Tax Day Tuesday

[lilyelayne]

At least for those of us in the states.

[lilyelayne]

Yesterday was gorgeous so I made plans to meet a friend at the park today. Of course now it's grey and gloomy and might rain a day earlier than was predicted.

[kartish]

Grey and gloomy here today also. I was hoping to plant some peas starts today, maybe I can get out there before the rain starts.

I planted some saffron crocus bulbs a few weeks ago and last night I saw shoots peaking through the dirt! I'm pretty excited about that. I've never planted bulbs before, this year we planted two types of lilies and the crocus, and they are all coming up right now. The saffron won't bloom till fall, but that's okay.

V was sick last night, so right now we are chilling on the couch while A sleeps. He ended up in our bed from 11pm on, so I may fall asleep while he watches tv.

[agm04]

kartish poor V and you - fever?

nothing exciting here. a little heavy for randoms i guess, but i feel like DH and i are really struggling lately. anybody have advice for reconnecting? we both get so little time with DD and love being with her so much that we just don't carve out time for the two of us. he's really good about taking time for himself (going out with friends, going on solo or friend trips, etc.), and i'm not, and then i feel like he doesn't like me or want to spend time with me. i'm anxious bc i know it'll only get harder with a new baby in the mix.

[seamonster]

agm04 I checked out a book from the library called 75 Habits for a Healthy Marriage. Just started it, but it's a start on things to do.

[agm04]

seamonster thank you! i'll check that out.

[seamonster]

I've hired my unemployed sister to cook and clean for me this week because I'm overwhelmed by work and solo parenting and being sick. I get DS down for bed and I collapse on the couch and fall asleep. I'm hoping a couple days of help will fix things.

[mishka29]

Apr 18, 2017 11:04:55 GMT -5 seamonster said:

I've hired my unemployed sister to cook and clean for me this week because I'm overwhelmed by work and solo parenting and being sick. I get DS down for bed and I collapse on the couch and fall asleep. I'm hoping a couple days of help will fix things.

That's awesome! Good for you. Sometimes that extra help can really go a long way.

[dreemkin]

kartish I would love to plant some bulbs! I like irises and daffodils. But we'll have to replace our mailbox sometime soon so I'll wait til we get that settled and plan them around there.
agm04 1st I'm sorry you feel that way. 2nd, I totally understand! While this is a little thing, we have been snuggling up in bed watching a show on netflix for a bit before we go to sleep. Otherwise we try to do a night away on a weekend once in a while. Even if it's just down the street at a hotel. It's nice for it to be just us! We need one of those - it's been a while. I would personally say no to H solo trips though lol.
seamonster I'm glad you're getting help!

It's a really nice day here. After A's nap I'd love to go on a walk or play outside. On another note, we decided to stop doing swim lessons for N. While she was doing a great job, this last class has had terrible coaching and I mentioned switching classes (like time/day) and N said she wants to do ballet classes. So I feel kind of sad about stopping swimming but I guess it's good to try other activities. Now I have to figure out how to quit.

[mishka29]

agm04 sorry you're have a rough go.

I'm not sure I have any advice since dh and I just took a week long vacation together. Lots of quality time together. However during normal life, dh is always the one saying we don't spend enough time together. I guess I'm just happy vegging on the couch after a long day. So I'm pretty terrible at carving out time for us.

I guess I always feel like there are up and downs and when things get rough with two little kids i just put my head down and get through. That of course doesn't do much for us as a couple lol but that's just how I roll. I would say life with two is rough but just keep talking to each other and make sure to have sex once a week!

That book sounds like a good idea. I should probably check that out too! Lol

[seamonster]

dreemkin would she be able to keep practicing swimming without the lessons? I think wanting a different coach and her wanting to do something else gives you an out. If you feel nervous about quitting tell them the time no longer works for you and you need to reassess your schedule, and conveniently nothing ends up working.

[agm04]

seamonster that's a great idea. everyone wins! learning to ask for help when i need it is a lesson i wish i'd learned a looooong time ago. i hope it does help!

dreemkin thank you. your post makes me want to get a cable box for the TV in our room. right now we only have a DVD player in there, so we don't go upstairs until we're ready to go to sleep (and often not even at the same time). which doesn't help with mishka29 's suggestion to make sure to have sex once a week. i'm actually totally happy vegging on the couch at the end of the day too, but would like to do that together i guess. after we get DD in bed, he usually goes to the garage to do some woodworking for fun while i fold laundry/prep the next night's dinner/clean the kitchen. by the time he comes inside i'm tired.

he has taken a couple of recent short road trips to play poker alone (i think it's like a 2.5 hour drive), which i don't at all mind in theory, but with everything we have going on it's been a little tough. then there are work trips here and there, and he asked last weekend about going to vegas in early may (his bday) and miami with a friend in early june. the june weekend is my birthday weekend and also only 3 weeks from my due date. i hate being put in a position to have to say no, like he's a grown man and doesn't need my permission in life, but it sucks. i had a dream the other night that he told me he'd booked a flight to saudi arabia over mother's day weekend. lol. it just feels like, while i'm asking for time together, he's asking for time away. so i'm sensitive.

[dreemkin]

seamonster while we don't have a pool, both my sister's do so we will try to take advantage of that since she loves swimming.

agm04 I know it's hard to say no to your H and it's totally okay to do things for himself sometimes. I think there should be some balance though. Maybe try to have him see that you and him time should be the priority and then see if there's time for his friend things. Maybe he just doesn't know or realize your wants. I don't like saying no either but last weekend I had to pull the wife card and say I'd rather he stay home. We had all these house projects planned and his friend asked if he could help his friend move and H wanted to. I was like...we were JUST talking about all the things we could get done... I'd rather you stay home this time. He got over it lol.

[agm04]

dreemkin i would have done the same thing! i think we just need to make time to talk about all of this in longer than 30 second increments. thanks for the support and advice!

[dreemkin]

aggiebug how is C today?

[aggiebug]

Apr 18, 2017 16:18:24 GMT -5 dreemkin said:

aggiebug how is C today?

He feels better thanks for asking! Still a bit congested but nothing like he was.

That being said I have lost all my patience and am solo tonight. His bed time isn't going so hot.

[kartish]

agm04 no he was having stomach pain and a few messy diapers. He had a quiet morning and a good nap, and seems to be doing well this evening. But we'll see how the night goes. I ended up chilling in bed with A while V napped so that was really nice.

dreemkin I loved ballet class as a kid. I think if she is ready for a change, go for it. Have you paid in advance for the swim lessons though?

[dreemkin]

We had a rough nap time today. I fear she's trying to drop her nap. She's been not wanting to for a while now and she will fall asleep after a while of babbling/reading/whatever out of boredom I'm sure... Hold me!! 😣

But then we had a rough bed time too. So maybe she's getting sick or something. We shall see.

[lilyelayne]

kartish hope V feels better tonight.

dreemkin hope N loves dance!

aggiebug hope the kids are asleep and you're drinking your beverage of choice with your feet up

[lilyelayne]

agm04 can y'all split some of the chores? Do laundry together? Otherwise, yeah, agree with others you just have to spend more time together, even if you have to schedule it. Start a new tv show together, find a board game to play (I have lots of recommendations for different style tabletop games if you're interested), read something and discuss. DH and I play video games. Also I read to him every night when we get in bed - I think we're on our nineteenth book together. It keeps him off his phone when he's having trouble falling asleep, and gives us a shared thing to talk about.

Don't waste time & energy on mindless small talk that one or both of you can tune out of. Not "how are you?" Or "how was your day?" But instead "what's something that made you laugh today" or "what frustrated you today" or "what's something you learned today"

Yeah, generally, sex helps. I note in my calendar every time we have sex (most period tracking apps will do this, if you don't want it in your regular calendar) because without that visual reminder I'd easily go weeks without sex.
Went through a patch in pregnancy that sex just wasn't going to happen. But we'd still take off our clothes and cuddle skin to skin. It's important for more than just infants :-P

[agm04]

kartish poor guy! Glad he seems better today and that you were able to get a little bit of rest. Hope the night is ok!

aggiebug I hope you get a little break after bed time too!

@dreemkim fingers crossed that it's a phase and not dropping a nap or illness. I was just reading something today about a sleep expert saying that nap refusal at 2 should be treated like a phase because they often still need the sleep. But you can't make them sleep!

lilyelayne thank you, those are all good ideas. We do way too much of the "how was your day" kind of talk - I usually ask so he knows I'm interested in his life, but when he asks in return I realize how uninteresting my response is. We used to play a ton of scrabble together pre-baby. Maybe we need to bring it back. I'd love your other recommendations! Chess is probably out because he's very good and I have no idea how to play. I guess it takes a lot for me to feel really connected these days, but I miss it and I want it.

[agm04]

lilyelayne you reading to your H might be the cutest thing I've ever heard.

[kartish]

lilyelayne I agree that is super cute you reading to your H. What do you read?

DH and I used to take turn reading bible verses to reach other before bed, back a few years ago.

[lilyelayne]

agm04 I will get back to you with game recs on a day that is less slammed!

kartish it started because DH saw the Harry Potter movies and had all these questions about the books, so I read them to him. We usually read fantasy or sci fi. Usually do a series, then one or two stand alones, then another series, etc.