I need some advice. How do I get MH to help out around the house? I'm a SAHM and he works 3rd shift 4 days a week. I literally do all the housework on top of taking care of a baby, toddler, and dog. I cook his meals, pack his lunch, do his laundry, etc... I'm realizing that I may be part of the problem. We've been married 8 years and things have always been this way. Even when I was pregnant and working a full-time job standing on my feet all day, I would have to do everything. And he was unemployed at that time. I've tried talking to him and I've made lists so that he has specific ways to help. Nothing works. I admit that I have nagged in the past but I've also had calm conversations with him about this. I'm at a loss about what to do. At this point I feel lucky if he puts his dishes in the kitchen instead of leaving them in the living room. Sorry this turned into more of a rant. I'm just so fed up.
TL/DR: my husband is lazy and talking to him isn't helping. What do I do?
What are his sleep patterns like?
ETA: Is sleeping right before his shift or when he gets home? Or pretty much all the time.
I need some advice. How do I get MH to help out around the house? I'm a SAHM and he works 3rd shift 4 days a week. I literally do all the housework on top of taking care of a baby, toddler, and dog. I cook his meals, pack his lunch, do his laundry, etc... I'm realizing that I may be part of the problem. We've been married 8 years and things have always been this way. Even when I was pregnant and working a full-time job standing on my feet all day, I would have to do everything. And he was unemployed at that time. I've tried talking to him and I've made lists so that he has specific ways to help. Nothing works. I admit that I have nagged in the past but I've also had calm conversations with him about this. I'm at a loss about what to do. At this point I feel lucky if he puts his dishes in the kitchen instead of leaving them in the living room. Sorry this turned into more of a rant. I'm just so fed up.
TL/DR: my husband is lazy and talking to him isn't helping. What do I do?
When we moved in together, I found that asking him to do a specific thing right now was best. So I'd say, can you sweep the carpet while I Dust. Doing that enough made sweeping and other things "his" chores and he just does it now.
Our problem is that he doesn't mind cluetter and a little mess, so he doesn't alwats see why I want to tidy up.
I wish my husband would wake up so we get ready to go get some brunch and shopping done because I have to be home by 1:30 to watch the E Countdown to the red carpet and make my prediction sheets. Because that's super important.
@mrsjohnmarston What does your H say? Why didn't he help even when he was unemployed? It sounds like he knows how you feel about this, so I'm just trying to understand what his reasoning has been for doing nothing.
Usually he just apologizes and says he'll try to help out. But he doesn't. Last time we talked about it, he said that he didn't realize I was so upset about it. That's it. I don't understand and I don't know if maybe I'm expecting too much. He is working full time. Is that how it should be? He works and I take care of everything else? I honestly don't know anymore. I just know that I'm unhappy.
You need a break once in a while too. You said he works 4 days on, 3 days off. One of the days should be a designated day off for you. Or he atleast takes the kids for you and does something with them. If he's not going to do housework, he can atleast help with the kids. They are his too.
Post by squeakyduck on Feb 22, 2015 9:43:03 GMT -5
I'm going to make Grandma's Pancakes for breakfast. I finally got a copy of the recipe from her so we can stop eating fucking bisquick. Bisquick pancakes make me sad. I need Grandma's pancakes with all of the awkward measurements. (7/8th C of milk. Seriously.)
Morning! I'm here, but barely functioning. I had crazy nightmares all night last night and feel like I didn't sleep at all. Lots of coffee is all i can think about right now.
I feel like such a doormat now that I've "said it out loud". I'm going to talk to him again and explain to him how important it is that he helps out.
You are not a doormat. MH does't really notice things that need to be done either and doesn't mind clutter. When I want him to do something I usually say Mr. Cheese could you please take out the trash and fold the clothes that would really help me out. When he is done I do the same thing. I take care of all of the household things since he works 50-60 hrs a week and I work around 30 hrs week.
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Post by wanderingheart on Feb 22, 2015 9:56:09 GMT -5
Gotta love the Midwest. Yesterday was beautiful, so we turned off the heat and opened the windows. This morning I woke up to snow and a house that was 57 degrees.
@mrsjohnmarston What does your H say? Why didn't he help even when he was unemployed? It sounds like he knows how you feel about this, so I'm just trying to understand what his reasoning has been for doing nothing.
Usually he just apologizes and says he'll try to help out. But he doesn't. Last time we talked about it, he said that he didn't realize I was so upset about it. That's it. I don't understand and I don't know if maybe I'm expecting too much. He is working full time. Is that how it should be? He works and I take care of everything else? I honestly don't know anymore. I just know that I'm unhappy.
Um, you are not expecting too much. You aren't the maid. He can't take his dishes into the kitchen? Eff that.
I wish my husband would wake up so we get ready to go get some brunch and shopping done because I have to be home by 1:30 to watch the E Countdown to the red carpet and make my prediction sheets. Because that's super important.
I'm still debating on whether or not I'm going to go to my sisters annual Oscar party. We dress up in wedding/bridesmaids dresses and drink champagne. I just feel really lazy and haven't watched any of the nominated movies.
I'm still debating on whether or not I'm going to go to my sisters annual Oscar party. We dress up in wedding/bridesmaids dresses and drink champagne. I just feel really lazy and haven't watched any of the nominated movies.
DH is taping off the ceiling in the family room so we can paint! We've only been in the house a year and are finally getting rid of the ugly salmon color….
I am excited because I get to go shopping with my bff for new clothes for her engagement shoot and buy new white board markers for my classroom. #youknowyoureateacherwhen
I drank a bunch of whiskey last night and the details of the later part of my evening are pretty fuzzy. I do recall that there was crying, but I'm not sure why, and DH is being extremely nice this morning. Think I should probably stick with wine!
When I graduated college, I gave up hard alcohol. The drunk was always more intense and less fun/more anger. I didn't like the way it made me feel. It was great for going out in college to avoid bathroom linea and calories of beer, but yeah - no more for me.
Ok, so I'm trying to really clean our house. The dog sleeps on the couch most of the day and I'm afraid we are like those people in the febreze commercial who have gone smell blind. I took off the covers for the cushions, and they say dry clean only. F that! It would cost more than the couch to clean all those covers.
It's the ikea classic couch. Should I risk it and wash one cover in cold/gentle and see what happens??
Ok, so I'm trying to really clean our house. The dog sleeps on the couch most of the day and I'm afraid we are like those people in the febreze commercial who have gone smell blind. I took off the covers for the cushions, and they say dry clean only. F that! It would cost more than the couch to clean all those covers.
It's the ikea classic couch. Should I risk it and wash one cover in cold/gentle and see what happens??
Honestly I'd go for it - I wash stuff I'm not "supposed to" all the time. Good luck!
Post by akraus2015 on Feb 22, 2015 10:49:31 GMT -5
I have 839202 different things on my to-do list today. This Sunday is definitely not going to be a Funday. I'm feeling super guilty but skipping church this morning to try and knock out some of the things on my list. Way to start off Lent, self.
All this talk of pancakes this morning is making me think maybe I'll make some if I can find any GF mix in the cabinet!
Ok, so I'm trying to really clean our house. The dog sleeps on the couch most of the day and I'm afraid we are like those people in the febreze commercial who have gone smell blind. I took off the covers for the cushions, and they say dry clean only. F that! It would cost more than the couch to clean all those covers.
It's the ikea classic couch. Should I risk it and wash one cover in cold/gentle and see what happens??
Honestly I'd go for it - I wash stuff I'm not "supposed to" all the time. Good luck!
I think you're right - I'm doing it! Really living on the edge here. Sigh.
Typical Sunday over here, going to my mom's to do laundry, and Mom is taking me to a book sale at one of the libraries, and then I work this evening. Also, it's early enough in the day that I can have coffee! Timmie's here I come!
H left the room, didn't give me the remote, and the tv was stuck on ESPN. At first, I was annoyed until I realized they were showing sports bloopers from the past year. I FUCKING LOVE sports bloopers.
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