Post by teachermomtobe on Jun 20, 2017 15:38:08 GMT -5
After trying desperately to breastfeed, DH and I made the decision to primarily formula feed for a variety of reasons. While I was struggling to make this decision I reached out to a number of people IRL and even here. Many people gave me all sorts of advice and encouragement about breastfeeding which only made me feel like more of a failure for considering giving up. Saturday night I realized I was not able to enjoy my baby and was feeling anxiety and depression settling in. That night we made the decision to stop the nursing, pumping, formula feeding crazy schedule and a weight was lifted. I can now enjoy my little girl and feel like I am a better mom to her because of this.
The point of this post is not to make anyone feel badly. It is to reach out in case anyone else is struggling like I was. I found some blog posts that explain how it feels to stop breastfeeding that maybe someone will find helpful and supportive. If you are struggling and want to send me a message I'd be happy to be your sounding board as you figure out what works best for you and your baby.
I'm glad you made the decision that is best for you and your family! One of my closest friends went through a very similar situation a few months ago and her and her baby are much happier now!
Breastfeeding worked out for DD1, so I'm hoping it will work out for DD2 as well. But I'm already giving myself "permission" to quit if it's not going well. Thanks for this reminder!
I can't imagine how big a stressor must have lifted for you.
Even as someone who has not had issues breastfeeding, the pressure on moms to breastfeed drives me absolutely nuts. I can't think of any other worldwide health campaign based on purely correlational evidence, and I find that really condescending to women. I know I've stepped on my soapbox about this before, but sibling studies (where one sibling was breastfed and another was not, which is the closest way to measure the impact of breastfeeding besides studies which randomly assign babies to BFing or formula feeding,, which have not been done), have shown very very little difference in breastfed vs formula fed infants on a whole host of measures.
Post by starsandshamrocks123 on Jun 20, 2017 16:57:33 GMT -5
teachermomtobe I'm so glad you made the decision and that you feel like the weight is lifted. I think I said it before, fed is best. You'll find it ironic I say that once you read below:
I'm currently struggling with this. I EP'd with DS until I went back to work. I was dedicated and had a huge supply so he was able to get breastmilk until 7 months old. I'm getting a lot of pressure from DH (and MIL) to do the same this time around. "You did it for B, you should do it for Q" and "that's what your maternity leave is for" It's so weird, DH is typically not one to insist on these things, even though it sounds like he's controlling, he's not, so I know it's important to him. I'm getting really resentful about it. I know there are benefits, and I don't want to hear every time DD gets sick "well maybe if she was getting breast milk like DS did". I feel like I SHOULD pump because the only real reason I want to stop is because of my sanity. It's taking time away from DS. But I know there are so many people that want to BF and can't for physical reasons so I feel silly that I am lucky to have the supply and yet I want to switch to formula.
The guilt is so real. I don't know why I'm so hesitant to just tell DH I'm done. My family is like why thr hell does your H get to make that call when he's not the one actually pumping!
So I guess I just need to vent. And I think I'm just going to buy some formula and slowly wean
I am so glad you and your H made this decision and I know that in the long run it will be best for your whole family! Enjoy your little one and hopefully the guilt goes away soon and people mind their own business instead of shaming you or making you feel bad!
Post by teachermomtobe on Jun 20, 2017 17:26:15 GMT -5
starsandshamrocks123, sorry you are feeling pressure from your H and MIL to pump. Like sdlaura said, the evidence that supports BF is not as strong as we are led to believe. It absolutely has many benefits but so much more goes into a child's health than that. I was breastfed and have tons of food allergies while my brother was formula fed and has no allergies. I would also argue his IQ is probably higher than mine. My friend BF her baby for over a year and he constantly had colds and ear infections. I'm sure you know all that but a reminder may be helpful.
Stay strong and do what is best for you and hopefully your H will understand and your MIL will mind her own business!
Post by applemuffins on Jun 20, 2017 17:51:35 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you felt pressured but I'm glad you and your DH have made a decision that works best for your family. It takes a lot of courage to be able to do that, although it's bogus and any mom should be able to make the choice on how to feed her child without fear of backlash. I'm hating BFing this time, but I also have a lot of guilt about not doing it, especially since I did BF DD for 2 years.
starsandshamrocks123 my sister and I are in our 30s and my mom still resents the pressure from my dad to breastfeed my sister as long as she did for me!
teachermomtobe I'm so glad that you were able to make this decision that is best for you and your family and that you are not feeling the weight of that pressure and anxiety anymore. Having a happy mom will far outweigh any benefits that breastfeeding may or may not provide. Enjoy every minute with your little one!
starsandshamrocks123 I shared my experience of pumping for S1 the other day, but I just want to say I absolutely cannot imagine doing that this time around. When there is another child there that needs you too it would be insanely difficult to pump all the time. I'm so sorry you are struggling with the guilt and pressure from your H and MIL. I say let your husband hook himself up to the pump all day and see if he change's his mind (joking, kind of haha).
I'm glad you're feeling some relief! I hope the depression and anxiety stay at bay and that you are able to continue to enjoy your little one more and more.
Post by pinecone21 on Jun 20, 2017 19:12:37 GMT -5
Sitting around all day pumping is not what your maternity leave is for!! Gah! Especially with an older child in the mix. Why do people think they can dictate what we do with our bodies and our time?
Post by starsandshamrocks123 on Jun 20, 2017 19:55:24 GMT -5
pinecone21 I so agree. If the shoe was on the other foot DH wouldn't last a second. I don't get why he's fixated on it. It's backward when I'm sitting there pumping while DD is crying because she's hungry
Post by maggie6424 on Jun 21, 2017 12:11:30 GMT -5
You made the right decision for you and your situation. That's the bottom line. No shame in doing what's best for you. I have a very low supply due to pcos and a breast reduction.
Meagan
31 dx with PCOS 2010
DS1 12-29-11 Matthew
BFP 10/19/13 missed mc at 5 weeks discovered at 8 weeks. D&C 11/18/13
BFP 2/16/14 EDD 10/31/14
DS2 11-4-14 Alex
teachermomtobe I'm so glad you made the decision that works best for you and your family! Fed is best and having a happy mom is very very important.
I wanted to share that I'm right there with you. Nursing has always been so painful for me even after lots of help from many lactation consultants and two (now 3) LOs. MH wants me to formula feed since it makes me much less depressed and anxious, so I'm going to pump for some amount of time TBD and supplement with formula, switching to all formula before too long. It's worked well for us and our previous LOs.
When I switched to formula with Dd1 I felt the same way. Once I decided to switch and began weaning I felt so much weight lifted. Whatever helps you enjoy your baby and your family is what's best. 😘
all the hugs to everyone having a hard time. Fed most definitely is best I was never able to produce breastmilk while pregnant, so when my oldest was 8 months old, he got switched to formula and I felt like such a failure. But my kid was healthy and then all of my kids have gone on to need a few months of formula, so I'm all for doing whatever keeps mom and baby happy!
Me: 29 DH: 35 NTNP since May 2013 charting since June 2014 dx: Graves disease (radioactive iodine), Crohns disease (abdominal surgeries) MMC October 2015 (9 weeks) Severe MFI diagnosis July 2015
Post by applemuffins on Jun 29, 2017 16:34:58 GMT -5
How do you guys choose a formula? There are sooo many brands and formulations. I want to get some ready made bottles for times when I just can't breastfeed when I'm out (like, when he is wailing when I'm standing at the bus stop) or when I want a break for one reason or another (sore nips and he has been nursing all night). They had similac at the hospital and I have Enfamil samples, but there are so many formulations. I don't even know what to look for. I just know I don't want powder since it has to be tossed after a month of opening and we don't use it nearly that often. It would be just for a handful of feedings here and there, probably one feeding a week max.
How do you guys choose a formula? There are sooo many brands and formulations. I want to get some ready made bottles for times when I just can't breastfeed when I'm out (like, when he is wailing when I'm standing at the bus stop) or when I want a break for one reason or another (sore nips and he has been nursing all night). They had similac at the hospital and I have Enfamil samples, but there are so many formulations. I don't even know what to look for. I just know I don't want powder since it has to be tossed after a month of opening and we don't use it nearly that often. It would be just for a handful of feedings here and there, probably one feeding a week max.
I was getting enfamils newborn ready to feed in the hospital. I bought some of that since I knew she could tolerate it. We also use enfamils newest formula, Enspire. It's "closest to breast milk" and we got a free sample of it from the company. I try not to use the ready to feed bottles often anymore, and try to use the powder when I do a bottle at home. I want to keep the ready to feed for backup in the diaper bag.
How do you guys choose a formula? There are sooo many brands and formulations. I want to get some ready made bottles for times when I just can't breastfeed when I'm out (like, when he is wailing when I'm standing at the bus stop) or when I want a break for one reason or another (sore nips and he has been nursing all night). They had similac at the hospital and I have Enfamil samples, but there are so many formulations. I don't even know what to look for. I just know I don't want powder since it has to be tossed after a month of opening and we don't use it nearly that often. It would be just for a handful of feedings here and there, probably one feeding a week max.
We use the Similac that they gave us in the hospital until that ran out. Then the pediatrician's office gave us a ton of samples for Enfamil gentlease, and we had two cans from samples that were mailed to us, so we have just been using that.
The important part is to make sure it has DHA in it for brain and eye development. And also just to watch and make sure baby tolerates it well.
How do you guys choose a formula? There are sooo many brands and formulations. I want to get some ready made bottles for times when I just can't breastfeed when I'm out (like, when he is wailing when I'm standing at the bus stop) or when I want a break for one reason or another (sore nips and he has been nursing all night). They had similac at the hospital and I have Enfamil samples, but there are so many formulations. I don't even know what to look for. I just know I don't want powder since it has to be tossed after a month of opening and we don't use it nearly that often. It would be just for a handful of feedings here and there, probably one feeding a week max.
I like the 2oz ready to feed Similac for Supplementation (green bottles) because it's supposed to be close to BM. I like that it comes with the screw on nipple (other samples I got for enfamil didn't but I could be wrong. It gets pricey though so we're considering a small container now
ETA: with DS once we switched 100% to formula we realized that the blue similac was making him uncomfortably gassy so we switched to the similac sensitive... so if whatever you choose doesn't seem to be a good fit after a bit, don't be afraid to switch
How do you guys choose a formula? There are sooo many brands and formulations. I want to get some ready made bottles for times when I just can't breastfeed when I'm out (like, when he is wailing when I'm standing at the bus stop) or when I want a break for one reason or another (sore nips and he has been nursing all night). They had similac at the hospital and I have Enfamil samples, but there are so many formulations. I don't even know what to look for. I just know I don't want powder since it has to be tossed after a month of opening and we don't use it nearly that often. It would be just for a handful of feedings here and there, probably one feeding a week max.
We had Enfamil and Similac samples so we just used those. Sign up for samples on their websites and say your due date is like now and they should send you some right away. We now buy Kirkland powder because we are formula feeding.
Post by applemuffins on Jun 29, 2017 21:59:07 GMT -5
Thanks everyone! I definitely want the kind where I can just screw the nipple onto the top. I know it costs more overall, but we can keep it for longer and since we won't be using it often (basically diaper bag emergency stash kind of thing), I think it would be the best fit. We got powder samples of the similac, but not ready made. We got ready made Enfamil, but DS had a rough couple days after I have it to him last time, even though it was just the 2oz. Not entirely sure the 2 are related though because he wasn't fussy and gassy right away. It wasn't until the next day so it seems unlikely to be the culprit. But who knows. I think I'll try the similac for supplementation next.
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