Pinned post

[kariann12]

I've only gotten thru like 30 pages. Is it worth it to keep going?

[ashlee]

I have been getting the Cliff's notes version from some other boards. It seems like a lot of people are heading out to other forums. 😞

[scoutradley]

It's long. I've been wading through but every time I get close to the end, I have to stop and i'm 30 pages behind again.

[scoutradley]

I still don't know where my people will be. I'm mostly involved in CAL and GKU

[menrandes]

Oh geez. Last time I looked at that post it was only 20 or so pages in.

So..are we leaving? I don't want to lose my ladies.

[therealbug]

*****Lurking*****

I waded through the 123 pages. I think if you skim from about 90 on you will catch most of the responses from admin.

The people talking about leaving are wanting to do a board wide discussion and I encourage you all to take part in that. I think the plan is to do that Saturday. I'm not sure if it will be pinned or if it will be in parenting.

Lots of love to all of you ❤️

[therealbug]

***grad/sig warning***

Okay, honest opinions on this - ScaryMommy seems to be the forum that a lot of the unhappy posters are migrating to. How do you feel about posting on a forum with that name? I can see where it would be a massive turn-off/trigger to the loss community.

The two questions I think each member needs to consider before moving are:

1. How upset are you with the admins and is it enough to make you want to leave their forum?

2. How important is it to you to be on a forum that has high traffic volume and/or a better chance to attract newbies?

ETA - Scary Mommy does not have loss boards at this time. It's a proboards forum so looks pretty much the same as this one. Some one has already reached out to them to see about creating loss boards as well as boards for IF. 

[scoutradley]

Okay, pretty new here (only been here since maybe January) so I feel weird about all of this. Personally the name SM doesn't bother me but I have reasons for why that is that probably won't apply to several people here.
I have no real pony in this race, I do not know the admins, although after finally reading that thread, I'm not impressed. From an outsiders POV, they were very unprofessional and a lot of what they said seemed manipulative. Suggesting that the posters wish ill of their children or in some way caused them to be injured left a horrible taste in my mouth and was a terrible thing to say to a group of parents/want-to-be parents. If I hadn't been here even this long and didn't already like many of the posters I interact with, I would leave completely without a second thought. There is no way in hell I would stay around with admins who think that kind of shit can fly.

Having someway to pull in traffic would be nice. There does not seem to be newer people coming in and a lot of the boards I've run across are dying (SAHP being one). It would be nice to know that as some people inevitably fall off, there would be newer people still coming in to keep boards alive.

I would really like for there to still be loss and IF boards. I don't use the IF boards but many people I know do and I may or may not eventually end up there.

[therealbug]

@wickedcandy, I'm so sorry. This entire thing is just shitty.

[therealbug]

May 19, 2017 8:47:21 GMT -5 @eliida said:

I don't care about the name. We all met on the bump and the closest I've had to one of those was OHSS. I do care that on SM they say things like baby dust. The couple posts I read were bordering unbearable.

That thread brought out the worst in people. Do I still believe that this site cares about it's loss/IF community? Maybe. Do I think they have a viable plan to bring in new posters? No. This board is dying; we need to migrate somewhere. It's lonely over here.

FWIW, the SM blog seems to be trying to include more IF/loss pieces. <shrug>

If we do migrate over, the loss boards are new. It's a chance to change culture and teach people not to use that term, especially within the loss community. 

[Deleted]

I signed up over there and looked around, but (at least for now) I'm staying here.

[inaya]

I haven't made it that far into the pinned post, I got about 15 pages in; I jumped ahead when it was at 80-some pages and it seemed like it had turned into a Randoms thread.

My initial thoughts are that I don't want to move. I've done that already; I'm relatively content with this place although it certainly needs new members. I don't want to go to a place without loss boards and try to start them - that's what this is. I don't want to create another account in another place and learn how to do things there, find a place, etc etc. I'm not completely upset with the admins (but again, haven't read through the whole freaking pinned post, I don't have time for that right now). I didn't see any info in the Parenting thread linked above, it seemed like directing people to SM and tagging people.

On the other hand, it makes me very, very sad to think that I will lose this place entirely. The AL boards have meant a lot to me, and I think it's important to have that resource alive and out there because as we all know, there are always new people who need it. If there's a way to keep this forum and this whole TCF idea alive, that's my 1st choice. If it fades away, I have no idea what I'll do next.

[cali]

***grad warning***

Ugh, everything going on just sucks. The admins have been just plain shitty and unprofessional and that's inexcusable. That said, I really don't know what is best. The SM name doesn't really bother me although I can see why it might be difficult for some.
I agree with therealbug that we could definitely influence the culture over there to be more sensitive to those who experience or have experienced loss/if. And honestly, there are plenty of boards here on TCF that I find unbearable/cringey at times (even in that state of the forum thread there was some obnoxiously insensitive stuff said about loss moms). That said, the people here mean everything to me and I'm truly invested in all the unbelievably incredible women I've met here. When we moved from TD we lost some of our people and that was sad and hard and I still think of them and wonder how they are. I'm worried that if there is a mass exodus we will lose more people.
On the other hand, this board has been painfully slow for a long while now and I hate seeing that because after my loss, especially in a the early days, having this board (which was then still on TD) meant everything to me and was the main way I got through. I still lurk here all the time just to keep up with what is going on in all of your lives. I want it to still be that incredible place of support for anyone who needs it but at the rate things are going I feel it's dying a slow death.

I feel like I'm just rambling but wanted to give my two cents. I guess I'm just conflicted between wanting a more active board with better admins and not wanting to lose any of the friends I have here.

[megrae12]

**lurking**grad warning**

Hi my, loves! They have created a loss board with the same subsets as here. As of now no one had posted on them. I will say that it is an opportunity to create the type of environment that is helpful, educational, supportive, yes, even a bit snarky at times. They can certainly drive the bus on getting new blood. I can't/don't want to lose y'all. Some of you, I've known for years and can't imagine internet life without you. I'm not trying to sway one way or the other, but don't let the name completely deter you. The admins have been super helpful and welcoming, things they didn't have to do.

[scoutradley]

So I'm assuming we still don't have a place? I really need CAL right now, I don't want to lose it.

[inaya]

Ok, my updated thoughts now that I've read/skimmed through the whole original post and parts of the new pinned posts: basically the same. I think moving boards is an overreaction. I don't give a flying F-train that the admins aren't as responsive as people want. I don't care that they're amateurs trying to run this thing. I don't care that their ideas may not be the best ones; at least they have ideas and they seem to be making (slow) progress on them. I don't care that it's taking a long time. I didn't come here because I was promised I'd get to be part of some massive, impressive site one day. I came because I like the community, and leaving seems to just disrupt the community; we saw that with the exodus from TB.

I do really, really want to see new posters coming in to the site. I have thoughts on that but I don't think they're relevant to this discussion. I'm staying here unless things change drastically.

[mflowers929]

I just wanted to say that this entire thing, and the thought of losing TTCAL/CAL again is making me incredibly stressed. I know I pulled a Houdini right after the move from TD, because I just wasn't in the mind space to participate, but I made some real friends from TD that I still communicate with, and I feel like I'm just starting to find my groove again here after coming back. I hope that, wherever we wind up, we'll be able to stick together. *group cyber hug*

[therealbug]

My feeling is there is no real group consensus on CAL moving.

I think we have some who are good with staying and some who are leaving TCF.

For those leaving, Landing places are Scary Mommy which some people are not comfortable with (name, more restrictive posting policy) and GBCB which would probably make loss boards for us if we asked. I think GBCB gets less new traffic than TCF if that matters to anyone.

My gut tells me we fall into the smaller niche boards that will stay and we will, sadly, lose some people who cannot stay.

I also think we will have some straddles who are going to test the waters while seeing what happens here.

[menrandes]

Where you all (Meaning the AL community) go (or stay), I will too, no matter what the rest of the tcf community does.
That's where I stand. I'm not terribly active anymore, at least lately, but this part of the community is too important to me to lose.

[scoutradley]

@eliida as a woman who lost her baby in the throes of a stomach flu, that comment about "frying her child's brain" made me want to Throat Punch her and I am not at all a physical person. I definitely do not want to ever interact with her. Ever.

[scoutradley]

buttercup I'm so sorry. I know I (and you) know that our sickness didn't cause our losses, but reading that is something that is clearly going to affect us and those who also had losses during or close to sickness. I'm also so sorry for your loss.

[scoutradley]

There is also a READ THIS thread.

[sarcaztic10]

Can I just say I am so freaking disappointed in how this is going down. I feel so betrayed. I was at a 9 when they demodded Ketchup but I simmered down when all the other mods said it was justified. Now I am just feeling like we have all been kept behind some sort of smoke screen for the last few years. I just have so many conflicting emotions.

This is probably really stressful on Naria and I really do think for her own health she should come in and make an apology then just not participate on a forum of any kind for a good long while.

[menrandes]

Geez...alright. what's the game plan ladies, because we clearly need one

[scoutradley]

Okay! I'm trying to read all the threads and I'm losing.

[menrandes]

May 19, 2017 21:46:32 GMT -5 @eliida said:

Also, in awesome timing news, I'm traveling tomorrow and Sunday and I don't know the internet situation. I promise I'm not ghosting anyone; I'm just up north.

Where you going *She says off topic being nosy like*

[megrae12]

Ladies, I can't in good conscious stay here anymore. That shit was next level crazy and ketchup was her friend. How much worse can she be to just us the posters? Fuck that. I'm out. I can't support this place anymore. I love y'all. If you don't make the move pm me so we can stay in touch via ig or FB. I just can't with tcf right now.

[kariann12]

Someone let me know where we land. I'm @kariann on SM.

[gerge12]

kariann12 no it’s not enough. I am also in lack of likes on pages. People are now too much busy. They don’t bother to hit alike on a page. I am also worried. But you should try some playful tricks to get likes. Like you should advertise your page through multiple resources. This seems a good idea.