I don't know if y'all have seen everything going down with the mods and TCF but you should probably check it out under the announcement section. Long story short many people have moved to new places and some aren't sure if TCF is even going to stay around. I hope y'all don't leave, or if you do, take me with you?
Post by fikafairy67 on May 19, 2017 22:12:03 GMT -5
I will admit I have no idea what happened or why. I have no interest in jumping ship somewhere else ATM, but I'm with you. I hope everyone here stays - or that we find a different place. I'm not in favor of moving to whatever board they are tossing around.
Ok admittedly I haven't been around lately. Life is extremely hard currently and I'm literally drowning in my anxiety and depression, but, I really don't know that I have a "grand" exodus in me. If people leave, I don't know that I will follow. I'm comfortable here, I don't know what's going on besides people saying that certain mods are "lying". If someone can give me a good valid reason to leave, then who knows...but this (TCF) is my home. This community supported me more than I can ever explain when Kenley died. The women still send us gifts, text me, come visit me even!! I've created amazing friendships with people from around the world. I don't really feel like I have a "home" on the forums per se- but TCF as a whole is where I come when I need support or feel strong enough to give it.
Also what the actual fuck with the "scary mommies" name? I read on 3T that they use terms such as baby dust so I'm almost 100% sure I won't go there because fuck that Ignorance.
ETA---Oh also? Some of my dearest friends AREN'T mommies yet...so....how is that fair for all Of those women who deserve a home without that name?
Ok admittedly I haven't been around lately. Life is extremely hard currently and I'm literally drowning in my anxiety and depression, but, I really don't know that I have a "grand" exodus in me. If people leave, I don't know that I will follow. I'm comfortable here, I don't know what's going on besides people saying that certain mods are "lying". If someone can give me a good valid reason to leave, then who knows...but this (TCF) is my home. This community supported me more than I can ever explain when Kenley died. The women still send us gifts, text me, come visit me even!! I've created amazing friendships with people from around the world. I don't really feel like I have a "home" on the forums per se- but TCF as a whole is where I come when I need support or feel strong enough to give it.
Also what the actual fuck with the "scary mommies" name? I read on 3T that they use terms such as baby dust so I'm almost 100% sure I won't go there because fuck that Ignorance.
ETA---Oh also? Some of my dearest friends AREN'T mommies yet...so....how is that fair for all Of those women who deserve a home without that name?
I'm so sorry things are so rough right now. I don't think I'll follow either. I was part of S15 but then we moved to FB. We're a very close group and I don't know what I'd do without those ladies. They've sent gifts as well and one even came to Elizabeth's funeral to represent the whole group. I just hate the thought of admin who isn't trustworthy and won't take care of the other boards. I really don't want to see this loss board shut down.
ETA: I agree about the SM name and their use of "baby dust". I really don't see how TCF will be able to acclimate if that's the norm over there.
Post by heartpresidents on May 20, 2017 12:37:36 GMT -5
I took a look at the SM and it's not going to be where I end up. I can't get over the baby dust, and there isn't a spot set aside for later term and infant loss...there's actually no spot for infant loss that I saw. It's not that I think a 13-14 week loss isn't difficult. I'm sure it is. But a board shared with earlier losses isn't where I fit.
Post by iheartbroccoli on May 20, 2017 14:29:03 GMT -5
I was going to go to SM with everyone but the "baby dust" really changes things for me. Now I don't know what to do--this loss community means so much to me and I really hate to see it being broken up. I don't want to lose this board and everyone here.
I don't think I can do two boards. I'm also not up for educating SM on how to be sensitive to loss.
I don't think I can do two boards. I'm also not up for educating SM on how to be sensitive to loss.
Agreed, I'm just not up for it. I like that this board is a safe space, and we don't have to justify how we feel or how we grieve, and I don't want to have to explain that to folks who aren't sensitive to it.
I don't want to lose you guys, and SM has shut down as of this afternoon (not that it was a good fit to begin with). A bunch of the AL ladies are meeting up on FB while we figure things out. Feel free to PM me or friend me on FB if you want to go there. People are also going to these two boards until the dust settles and a better plan can be made. I'm not deleting here for the foreseeable future, and will be keeping up other places and checking in here to make sure no one is left behind. I hope you'll join us.
Post by wrenofthesea on May 20, 2017 23:02:54 GMT -5
It is upsetting what has been going on and I know quite a few that have jumped ship. I briefly looked at SM but yeah, no, esp now knowing they do baby dust. I guess it doesn't matter anymore since it is down.
I haven't posted here in quite a while (life's been hard) but I didn't want to go where you guys weren't. This place has been a safe one and one where I know I can say what I need and don't have to overly explain. I also don't want to try and find someplace new and discover they are all baby dust, starry eyed, and just ignorant to loss in general.
If there is a place where you all end up I'd like to come along, if you'll have me.
There is a late term loss board on a new forum created for the Loss ladies (and IF/3T) it's where all my original people are so I'll probably bounce back and forth between them, but I'm here until I have a definite answer.
Does anyone know why SM shut down? I wasn't planning on going there either...
For now I'm staying, but I'm open to going if everyone else leaves. Y'all are my peeps.
Not sure why SM shut down.
But agree, unless everyone leaves, I'm staying.
SM shut down because a parenting member flamed a SM reg over a racist comment and the regs jumped in saying they don't flame people like that over there, (so I've heard) and then it just spiraled from there I'm sure. That's just what I've heard.
SM shut down because a parenting member flamed a SM reg over a racist comment and the regs jumped in saying they don't flame people like that over there, (so I've heard) and then it just spiraled from there I'm sure. That's just what I've heard.
#hearditthroughthegrapevine
Well... That is... um, interesting?
My lurking on parenting (not often and not for long) tells me that this may be much ado over nothing. Some people on parenting like(d) to find issues and "racist comments" about things that I would never ever associate with bigoted behavior or speech. I'm 100% not okay with racist bigoted behavior but some people like to make issues when none exist.
An WTF to a board not calling out racist comments if that is indeed what was happening?!?
SM shut down because a parenting member flamed a SM reg over a racist comment and the regs jumped in saying they don't flame people like that over there, (so I've heard) and then it just spiraled from there I'm sure. That's just what I've heard.
#hearditthroughthegrapevine
Well... That is... um, interesting?
My lurking on parenting (not often and not for long) tells me that this may be much ado over nothing. Some people on parenting like(d) to find issues and "racist comments" about things that I would never ever associate with bigoted behavior or speech. I'm 100% not okay with racist bigoted behavior but some people like to make issues when none exist.
An WTF to a board not calling out racist comments if that is indeed what was happening?!?
I've never been on parenting. I feel like it would be like walking into a cage full of hungry lions. I've always felt that way. I love snark but there is a thing as too much.
Yeah I'm totally wondering what the comment that broke the camels back was.
My lurking on parenting (not often and not for long) tells me that this may be much ado over nothing. Some people on parenting like(d) to find issues and "racist comments" about things that I would never ever associate with bigoted behavior or speech. I'm 100% not okay with racist bigoted behavior but some people like to make issues when none exist.
An WTF to a board not calling out racist comments if that is indeed what was happening?!?
I've never been on parenting. I feel like it would be like walking into a cage full of hungry lions. I've always felt that way. I love snark but there is a thing as too much.
Yeah I'm totally wondering what the comment that broke the camels back was.
There has always been snark but the election caused that place to go from snark to straight up mean girls.
Every conservative leaning poster that ever posted on that board was vilified for not voting for Hillary. This went far beyond making a political disagreement, it got personal and I was horrified at what I read. I don't even click on anything overtly political on that board because I know it contains nothing good. Several posters straight up said that anyone who didn't vote for Hillary was a racist, sexist and had no right to call themselves a feminist.
Anyway, I do find it ironic that they are all leaving because there aren't enough new people coming to TCF, but they will likely start their own boards where *gasp* there won't be new people joining. And what new people may find their way to their boards will be scared off if they are not liberal Democrats. It makes zero sense to me but I also don't fully understand (or honestly care) what mess Naria may have made of some situations.
Post by fikafairy67 on May 22, 2017 16:03:46 GMT -5
rslh10 has the gist of it. I don't know exactly what was said to implode everything, but from what I understand through an IRL friend of mine on N15, it was nasty. She was trying to track down the original comment, but hasn't had any luck. I saw some of the responses, and that was bad enough.
aprilz81, I unfortunately think that's exactly what happened over there - no one called anyone out for anything, regardless of how awful it was. They left it for admins to "deal" with.
I'm straddling all the boards to try and get a sense of where everyone has or is landing.
I have been on the life after loss forum, and I like it so far. But I will straddle as many boards as I need to so I can keep all of you.
Post by heartpresidents on May 22, 2017 20:20:48 GMT -5
This whole thing has gotten so awful. The thing people are saying to each other is just disgusting.
I looked at the other 2 boards and I still just don't feel like they're for me at this point. One of them, I can't remember which now, didn't have a separate late loss/child loss board. One commenter said they feel all losses are losses and all losses are equal and...well...having gone through both child loss and a miscarriage, I whole heartedly disagree with that sentiment. And if I'm having a bad day I can't stomach someone crying about an early loss. I'd be completely unable to lend support and instead would end up angry. Some days the pain is too much and I want to know I'm talking to people who truly understand.
Post by heartpresidents on May 22, 2017 21:03:50 GMT -5
And now I feel bad for my comment above, and that's the exact thing I didn't want. I don't want anyone here to feel guilty for how they feel or how they cope. I really feel we've created a safe space and it's frustrating to think of losing it. Ugh! I just want to stay in a little bubble with all of you.
And now I feel bad for my comment above, and that's the exact thing I didn't want. I don't want anyone here to feel guilty for how they feel or how they cope. I really feel we've created a safe space and it's frustrating to think of losing it. Ugh! I just want to stay in a little bubble with all of you.
Late term/child loss is so different than an early loss. If an early loss is your "worst" the , of course it's the worst thing to happen to you.
But when you lose late term or infant....it's just different. It's so so so fucking different. And I hate that it makes you into a person you will never recognize.
And now I feel bad for my comment above, and that's the exact thing I didn't want. I don't want anyone here to feel guilty for how they feel or how they cope. I really feel we've created a safe space and it's frustrating to think of losing it. Ugh! I just want to stay in a little bubble with all of you.
Please don't feel bad. You're definitely not the only one feeling that way. Even with my own losses I know the grief I feel for my CP is completely different than my 11 week losses which are completely different than my 28 week loss. I cannot even imagine the grief of an infant loss, but I'm absolutely certain that anyone with an early loss that said something along the lines of "oh, I'm sorry, I had a loss too," as though they totally understand what you're going through as though they're even slightly comparable would send me into a rage. I'm certain of this because I had a "friend" that did this often to me.
All losses are awful and equally deserving of grief and mourning, but they are absolutely not comparable.
Also, it's late and I don't know if I'm explaining this well, I don't mean to offend anyone if this is coming off the wrong way.
And now I feel bad for my comment above, and that's the exact thing I didn't want. I don't want anyone here to feel guilty for how they feel or how they cope. I really feel we've created a safe space and it's frustrating to think of losing it. Ugh! I just want to stay in a little bubble with all of you.
Late term/child loss is so different than an early loss. If an early loss is your "worst" the , of course it's the worst thing to happen to you.
But when you lose late term or infant....it's just different. It's so so so fucking different. And I hate that it makes you into a person you will never recognize.
(((Hugs)))
Yes, exactly! It affects every single aspect of your life and who you are. I hate it.
And now I feel bad for my comment above, and that's the exact thing I didn't want. I don't want anyone here to feel guilty for how they feel or how they cope. I really feel we've created a safe space and it's frustrating to think of losing it. Ugh! I just want to stay in a little bubble with all of you.
Please don't feel bad. You're definitely not the only one feeling that way. Even with my own losses I know the grief I feel for my CP is completely different than my 11 week losses which are completely different than my 28 week loss. I cannot even imagine the grief of an infant loss, but I'm absolutely certain that anyone with an early loss that said something along the lines of "oh, I'm sorry, I had a loss too," as though they totally understand what you're going through as though they're even slightly comparable would send me into a rage. I'm certain of this because I had a "friend" that did this often to me.
All losses are awful and equally deserving of grief and mourning, but they are absolutely not comparable.
Also, it's late and I don't know if I'm explaining this well, I don't mean to offend anyone if this is coming off the wrong way.
Yes, that's exactly it. It's not that those losses aren't deserving of grief. They're just different. I feel like you and I have a lot in common with our losses and I can empathize and understand a piece of what you went through. But that doesn't hold true for early losses. If an early loss is the hardest thing you've been through it's important to seek support. But I can't relate and provide that support.
And ugh, I don't get the "I know how that feels" much, but it makes me so ragey when it happens!
I'm happy to see the discussion here about how early losses don't equate to late term losses. I can't deal when people hear what happened and say "oh, I had a miscarriage." To me, it's apples and oranges and not even comparable. Anyway, no point to this post, except to say I'm glad to hear others vocalize what I've been thinking.
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