Suggestions for a meeting at DD's school - ADHD

[spooko]

auburn, What a total shit meeting. I'm really sorry. As parents, and maybe even more so as SN parents, we hope that when we send our kids off to school they're as loved and appreciated as they are at home. To have it basically relayed that your child is their burden and you're somehow at fault for it is devastating. I don't really have advice but you have my support and commiseration.

[seadragon2013]

auburn, I just want to send you a virtual hug. I'm new to navigating the special ed world and don't have any useful advice, but the things the principal and teacher said to you are making me rage. Your DD sounds like such a great kid - she deserves better than what they are giving her and damn is she lucky to have you as a fiercely loving mom and advocate. Sending you and your DD strength and love.

[lupineaura]

auburn that principal sucks. Big time. You might want to ask about your rights to have a parent advocate present, and how to get one. Just saying "parent advocate" may actually get them scrambling to accommodate you...

PS- does she already have individual counseling in her IEP?

[auburn]

Feb 14, 2017 11:15:47 GMT -5 lupineaura said:

auburn that principal sucks. Big time. You might want to ask about your rights to have a parent advocate present, and how to get one. Just saying "parent advocate" may actually get them scrambling to accommodate you...

PS- does she already have individual counseling in her IEP?

I have been looking online today to find information about an advocate. Do they cost money? What a shit question to have to ask in terms of your child's education.

[regal]

As a teacher I am embarrassed by these people. I have colleagues like this and it drives me nuts. It's unprofessional and quite frankly disgusting.

Everyone else has given you good suggestions and you are on your A game. God work mama!

[cribs4life]

Here in ny parent advocates are free at least for our district.

They are assholes. I'm sorry that you and dd have to put up with their shit

[cribs4life]

Also, I would consult an attorney who specializes in education law. Some work pro bono here. And sometimes the threat of I am consulting counsel makes people fall in line real quick

[akafred]

I am tagging mrsbuttinski again because I know she has opinions and experience around advocates and attorneys.

I am really sorry that you and your DD are going through this. I know not all private schools are great with special needs but I feel really blessed that DD has her school and her teacher. What you're going through is kind of my worst nightmare. Except my kid also has defiance and disobedience that are part of her anxiety. ((Hugs))

[lulupup]

Is this your local public school? I don't say this lightly but maybe it's time for a change of placement. Even with the best IEP in the world it is on this team to implement it and given Their attitude toward you and regarding your daughter I'm skeptical. I see she is doing well in academics and that a regular ed setting is currently a good fit in that way. I wonder if your district offers a co-taught inclusion classroom. Where the regular Ed and special ed teachers team teAch. This would allow her access to regular academics while having someone in the room to make the adaptations on an ongoing basis. It would also allow access to a variety of peers. I would be pushing for this setting honestly even if it meant busing her to a school that isn't her home school. Sorry this is happening and I'm sorry if this advice is harsh.

[mrsbuttinski]

Some things to consider based on what I have seen happen IRL around advocates and attorneys. YMMV, but most of the people I know are dealing with kids who have more subtle educational needs and who look like typical kids- kids with average to brilliant IQs who have some combination of ASD, ADHD and/or specific LD.

Volunteer parent advocates sometimes aren't very good. Be very careful around these. Sometimes these are people who have their own ax to grind with a district and can make an already contentious relationship worse.

People who are professional advocates are another matter entirely. A good one can generally help you convey that your expectations are reasonable in a language educators will respond to. Since they tend to work at number of districts, they will have a better sense of what is being offered to other students with similar needs.

Attorneys can be very effective, but the good ones are expensive. And once you bring one to the table, the district will bring theirs as well going forward which means, you'll probably have to keep bringing yours.

IME, the mere threat of "lawyering up" isn't effect; if anything it just makes the working relationship with the rest of the IEP team more contentious.

There are other people you can bring to the IEP table for support who can be effective. Private OTs, PTs, SLPs and psychologists can be a good choice. One of my friends used to bring her pastor which put the team on their best behavior. Another brought her sister who was a sped teacher who was currently a SAHM.

[mrsbuttinski]

Feb 14, 2017 13:09:49 GMT -5 lulupup said:

Is this your local public school? I don't say this lightly but maybe it's time for a change of placement. Even with the best IEP in the world it is on this team to implement it and given Their attitude toward you and regarding your daughter I'm skeptical. I see she is doing well in academics and that a regular ed setting is currently a good fit in that way. I wonder if your district offers a co-taught inclusion classroom. Where the regular Ed and special ed teachers team teAch. This would allow her access to regular academics while having someone in the room to make the adaptations on an ongoing basis. It would also allow access to a variety of peers. I would be pushing for this setting honestly even if it meant busing her to a school that isn't her home school. Sorry this is happening and I'm sorry if this advice is harsh.

I so agree with the bolded.

Our experience with a co-taught inclusion classroom was abysmal at the elementary level. As always YMMV. My district requires all students to spend at least one year of elementary in an inclusion model classroom as a typical peer model. DS, who has Aspergers, ADHD and dyslexia, transferred in for 4th and spent part of his day in a resource setting and part in mainstream. In 6th, they insisted he be placed in inclusion- not because of his IEP but because he was required to do his year as a peer model. 

He had pull outs for speech and resource, so he became something of a guest in the classroom. The gen ed teacher took no ownership of him or his needs. It was not a great year.

In secondary the inclusion model classes only had 2-3 kids with IEPs and a para to assist; these were much better.

[auburn]

Feb 14, 2017 13:09:49 GMT -5 lulupup said:

Is this your local public school? I don't say this lightly but maybe it's time for a change of placement. Even with the best IEP in the world it is on this team to implement it and given Their attitude toward you and regarding your daughter I'm skeptical. I see she is doing well in academics and that a regular ed setting is currently a good fit in that way. I wonder if your district offers a co-taught inclusion classroom. Where the regular Ed and special ed teachers team teAch. This would allow her access to regular academics while having someone in the room to make the adaptations on an ongoing basis. It would also allow access to a variety of peers. I would be pushing for this setting honestly even if it meant busing her to a school that isn't her home school. Sorry this is happening and I'm sorry if this advice is harsh.

This is our local school system and this is the type of classroom she is in now. I can move her to the school system where I teach but it's in the same county, so at the county level, it's the same people, but different people at the local level. This is her last year in the elementary school. She will move up to the intermediate school next year. If not for that, we would be enrolling her in the system where I teach.

[auburn]

Feb 14, 2017 13:16:22 GMT -5 mrsbuttinski said:

Some things to consider based on what I have seen happen IRL around advocates and attorneys. YMMV, but most of the people I know are dealing with kids who have more subtle educational needs and who look like typical kids- kids with average to brilliant IQs who have some combination of ASD, ADHD and/or specific LD.

Volunteer parent advocates sometimes aren't very good. Be very careful around these. Sometimes these are people who have their own ax to grind with a district and can make an already contentious relationship worse.

People who are professional advocates are another matter entirely. A good one can generally help you convey that your expectations are reasonable in a language educators will respond to. Since they tend to work at number of districts, they will have a better sense of what is being offered to other students with similar needs.

Attorneys can be very effective, but the good ones are expensive. And once you bring one to the table, the district will bring theirs as well going forward which means, you'll probably have to keep bringing yours.

IME, the mere threat of "lawyering up" isn't effect; if anything it just makes the working relationship with the rest of the IEP team more contentious.

There are other people you can bring to the IEP table for support who can be effective. Private OTs, PTs, SLPs and psychologists can be a good choice. One of my friends used to bring her pastor which put the team on their best behavior. Another brought her sister who was a sped teacher who was currently a SAHM.

This is a really interesting idea. Our pastor is amazing and has been with DD since she was in the NICU. He is retired now, but he still does weddings, funerals, etc., and he has always been there for our family. He is very southern and polite, but he has that southern steel too. 

I have considered taking a special education teacher from my school. One of my best teacher friends is certified in Special Ed. She has absolutely no time off though and I feel weird asking another colleague to take time off to go with me. Thank you all so much for your advice. It's given me some great things to research.

[auburn]

I also sent my dad to eat lunch with her today. F her eating lunch alone.

[McBenny]

Feb 13, 2017 19:14:36 GMT -5 daffodilsandcoffee said:

From a teacher's POV: You've gotten a lot of great advice in this thread, and it's awesome that you are advocating for your daughter. One thing that I saw a lot with older kids (I taught middle school) was that their parents had a tendency to fight against the keyboard/ typing accommodations. Handwriting can be practiced at home. Giving up on handwriting goals in the classroom doesn't mean you are giving up on your daughter being able to write legibly; it means you are giving her the freedom to focus on learning the material, showing her knowledge, and finding her voice with the writing. Many of my students flourished so much when they didn't have the act of writing increasing their frustration level.

So much this. Handwriting is removed as a pre req in classes where the focus is something else. She can still have goals to improve writing.

[McBenny]

I just read your update auburn. I don't have the words right now.

[auburn]

Feb 14, 2017 14:38:43 GMT -5 McBenny said:

I just read your update auburn . I don't have the words right now.

That's how I felt yesterday. It's one of those situations, where looking back, I wish I'd handled better or in a different way, but I think I was in shock. We are meeting again next week and I will be better prepared.

[cribs4life]

Feb 14, 2017 14:31:04 GMT -5 auburn said:

Feb 14, 2017 13:16:22 GMT -5 mrsbuttinski said:

Some things to consider based on what I have seen happen IRL around advocates and attorneys. YMMV, but most of the people I know are dealing with kids who have more subtle educational needs and who look like typical kids- kids with average to brilliant IQs who have some combination of ASD, ADHD and/or specific LD.

Volunteer parent advocates sometimes aren't very good. Be very careful around these. Sometimes these are people who have their own ax to grind with a district and can make an already contentious relationship worse.

People who are professional advocates are another matter entirely. A good one can generally help you convey that your expectations are reasonable in a language educators will respond to. Since they tend to work at number of districts, they will have a better sense of what is being offered to other students with similar needs.

Attorneys can be very effective, but the good ones are expensive. And once you bring one to the table, the district will bring theirs as well going forward which means, you'll probably have to keep bringing yours.

IME, the mere threat of "lawyering up" isn't effect; if anything it just makes the working relationship with the rest of the IEP team more contentious.

There are other people you can bring to the IEP table for support who can be effective. Private OTs, PTs, SLPs and psychologists can be a good choice. One of my friends used to bring her pastor which put the team on their best behavior. Another brought her sister who was a sped teacher who was currently a SAHM.

This is a really interesting idea. Our pastor is amazing and has been with DD since she was in the NICU. He is retired now, but he still does weddings, funerals, etc., and he has always been there for our family. He is very southern and polite, but he has that southern steel too. 

I have considered taking a special education teacher from my school. One of my best teacher friends is certified in Special Ed. She has absolutely no time off though and I feel weird asking another colleague to take time off to go with me. Thank you all so much for your advice. It's given me some great things to research.

I think bringing your pastor is a great idea. I do get what mrsbuttinski is saying about bringing in an attorney.

My mom is a special ed teacher granted in NY but let me ask her tonight if she has any ideas

[auburn]

Feb 14, 2017 15:15:44 GMT -5 cribs4life said:

I think bringing your pastor is a great idea. I do get what mrsbuttinski is saying about bringing in an attorney.

My mom is a special ed teacher granted in NY but let me ask her tonight if she has any ideas

Thank you!

[daffodilsandcoffee]

auburn Your most recent update is heartbreaking. Your daughter should NOT be treated that way. Period. I am so sorry for you and cannot imagine how frustrating this is for you both. I hope you can figure out a resolution soon.

[briarrose]

I agree with everything tLex said above. your update was heartbreaking for me. I hope that you are able to bring someone with you next week and that things turn a corner from there. please let us know what happens. I will be thinking of you and will pray for your next meeting to go the way you need it to.

[cribs4life]

My mom suggested bringing the superintendent in if they aren't following the IEP. Also, she echoed getting a laptop or other device as soon as possible. And having a support person there for meetings

She was really flabbergasted with how fucking ridculous they are being. I hope this was semi helpful