Post by ArgyleEnigma on Feb 24, 2017 0:25:56 GMT -5
Well ladies. I've hit my wall. My little boy is very clearly not going to STTN of his own volition. The purpose of this thread is to lay out my plan for public ridicule, which I prefer vastly to discovering my idiocy on the job. Would not say no to cheers either, I am terrified.
The battleground: Currently, he eats every 3-4 hours at night, rather more than during the day. He gets bounced to sleep (I knoooow) after nursing at 7. Up at 10/11, 2/3. 5:30ish for the day, but he doesn't eat then.
The battle plan: nurse and bounce to sleep per usual. But when he wakes: Do Not pick him up or feed him; Do go in his room, touch, sing, talk to him.
Because he is so used to food and probably needs it, we won't expect 8 hours the first night. We will plan on 6. I will wake and feed him at 10pm; the clock starts then, he will next get fed at 4am or later (whenever he wakes up at or after 4). We will not, however, feed him if he is awake and crying when he hits 4am (or 10pm), because the last thing I want is to teach him that crying works, he just has to do it for 2 hours, or whatever. As the days go on, we will gradually increase from 6 hours to...what is realistic? 8? 12?
He will get an extra-large bottle at bedtime to prepare him for the coming scarcity.
Help me. Show me the stupid in this plan. Tell me the tweaks to make. Tell me how long it will take to work. Tell me everything will be okay, dammit. Sigh.
Post by packerfan4life on Feb 24, 2017 8:26:42 GMT -5
Personally I like to focus on bedtime first. Putting down awake so that they learn to self soothe. I'm mich less likely to cave at bedtime than I am motn. So we nurse, brush teeth, read story and then I put LO down awake in her crib and she falls asleep. If she were to cry more than 5 min I check on her, soothe her and put her back down.
Doing this she's slept anywhere from 10p-4am (from 7pm). Until she got sick (again) we were down to 1 motn wake up from up every 2-3 hrs. I didn't change anything about the motn wale ups yet.
Good luck!! Sending so many good vibes!!! It is going to be ok. There was just a thread on Parenting about sleep training that I was reading. It helps SO many people. It had really good advice too if you have time to check it out.
I remember you saying that you and YH split the evenings- does he feed your LO as well? I only ask cause if the not going in at all isn't working maybe YH could go in to settle him without food. That is what we did with DD. If she woke up before it had been 5hrs I would send DH in. She would be angry that no food was coming but eventually she went back down. That did cut down on her wake ups. She now will usually eat once (sometimes none) in a 12hr period - although teething and sick does mess that up.
I think the biggest thing is consistency. We started seeing improvements in less then a week.
Post by sandandsea on Feb 24, 2017 10:03:35 GMT -5
You can do it!! If you're breastfeeding have dh do the first wake ups so he doesn't expect food. I think a max of 8 hours is expected though we've never made it past 5-6. We have had to sleep train a few times already and it really does work! He been sick the past few weeks so as soon as he is over this nasty cough we will redo it.
We soothe (not picking up) after 5 minutes of crying. He rarely ever makes it a full 5 minutes though.
Good luck!!! I was right there with ya a month ago with the millions of night wake ups. I second the advice to focus on a bedtime routine where he falls asleep on his own -- this worked for us and helped DD sleep way longer stretches. I would also maybe not wake him up to feed, but I get your logic about not wanting him to cry for food so if this works for you then great! We let DD cry for 10 mins then went in to soothe (but not feed unless it had been a while since she ate), then repeated as many times as needed until she fell asleep. First night was hell but things improved quickly after that so hang in there.
Post by ArgyleEnigma on Feb 24, 2017 20:38:43 GMT -5
Thank everyone. titania, that parenting thread was helpful. I am going to have DH read the precious little sleep primer. I think we won't actually do it tonight because there was/is quite a bit to learn and I want DH and I on board together. But we will very soon. Thanks for helping me move forward.
All I have to day is that it's so worth it for everyone. I don't ever let DD cry now because I know if she does at bedtime, she really needs something. You can do it!!
You can do it! Good luck! We did something really similar with DS when he was around this age because all of us were dealing with pretty bad sleep deprivation by that point. It's hard, but stay strong because it doesn't work if both you and your H aren't all in. I read Ferber's book too and I found it really helpful.
There's going to be people who say rude things about what you're doing. Just ignore them. There's a reason why sleep deprivation can be a form of torture. It's not healthy and can't be sustained. You all will feel better when he's sleeping more.
Post by ArgyleEnigma on Feb 25, 2017 14:47:40 GMT -5
Question about the "let them cry X minutes" thing. Is this continuous crying only? He tends to cry for like 10 seconds, suck on his thumb for 20-30 seconds, repeat. Do I stop the clock every time he sucks on his thumb and start anew when he cries, or does it all count towards the X minute timer?
We're starting with bedtime tonight. I genuinely believe it will be good for him, to learn to go to sleep on his own.
Post by ArgyleEnigma on Feb 25, 2017 22:58:44 GMT -5
It went stupid well, thank you for asking! I woke him after nursing like @cheeze and others suggested and read him his book. Then we sang a lullaby, said "Night night," exit stage left. He cried less than a minute and fell asleep. Like it was ridiculous. Nursing and bouncing had been taking an hour. I feel like the universe is laughing at me (BUT I'LL TAKE IT). We'll see if it was a one-off.
Question about the "let them cry X minutes" thing. Is this continuous crying only? He tends to cry for like 10 seconds, suck on his thumb for 20-30 seconds, repeat. Do I stop the clock every time he sucks on his thumb and start anew when he cries, or does it all count towards the X minute timer?
We're starting with bedtime tonight. I genuinely believe it will be good for him, to learn to go to sleep on his own.
I keep the clock rolling unless he's really stopped crying for a minute or so. I figure the cry whine stop cry pause whine cry is him working it out so I keep the clock rolling during the working it out time.
Thanks for posting this. We are in desperate need of change. Dh gets home tonight after two weeks away and we have been saying we'll sleep train after this trip. I'm nervous but your success gives me hope!
We did this for bedtime around New Years and she goes to sleep fine on her own at bed and naps. But still waking 2-3 times overnight. So 2 nights ago we started with a dream feed when I go to bed around 10 (bedtime is 7) and then trying not to feed until 2-3. Well the first night instead of dream feed my wife gave her a bottle and I stupidly didn't pump so when she woke at 130 I fed her anyway. But then she slept until 630!!!
Same thing happened last night. Today she had a fever so of course we are back tracking. Eye roll.
Post by sandandsea on Feb 27, 2017 10:44:37 GMT -5
Any update? We started again last night and ds went to bed pretty quickly, woke up soon, went back to sleep okay then around midnight was crying, I went in to dreamfeed and as soon as I walked in I could smell he had thrown up. So I change him and take him to dh in bed so I could change the sheets. I get them changed and then put him back in bed and before I even left the room he threw up everywhere, way more than the first time and all over himself too. So I take ds and get in the shower with him while dh changes the sheets. Then he slept from 1-5:30 and seemed fine. So maybe he wasn't quite ready to start it again.
Last night went well again. He fussed for about 5 minutes before crying for a minute straight, which is my cue so I went in. Sang and rubbed his back, he was asleep within 10 minutes. This is gradual ST, so we may still need to wean him off of the touching/singing, but cutting out bouncing/nursing to sleep is going well.
He also woke up and went back to sleep all by himself 3 times over the past 2 nights, so we're happy about that! Up to eat twice.
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