I finally broached the topic of switching churches with DH and now I'm feeling guilty about it
Why do you feel guilty?
It's dumb, but I feel like people switch churches for small reasons and that you're supposed to find a church home and stick with them. And I've been at this church for 15 years
It hit a head last weekend. The kid's church lady lectured DH about how we're PTing DD1 wrong. Because she knows SOOOO much about our life.
Done! If you are going to drag your ass and 2 little kids out the house every Sunday it better be for a place you enjoy and welcomes your family
This. People switch churches for stupid reasons, but I do feel you need to find the right one. A church that you LOVE is super important. I went many, many, many years without stepping foot in a church unless it was for a wedding or a funeral. I swayed far from my faith because I was unhappy with the way churches or church goers approached me, my beliefs, etc. I found one that I find lines up with my faith and my social values really closely, and I've made such amazing friends there, that I can't imagine attending a different one. But clearly, it took a long time. Don't feel bad. This is a big part of your life and it needs to be a good fit.
Done! If you are going to drag your ass and 2 little kids out the house every Sunday it better be for a place you enjoy and welcomes your family
This. People switch churches for stupid reasons, but I do feel you need to find the right one. A church that you LOVE is super important. I went many, many, many years without stepping foot in a church unless it was for a wedding or a funeral. I swayed far from my faith because I was unhappy with the way churches or church goers approached me, my beliefs, etc. I found one that I find lines up with my faith and my social values really closely, and I've made such amazing friends there, that I can't imagine attending a different one. But clearly, it took a long time. Don't feel bad. This is a big part of your life and it needs to be a good fit.
I think it's hard because for a long time it was a great fit. We had good friends (still do but we don't get to see them much anymore), got a lot from the sermons, etc. Then we had kids and it sort of went downhill.
It's dumb, but I feel like people switch churches for small reasons and that you're supposed to find a church home and stick with them. And I've been at this church for 15 years
I also think people stick with churches out of guilt the God I believe in wants people to love each other and be true to themselves and their belief in him.
We are. She has two kids, works a ton, if something happens later in life... she will be old... 😕
There are M14 mums that are that age
I know. That's why I said sorry. But they also don't have 2 other kids, multiple houses (trying to sell one), loads of stress. It's more of her schedule than age but age did across my mind.
I'm biting my tongue because she is very pregnant and I mostly heart her.
You only mostly heart me! 😉I appreciate the pass on this. I swear it's more her schedule and never really being home than her age. She just wouldn't have the time for them. She has BTDT. She is a great mom and she worked hard and still does to be in the position she is in today but she also missed things along the way. Please don't hate me! Love you and all the other moms here!
I know. That's why I said sorry. But they also don't have 2 other kids, multiple houses (trying to sell one), loads of stress. It's more of her schedule than age but age did across my mind.
Too much on them is valid. I think I have shared before that it took a long time to get and they stay pregnant, I had DD when I was 38, next week and half I turn 40. Anyway my mom had me at 22 so she's still working, in good shape etc. When I worried about having a child older I thought look at my mom she is in her early 60's when I'm that age I could still handle issues of a late teen early 20's like getting them to college and such.
It's dumb, but I feel like people switch churches for small reasons and that you're supposed to find a church home and stick with them. And I've been at this church for 15 years
We switched churches last spring and had been at our previous church for 8 years. We were married there and had J baptized there, but it wasn't our "home" anymore. Having a child was extremely isolating there. Not because other people didn't have kids, there were tons of kids, but all the parents were very crunchy and we didn't feel comfortable. They were a majority homeschoolers, non vaccinated. Homeschooling isn't bad, calm your tits. It just wasn't a good fit for us. We moved and have been much happier with the parents in our new parish.
Nothing to feel guilty about, but I totally get what you're saying.
I'm biting my tongue because she is very pregnant and I mostly heart her.
You only mostly heart me! 😉I appreciate the pass on this. I swear it's more her schedule and never really being home than her age. She just wouldn't have the time for them. She has BTDT. She is a great mom and she worked hard and still does to be in the position she is in today but she also missed things along the way. Please don't hate me! Love you and all the other moms here!
I heart you! Lol. You presented it as an age thing, I was side eyeing a bit. If the root is you feel it would be too much to ask that's different
You only mostly heart me! 😉I appreciate the pass on this. I swear it's more her schedule and never really being home than her age. She just wouldn't have the time for them. She has BTDT. She is a great mom and she worked hard and still does to be in the position she is in today but she also missed things along the way. Please don't hate me! Love you and all the other moms here!
I heart you! Lol. You presented it as an age thing, I was side eyeing a bit. If the root is you feel it would be too much to ask that's different
It took me talking it out to realize why I actually couldn't just automatically say her. Since it was pointed out to me that age was silly I thought about it all night. I have always just said her age when really that's not it at all. #m14therapysession
I heart you! Lol. You presented it as an age thing, I was side eyeing a bit. If the root is you feel it would be too much to ask that's different
It took me talking it out to realize why I actually couldn't just automatically say her. Since it was pointed out to me that age was silly I thought about it all night. I have always just said her age when really that's not it at all. #m14therapysession
It took me talking it out to realize why I actually couldn't just automatically say her. Since it was pointed out to me that age was silly I thought about it all night. I have always just said her age when really that's not it at all. #m14therapysession
meggypoo1 I think the problem with naming a guardian is that really you are having to pick someone to replace you and that's really hard to think about. Anyone you pick, you are going to find fault with because no one is a perfect replacement. I think it's best to find someone you trust to love your kids unquestionably and raise them to be good people.
meggypoo1 I think the problem with naming a guardian is that really you are having to pick someone to replace you and that's really hard to think about. Anyone you pick, you are going to find fault with because no one is a perfect replacement. I think it's best to find someone you trust to love your kids unquestionably and raise them to be good people.
You're absolutely right. It is such a hard thing to think about and do.
DH and I haven't fully agreed on who would get DD. It's led to huge fights in the past. His family is very adamant that they'd fight for her. DHs sister is her godmother but does Jack for or with DD, can barely function on her own at 35 so no thanks. She was given godmother title as a courtesy. His parents think my mom would be terrible because she's a single person and that's clearly not a situation for a kid. It all rubs me wrong and deeply hurts me and would kill my mom to know they think that way. My mom did a terrific job with my brother and I alone plus we are both successful adults (SIL should take notes). Clearly I have a lot of feels about it and if it came down to it I'm pretty sure we are in agreement that she would go to my brother but nothing is in writing and he still can't discuss it with his family.
Post by springbeduk on Mar 25, 2017 16:02:43 GMT -5
Ugh. Wills. Gotta get on that. No easy choices for who to take dd though - h and I are the youngest in our families and we are old parents. Really, I'd probably go for my bff or possibly stepsister though have really only met her few times (but is financially stable, a couple years younger than me (I forgot about her when said we are the youngest) and wanted more than one kid but had fertility struggles.). But both live really far away and also really far from my dad&SM and bro&SIL and those are downsides.
DH and I haven't fully agreed on who would get DD. It's led to huge fights in the past. His family is very adamant that they'd fight for her. DHs sister is her godmother but does Jack for or with DD, can barely function on her own at 35 so no thanks. She was given godmother title as a courtesy. His parents think my mom would be terrible because she's a single person and that's clearly not a situation for a kid. It all rubs me wrong and deeply hurts me and would kill my mom to know they think that way. My mom did a terrific job with my brother and I alone plus we are both successful adults (SIL should take notes). Clearly I have a lot of feels about it and if it came down to it I'm pretty sure we are in agreement that she would go to my brother but nothing is in writing and he still can't discuss it with his family.
There is no need to ever discuss it with anyone.
The way our will works is we list our top picks in order and they get asked in that order. No one else has to know or agree on what you decide. They will be asked if the situation occurs and only then. There's no point in hurting peoples feelings or letting anyone else weigh in since the chances are very low of both parents being gone and the child living.
Post by activebaby on Mar 25, 2017 20:36:56 GMT -5
Sil asked us to take her son if something happened to them. We signed all sorts of paperwork. Then after our niece was born my inlaws told us they are supposed to take care of my niece and nephew if anything ever happened to sil and bil. I never asked sil about it. We will do whatever is needed. Hope to never find out.
In a perfect world, our boys would go to my non crazy SIL and her family. She is a responsible adult with 3 children and a nice husband. They would be perfect. But. They live in Georgia. I wouldn't want them to be that far away from their grandparents who all live here.
My brother is a bachelor for life. My best friend would make a great mother but is trying to find love. It would be something made for a movie if we had both of them raise the boys together.
Then there's the infamous BIL/SIL. Nope. Nope. Nope octopus.
I think our best bet would be my cousin and her husband or MH's cousin and her family. We aren't super close with either of them but they are normal, responsible adults with kids. We clearly need to talk about this.
Also re: wills- you and your H have to fill out the paperwork with your wishes separately so that the attorney can testify that you both wanted those individuals as guardians and not just one of the couple.
I haven't done a will yet either. I have 3 couples that will be listed to take J. My Mom is not one of them. I know she thinks she is though.
This is why you need a will. If you really don't want your Mom to have them, a will guarantees that. Otherwise she could possibly contest after your passing and if the other couples aren't related she will have a better shot since they like to keep children with family.
We have wills. Confession, or more of a vent, If my H passes I'm not his beneficiary on any of his insuarnce policies outside of work. Still after 12 years he has his Mother. It started out as understanding, since he has a child from a previous relationship to think about providing for. But I would think by know I've shown that I'm not going to exclude her from the mix, just because I'm not biologically hers. Also, he has his money allocated to the girls and she gets way more than my 2 combined.
Also, last time we updated our wills to include Eliza he wouldn't answer me. So I changed the money allocation to be more fair to my kids.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.