How do you guys handle without growing more arms

[nic1231]

The babies are only 4 weeks old, shouldn't be born for another two, but these last two days home are getting tough and I'm in a slight panic as my other half goes back to work Monday. Hoq do you handle the crying if both at the same time? They are still so little I feel terrible when they sit and cry and I have a hard time maneuvering both at the same time. Right now, I change and feed one then the other but as the days go, my little guy is seemingly the needier of the two and cries hard let and louder.

[bocaburger]

I'm pretty sure I wrote this exact post when my babies were 4 weeks old. It is tough but it does get easier... especially once they start to have more motor control.

My babies didn't like the swing until they were a bit older but a swing or bouncy for one is often a good option.

Do you have any type of sling or carrier? I had the Boba and could either wear one and hold the other, wear both, or wear one and pull a boob out through the gap to nurse the other. Some people nurse while they are in the wrap but I never figured it out.

A rocking chair with arm rests was very helpful. It was one of the only ways I could get them both quiet at once.

Sometimes one of them will have to cry for a bit while you tend to the other. It is so hard but I promise it doesn't make you a bad mom. I like to think it will make them more patient. :-) There are two approaches: soothe the more upset one and then switch when the other gets more worked up, or soothe the easier one first so you can get them totally settled before you move to the other. I usually do the first option unless I think I can actually get one to sleep. I like to talk to the other one so they know I'm not just ignoring them.

[schmella]

4 weeks was really hard. And I was terrified because MH went back to work at that point also. The first few days were hard, but ultimately I found it was easier than I expected. In fact, it was easier to get a real schedule and routine established without a second person's opinion.

I essentially camped out in our bed. I stocked my nightstand with bottled water and tons of snacks, filled a basket with diapers, wipes, changing pad and diaper cream, brought a stack of blankets and bins with me and made a nest with boppys and pillows. At 4 weeks they are pretty much lumps, so I would move them to the center of my bed if I needed to run to the bathroom or something while they were sleeping. I was able to test out and practice moving them around together on the bed, because "dropping" one wasn't really a risk. When both were crying, I was usually able to soothe the easier baby by being in my lap while I held the more difficult one. Singing, humming, talking softly to help them learn to be soothed by my voice. But sometimes, someone has to wait. And it's ok. It sucks, but it's ok. My kids are infinitely more patient than our friends' singletons, FWIW.
We spent HOURS with both kids on my double nursing pillow- we ate there, we played peekaboo. We did tummy time on it. Sometimes they napped on it. It allowed for full body contact without me actually holding them the whole time. They would chill there while I pumped. I actually cried a little when I gave it away!

[jd]

Oh, man. I guarantee you every single parent of multiples has asked themselves this question, so you are not alone.

You're in the worst of it right now. The honeymoon period where they sleep all day is ending (or has ended already?) and they're becoming more demanding. A father of twins told me that at some point, he just gave up trying to do things simultaneously all the time for his twins. It sucks, but sometimes one has to cry. I think the pp described all my go-to tricks for handling two at the same time, but I just wanted to reassure you that it will get easier as they develop and become less needy. At 6 months, my two can entertain each other for almost an hour (!) if I stick them both in the crib together. I bet many singleton moms don't even have that kind of luxury. You will also amaze yourself at how quickly you will learn to read their cues and intervene before they lose their minds.

Just hang in there and know that letting one cry while you tend to the other quickly is really okay. They're not going to remember it and hate you later .

[requiressnacks]

Big hugs, mama. Twins are hard!!. 4-10 weeks was super hard for me.

The secret to dealing with the crying? You sort of just get used to it, honestly. I feel like someone was always crying in those days. It was hard to keep two babies happy at the same time. The key for me was getting them on the 3 hour schedule so that they were at least losing their shit at the same time.

My tips;

- I always fed mine at the same time (formula) in the Twin Z pillow. Do you have something similar? Mine practically lived in the Twin Z for their first two months of life.
- I would wear one in the Moby if he was being fussy
- one of mine really liked the swing. Crank that bad boy up.
- auto rocking Rock N Plays

Good luck, lady! We are all here for you.

[hollyberry]

Everyone has given all my ideas. Its so hard, even now. Unfortunately its just one of the things about being a twin they will get used to waiting. But it is so hard when they are so small. So many hugs! You are doing great.

My first time they were both crying and I was alone I put both of them in the crib, stood in front of it, rubbed both bellies and told them I was doing the best I can and cried along with them. Its hard!

[bocaburger]

Also - I don't know what your financial situation is, but if you can hire help, even just once a week, do it. It has been invaluable to me. If means are tight, hire a high school student as an extra pair of hands, simply to hold the less needy baby while you soothe the other. If you can afford more, find a part-time nanny who has experience wrangling multiple kids at once. Our babysitter is the only person other than H I feel comfortable leaving both with. When she is here I go to Starbucks or for a walk just to get out for a while. And I go to therapy once a week which I also recommend!

If you really can't afford anyone, make YH watch them for an hour each day while you do something for yourself - coffee or a nice long shower or bath or take a walk. He can handle it!

[richzep]

Damn!! I think every single one of us has been there. It is not easy. Especially the 4-12 week mark.

I carried one baby in a carrier pretty much at all times. That way I had hands free to either carry the other or entertain them.

I went on walks a lot. That helped me get out and it distracted them a bit.

I found the object that soothed them. Rock n play, swing, etc.

At 4 weeks, I just went with it. I didn't stress myself out over a schedule, oubu, etc. I'm very type A and would get annoyed when we didn't follow a schedule to a tee and by letting go of that, it helped me be more at ease. I focused more on surviving the day. It was around 8 weeks when I began to have more of a light schedule. And 12 weeks when I had a consistent schedule. The schedule and consistency helps a lot as they get older but initially, they just want comfort no matter what time of the day it is.

Do your best and know that you're giving your babies your all and that's all that matters. They're allowed to cry for a bit until you get to them. Nothing is going to happen. They're going to be fine no matter what because they have you as their mommy.

And we're here if you need to vent about how ridiculously hard everything is. We get it.

[nic1231]

Thanks ladies, I appreciate all the ideas, advice and commiseration. It's so much different than when I had my oldest 8 years ago lol

[piccyami]

We spent a ton of time in the recliner at that age. I would prop them up along my leg and the arm rest. I learned to hold both and set one down in the swing/bouncer/boppy while I dealt with the other. It was tough.

[jd]

Mar 20, 2017 12:07:55 GMT -5 @wineandcupcakes said:

We are at the 6 week mark this week. I'm doing well and it's my 4th week alone. I'm used to hearing one cry. Pacifiers help. I'm wishing I had a sling to hold one because I often find it would be helpful if I could bring the crying one around with me.

Also, and this may be a UO here, I have a hard time feeding both in the twin Z. If I had the bin thing that holds the bottles, it would be much easier. So for now I stagger their feeds - diaper and feed one then 20min later the other. I don't want to move to the twin Z for feeds yet because I enjoy holding them while feeding, especially because I couldn't BF due to glandular insufficiency. When I try now, our poorer feeder coughs and chokes and I find I need both hands for her which makes the twin z feeding harder for me.

This is/was me too. I did (and still do) staggered feeds. My daughter had pretty bad reflux and she takes foreeeever to feed because she'd rather play, so I never fully figured out how to use a pillow or anything else to tandem feed. Using one might make life easier, but like @wineandcupcakes, I really enjoy the one-on-one snuggle time that comes with bottle-feeding them separately and in my arms. My philosophy really has been to try not to get hung up on the "process" of parenting multiples; I just do what's easiest/most rewarding at any given stage. I know this won't work for everyone (or even for me forever), but I do think it's let me enjoy the babies more than I otherwise would have. All this is just to say: Do what works for you and really, really don't fret about what you think "should" be happening, especially not when your little ones are so young. 

[callmeKD]

I'm also having trouble with the Twin Z pillow. It works ok when they are in their sleep sacks (they don't slide down) but it's almost too big for me to be able to sit comfortably to feed them in it

[Deleted]

Lurked on this to see some of the BTDT moms tips. Twins are flat out hard. We are going to be 8 weeks on Friday and we are getting a little better since babes aren't eating all the time. 4 weeks and 6 weeks are super rough because both are growth spurts for them so more needy. Hang in there momma!