have any symptoms you have questions about, who do you call?

I'm with you on wanting to read all the books and be prepared. Lucie's List had a great list of book recommendations: click here

I know with my first pg I found a few different blogs that had some good lists of basic needs. I think one of the big considerations on your prep is whether you are planning to BF and whether you are planning on CDing. Both would change your prep a bit.

I don't know if you are having a baby shower or not. If you are, you can decide if you want to wait until after your shower to see what else you need. We are not so I'll start stocking up on stuff after we pass our last loss milestone. Car seat and crib/mattress and fitted sheets are the big priorities for us. After that it goes breast pump and related supplies, CD stock pile, clothes, stuff for bathing/care, diaper bag . . . I'm already researching car seats, strollers, and breast pumps so I know what I want.

[jessa1228]

I also want to add that TB (and now TCF) were invaluable. There are a ton of women here with vast amounts of knowledge. Any questions you may not feel comfortable asking your OB, or maybe you think of later and forgot to ask, ask them here. I know it was an invaluable resource for me.

[mrshall1027]

Feb 6, 2017 7:31:44 GMT -5 jessa1228 said:

I also want to add that TB (and now TCF) were invaluable. There are a ton of women here with vast amounts of knowledge. Any questions you may not feel comfortable asking your OB, or maybe you think of later and forgot to ask, ask them here. I know it was an invaluable resource for me.

Agree with this 100%.  Also, I've gotten a lot of good advice and insight from my local facebook mom groups.  If anything, you can find great deals on used goods if you're open to that.