jcrewgirl thank you for posting that link! I'm going to spend some time reading up on it today and see if I can see the behaviors/signs, etc from what's been happening with us.
So far, the contact with my kids has been a LOT of unwanted hugging, having them sit in her lap, and trying to kiss them on the mouth. It's still a bit much for me and the biggest issue is my kids don't WANT this affection. DS2 is very, very outgoing and he is never shy/afraid of anyone, so the fact that he basically runs and hides when he sees her is alarming to me.
Her parents need to not put this on you all. If she wants to have a conversation it needs to be all 5 of you. And further than this, the church needs to request feedback from other parents as far as if this is making everyone uncomfortable. If so, you are not the problem here. She is the problem and the parents need to address it for exactly the reasons the hand out states. She may have been abused and may need an outlet to talk about it.
becole and jcrewgirl add me to the crap pump output club. Only got 5oz this morning. Womp womp... ksyknelvr73 ugh sorry for the nothing response from the aunt. I hope you guys can figure out a plan of action soon.
I also know a ton of people in Indy - it's where my Hs brother lives. A lot of our Hanover friends live in Indy now. I would imagine we would probably have some Facebook friends in common.
ksyknelvr73 - Her behavior is a huge red flag and I'll bet her history is the key to understanding why she behaves this way. We learned about this type of behavior, as well as many other behaviors, during our DCF licensing training classes. It is so important for foster parents to be taught how to identify and deal with so many situations that may arise when taking in a foster child, no matter the age. And it's extremely important for them to have the appropriate support, so they can reach out for help and guidance. The girl is never going to admit to doing something wrong and your aunt and uncle clearly have no idea how to deal with this situation. If they are not being required to take classes, I really wish they would find a support group or some sort of actual resource for foster parents that will help them understand and know how to approach and help resolve the issue. Taking in a child with a troubled and mostly unknown history is extremely difficult, which is why so many states have the requirements that they do in order to become licensed to foster. I wish them the best, as this is not going to be easy for any of them.
Post by erien22846 on Mar 15, 2017 13:52:32 GMT -5
ksyknelvr73, I am also surprised your aunt and uncle haven't received more training as foster parents. Or maybe they have and are just in denial. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but keeping your children from her is not out of line. That poor girl is crying for help and I hope she receives it before her behavior becomes more destructive.
Post by macaronmama on Mar 15, 2017 13:52:41 GMT -5
I forgot to reattach my house key to my keyring after giving it to the floorers on Monday. Now DH has to leave work early so he can be there once I pick up DS from daycare. Which means I'm on baby duty all night so DH can get his work hours in.
Post by ksyknelvr73 on Mar 15, 2017 13:58:37 GMT -5
jwinct what you typed is exactly how I feel. I am now incredibly frustrated with my aunt and uncle because I don't think they are doing what they need to do to equip themselves to deal with issues that arise. They don't have any biological children of their own, they have never parented anyone and now they have a 13 year old child who has been in foster care her whole life. There are challenges to being a parent in general (that they have no experience with) on top of the extra challenges with someone who has had a difficult past. I know my aunt is in therapy but I don't think that's really the only thing she needs to pursue to deal with all of this. Like of COURSE if you ask the 13 year old whether she did something inappropriate she will deny it. This is a big fat DUH in any world, but especially in this one. I also don't like that they basically want their 13 year old to talk to my husband...no. They are not having a conversation because he is not HER PARENT. Part of me thinks they want my H to talk to her because he is a high school teacher and he is probably better capable of dealing with her - but that's really not the point.
jwinct what you typed is exactly how I feel. I am now incredibly frustrated with my aunt and uncle because I don't think they are doing what they need to do to equip themselves to deal with issues that arise. They don't have any biological children of their own, they have never parented anyone and now they have a 13 year old child who has been in foster care her whole life. There are challenges to being a parent in general (that they have no experience with) on top of the extra challenges with someone who has had a difficult past. I know my aunt is in therapy but I don't think that's really the only thing she needs to pursue to deal with all of this. Like of COURSE if you ask the 13 year old whether she did something inappropriate she will deny it. This is a big fat DUH in any world, but especially in this one. I also don't like that they basically want their 13 year old to talk to my husband...no. They are not having a conversation because he is not HER PARENT. Part of me thinks they want my H to talk to her because he is a high school teacher and he is probably better capable of dealing with her - but that's really not the point.
It's also possible she doesn't even really understand what she is doing wrong bc of inappropriate interactions she has had her whole life leading up to this. Even more reason for them to intervene and help her now. They probably feel like this is punitive to deal with this issue when in reality it is something she needs. I agree that it is not a great plan to have your H talking about it with her. It's another inappropriate interaction (though obviously in a different way) bc their role as her parents is to guide her through this. Not pass it off on someone else who should function more like a "fun" relative. Uncles don't need to be teaching her these kind of things. Her parents do.
DD2 (will be 3 in May) has been peeing on the floor a couple of times a day for the past two days. Grrr. So random too.
I have all of the guilt when she screams things like "I want my mama to take care of meeeeeee!" Rationally I know that she's 2 and doesn't get a say about how much I work but UGH. Way to tug at the feelers, kid.
I get a lot of sobbing and "mommy I neeeeeeed you. Don't leave me" at bedtime. It hurts.
DD2 (will be 3 in May) has been peeing on the floor a couple of times a day for the past two days. Grrr. So random too.
I have all of the guilt when she screams things like "I want my mama to take care of meeeeeee!" Rationally I know that she's 2 and doesn't get a say about how much I work but UGH. Way to tug at the feelers, kid.
DS1 still has poop accidents at school. He won't stop playing to go poop.
DD2 took a nosedive today so I brought her into the doctors. Positive flu and an ear infection Which means DD1 prolly has the flu too. She started with the fevers a couple days before. Ugh. So bummed out and a little anxious.
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