I do actually have a legitimate question re: counseling. Does anyone have a plausible cover we could give our parents?
Someone is going to have to watch Em and I really don't want to be honest with them. His parents are anti-therapy of any kind. My parents are very supportive of therapy but also a bit traumatized from my divorce so if I tell my mom we're in couples counseling...she'll probably need therapy of her own.
Can you just say that you really want Em to be around her grandparents more often? That it's not them doing you a favor but rather you are fostering what will be some wonderful shared moments.
Just as I was starting to think I took him in for no reason, they found some fluid on his lungs. So he has pneumonia and we're waiting on antibiotics. At least there's hope he'll be better soon?
Oh, man! That is a rough go, poor guy. Here's hoping meds get him feeling better quickly.
swarley they watch her so she's already around them a lot! I think I'll just vary with the excuses everyone gave. A date night one week, gym the next, town meeting another. And then I'll probably get tired of lying and just tell them it's therapy.
You might be out of therapy by then too...I hope it's what you need for your relationship and you both grow
Post by wineandcake on Apr 25, 2017 14:17:28 GMT -5
Came home from work an hour early and H decides we need to go outside and clean the back yard. Seriously, wtf? I'm home because I'm sick, not because I want to do yard work.
Still waiting to hear about the job I interviewed for. These people are just torturing me at this point. Just tell me yes or no so I can get on with my life.
Another job question. I was offered a part time spot with a place back in December but turned it down. Now they have a full time and the lady told me to keep in touch when we were ready to move. Well, I'm ready now and since it's full time I would take it. Should I email her about it? I haven't stayed in touch so it would be random, but it's a job to get me by for now. I feel weird asking about it, but I've done the interview already so I don't see why they wouldn't want me all the sudden.
Came home from work an hour early and H decides we need to go outside and clean the back yard. Seriously, wtf? I'm home because I'm sick, not because I want to do yard work.
Still waiting to hear about the job I interviewed for. These people are just torturing me at this point. Just tell me yes or no so I can get on with my life.
Another job question. I was offered a part time spot with a place back in December but turned it down. Now they have a full time and the lady told me to keep in touch when we were ready to move. Well, I'm ready now and since it's full time I would take it. Should I email her about it? I haven't stayed in touch so it would be random, but it's a job to get me by for now. I feel weird asking about it, but I've done the interview already so I don't see why they wouldn't want me all the sudden.
Came home from work an hour early and H decides we need to go outside and clean the back yard. Seriously, wtf? I'm home because I'm sick, not because I want to do yard work.
Still waiting to hear about the job I interviewed for. These people are just torturing me at this point. Just tell me yes or no so I can get on with my life.
Another job question. I was offered a part time spot with a place back in December but turned it down. Now they have a full time and the lady told me to keep in touch when we were ready to move. Well, I'm ready now and since it's full time I would take it. Should I email her about it? I haven't stayed in touch so it would be random, but it's a job to get me by for now. I feel weird asking about it, but I've done the interview already so I don't see why they wouldn't want me all the sudden.
How old will my child be when I stop feeling like a shell of myself? Asking for me.
I think you absolutely 100% need to take some time, every day, every other day, for yourself. Something that is just you. Whether it is writing, working out, watching a trashy TV show, wandering around Target, going to Starbucks, whatever it may be, but to me it sounds like lately you feel burned out. I could be off base on that, and please feel free to tell me to shut up if I am wrong. I just want you to feel better.
I remember feeling like I didn't know who the hell I was anymore after I had Nick. Now, I also had some extremely unpleasant thoughts and because of those I had to seek out some extra help through therapy and medication, which I am still taking to this day. It was one of the most trying times in my adult life, and I can honestly say it's a place I do not ever want to return to. That being said, I do remember those feelings of just, not feeling like Kate anymore. Those feelings alone were hard enough.
I try not to push therapy or counseling on people, because you just never know another person's views on it, or their situation. It's not always a feasible option. But I will say this, in my experience when I was having those feelings of "Who the hell am I now that I have this little human?", therapy helped me. I learned coping mechanisms. I learned a lot about myself and how I deal with things in general, and what could no longer work now that I am a mother. It was an eye opener. I learned that I need to make Kate a priority, too. Side note, when my husband was in nursing school, when he got to the "Mother and baby" part of his schooling, they talked a lot about how throughout the whole process, moms often feel like they come second. It's all about the baby, which, we all get why because it is a helpless innocent little baby. But we cannot and must not forget the mothers. There was a large emphasis in his textbook about taking care of mothers, making sure mom is happy, mom feels safe, mom feels loved, etc. That always made me feel really good, and reading that section kind of stuck with me. I remember in therapy, she was talking about self care, and how much more important that becomes as a mom which is a catch 22, because we have less time. But that text that I had read in his book several months earlier when I was pregnant popped up in my head, and it kind of just clicked.
I don't want you to feel like a shell of yourself, because, having come out the other end of some dark thoughts and the type of feelings you are experiencing now, I know how tough the climb can be. I know that I was not making myself and my happiness a priority. It all felt too hard, and that's okay, life is busy, but it's not a good enough excuse. No one ever tells us just how hard being a Mom is, and life is too damn short.
I just want you to feel better so you can be happy. I know a little bit about how you're feeling, I am sure all of us do. If this is something that you think counseling may help with, I would talk with someone if that is an option for you. And I am always here if you ever want to talk. All my love to you dear. I just want you to feel better
sharebear05 I am so sorry this is dragging out, but on the bright side, you're getting good care so when the time comes to get back on your feet, you will be that much more ready for it.
So what should I say in my email? 'Oh hey, sorry for taking months to get back in touch. I see there's a full time spot, can I have it?'
I don't think there's anything weird about contacting her now. She said to let her know when you were ready to move and now you're ready to move. "I'm now ready to make the move into the area. I saw that a full-time position has become available...Do I need to do anything additional in order to be considered for that position?"
Thanks! I'm bad with words so I pretty much need someone to hold my hand through this.
So what should I say in my email? 'Oh hey, sorry for taking months to get back in touch. I see there's a full time spot, can I have it?'
Hi, Hiring Person,
I interviewed for and was offered [part time position] back in [month.] At that time, a pt position was unfortunately not a job I could take. I noticed, however, that your org now has a full-time position that I believe I have the qualifications for. Attached is my resume. Please let me know if we can schedule an interview for this position.
Post by lonegalathome on Apr 25, 2017 15:19:25 GMT -5
yl - we'll I"m 6.5 years and 3 kids in....and I would say it ebbs and flows. Sometimes I have me and sometimes I don't. Right now I don't and it sucks. I'm on meds that do help but even then I feel like i'm on a roller coaster a bit.
I get the suggestion for time for self care etc, and while I agree with it -I'm here to tell you you aren't alone if you can't figure out how to fit it in. I'm at the office 8-6 and then home dinner, bed and i'm wiped and in bed by nine. We don't have family around to help and I just can't pop off by myself. DH is actually really supportive about it and tries to give me time, but its hard if you don't have anything consistent. I could never sign up for a class or anything because I can't be that reliable.
I will say I had more of myself the fewer kids I had. I used to be in womens groups and lots of things with one kid and then that dwindled with 2 and now - forget about it. I barely see friends at this point and it plain sucks. And without a major life overhaul, which I'm not sure I'm willing to do at this point, I don't know what to do.
Maybe your mom would handle the counseling better then you think cornpop311. Did you go to counseling in your last marriage? If not maybe they will see this as a positive step to working on your marriage. How long have your parents been married? They have to understand the ups and downs of marriage.
EmMilAlly good luck on your first day back and I hope this is you after your meeting/review
beepers thank you!!! To be honest, this pretty much was my face after my review. It was the best review of my whole career. It made returning to work SLIGHTLY better.
Louis on the other hand gave my mom a run for her money and was pretty upset when I got home. I keep telling myself he'll do better at daycare next week since they are professional baby ninjas and my mom is a banker.
Post by mrsbeachcat on Apr 25, 2017 18:03:37 GMT -5
yl so, I don't disagree with the PPs about alone time, especially since I know that that's something you've struggled with since having R, I sort of have a different take on the issue. I think women especially have their identity tied into their child's at this stage. I have this joke with my SO that whenever Clayton Kershaw (arguably the best pitcher in baseball) is pitching, I'm like "oh, Cali's dad is pitching tonight". I think it sort of feels like whatever my accomplishments were before Bill (and I say before because I don't feel like I've accomplished anything not involving him since he was born) I'm always "bill's mom" first. Men for the most part don't lose their identity to their child the way we do. (Not saying it doesn't happen, just seems to be a "mom" thing). I think that it's a big adjustment that while you are a novelist, a teacher, a wife, a friend, etc sometimes all of them seem secondary to being R's mom. And a distant second at that... which to be perfectly honest, at this age, is just sort of the way it is. But! Every day our babies need us a little less. A little over a year ago Bill was literally attached to my f-ing tit for five hours a day and now he's a walking, talking human. One of the things that hat have helped me sort of embrace this identity is the knowledge that it's not permanent. Yeah, we'll always be moms but less hands on if that makes sense. Think about how four years of college seemed to fly by. That's childhood basically.
And on the really rough days i just repeat the mantra "The only way out is through".
Post by laurie12820 on Apr 25, 2017 18:35:24 GMT -5
yl, I felt like I was more myself once DD1 was about 4. She was becoming more independent and didn't need me to entertain her anymore. It was a blissful 2 years before M came along and now I'm back in that "shell" phase.
You'll see as your DS gets older that you will become you again. I understand how you feel. To be honest, on the bad days I often ask myself why we decided to have another child because things had finally gotten easier for me. I love both girls more than anything and wouldn't change anything but it does cross my mind. Having BTDT I just keep reminding myself that those days are coming!
Post by mrsbeachcat on Apr 25, 2017 18:53:40 GMT -5
Does anyone else's kid always cry when they wake up? I thought that now that Bill is talking he would just call me and let me know when he was ready to get out of bed but instead he just cries (to be fair he does say "mama" but like, while crying). What's up with that? Is there any way to convince him to not cry?
ETA: he cries when he wakes up in the morning AND after his nap.
Post by CoachTsWife on Apr 25, 2017 20:26:53 GMT -5
mrsbeachcat +1 to waking up crying. He used to talk to himself and play for a bit but recently started crying. He cries and says "mommy" and "daddy" over and over. And the past several days he remains upset for a bit after we get him.
Long 12+ hours at work today. I had to tell kids they failed (and of course some passed) their state test. I had a few cry. I hate doing that. But I had a meeting tonight about overhauling our grading policies that will help our kids in the long run.
sharebear05, so glad you are getting the care you need. I imagine it's not where you'd like to be, but soon this will be a distant memory! cornpop311, so proud of you & your H for caring enough about your marriage to get help. Here's my take on therapy: If you have something that you care an awful lot about, why wouldn't you use all your resources to make sure it's the best you/relationship that it could be? If you see an issue with your house/car/child/pet do you not seek help to resolve it and restore it. Why should one of the most important relationships be any different? Mad props to you both!
lovemyirishtwins we did not go to counseling in my last marriage. My parents have been married 33 years and I'm sure they'll get it and I should just tell them..
It's so hard. I get not wanting to hurt your parents or cause them worry. I am the same way. My mother constantly worries about me. When dh is out of town she calls me each night and morning to check on me. I hate that she worries.
It is totally your call what do and you know your parents. Whatever you decide to do on that end is not as important as the steps you're making in working towards a healthy marriage. That is a great and admirable step.
If you think your mom understands hardships in a marriage I would try and lean on her. She knows you and loves you. She may have good advice for you since she has likely been through this before.
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