Losing my shit.

[LydiaDeetz]

I don't have any relavent advice, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. ((hugs))

[river]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. You're doing the best you can - if I can be positive of anything, they'll go to college with head control.

I know I'll be where you are soon enough, so I don't have a ton of advice. Could you ask your IL's (if they're close) or another friend/family member to come by and do something - laundry, wash bottles, or even feed one so you can cuddle the other? Or, like 12345 suggested, allow them to do the cuddles and responsible things so you can get a solid stretch of sleep in?

[pbandj714]

I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed and stressed. It's fucking hard!! Especially solo. Weeks 6-8 were the absolute worst for us. It's a rough time for a lot of babies I believe. And trust me when I say you're not alone on feeling like you're not giving them what they need regarding tummy time, cuddles, etc. Mom guilt suuuckkks. They are healthy and loved whether they get 0 or 5 tummy time sessions per day. Try not to let it get to you.
Is there anyone you trust that can come help you? I was famous for not relaxing or getting anything useful done when some people came over to help because I was never sure they'd do things correctly. It's silly. And if you find yourself in that same boat. Cuddle your babies and ask the helper to wash bottles or whatever.
It really does get better, I promise.

[bocaburger]

You are being way too hard on yourself! Your babies are fed, clean, safe, and loved. You are a GREAT mom. Don't stress so much about things like tummy time. If your pediatrician isn't concerned about their development, just do what you can when you can. Over time it will get much easier to add in to your routine (and yes, eventually you will have a routine!). Also remember that tummy time on your chest still counts. And both my babies had flat spots and I was terrible at turning them the other way, but they resolved on their own.

The newborn period is so, so hard. It will get WAY better, and soon! Is there any way you could afford some part-time help? We ended up hiring someone for about 20 hours a week. It was expensive but my grandma gave us some money to help, and it was worth it for my sanity. I also have a very busy husband and while he's very good about chipping in when he can, I am very much the primary parent. It is HARD.

Can your H help more at night so you can get some sleep? I find parenting SO much more manageable when I'm able to get some solid stretches of sleep.

It sounds like your babies are going through either a leap or a growth spurt (or both). It also could be that they are getting sick (my babies tend not to eat as well right before they get sick). Either way, it is temporary! Sleep usually starts to improve right around this point.

Hang in there, Mama. You are doing GREAT.

[schmella]

I just read this whole post and got flash backs. Like, if you were in my head when mine were 8 weeks it was exactly.the.same.
Hugs mama. The fact that you are thinking about all of this is proof that you are a good mom. The BEST mom your kiddos could have. So cut yourself some slack and applaud yourself for surviving 2 months of new motherhood and sleep deprivation.
My pediatrician was the one to tell me my kids' clothing was too small the first time, so I felt awesome about that. Being jammed into your womb with their sibling puts them at much higher risk of needing a helmet anyway and A's actually helped with some of his development, so I have zero guilt about it. He's happy, he's healthy, he's pretty damned cute. W was an eye contact seeking missile who smiled at everyone, A's smiles were rare. His kisses still are but they are all the more special!
Hang in there. You're in the weeds right now but it gets so much better, soon. Figure out a way to get some sleep. Tell anyone walking into your home they have to do at least one chore (garbage, bottles, laundry, a meal).
Oh and baths? No one is giving out medals for cleanest child. We removed baths from bedtime and it made life so much easier. Early on, I only bathed them when someone else could help me, whatever time of day. For a long time I did baths after lunch. Or after breakfast. My kids get at too excited about water to do it t bedtime these days!

[bocaburger]

Adding that I manage baths 2-3x a week. You don't need to bathe both every day. Mine are eating solids now so I wipe their hands and face with a washcloth after each meal. They may not be squeaky clean all the time but they are healthy and safe.

[babys2015]

Serious flashbacks. It was so so so hard when they were that little. Please be gentle with yourself and cut yourself some slack. I agree with bocaburger about the bathing, and just try to make your days as easy as you can..right now you're in survival mode..

It will get better. I promise!

[piccyami]

Hugs, lady. This is hard. Early on, mine didn't get tummy time much at all. Z got a flat spot, which I panicked about and came here. Everyone helped to calm me down and reminded me that it'll be ok. Her head is almost completely rounded back out at 6 months. I felt so terrible about not holding them enough, but they get plenty of snuggles now.

Even though H is home every night, I'm still very much the default parent and it sucks. We've talked about it. A lot. And he is getting better, but it's still rough on me. We only manage baths once or twice a week, and rarely at bedtime.

I definitely crammed them into their first outfits for way too long. Z has a habit of drinking a couple of ounces per bottle during the week and chowing down on the weekends. Once we recognized what was going on, we felt so much better. My kids also have a habit of eating all the food, then eating very little while they're actively growing, which doesn't happen at the same time.

It all gets better! I don't think I enjoyed the newborn phase, but I'm loving this current phase where they're just so much more fun. They can interact and tell me what they want in their own ways.

[requiressnacks]

I just saw this....and I'm so sorry about your rough nights/days @wineandcupcakes,! Week 8 may have been the apex of my misery (I think I wrote my "connecting with your twins" post at this time), but I assure you it gets better. I have one baby who is/was smiley and happy all the time and I have one baby who never wanted to eat or sleep and was kind of miserable.

Basically, you just need to be easier on yourself. Tummy time? Who cares - you're keeping them alive. Bath night? Who cares - you're keeping them alive.

And I hate to break it to you - cuddling twins just AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN, at least in my house. The only time they got one on one cuddle time is if one woke up MOTN and the other didn't.

Also, I harbor a bit of resentment that my FTM experience is with twins. I have moments of pure jealousy when I see/hear people talking about their quiet maternity leave with their first baby. Or how they did baby massage or just hung around and cuddled the day away. That just didnt' happen in my reality. And then I would feel guilty because we went through IF treatment and this is what I wanted.

So basically, long story short - Give yourself a break. Get some help, if you can. Twins are hard AF.

[jd]

Welcome to the club of women who have written a variation of a "losing my shit" post right around the time our babies were your babies' age! I almost feel like we should have a pinned post with advice on "what to do when you're losing your shit during the newborn phase" because we have alllll been there.

Breathe, lower your standards as much as you have to to survive, and know that it's going to get so much easier very soon. Just wait until they become more interactive (with each other and with you). It's the most rewarding and amazing experience, and it's going to make what you're going through so worth it. Until then, who cares if they're clean, getting enough tummy time, etc. Just make sure they're fed and safe, and don't be concerned about their development unless a pediatrician tells you to be.

You have got this. You really have!

[lastkiss]

Hugs @wineandcupcakes. I'm not there yet but the first 2-3 months with DS sucked so I can imagine dealing with twins is 10x worse.

I just want to say -give yourself a break. You are most definitely not the shittest mom ever. The fact that you're doing any tummy time is fantastic.

Also, you should be mad at your ILs. They should be helping out around the house when they visit, not just cuddling babies. schmella had some great advice by saying everyone walking into the house should do a chore before cuddling babies.

[richzep]

What is it about 8 weeks that causes everyone to lose their shit?

I did zero tummy time. I have no clue how often I bathed them, but it certainly wasn't every day. Or every other day. I didn't sing to them. Didn't read to them.

Yeah first few months were survival. I fed them. I changed them. That was it. Nothing else mattered to me.

If I did anything else, it was a bonus. Otherwise I called it a win if their bellies were full and their diapers empty.

Also, I distinctly remember yelling at one of them for crying so much when they were like a month old. Talk about losing your shit. Thank goodness there's no memory at that age because they'd be in therapy for sure.

Be good to yourself. They need you as a mom. Not as a superhero. Do the best you can and be content with that. It's all you can do.

Hang in there and vent here as often as you need. We all get it. We've all been there. We know it sucks. But we also know there's an end in sight, even if you don't see it right now.

[requiressnacks]

richzep, I too yelled at a crying baby. Which is seriously so dumb. But in the moment it just happened and I felt SO GUILTY about it afterwards.

[callmeKD]

@wineandcupcakes big hugs! I'll sit on your bench. Last night I told my H that I quit. I'm done. this week has been a total shit show including 2 month shots, a 3 year old with an upper respiratory infection / trying to keep her away from her little sibs so they don't get RSV or something similar and now baby girl has a cold (so I hauled her to doctor this morning to make sure that she doesn't have the same respiratory virus as big sis.)

and I have help (aka my mom) and I still feel like I get nothing done and absolutely zero snuggle time with my babies (that doesn't involve feeding them.)

we aren't doing any playmat time and tummy time is coming when they are laying on us. order yourself some takeout food to get you through a couple of meals, plop yourself on your couch or bed, turn on the TV and hang out with your babies. (I should be taking my own advice right now.)

[schmella]

@wineandcupcakes, for your friends offering their (germy) help- my friends set up a meal train. They dropped off food, some of it home cooked, but much of it was takeout or prepared stuff (rotisserie chicken and a salad in a bag was a staple!). You can explain to them that while you appreciate and need the help, you can't risk getting the kiddos sick- good friends will be happy to leave food at your front door (and maybe grab a bag of trash on their way out). Laundry requires no contact with babies. My sister and MIL both called me every day to see if they could pick up groceries or a Starbucks for me. Another friend would just stop by and take my dog for a walk! I was very very lucky.

Oh and I paid a middle school girl $5 an hour for 3-4hrs a week to help me with dishes and laundry or entertain the kids so I could cook, but that was when they were closer to 6m I think?

[mustloveerica]

I was having major mom guilt over the fact that I rarely cuddle my twins. They spend more time than I care to admit in their bouncers. E also has a flat spot because I can't be turning her head constantly. And it's been 4(?) days since we've done any official tummy time. And I had a melt down yesterday because my dogs haven't been walked in weeks and they are wild and frustrating due to lack of exercise.

I got really frustrated at H in the MOTN a few days ago because she wouldn't open her mouth for her bottle. This was the first time I understood why people shake babies. It was something so stupid. But I'm so tired and I just wanted her to open her mouth and eat her bottle so I could go to sleep.

One thing I have to keep telling myself is it's ok for them to cry. It's ok to put them in their cribs where they are safe and let them cry for 10 minutes so I can shower. It's ok to not pick the paci up for the 94728672th time so I can reheat my coffee for the 5th time. You have to take care of yourself too. Heck I had my sister come over yesterday when I was really frustrated after feeding (again) and I left to go wander around Target. Have someone come over so you can go get Starbucks for a half hour just so you can have a break. Even a minuscule break because I assume you're like me as not ready to leave your babies for hours.

I just keep telling myself that we are in survival mode. The girls won't remember that I didn't spend all day cuddling them and that the only time I sing to them is in the car when I sing along to the radio.

You are doing an amazing job!!!!

[Deleted]

Biggest of hugs @wineandcupcakes! These two are numbers 2/3 so I have days where Mom guilt if full swing since I know what they and I are missing out on. But even though twins is insanely hard it's awesome too. Please try to be more forgiving to yourself as so many other great BTDT moms here have said you are in the worst of it now. Also try not to compare the two babes. I have one that I gives huge gummy smiles all day and the other hardly at all. Each baby is different and willl hit milestones when they do.

Long story short- you are an awesome mom and those babies are doing great.