What's up? Board discussions

[giantpeach]

I am still getting use to checking this board on a regular basis. I'm open to discussing anything.

I realize I am no help, but I am here so I figured that counts for something.

[rhkvmom]

Good evening, Ladies! My 2 cents.. I think it'd be nice to have maybe a weekly random conversation and then possibly a daily topic--similar to other boards in order for this board to really feel like a community,if that's the intent. Maybe the daily conversations could be similar to the traditional topics discussed on the other boards but we put a different spin on it. Not sure if that's too much though since people participate on multiple boards.

[rhkvmom]

This week...nothing too exciting to report. Work will be busy for the next 6 weeks or so. DS is 2yo, and we have his first dentist appt this week. I hope we survive!

I typically work remotely 1x/wk, but I have to switch my day this week. Not looking forward to getting up and getting dressed and driving on the day I usually get to sleep in for a bit. This is going to make the week feel so much longer.

Hope you all have a great week!

[Deleted]

I think current events would be good, I mean there's a million places on this site to shoot the shit. I feel like this board can be a place of outstanding when the world is too much. Like yea everyone can be sad when another unarmed black kid is shot, but not everyone feels the anxiety of looking at these stories while parenting a black son. That's just an example anyway

[gratefulandthankful]

Not much going on with me. I'm in my busy season at work and just want to bury my head in the sand.

I would love to see some threads about TV, Fashion & Gossip. I feel like there is not much discussion on celebs of color & TV shows that we might watch (Greenleaf, RHOA, etc). I think it would also be cook to have a thread about on going cases that involve people of color that are missing. I'm a huge Discovery ID fan.

[Deleted]

Ok I'll jump in with a hard one. My kid (who appears as lilli white, but is actually mixed)has been learning about skin color and stuff at school. They did self portraits and had all different color crayons and a discussion about how every one is different etc. well he picked up on the darker skinned kids and has been referring to them as "dark skins" I did not freak the f out on him, because I know this kid, and I know he cares as much for his friends with dark skin as light. For him it's an identifier-- but no. This must stop. He cannot refer to his black friends as the dark skins. can you help me reframe this? I've opened with no one wants to be called the blue eyes. You want to be seen as a person first then a person with blue eyes. It's weird. His reading buddy from the fourth grade (he's in kindergarten) whom he adores, he just told me was a dark skin. He means to say she's black. Where does this come from, and how can I talk about it. If this sounds too much like a white person asking how to deracinated me kid, feel free to slap. We are brown people- he and I are Mexican of which he's highly proud. how could I have fucked this up? It's from school and discussion which has gone wrong in his mind.

[Deleted]

I mean to say, I don't think he's racist in action, I think he's using some fucked up racist language and I want to fix it yesterday but without pounding fear of acknowledging differences in him.

[Deleted]

I'm afraid of using some heavy handed absolutes that will drive something into him that wasn't there before. Also I get this is not my boards thing to fix, but if you guys have perspective before I lose it... I'd be happy to hear it and hear it out

[Deleted]

One thing I known I've done is not given enough language for POC, weve never said black or African American here. I live in a highly liberal "we are the world, we are the children " place - where "we" don't really talk about race. Like we are one happy multicolored family. And I fell for it. I'm ashamed of that today. Because it's really fallen short.

[Deleted]

And freaking head lice at school. Stellar.

[Deleted]

Damn girl! Lol. @sherminator. I don't know if this is the right approach or not. I think the "not seeing color" thing is nuts. Please see my color. I'm a beautiful cocoa brown. If there is mexican heritage in the family, maybe examine the different tones of Mexicans, then Cubans, Peruvians etc. And go on from there. I gotta go, but I'll revisit this post later

[Deleted]

He'll outgrow it. My daughter is 4 and she calls my very dark husband black, and the rest of us brown. Kids deal in absolutes. He's using the language that makes the most sense right now.

[rainbowbridge14]

@sherminator I'll try and come back later when I have more time but I think you hit it on the head with the liberal "not seeing color" narrative being the issue. My kid is much younger so I have no relevent advice on how to deal with it but hearing about how the school addressed it seems like it lead to how he is seeing race.

[rainbowbridge14]

Just got back from my solo trip to Texas with DD. I think we are both grateful to be back home and back into our normal routines.

I would love to see a daily topics thread of some sort, either current events, pop culture, or parenting related. I always enjoy a good rant/TP thread and find that I often times have things that relate to cultural appropriation that I want to complain about.

[Deleted]

Ok,I made threads, go forth and comment!

[pearlofwisdom]

Working extra this week. Battling a situation that made me tailspin into a depression. Not full on hardcore but certainly not something I wanted to have to go through again. I don't want to get into it. But yea. So.

[pearlofwisdom]

May 2, 2017 17:59:36 GMT -5 @pineappleoranges said:

May 2, 2017 15:44:28 GMT -5 pearlofwisdom said:

Working extra this week. Battling a situation that made me tailspin into a depression. Not full on hardcore but certainly not something I wanted to have to go through again. I don't want to get into it. But yea. So.

I definitely understand those situations. I had one recently. IF week was not a good place for me.

*hugs*

[Deleted]

May 2, 2017 18:42:30 GMT -5 @miawallace said:

I'm still trying to figure out my place in the online forum world to be honest and how to maneuver in it.
Sometimes I feel like I have a hard time connecting because 1. English is not my strength and communicating what I'm feeling in English is hard. I don't want to be made fun of for poor spelling and grammar.

And 2. I feel like I'm kind of the poorest person in every online group I belong to. I don't know if I'm even poor, but I feel like what I live Day to Day is years away from what I read online. Sometimes I feel like I'm from a different planet.
I also get anxiety around white people in general. My in-laws still make me nervous.

Which is why I'm glad for this place because maybe I'm not the only one feeling like this. Or maybe I am.

As far as the English, you're good boo. Don't even worry about it.

And the money, well trust that there are plenty of broke people (myself included)

Hopefully this can be a safe space for you!

[rhkvmom]

May 2, 2017 18:42:30 GMT -5 @miawallace said:

I'm still trying to figure out my place in the online forum world to be honest and how to maneuver in it.
Sometimes I feel like I have a hard time connecting because 1. English is not my strength and communicating what I'm feeling in English is hard. I don't want to be made fun of for poor spelling and grammar.

And 2. I feel like I'm kind of the poorest person in every online group I belong to. I don't know if I'm even poor, but I feel like what I live Day to Day is years away from what I read online. Sometimes I feel like I'm from a different planet.
I also get anxiety around white people in general. My in-laws still make me nervous.

Which is why I'm glad for this place because maybe I'm not the only one feeling like this. Or maybe I am.

@miawallace, what I've realized is we are all so different and have our own walk in life. Recently I've been dealing with a health issue. This has made me put my life in perspective. It's taken my own issues to truly realize and accept that everyone has something--might be related to health, finances, work-related, anything... I don't know anyone who is living the life they want to live. I'm pretty sure there is no one in my circle who wouldn't like to make more money. 

Keep your head up. No judgement here. Don't worry about what others are thinking or what others are doing with their resources. You never know what it is that is leaving them feel less than perfect or insecure. *hugs*

[Deleted]

May 2, 2017 18:13:58 GMT -5 @pineappleoranges said:

Can I tell you how I'm so over white liberals?

You mean you don't want to be hugged by someone wearing red and a safety pin? That doesn't make you feel supported?

[Deleted]

@miawallace, I'll share my SPAM and rice & beans with you.
It's not my job to police someone's grammar because mine isn't perfect. Say what you need to say. If somebody needs clarification they can ask.

[Deleted]

May 2, 2017 19:44:45 GMT -5 @miawallace said:

May 2, 2017 19:30:30 GMT -5 @pineappleoranges said:

You ever made cook up spam?


When I still ate it it was the shit.

Yes! I still do.
I cook it with tomato, onion, and serranos.

Oooh like bully beef.

Now I want bully beef.

[harvestmoon]

May 2, 2017 14:41:16 GMT -5 @nonniedee said:

He'll outgrow it. My daughter is 4 and she calls my very dark husband black, and the rest of us brown. Kids deal in absolutes. He's using the language that makes the most sense right now.

@sherminator this and it's not like black is a bad word. Not that anyone here is suggesting otherwise, but I sometimes wonder if the paralysis some feel when their young kids start observing the obvious (skin tone, weight) reinforces prejudice and stigma. It's ok to validate these early, basic observations of difference.

DD came home from her 45% black, 45% white, 10% "other" school talking about a classmate saying you can't marry someone with different skin. (Who knows what this conversation really was about between 5 year olds.) I didn't hesitate to hold my arm up to hers and show the difference and then talk about all the mixed race heritage throughout our family and half her class to boot.

[Deleted]

Thanks all, I have been thinking and dialog w real time friends, and invaluable advice/support here and I appreciate it and need it. Harvest- yes. and I almost wonder should I have used the term black, or AA, instead of this wishy washy Crayola crayon box world. People are different - culturally, racially... I guess it seems simplistic to say it out loud, I just never discussed your friends parents are from India, West Africa, where ever- about age 6 hes noticing difference- I just freaked out when I heard him reference "the dark skins" as a group as a whole- and not his individual chums. I believe hes entirely innocent, and Im not detecting anything beyond descriptors- Im just sad that in the effort to do what the prevailing PC environment tells me, I went against my gut. He knows people are different- and somehow I forgot to talk about it.in a real, concrete way. (?) does that make sense

[lioness13]

Rough week here single parenting while my H traveled for work. And I was listening to The Handmaid's Tale. I was in a bit of a funk and this book didn't help. Trying to catch up here.

[Deleted]

Took my SO's daughter to the nail place for a pedi- and in her case mani.