Post by jillian on Apr 20, 2017 13:24:14 GMT -5
He has ADHD that was unmedicated until he was 10. He was an amazing baby, but once the terrible 2's hit, they just never went away. Standing firm on our decisions, but choosing our battles and routine were our two major things. Don't let the little things get to you, because you wont have the energy to fight the big things. He doesn't want to put his jammies on? Fine, sleep naked, who cares? But you WILL be brushing your teeth. If you brush your teeth without complaint or argument, you can have 1 extra story, if you don't, you will be going to bed 10 minutes early tomorrow night. It almost makes them feel like they "win" at something, which is how it looked from our side. They battle to see if they can wear you down and win. We made a lot of compromises. He wanted junk cereal (lucky Charms), but we wanted him to eat healthier cereals (honey nut cheerios) so we bought him a small box of the Lucky Charms that he was allowed to have on Saturday and Sunday mornings, provided he was well behaved through the week. Or he was only allowed to eat the junk cereal 2 days a week and once those two days were gone, that was it. He got to stay up an extra 10 minutes if he took a bath and got ready for bed without arguing. We gave him options. This or that. By letting him feel like he had some kind of control, it was easier for us to control him.
Kids are smart. Once they start seeing the positive sides of making their own choices, they wont see your options as such a negative thing. But the things that you are firm on, you need to stay consistently firm on. Even if that one situation warrant's a little leeway, they will remember that one time you let them get away with it and exploit you like the tiny little blackmailers they can be. For example, teeth brushing, behaving in public, being polite to others. That kind of thing.
Stubborn kids are all about instant gratification. A lot of people suggested a star chart for good behavior, but after a week we forgot about it. With a small baby, I don't think it will work for you either. We constantly praised his good behaviors and reminded him that he was a good boy, but reminded him of the consequences of his bad behaviors if we saw him heading down the path towards that bad behavior again. We still do this today and he will be 15 next month. So when your LO does something asked of him right away with no complaint, give him a small reward. A couple m&m's, a few fruit snacks, a few extra minutes of play time, that kind of thing, tell him thank you so much for doing this for mommy without a fight. I really appreciate it. Then once he gets used to doing things like that, you can back off the rewards and tell him that he's a big boy and these behaviors are what is expected of big boys. He will want to do it for your approval instead of for a reward. Now of course, we went through this for 8+ years so its obviously not a perfect system by any means. But this certainly made our lives a little easier at times.
Now I control him by taking the power cords to his PlayStation and cell phone. 
Works like a charm.
But honestly it was a constant battle. We missed a lot of parties and get together's because we just couldn't reward him for his bad behavior. There were many times that I felt like I needed therapy because I was doing something wrong. Could I have handles situations better? Sure. But every parent could. You are human and he is your child and you know what's best for them. Please reach out any time. Even if you just want to vent. Head strong, stubborn boys are so hard to raise, but they can be so rewarding sometimes too. Good Luck Momma! Tons of creepy internet hugs!
