Post by kirstinlee on Mar 3, 2017 22:27:57 GMT -5
So I cross-posted this in Mental Wellness... but this board seems more active. I warn you this is pretty long, so I appreciate anyone willing to read through it all.
My SO and I are both mentally ill; he has Bi-Polar Disorder, and I have general anxiety and depression. I manage my illnesses through alternative means like writing and music, and when we first got together, he was on Wellbutrin for his, and he also used Marijuana recreationally (to even his anxiety, but doesn't have a medical card).
About a month before we conceived, he went to the doctor complaining of stomach pains. Dr told him it was an ulcer caused by the interaction between the Wellbutrin and the weed, and that he would have to pick one or the other. He chose to go off of the Wellbutrin, and would start taking it again when the ulcer healed. I had my reservations about his decision, but in the end he's an adult and there wasn't much I could do.
He never went back on the Wellbutrin. Not surprisingly, a couple months later he lost his job because of his mood swings at work. Because of the reduction in income, and because he had to start looking for another job, weed was no longer an option. He flatly refused to seek out another prescription or other help because he doesn't like the way the pills make him feel.
It's been almost six months. He still has no job, he's still unmedicated, and our home life isn't okay. For the most part, he's the perfect guy... like, movie-style, Prince Charming, run you a bubble bath and rub your feet after a hard day type of guy. But God help anyone who's around if something sets him off., no matter how minuscule.
He puts no effort into trying to look for a job anymore, and I don't push him to, because every time someone tells him they're not hiring he just shuts down. If someone else on the road drives near him like an idiot, he'll scream and throw things once we get home, sometimes for hours. Today we were cuddling before work, and I realized something was broken that he was obviously at fault for. I didn't say anything, but when he realized I was upset, he prodded me over and over until I told him what was wrong. He pushed me off of him (not hard, he's never physical with me no matter how upset he is), stormed off into the other room, and started screaming and throwing things, slamming doors as he went in and out of the house.
I understand that he's sick. I used to behave similarly before I started working on it. But I'm so emotionally drained from constantly walking on eggshells. And the stress... on top of not being financially prepared for the baby, working 45+ hours a week at my chaotic job, and dealing with my own mental illnesses... it's just so much at once. I feel trapped. I feel weak. I love him so much, and when he's good to me -- which is most of the time -- he's so, so good to me. But when it's bad, it's terrible. I know if he would just seek out help, things would improve tremendously, but it's not something that's realistically going to happen any time soon. I'm at such a loss for where to go from here.
My SO and I are both mentally ill; he has Bi-Polar Disorder, and I have general anxiety and depression. I manage my illnesses through alternative means like writing and music, and when we first got together, he was on Wellbutrin for his, and he also used Marijuana recreationally (to even his anxiety, but doesn't have a medical card).
About a month before we conceived, he went to the doctor complaining of stomach pains. Dr told him it was an ulcer caused by the interaction between the Wellbutrin and the weed, and that he would have to pick one or the other. He chose to go off of the Wellbutrin, and would start taking it again when the ulcer healed. I had my reservations about his decision, but in the end he's an adult and there wasn't much I could do.
He never went back on the Wellbutrin. Not surprisingly, a couple months later he lost his job because of his mood swings at work. Because of the reduction in income, and because he had to start looking for another job, weed was no longer an option. He flatly refused to seek out another prescription or other help because he doesn't like the way the pills make him feel.
It's been almost six months. He still has no job, he's still unmedicated, and our home life isn't okay. For the most part, he's the perfect guy... like, movie-style, Prince Charming, run you a bubble bath and rub your feet after a hard day type of guy. But God help anyone who's around if something sets him off., no matter how minuscule.
He puts no effort into trying to look for a job anymore, and I don't push him to, because every time someone tells him they're not hiring he just shuts down. If someone else on the road drives near him like an idiot, he'll scream and throw things once we get home, sometimes for hours. Today we were cuddling before work, and I realized something was broken that he was obviously at fault for. I didn't say anything, but when he realized I was upset, he prodded me over and over until I told him what was wrong. He pushed me off of him (not hard, he's never physical with me no matter how upset he is), stormed off into the other room, and started screaming and throwing things, slamming doors as he went in and out of the house.
I understand that he's sick. I used to behave similarly before I started working on it. But I'm so emotionally drained from constantly walking on eggshells. And the stress... on top of not being financially prepared for the baby, working 45+ hours a week at my chaotic job, and dealing with my own mental illnesses... it's just so much at once. I feel trapped. I feel weak. I love him so much, and when he's good to me -- which is most of the time -- he's so, so good to me. But when it's bad, it's terrible. I know if he would just seek out help, things would improve tremendously, but it's not something that's realistically going to happen any time soon. I'm at such a loss for where to go from here.
