Sooooo a lot of us are feeling "meh" about things right now. This is a place to talk about the specifics, to come up with ideas for each other to get out of our funk, and to just be there while it's here. This is whatever you need it to be. If people want me to do it weekly ish I'm glad to. Now lets kick this funks butt!
Some questions to get us started. 1) what are you dealing with (ptsd, anxiety, depression, general "meh"ness, etc.)? 2) has this happened before? 3) what helps/helped in the past? 4)any apps, music, advice, gifs, quotes, etc that help you or that you think would help someone else? 5) anything we can do?
Some questions to get us started. 1) what are you dealing with (ptsd, anxiety, depression, general "meh"ness, etc.)? 2) has this happened before? 3) what helps/helped in the past? 4)any apps, music, advice, gifs, quotes, etc that help you or that you think would help someone else? 5) anything we can do?
Nice idea packmomma! 1) I think I am dealing with an overall sense of stress. TBH it feels like it might be verging into depression territory. I have SO much going on right now (working full time, doing the caseload for one of my consultants who went on early mat leave on top of trying to hire for her, doing this course writing on the side which is slowing down now to almost another part time job, getting our house in the best shape to sell, building a new house, dealing with DS1 who is just doing whatever the hell he wants and is close to dropping out of school, eating like shit, drinking too much, overall laziness, resulting in weight gain, dealing with a toddler, fighting and feeling distant and disconnected from DH....so ya a lot going on)
2). I don't think this has ever happened before for this long. I feel like I can cry easily these days. And seriously when I'm dealing with stuff with DS1 it's gut-wrenching/break-my-heart sobbing. Like I feel like my heart breaks/aches.
3). I think ensuring that I am eating properly and trying to be active helps. Years ago I used to go to hot yoga, and I loved that! It's so expensive, but maybe I need to look into it again.
4). I can't think of anything at the moment...kinda feels like just another thing to have to think about! Lol
5). No I don't think there is much anyone can do but me. I have been feeling a little better since DH and I had a big heart to heart last week. I know I will feel better when work slows down (this course work is definitely getting easier now that all the research and most of the writing is complete). I think having things to look forward helps. And I know you guys are always here for hair pats when needed.
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
Some questions to get us started. 1) what are you dealing with (ptsd, anxiety, depression, general "meh"ness, etc.)? 2) has this happened before? 3) what helps/helped in the past? 4)any apps, music, advice, gifs, quotes, etc that help you or that you think would help someone else? 5) anything we can do?
Hey packmomma, sorry you had a reason to start this but thankful too...I need it this week. Normally I'm a pretty happy person but this week sucks big donkey balls.
1-depression/grief 2-this is my first EDD (would have been Friday 5/12)when I am no longer pregnant, so no it hasn't happened before....the grief was tremendous at the time of each of my miscarriages and for several weeks after but the heaviness has returned; instead of having a baby, I'm going to the RE's office for a sonohysterogram 3-crying, talking to a couple of good friends that have been through this, spending some time alone (I know those 2 contradict each other but they both help in their own way) 4-there is actually a little booklet a friend lent to me, called something like "Too Soon a Memory," I recommend it to others going through this 5-probably not but having a chance to write this out here helps so I might come back to this thread to vent a little more if I need to....like today, I got 2 comments about how our E needs a little brother or sister (obviously those people have never had the loss of a pregnancy)-with one I told her what happened and for the other I just wasn't ready to say it again...I want to be strong enough to make that my response though and tell them, "well, I have been pregnant twice this school year but I'm not pregnant now so we're working on it." I'm not mad at them for asking but I want to be able to tell them what is going on and maybe that will make them think twice about saying those things to others because it is hurtful. I also don't get people talking about the shame of miscarriage. For me, there is no shame it is just too painful to discuss usually. I think for a lot of women that is the case and just because I don't tell everyone, does not mean I am ashamed of it.
redandblue, glad to hear you and your H had a good talk. Often, when this/something is weighing on me, it helps me to tell DH, even if it is just to make sure he knows why I'm in a bad mood.
redandblue Well let me just start with HOLY SHIT that is soooooo much to deal with. I hope the work load calms down soon. The big ones that get me are the family things. Feeling distant from my h makes it so much harder to deal with the day to day stuff so I really hope the heart to heart worked and you guys can get back some intimacy. I'm so sorry things are so tough with ds1. I know how heartbreaking it can be to watch someone you love struggle and go down a path that you would never wish for them. I know you guys were seeing a therapist for a bit. Is that something you could get started again soon (or get your H to schedule so it's not another thing on your plate)? Hot yoga definitely sounds like a good plan! Thw yoga with Andrea(I think that's it) on YouTube is really good. It's not hot yoga but it could be a good start. ☺
Big hugs. It's rough to have so much on your plate. I'm glad things will calm down with work soon but delegate anything if you can. ☺
esgrunner big hugs to you and I will be thinking about you on Friday. Grieving these losses can be so difficult. People's comments can be hurtful. I chose to believe they are generally well intended (but sometimes doesn't make me want to punch them in their throats any less..jk). I hope your upcoming appointments go well and that you take some extra special time for yourself this mothers day weekend!
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
Thanks packmomma. DH and I were seeing a therapist this past fall. We really didn't connect with him much. We were there more to help talk about parenting DS1 through his troubles. I believe the heart to heart we had last week did really help. I have been feeling very lonely in parenting DS1, which has been my doing and not for the lack of DH wanting to help. It's really the weight of having been a single parent for so long. I take on ALL of DS1's choices as somehow a direct result of my parenting. Like I feel since it was just me basically raising him that he is 100% the result of my actions. I know (in my head) that he is his own person, and will make his own decisions that are not mine to take on, but deep down that's how I feel. It is so hard to deal with. Parenting a teenager has definitely been the hardest thing I've ever done! I did take DS1 to our family dr a few weeks back and he has been referred to an adolescent psychiatrist. Should have an appointment in a few weeks. To be honest I hate that I have to deal with this.
But we do have some awesome things coming up to look forward to! Counting down to Costa Rica!
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
What a load you have redandblue! Please remember to take time for yourself when you can, even if it's just a few minutes with a cup of coffee. Big hugs.
esgrunner big hugs. I'm glad you can come here and vent. That's what I wanted this place to be. I'm so sorry that people's comments are hurting you and that you're going through such a tough time. Like redandblue said I hope you can do something nice for yourself this mothers day. I also hope you can give yourself some grace with your feelings. There is no right way to handle this grief. We're here on Friday (and all other days) if you'd like a Gif party of funny cats or dancing men (your choice 😉).
1) hahaha I feel like the answer is what am I not dealing with which is why I've just kind of withdrawn. I feel like I just keep hitting the same struggles so I just don't bring it up again. Right now I'm primarily dealing with a numbness caused by meds trying to combat ptsd hyper vigilance and nightmares. 2) ptsd in general yes. This is the new event that happened in December. 3) the usual therapy and meds but I think I also need some time to myself so that I don't feel so overwhelmed with w and h. 4)I really like quotes but I've got nothing right now. 5) um tag me if I dissappear for more than a week. It took ampaints reaching out to make me realize I had just kind gone quiet and check in with myself.
abominationsnowman you mentioned flashbacks..big fucking hugs lady. Those are rough and it's so hard to recover when you're thrown off course like that. If you ever need to talk I'm always around.
Post by flippinchica on May 10, 2017 3:32:52 GMT -5
So many hugs esgrunner. I really hope the RE can help bring you your rainbow. EDDs are so hard. Looking back I was in such a bad place after my loss. I went to a support group after a few months but really should have gotten professional help sooner.
Post by flippinchica on May 10, 2017 3:46:05 GMT -5
TW: lots of pregnancy and loss talk
]1) what are you dealing with (ptsd, anxiety, depression, general "meh"ness, etc.)? Anxiety and pgal brain I'm comparing symptoms and making myself crazy. With my loss I only had mild nausea but with M I puked a lot. So right now not feeling sick is stressing me out though I don't think it got bad until 7 weeks or so. I feel like I'm living in alternate realities. One where we complete our family in January and one where I have another sad EDD to dread. I was hoping it would feel like things go quicker this time with a toddler and full time job to distract me but so far it feels like forever 2) has this happened before? Somewhat. I was anxious when I was early pregnant with my A15 baby but I was working with a RE and was getting betas/ early ultrasounds etc so I had small milestones to help. Now I don't have an established doc who knows me so I'm waiting till June ]3) what helps/helped in the past? distraction and my Doppler helped once I got past 8 weeks. I can't find it since the move so I might buy another one but I know it won't be helpful for at least another 3 weeks. 4)any apps, music, advice, gifs, quotes, etc that help you or that you think would help someone else? The pgal mantras on carrying a rainbow help a bit
Hugs packmomma, did you start journaling how you're feeling on the meds like you mentioned? How are you feeling with your current doctors? You know you're stuck with me, so I'll keep checking in ❤
I hope January sees your family complete flippinchica. Fx that time starts to speed up some after your Dr appointment. Have you thought about going in for labs at an independent testing facility, or would that cause you more stress. Big hugs.
Post by tuscanlatte on May 10, 2017 8:26:33 GMT -5
esgrunner,I'm sorry you're going through this. I had 3 losses and I understand being so angry at everything that people said. Sending lots of hugs. Just know that we are here for you if you need to vent.
Post by tuscanlatte on May 10, 2017 8:29:17 GMT -5
flippinchica, I understand. With DD, I got to the point of crazy that I got a bit of spotting, went straight to the hospital ER and demanded an ultrasound at 8 weeks. Honestly though, mentally I needed it. My nerves were shot. In Canada there are only 2 appts in the first trimester and 1 ultrasound at 20 weeks. I just could not handle that mentally. I also bought a doppler because I didn't want to wait so long for the dr to try it.
Post by tuscanlatte on May 10, 2017 8:31:49 GMT -5
packmomma, just remember that healing from trauma is not linear. You're not traveling from A to B. It's a circular process, so coming back to the same things is ok!
Post by flippinchica on May 10, 2017 12:59:02 GMT -5
Thanks ampaints. I don't know if betas would help. I know the sticks are getting darker and betas vary so widely at this point. I really won't feel comfortable till I see or hear a heartbeat. There is a RE office right by my work so I have thought of going in and asking if I could pay for an ultrasound out of pocket. I doubt they would do it since I'm not a patient there.
Hugs packmomma, did you start journaling how you're feeling on the meds like you mentioned? How are you feeling with your current doctors? You know you're stuck with me, so I'll keep checking in ❤
Thanks. I'm keeping track on my phone of how I feel each day and to see if there's a pattern. My new psychiatrist seems fine but now my therapist is moving so I'm going to be with the one I saw during her maternity leave. She's competent but I'm not excited.
packmomma, just remember that healing from trauma is not linear. You're not traveling from A to B. It's a circular process, so coming back to the same things is ok!
Thank you. I do try to remember that. Having a child has brought up trauma from my own childhood which I was not expecting so we've been working on that for awhile too. Recovery sucks and is hard and sucks. Today was a really good day though.
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