Clicky Poll about being away from your kid

[JoBub]

Assuming your inlaws are not BSC, fully capable of caring for the child, and usually listen to your wishes, how long would you be willing to leave your child there?

Other considerations:

Pros:
I get time to myself when otherwise I'd be solo parenting (H will be on a trip for work)
I'll be 32 weeks pregnant, so I'll be really grateful for the break.

Cons:

They're several hours away, so there will be no last-minute decisions to go get him if it doesn't go well
When he returns I'll still be solo parenting, and I'm a little scared of the transition making him go back to DC after super fun time at grandmas.

[emmagk]

right now, i'd send him until he's not a jerkface anymore. Soooo 2-3 years?

[lrmrtn]

My comfort level is not about doubting my parents' ability to care for DS but rather DS's comfort level about being in a different place without us. We've never tried so I have no idea.

I would never leave DS alone with my ILs overnight, for a variety of reasons. Nor would they ever offer.

[JoBub]

Apr 25, 2017 12:02:44 GMT -5 emmagk said:

right now, i'd send him until he's not a jerkface anymore. Soooo 2-3 years?

This is where I'm at right now too. LOL. I'm just wondering if I should feel guilty for these feelings. 

[emmagk]

Apr 25, 2017 12:13:31 GMT -5 JoBub said:

Apr 25, 2017 12:02:44 GMT -5 emmagk said:

right now, i'd send him until he's not a jerkface anymore. Soooo 2-3 years?

This is where I'm at right now too. LOL. I'm just wondering if I should feel guilty for these feelings. 

i feel guilty feeling like that too but 90% of the time he's not a very likeable person right now. 

But to answer your original question i'd be fine with sending him to the ILs for a week. He might be an extra pain in the butt the first few days back but he adapts quickly. 

[JoBub]

Apr 25, 2017 12:07:27 GMT -5 mary97 said:

We've send DD to my folks for 4 1/2 days last year and will be doing so again this summer. They are our only babysitters so they are very familiar with her routine and they follow our rules. The farthest distance away from her so far has been 2 1/2 hours which is as far as I'd want to be in case of emergencies.

How familiar is he with your IL's? Do they spend a lot of time together? Are they the type that would have a bunch of things planned to do together? this I think is helpful for DD because they go to parks, children's museums, they do all sorts of things to keep her occupied which I think would be helpful for your DS if this is new to him?

He would be comfortable with them. They don't spend as much time together as some other grandparents/children because they live 5 hours away, but they come visit us or we visit them for several days at a time about once a month, and normally when they're around they give him 100% attention and DH and I get to go have a parenting break. They also have a bedroom for him at their house with his own bed and tons of toys and stuff. 

They are retired, and are always asking to keep him for several days, so I'm thinking they would plan a week that's all about him. There are plenty of things in their city that they can do (zoo, museum, etc) and some of DH's cousins have kids the same age that they can get together with. So I think they'll keep him busy. I'm more worried about having him come home after all that fun. 

He's never had a problem staying with them and having us leave, but it's never even been more than overnight, and that only happens if DH and I get a hotel room when they visit (rarely). We recently had a brand new babysitter for an evening and DS was totally fine giving us hugs and sending us out the door even though he didn't even know her. So I think he'll be ok, but again, it's never been this long.

[athn64]

I said 3-4 days. But that's mostly because I think that's all DD1 and my mom could handle. She's stayed there before but not longer than 2-3 days. If my mom wanted her for a week, I'd be ok trying it out.

[scout251]

I can't vote on Tapatalk but given the situation you described, I would be fine with 3-5 days. I wouldn't worry about the transition back to his regular schedule until you have to actually deal with it because he might be fine and after a few days of rest, you'll be better about to deal with it solo.

[kittyriot]

I was the SS. My parents live a 3 minute drive from us so they are our go to overnight babysitter. They however happily move into our place to not disrupt O's life too much. But I mean if they forget anything they are 3 minutes away. Because of that level of comfort, I would probably leave my kid with them for a month if it was needed.

I do hear your worry however, my parents have her for 5 days in early May because H and I are out west. I booked her out of daycare because they love taking her on adventures and spoiling her. So I always worry how the transition back to daycare will go. I will admit, when we went to the DR in December the transition back to day care was a breeze, Monday morning she wasn't super excited to go but once she was back in with her friends she was all happy and smiles.

[comicSans]

If you're comfort with it and he'd be comfortable with it, go for it; give yourself a break.

We've left Dd with the grandparents for an overnight and mil stayed with her at our house for 3 days when I had ds. Right now Dd has some anxiety about us leaving her so I would not take the offer at this time, but that's my kid and my feelings. If your kid and your feelings are not the same, then some kid free time sounds good and you know he would be well cared for.

[footloose]

I voted more than a week because my parents have already taken her for 8 days when my DCP had vacation. It was hard at first, but she adjusted and they have fun and do lots of outings with her. We video chatted a couple of times and she liked that and was excited to see me.

She has gone up to them for a week another time just to visit. My parents don't always like driving that far so they try to space it out when they bring her back. I haven't noticed any real grandparent hangover. Generally she is really happy to see me and does like to sit on me and snuggle more for a few days when she is home. I say send him and not really worry.

[becole]

Apr 25, 2017 12:51:53 GMT -5 comicSans said:

If you're comfort with it and he'd be comfortable with it, go for it; give yourself a break.

We've left Dd with the grandparents for an overnight and mil stayed with her at our house for 3 days when I had ds. Right now Dd has some anxiety about us leaving her so I would not take the offer at this time, but that's my kid and my feelings. If your kid and your feelings are not the same, then some kid free time sounds good and you know he would be well cared for.

This is me right now. My kid is crying at daycare drop offs and was awful after a 2 night stint a few months ago. The transition back did not go well. Other times, he's stayed at their house a night or two and never even asked about us or for us except bed time.
I would probably send him if he's not in a super clingy phase. I actually think the baby already being here or knowing the baby is with us is probably a lot of the problem. So maybe take advantage before that becomes your problem too. 😊

[bliz1712]

I did 5-6 days, mainly because it's the IL. If it was my parents I would do it for a lot more, like 1-2 weeks. My IL don't always follow my rules, specifically bedtimes, so I know if they are there for too long it might be very difficult when they are back home. Plus, in general they aren't very hands on when they watch them, so I think they would get bored. At my parent's they take them to the park, zoo, and other kid friendly areas.

The plus side is you can always video chat with them. We do that a lot when we are gone, whether for a night or several.

[emmygirl]

I'm on Tapatalk so I can click. I wouldn't leave DD at the inlaws for more than a night or two because I think it's hard on them. They complain of pain and stuff after having her. It's also extremely hard to reset her because they bend to everything she wants. We've left DD with my mom for a week and they had a great time and she did good but my mom is more stern with her so she knows she can't get away with stuff.
I say send him, he'll probably have a great time and hopefully transition is easier than you're thinking it will be.

[meggypoo1]

Sounds like he would be totally fine with it! I would send him for a week. I'm sure it will be great for you all.

[JoBub]

You guys are making me feel a lot better about this. Thank you!

[microworm]

Apr 25, 2017 14:00:42 GMT -5 JoBub said:

You guys are making me feel a lot better about this. Thank you!

Think of it like this - you aren't doing this to just get rid of him, he is going to have a great time and spend quality time with his grandparents. It's a great opportunity for all parties.

[lulu]

This would be my dream come true and like emmagk I could happily choose forever sometimes!

But the reality is very different.

MIL isn't allowed to see our kids unsupervised so that's a big no.

My parents have taken DD1 for a week on holiday every year since she was about 3. I'm happy for that to happen with the younger kids too once they are older.

As they are about to move permanently into a caravan though, the sleepovers will be few and far between just due to logistics which is sad.

It's great for kids to spend time with their grandparents.

[britab]

I'd let DD go for as long as grandparents wanted.

Between my two inductions DD spent the night at two different friend's places and with my parents once they got into town. She did great!