xxjen015 , That's a lot to think about while not knowing what life is going to look like with a newborn. Maybe point out that having family and friends close by could mean cheaper/free childcare if you needed to do something part time for financial reasons (or you may find that you mentally need to do something not baby related. I really thought I wanted to be a SAHP until I had a newborn and then I was like "I want to work."). Being away from your support system means paying for childcare, and in many cases that means basically an entire paycheck going to someone to watch your child while you make said paycheck.
My BTDT advice is don't make any huge decisions during the first year of baby's life. The transition to becoming a parent was rough on our marriage. I thought about leaving A LOT, heck sometimes I still do to be honest. There's so much change going on that it's difficult to be level headed about things.
I would ask YH to table the move discussion for at least a year, unless it's like he was offered his dream job with an amazing salary and you have to decide ASAP or lose out. Sit down and work out a financial plan. Do a trial run of living just off his salary and bank everything that you're currently making as a backup fund. Show yourselves if it will actually work or not. Then look up averages for the area he wants to move to. Chances are the same hardships will be there too, plus the possibility of more- travel for holidays, babysitting/childcare, when I'm lonely/sad/anxious/etc I shop way more because I'm bored and alone so that'd be an issue. Ask him if it's that he thinks it's totally a financial decision or if there's other things fueling his desire to move.
Thank you and I really appreciate your input. That's very, very good advice. I told him that if it had been before baby, I would have been much more open to the idea. I pointed out that we don't know ANYBODY in Oregon and so even if I am able to stay home, I wouldn't have time away, I wouldn't know adults to get adult time. He would get out daily and see adults while working, etc. I pointed out that I wasn't close to my grandparents growing up because they moved away and I am a big family person. I want my kids to see their grandparents and know them.
In the fall I will start substitute teaching a couple of times a week while my MIL watches the baby. I'm doing that because daycare is so expensive that I would barely make any money teaching when it was all said and done and I know that I couldn't be the kind of mother I want to be if I was teaching. It makes me angry and hateful and I don't have anything left to give once I get home.
Right now it's just a conversation. Nothing can happen until he takes and passes his Professional Engineers exam this fall. We know that where we are isn't ideal for him to make the most of himself and his career, I just don't know that we have to move cross country for it to happen. I told him to come up with a presentation for me on cost of living here vs. there, show me salaries of positions he would be applying for, etc. Hopefully we can come to an agreeable solution. I will work on myself and figuring out what would make me happy, in the meantime.
xxjen015, I'm so sorry you're struggling through these big emotions and big decisions right now. I don't have a ton of advice about moving across the country, but I will say that if you're still teaching right now, it's totally normal to be feeling angry/drained/exhausted by the time you get home, ESPECIALLY since you're adding being pregnant on top of all the regular struggles of the last few months of a school year.
In terms of work or a career for yourself...have you thought about leaving the classroom but doing something related in the field of education? I left the classroom 3 years ago and transitioned into a more flexible role, still working in education, and it has been really good for my mental health. I know that for me, it was really important to stay in my field and also still feel like I was making a difference, but I very much appreciate not being locked in a classroom from 7-4 every day. When baby comes I'll have the flexibility to go to doctor's appointments, drop off and pick up from daycare, etc.
linny12 couldn't have said it better. Unless xxjen015 your husband actually has a job lined up, I'd ask him to wait a bit. Life with a newborn is sooooo today turvy. It's great, don't get me wrong, but everything changes!
Post by easilyunamused on Apr 5, 2017 12:30:58 GMT -5
xxjen015, MH and I have moved 5 times in the almost nine years we've been together. 2 islands of Hawaii and 3 other states. So moving while I'm pregnant or right after a baby would be NBD to us. BUT, that's with a job in place and lots of planning.
I agree with other PPs, newborns are a game changer. And if there is really no need to pack up and go, why add the extra stress. Has YH talked about a big move prior to you getting pregnant? Maybe he's just freaking out a bit at the big change and is trying to control something else?
And I'm in the same boat. I still have no idea what I want to have as a career. Somedays I feel like it'll fall into my lap, other days I just know I need a job that pays the bills.
Yesterday morning dh woke me up at 5 to go in and help ds1 who woke up sick. I laid with him in the living room until he finally threw up at around 6. Then he was done and no more. He very rarely gets sick and when he does he gets over it crazy quick. Anyway, I brought him to gymnastics with us. He enjoyed his outing with us. We went to Party City to get supplies for ds2's party then to Walmart to pick up groceries. Love the ability to order online and just pick them up! He went inside and fell asleep before I was done unloading! Poor baby. He was fine this morning and went to school. I went out to a dinner meeting at Olive Garden with the girls on leadership for our Mom's group at church. It was fantastic to get out and not to have to worry about the kids. I have seriously left them with dh 2 times within the last 2 years where he didn't call me to come home. I finally got to bed at 11:30 and got woken up no less the 8 times by ds2 fussing or Dd coming in to tell me I didn't tell her goodnight! Up at 6:40 with ds2. Got JP ready for school and out with dh. Next thing I know dd comes in sick. She finally stopped throwing up at 10:30 and seems fine. Now who's next??
Me: "That'd be fun. I can babywear but we'd need a sitter for W because no way would she sit that long."
H: ***blank stare*** "Oh yeah, I forgot about the baby."
Haha! I have done this a few times. Like today when we were talking about celebrating a friend's birthday and I forgot that I wouldn't be able to drink at the end of April. Oops.
Oh my gosh you guys. I turned on E! News. Because trashy tv. And they were having an interview with Mamma June. Woah. I never watched the show, but obviously I've seen her all over TV. Her transformation is freaking amazing! She looks great. She's lost over 250lbs!!
I wonder as a percentage how many people pass the one hour first time.
I've made an appointment with a career counselor for Saturday morning. I've also been investigating the occupational therapy programs around here. It's an idea I've tossed around for a few years. We'll see! My alma mater now has a doctoral program. It's 3 years and local. My other option is an assistant program. It's 2 years and a satellite program from a school that's 2 hours away. All my classes would be online or local, but I would have a lab 2 hours away once a week. It's only about $7k less than the doctoral program and the salary is about half of a full OT. If I decide to do this, the full OT program makes more sense, right?
Oh no Crisco Salad ! Sorry. When will you do the 3 hour?
I'm planning to wait until April 15. With this huge conference coming up, I can't take any more time off work to go do it and we will be out of town this weekend so I can't go Saturday.
I'm sorry you didn't pass @willy. My OB did say that women with twins are higher risk for GD. Hopefully you pass the 3 hour and are in the clear.
Yeah, I have a couple other risk factors as well so I really won't be too surprised if I end up with GD. At least it's only about 10 weeks that I have to deal with it.
I'm sorry you didn't pass @willy. My OB did say that women with twins are higher risk for GD. Hopefully you pass the 3 hour and are in the clear.
Yeah, I have a couple other risk factors as well so I really won't be too surprised if I end up with GD. At least it's only about 10 weeks that I have to deal with it.
FX you pass the 3 hour. And 10 weeks isn't too terrible.
Dh left early this morning for an overnight work thing. He'll be back late tomorrow night. So, I've been trying to get cleaned up for A's party. I'm not sure how well you ladies know how much fun it is trying to clean up when there are two little ones making an even bigger mess right behind you! They are having fun though, so whatever. My parents and sister and bil are coming over tonight for supper. I'm making homemade chicken pot pie and these yummy cookies my grandmother used to make. I'm super excited to eat!!
Oh sil is going to be induced at 2 in the morning. I'm excited to meet my new nephew! Also excited that I don't have to hear all about her going into labor any second!
babywisher I only have one little guy but yeah... trying to clean the house takes twice as long at least. His "help" is less than helpful!!! Enjoy that delicious meal! Mmmmmmmmm
I got the baby to move last night so she's no longer kicking me in the cervix/bladder! It's a good thing.
Teach me your ways! Did you do anything to help her move?
I do the bottom one a lot to just release my lower back. I did quite a bit of rocking back and forth in that position and then did some cat/cow moves like the top one (cow). When I woke up this morning her kicks were to the front!
Two of my teammates are out today. One is legit sick, threw up 6 times last night. The other one? Her eyes hurt. Now I have 7 extra kids in my room because we don't have enough subs. 7 extra kinders is crazy, even if they are well behaved.
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