5 years TTC 2 c/p's 2 failed IUIs/1 cancelled IVF 1 failed IVF 1 failed FET BFP 12/1/15. We said goodbye to Tiny 1/4/16 Fresh cycle #3 2/16 8R/7M/5F BFP 5/12/16 We said goodbye to flutter on 5/27 and poprock on 5/28 BFP 8/30/16 We said goodbye to Samuel 10/3 (Trisomy 16) Moving on to Donor Embryos BFP 12/20/16 We said goodbye to Turtle 12/30
5 years TTC 2 c/p's 2 failed IUIs/1 cancelled IVF 1 failed IVF 1 failed FET BFP 12/1/15. We said goodbye to Tiny 1/4/16 Fresh cycle #3 2/16 8R/7M/5F BFP 5/12/16 We said goodbye to flutter on 5/27 and poprock on 5/28 BFP 8/30/16 We said goodbye to Samuel 10/3 (Trisomy 16) Moving on to Donor Embryos BFP 12/20/16 We said goodbye to Turtle 12/30
As for me I'm about a week away from my last loss milestone. I have another ultrasound this Thursday with my RE and next Thursday I have my first OB appointment.
My anxiety is low right now which is nice. Probably helps that I feel so cruddy.
Just passed my last milestone, but also had some bright red spotting this weekend. It was only in the morning on Friday and Saturday (went back to brown and was scant) and hasn't returned since. **spoiler for possible tmi**
I passed a little sticky clot that I've convinced myself was Baby C (because I'm insane like that), so I feel a lot better having had the opportunity to say goodbye.
I'm so ready for everyone to know I'm pregnant now because fuck loss and fuck infertility. I refuse to let it keep its grimy paws on me any longer than I have to.
I go here too. I've also just passed my loss milestone, but I'm struggling with not knowing much about my loss.
*tw* Last fall during our IVF, we did a fresh transfer and got pregnant from it. My RE then went on vacation so I wasn't seen until 7w5d. When we got to our first scan, we couldn't see anything since the sac was cloudy. We now know that it's because it was already breaking up. So, what I'm struggling with is not knowing how far we got. Was it a BO? Was there a baby? Was there a heartbeat? We don't know. I want to feel in the clear, but we don't know.
Next scan is in 2 weeks - I think. I for sure have an appt, I'm just not sure if it's a scan cause I'm bad at listening.
IUI 1-3 BFN IVF #1 - Oct '15 - 10R, 3M, 0F IVF #2 - August 16 - 12R, 11M, 5F. 1 to transfer and 2 to freeze - BFP!! - MMC caught at 7w5d FET #1 - 1/26 - BFP, due 10/14
For me I'm still riding the high of getting to see the bean on Friday. I keep using that image to stay positive. I'm 7w4d and I still have another week to go before I pass my loss milestone so I feel like I'm still not out of the woods.
I'm trying to figure out what to do about my next appt. I had my initial appt scheduled with my midwife group for 3/13, that's the earliest they said they could do an u/s. (they have an outside tech come do it). My old OB who delivered DD1 retired from OB and only does GYN. Her office called to schedule my annual and when I told them my current situation they offered do to the initial visit and u/s at 7w. I jumped at the chance and I'm glad I did. GYN said she'd fax all my labs and stuff to midwife group.
So I'm figuring I need to push it out but not sure when. Do I just do 9w? Or 10w? I definitely don't want to wait until 11w! Also, I know midwife won't want to see me again for 4 weeks after that visit, so I'm trying to figure out how to best set up the timeframe to where I'll feel most reassured.
Post by littleowl913 on Mar 6, 2017 13:04:05 GMT -5
NariaDreaming, all the good vibes for your ultrasound.
Hearing about all these ultrasounds is kind of making me regret not asking for an earlier appt. I just didn't want to be stuck in limbo like last time but I'm afraid if this pregnancy is not meant to be then I would want to know now instead of 2 weeks from now but I know I can't think like that. I just keep going back and forth.
I passed my loss milestone last week, so I'm feeling better. My OB has been incredible, she has me coming in every 2 weeks right now. I had a scan at 6+3, another at 8+5 last week, and I go back next week at 10+3 to try to hear the heartbeat. I'll go 2 weeks after that for the NT scan. I feel really supported so that has eased my anxiety. I still get into my head sometimes, but I'm trying to say affirmations and eliminate negative self talk.
5 years TTC 2 c/p's 2 failed IUIs/1 cancelled IVF 1 failed IVF 1 failed FET BFP 12/1/15. We said goodbye to Tiny 1/4/16 Fresh cycle #3 2/16 8R/7M/5F BFP 5/12/16 We said goodbye to flutter on 5/27 and poprock on 5/28 BFP 8/30/16 We said goodbye to Samuel 10/3 (Trisomy 16) Moving on to Donor Embryos BFP 12/20/16 We said goodbye to Turtle 12/30
I have my first Ultrasound tomorrow (3/7) - I should be 8w4d with very little room for variation (maybe a day or two at most). I was feeling super confident and good about everything until today. I feel like I've entered a dark place rationalizing why we might not see anything tomorrow. It doesn't help that I know who our ultrasound tech tomorrow is and she is terrible at hiding things so I'll be able to read her before she can get an OB to talk to us. My appt is at 1:00 so I'm teaching the first half of the morning and taking a half day In the PM. It should keep me nice and busy tomorrow morning at least. Kids are good about not letting you worry about yourself too much!
to;dr -- Basically, PGAL is a mindfuck and I'm not sure I'm dealing as well as I thought I'd be this go around.
I'm both PAIF and Pregnant after a loss. Tomorrow we will be past all of our loss milestones. I have my first ultrasound on Thursday at 7 weeks 2 days and I'm just really hoping to see a heartbeat. I haven't really been able to get excited about this pregnancy yet. Hopefully things will go well on Thursday and I can begin enjoying this pregnancy. I've been making myself crazy comparing this pregnancy to my pregnancy with my son.
Post by brittneysandra on Mar 6, 2017 20:12:23 GMT -5
I go here. We had a great ultrasound a couple weeks ago but I don't think I will be calm until first trimester is over.. I had cramps today and immediately my brain thinks the worst!! Two weeks until we have our first trimester screening at 12 weeks..FX everything is okay than I may take a breath!
Post by BurritosAtEveryMeal on Mar 6, 2017 20:52:01 GMT -5
I am PAIF. We tried for 2.5 years and this kiddo comes via IVF. It still doesn't feel like real life. I'm glad that I really have zero symptoms but it's also a bit unnerving. I have an u/s this Friday and then hopefully I graduate back to my regular OB.
Post by bootsorhearts on Mar 6, 2017 22:23:07 GMT -5
I'm freaking out because I feel good today. No nausea, no fatigue, flew halfway across the country, networked like a mofo at a work thing, feel great. So now I'm convinced something is wrong.
Congrats NariaDreaming, ! I'm so happy for you. You must be feeling so relieved!
The relief lasted for all of a few hours. We've made it to this point twice. It's that next ultrasound that has me worried. We have never seen growth past 6+4. Usually by week 7 baby is measuring small with no appropriate gains from the prior week, and by weeks 8 and 9 the baby is dead
I know this is a different pregnancy, with different genes, and it should have a different outcome. But it's not keeping me from shutting down mentally.
5 years TTC 2 c/p's 2 failed IUIs/1 cancelled IVF 1 failed IVF 1 failed FET BFP 12/1/15. We said goodbye to Tiny 1/4/16 Fresh cycle #3 2/16 8R/7M/5F BFP 5/12/16 We said goodbye to flutter on 5/27 and poprock on 5/28 BFP 8/30/16 We said goodbye to Samuel 10/3 (Trisomy 16) Moving on to Donor Embryos BFP 12/20/16 We said goodbye to Turtle 12/30
I'm here as both PAIF/PGAL. I am feeling slightly better now that we've had our u/s. Seeing the heart beating and the itsy baby inside helped. But then I keep having these irrational fears. "People still lose babies at 6wks....7wks...." And the list keeps going on. I'm trying to remind myself that, it doesn't work that way. Until this thing ends, I'm pregnant and I can't do much of anything one way or another to change that. But every once in a while, I get a little wrapped up in my head. And these constipation cramps and pushing on my uterus and bladder DONT help my paranoia either. I know things grow and move and change. And this frustrating constipation making my entire pelvic and lower abdomen ache is for the birds!! 😡 But otherwise, I'm in pretty good headspace the past couple days.
I have my first Ultrasound tomorrow (3/7) - I should be 8w4d with very little room for variation (maybe a day or two at most). I was feeling super confident and good about everything until today. I feel like I've entered a dark place rationalizing why we might not see anything tomorrow. It doesn't help that I know who our ultrasound tech tomorrow is and she is terrible at hiding things so I'll be able to read her before she can get an OB to talk to us. My appt is at 1:00 so I'm teaching the first half of the morning and taking a half day In the PM. It should keep me nice and busy tomorrow morning at least. Kids are good about not letting you worry about yourself too much!
to;dr -- Basically, PGAL is a mindfuck and I'm not sure I'm dealing as well as I thought I'd be this go around.
Good luck!! I hope your appointment brings the reassurances you need!!
Congrats NariaDreaming , ! I'm so happy for you. You must be feeling so relieved!
The relief lasted for all of a few hours. We've made it to this point twice. It's that next ultrasound that has me worried. We have never seen growth past 6+4. Usually by week 7 baby is measuring small with no appropriate gains from the prior week, and by weeks 8 and 9 the baby is dead
I know this is a different pregnancy, with different genes, and it should have a different outcome. But it's not keeping me from shutting down mentally.
I can completely understand that feeling. I want to be optimistic, but at the same time I need to guard my feelings. I hope the time until your next ultrasound goes by quickly and you get continued good news.
I go here too. I've also just passed my loss milestone, but I'm struggling with not knowing much about my loss.
*tw* Last fall during our IVF, we did a fresh transfer and got pregnant from it. My RE then went on vacation so I wasn't seen until 7w5d. When we got to our first scan, we couldn't see anything since the sac was cloudy. We now know that it's because it was already breaking up. So, what I'm struggling with is not knowing how far we got. Was it a BO? Was there a baby? Was there a heartbeat? We don't know. I want to feel in the clear, but we don't know.
Next scan is in 2 weeks - I think. I for sure have an appt, I'm just not sure if it's a scan cause I'm bad at listening.
you can't let yourself question the past. It isn't going to change what happened. The "what ifs". I know they are miserable, but it won't change what happens right here and now. Hugs!!
Post by candylandycane on Mar 7, 2017 8:21:13 GMT -5
I wish I could hug you all. It's so hard and unfair. My pregnancy before my DD ended in a loss at 13w. Everything at my 12w appt was perfect, so we shared our news with our world. Then, the next week I had my NT scan and baby was gone. For me, I know I won't be even a little excited until I cross that milestone. I'm feeling pretty detached to this pregnancy so far and it's sad. I guess it's my mind's way of trying to protect itself. I do try to remind myself that I'm pregnant today, and that this baby's fate is already set, so there is nothing I can do to change that. Sometimes those help me.
So today I have my 1st u/s and I wasn't nervous until now. My appt is at 2pm so ill be a hot mess until then. I think at this point my biggest fear is not seeing a HB. I have suffered a loss at 18w5d (IC, 2015), 6w (BO, 2014), 6w (MC, 2010) AAAAAAAAAAND had to see an RE in the pass and during all my pregnancies in the 1st tri in order to "stay pregnant" SO today will determine a lot for us. I am always so worried about jinxing something and usually I would have NEVER EVER ended up on a BMB this early in the game so as irrational as this sounds I am wondering if I made the right decision by jumping in so soon. ugh. My brain hurts. Ill be back to update about my appt today.
Me:29(IC/PCOS)DH: 29 Jan13-BO dx @ 6W April14-1st RE appointment Sept14-IUI #1.1=BFP EDD-6/3/15- Our sweet baby Ryan was born on 1/6/15 & is in the arms of an Angel Dec15-Gave birth to a healthy baby Boy Feb17-EDD 10/28/17
candylandycane, thank you. I can totally relate to feeling disconnected but everyday its getting harder and harder. I know its our instinct to protect ourselves and not get hurt but its getting really hard for me.
Me:29(IC/PCOS)DH: 29 Jan13-BO dx @ 6W April14-1st RE appointment Sept14-IUI #1.1=BFP EDD-6/3/15- Our sweet baby Ryan was born on 1/6/15 & is in the arms of an Angel Dec15-Gave birth to a healthy baby Boy Feb17-EDD 10/28/17
So today I have my 1st u/s and I wasn't nervous until now. My appt is at 2pm so ill be a hot mess until then. I think at this point my biggest fear is not seeing a HB. I have suffered a loss at 18w5d (IC, 2015), 6w (BO, 2014), 6w (MC, 2010) AAAAAAAAAAND had to see an RE in the pass and during all my pregnancies in the 1st tri in order to "stay pregnant" SO today will determine a lot for us. I am always so worried about jinxing something and usually I would have NEVER EVER ended up on a BMB this early in the game so as irrational as this sounds I am wondering if I made the right decision by jumping in so soon. ugh. My brain hurts. Ill be back to update about my appt today.
I know the feeling I was a hot mess yesterday between when we scheduled my appointment and when we saw baby.
And playing here with us is not jinxing things. You are an O'17 mom. You will always be an O'17 mom, regardless of what today's ultrasound looks like. But I really believe that we are getting our rainbows. I just have this sense of peace about the whole thing.
5 years TTC 2 c/p's 2 failed IUIs/1 cancelled IVF 1 failed IVF 1 failed FET BFP 12/1/15. We said goodbye to Tiny 1/4/16 Fresh cycle #3 2/16 8R/7M/5F BFP 5/12/16 We said goodbye to flutter on 5/27 and poprock on 5/28 BFP 8/30/16 We said goodbye to Samuel 10/3 (Trisomy 16) Moving on to Donor Embryos BFP 12/20/16 We said goodbye to Turtle 12/30
Hey ladies. NariaDreaming, Thanks for the check in :)
So today I have my 1st u/s and I wasn't nervous until now. My appt is at 2pm so ill be a hot mess until then. I think at this point my biggest fear is not seeing a HB. I have suffered a loss at 18w5d (IC, 2015), 6w (BO, 2014), 6w (MC, 2010) AAAAAAAAAAND had to see an RE in the pass and during all my pregnancies in the 1st tri in order to "stay pregnant" SO today will determine a lot for us. I am always so worried about jinxing something and usually I would have NEVER EVER ended up on a BMB this early in the game so as irrational as this sounds I am wondering if I made the right decision by jumping in so soon. ugh. My brain hurts. Ill be back to update about my appt today.
I know the feeling <3 I was a hot mess yesterday between when we scheduled my appointment and when we saw baby.
And playing here with us is not jinxing things. You are an O'17 mom. You will always be an O'17 mom, regardless of what today's ultrasound looks like. But I really believe that we are getting our rainbows. I just have this sense of peace about the whole thing.
Allllllll of this carsaidyes. You are one of us, forever, no matter what happens today or later. I'm sending you all the good feels and positive vibes I can muster. Hold your phone tight. That's my hand holding yours. <3
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