EmMilAlly, I have dealt with this issue in our relationship, though it was many moons ago when we were in college/before we were married. We saw a joint counselor, and he saw someone individually. Things got better, and then they didn't, and we broke up. He eventually processed what he needed to process, and we ended up reconnecting and have been together since. He occasionally still has issues where he will drink more than I think is appropriate or respectful, and it gets discussed immediately.
If it were me, I'd ask myself what I'm willing to live with, and act and communicate accordingly and clearly. Including if it is "this behavior stops or I leave." We have gotten to that point, on this issue and others, and the needed change has happened. It's scary as hell to draw that line, but so is envisioning years stretching before you where your needs aren't met by your partner.
EmMilAlly , I think you need to enlist a professional. Though you have a joint counseling appointment set, I would look at some type of more immediate service for your H to attend alone. If he truly has a drinking problem, it can't be an "only sometimes and under certain circumstances" type of arrangement. Addicts don't have the ability to set a limit like no drinking at work functions, but drinking in other settings is OK.
Hugs, friend. I'm sorry.
ETA: conjoint counseling usually works best when both parties are also in individual counseling and making progress in their individual therapy. So it's not off base to also look for help individually for him and for you!
I'm not sure if he is an alcoholic or not. What I see with my eyes is someone who likes to go out and get drunk for fun. He doesn't really drink at home and we have alcohol in the house that goes totally untouched for months. The reason I asked him not to drink or take an uber at these work events is because his colleagues all drink way too much IMO and he needs to be able to drive home. That said, he may have a drinking problem. It is causing problems in our relationship so it's certainly a very strong possibility. I think he and a third party need to figure that out. I'm going to ask him to call his pcp and get a referral.
Post by wineandcake on Apr 7, 2017 13:07:39 GMT -5
I was job searching this morning and found a few to apply for. I managed to screw up one application by not proof reading and making a pretty big error on one cover letter. Hopefully the rest get me considered.
There's one that's only a 6 month contract and starts next week. I so badly want to apply since it would get me out quick, but my other interview is on the start date. I wouldn't want to miss out on a permanent for a temp. But I really don't want to stay here longer. Adulting sucks.
Post by CoachTsWife on Apr 7, 2017 15:43:27 GMT -5
Hugs EmMilAlly, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have much to add, I agree with everything that's been said above. Just want to send more hugs your way.
Post by 360blessings on Apr 7, 2017 17:14:27 GMT -5
I'm still feeling and sounding kinda crappy. I left work around 2:00 to come home and nap. Picked up NyQuil on the way and I actually slept about 1.5 hours before my coughing woke me up and it was time to pick up the boys. I forgot DH was going to that wild turkey conservation dinner. As much as a night out would be nice, I'm glad I'm not going to that. I really don't feel up to that. Just ordered the kids pizza and maybe we'll put on a movie. Hoping for a quiet night.
My Friday was good! A student had his mom buy me lunch, it was awesome! As much as this group drives me crazy, I love them so much and am not ready to send them to high school yet.
I have only hugs @emmillally. Are you more upset about the drinking or the principle of it?
I'm not upset about the drinking since it was a conservative amount. But after the alcohol related issue that occurred a few weeks ago, one of the big promises was that he would not drive after having ANYTHING to drink. I'm more upset that he can't keep a promise. We have a newborn at home and he f-d up recently, so the stakes seem high enough that he would take this seriously.
Post by lovemyirishtwins on Apr 7, 2017 20:43:08 GMT -5
@wafflesfriendswork did you two eat the same meal before she got sick? If so and you were not sick than likely it is a virus from what I understand. Either way, I hope she feels better soon and I hope that no one else in your family gets sick.
@ceci8876 I have a nerium girl that will not leave me alone. I told her no so many times. It is really annoying. She is also one of the people I have recently seen that likes her own posts. She gets a major eye roll from me.
You guys, today was amazing. I saw Hillary IN PERSON. I also got to meet Wendy Davis, Beto O'Rourke and talked with Jessica Farrar quite a bit! So cool. Farrar is the TX representative that filed the "Men's Right to Choose" bill, lol! I asked her if she was now hated in the TX House, and she said that she already was since she's a woman of color. She figured she might as well go for it all
I have a Skype interview this afternoon for the change-of-career job I applied for on Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did it go?
I was wondering if you were going all out for Passover?
It went well! They said they'd call me on Monday to let me know if they'd like me to come in for a day-long interview.
And YES we are going allllll out for Passover. We invited a bunch of people thinking a few would decline, but everyone is coming and now we're hosting the biggest Seder ever! Lol we'll see if I'm alive on Tuesday.
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