FFFC: When I was in college my roommate and her BF suddenly got very sketchy and I got suspicious. So I read her diary.
Served me right, I read things I couldn't unread. Unfortunately I also read what she apparently REALLY thought of me and I could never really feel like she was my friend afterwards.
If I thought DH could care less about an important symbol of our vows to each other, I would question my decision about marrying him in the first place. That is very sad.
My FFFC is I completely rolled through a stop sign in my subdivision a few days ago. DD was throwing a fit in the back seat and I was dying to get her home and into her bed so she could take a nap. I totally knew what I was doing, and I didn't see there was an unmarked police car behind me with a cop that also lives in the subdivision, just a few houses down from me. I was completely convinced that he would pull me over. I think he actually turned on his blue lights but then immediately turned them off because he recognized my car and let me go. I was on pins and needles for the rest of the afternoon just waiting for him to come to my door. Never happened.
This seems sort of extreme and a little judgmental to me. Some married couples don't do wedding rings at all. A "symbol" is just that. The definition of the word is a material object that represents something intangible and immaterial. My wedding band is important to me, but not THAT important, and I don't need it to remember my wedding vows. I'd probably be put off if my husband didn't notice that I got a totally different one, but only because I expect him to be more attentive and observant than that. I wouldn't assume it meant that he didn't care about our vows to each other. That's a pretty big leap to make, in my opinion.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
cabgirl, frankenboom, housecarder, rereading my comment I really feel like an ass. I agree that it was extreme and spoke without thinking. I would be sad and disappointed in my husband, and nothing more. I hope you can accept my apology.
I'm in my friends wedding as her MOH.. I do NOT think they should be getting married at all. It has been rushed and all they do is fight and call off the wedding. I really truly believe they will be divorced within 5 years.
I also wouldn't buy myself a new wedding ring without talking to H about it first but that doesn't matter.
I don't entirely understand not mentioning it all all, either before or after, especially if it was something that I was excited about and had spent four years looking for. I tell DH about a new pair of earrings if I'm excited about them. I think I'd be all, "I finally found the perfect wedding band! Isn't it great??"
Post by moutonrouge on Feb 27, 2015 9:54:21 GMT -5
Ruca, the band we ordered for me didn't fit, either (well, it fits, but my e-ring is scalloped and it didn't sit under the scallop like I'd hoped). It was cheap because the one that matches my e-ring is spendy and we decided to wait for a later anniversary to buy it or have one like it made. So I ordered a different equally cheap one that is thinner and a 1/4 size smaller so it would sit under the scallop. DH didn't notice until I asked him what I should do with the original. Both are plain bands, both are white gold, the difference in their appearance is a matter of millimeters. Maybe I should be flamed for not telling him I was swapping it out, but I'm still wearing the e-ring he chose and we'd already discussed replacing the band so to me it was NBD.
My husband usually only wears his band if we're going out somewhere, because he can't wear it at work. To be completely honest, I very rarely notice if he has it on or not. Since the symbol of our love is so meaningless to me, I'll start searching for divorce lawyers.
MH can't wear it in the brew house for safety reason. He also leaves it off when he works in the tap room as the bartender. That was actually my idea because we noticed his tips were higher on the days he wasn't wearing it. (Sometimes he goes straight from brewing to bartending) I know he's faithful and the extra tips are handy.
Maybe he didn't have a strong (or any) sense of smell. That happens.
I think you're right in general because we can get acclimatized to certain smells and not notice them anymore. He smelled his clothes before he washed them, so I don't think his sense was off by too much, just used to his own smell. I to this day believe I did a public service to that poor dorm floor. Lol (I would put a smiley face here, but on mobile they look funny)
I also wouldn't buy myself a new wedding ring without talking to H about it first but that doesn't matter.
Fair enough. He's known I've been wanting one so when I found the right one I just bought it. Plus the past 2 years I've been buying myself fake rings because my real one didn't fit. Neither of us care what the other one wears on their ring finger as long as we wear something
If you have insurance you can get it sized for free. I don't have insurance on my engagement ring and spend $40 to get it sized and dipped. Worth it in my opinion.
DH had to get a new ring because his can't be sized and he lost a lot of weight after the wedding. He was emotional when he had to get it replaced.
Fair enough. He's known I've been wanting one so when I found the right one I just bought it. Plus the past 2 years I've been buying myself fake rings because my real one didn't fit. Neither of us care what the other one wears on their ring finger as long as we wear something
If you have insurance you can get it sized for free. I don't have insurance on my engagement ring and spend $40 to get it sized and dipped. Worth it in my opinion.
DH had to get a new ring because his can't be sized and he lost a lot of weight after the wedding. He was emotional when he had to get it replaced.
I do have insurance on it, I just wanted to lose weight before I got it re-sized. Now it fits again with no re-sizing needed. I'm definitely happy to have my wedding ring on again but really any ring will do. For a while I was wearing a $7 ring from Meijer.
I think some of the marriage judgement here is extremely ironic.
DING DING DING!
I see what y'all are saying and I know you are referring to my own marriage. It's really hurtful to me to read this and part of me feels really dumb for even voicing all the butthurt to you, since I know it won't matter because I can't dictate what you write. I did apologize and I realize my mistake. I don't know what else to do.
I see what y'all are saying and I know you are referring to my own marriage. It's really hurtful to me to read this and part of me feels really dumb for even voicing all the butthurt to you, since I know it won't matter because I can't dictate what you write. I did apologize and I realize my mistake. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not trying to be a dick, but it is laughable to see you talking about the extreme meaningfulness of your wedding rings when in almost every other post you make, you're complaining about something your husband says or does, or how he treats you. Just doesn't add up.
I see what y'all are saying and I know you are referring to my own marriage. It's really hurtful to me to read this and part of me feels really dumb for even voicing all the butthurt to you, since I know it won't matter because I can't dictate what you write. I did apologize and I realize my mistake. I don't know what else to do.
I see what y'all are saying and I know you are referring to my own marriage. It's really hurtful to me to read this and part of me feels really dumb for even voicing all the butthurt to you, since I know it won't matter because I can't dictate what you write. I did apologize and I realize my mistake. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not trying to be a dick, but it is laughable to see you talking about the extreme meaningfulness of your wedding rings when in almost every other post you make, you're complaining about something your husband says or does, or how he treats you. Just doesn't add up.
I understand. We are working on a lot of our issues together through therapy and are becoming much better partners. I don't agree that I complain about him constantly. I am very grateful to him for many things and maybe I do not post enough about the positive aspects of our marriage.
cabgirl, the comment about the marital judgment in this thread being ironic, since it is obviously geared towards me.
I'm not trying to be a dick, but it is laughable to see you talking about the extreme meaningfulness of your wedding rings when in almost every other post you make, you're complaining about something your husband says or does, or how he treats you. Just doesn't add up.
I understand. We are working on a lot of our issues together through therapy and are becoming much better partners. I don't agree that I complain about him constantly. I am very grateful to him for many things and maybe I do not post enough about the positive aspects of our marriage.
cabgirl, the comment about the marital judgment in this thread being ironic, since it is obviously geared towards me.
Right. The comment was in reference to you making a judgmental comment. Nothing was said about your marriage.
I think it is cool that you found one you love. My husband lost his wedding ring once biking and if I have to say it surprised me how much it didn't bother me at all. It is just a piece of metal and can be replaced. It was cool as someone actually ended up finding it and returning it but I wouldn't have minded if it hadn't gone down that way.
H lost his doing the Warrior Dash last year and freaked out but I didn't care. He wears cheap bands and I knew he hadn't lost it on purpose. However, when I hid mine from myself sleepwalking one night I tore the house apart until I found it even thought it's insured.
Your life is way more interesting than mine. Maybe this is why your DH didn't notice the different ring. Because you are a mysterious, sleepwalking magician.
FFFC: When I was in college my roommate and her BF suddenly got very sketchy and I got suspicious. So I read her diary.
Served me right, I read things I couldn't unread. Unfortunately I also read what she apparently REALLY thought of me and I could never really feel like she was my friend afterwards.
This is why I would never want the superpower of reading minds.
I'm in my friends wedding as her MOH.. I do NOT think they should be getting married at all. It has been rushed and all they do is fight and call off the wedding. I really truly believe they will be divorced within 5 years.
I was completely in that boat except my situation was worse, because she discovered he was arranging to cheat on her three months before the wedding, right after they sent off the invites. I tried to get her to postpone the wedding and she wouldn't. It made me and the other bridesmaid drag our feet about setting up our hair appointments and the figuring out a bachelorette party, because we were afraid she would discover he was cheating on her again at any moment. He wouldn't look at her during the wedding rehearsal; even the pastor noticed and told him he should be looking at his bride. I should have pushed her again to not go through with the wedding the night before, but I didn't. I totally took a hit of the scotch the best man had hidden in a flask at every opportunity the wedding day (it was a dry wedding).
They were divorced in under a year, because he knocked up a chick while on duty...he was a cop.
She still mopes on the wedding date and the date they divorced; I don't understand it. I feel like maybe this makes me a bad friend, but it has been five years and I would be celebrating to be free of that mistreatment.
Me: 30 DH: 29; Married: September, 2010 TTC #1: April 2013 Benched: May 2013 Cancer(DH) Off the Bench: September 2014 July 2015 ER low sperm count and motility(radiation side effect). FET September 1,2015. BFP 9/9/15.- 3 on the way.
This is how I feel about spray Glade. I threw away the can that was in our office because it made me gag.
My last job they would spray so much in the bathroom downstairs it would seep through the ceiling and into my office. Disgusting.
I'mma break up the current friction by commenting on this.
I would hate Febreeze, too, if this happened to me.
I don't mind Febreeze, but I get sick to my stomach if we use a scent too long in the bathroom, and then I smell it out somewhere else in public (like, someone else's house, Walmart, etc.). "Don't you know that's what I spray after taking a shit?" Hahahaha.
My husband usually only wears his band if we're going out somewhere, because he can't wear it at work. To be completely honest, I very rarely notice if he has it on or not. Since the symbol of our love is so meaningless to me, I'll start searching for divorce lawyers.
MH can't wear it in the brew house for safety reason. He also leaves it off when he works in the tap room as the bartender. That was actually my idea because we noticed his tips were higher on the days he wasn't wearing it. (Sometimes he goes straight from brewing to bartending) I know he's faithful and the extra tips are handy.
I'm in my friends wedding as her MOH.. I do NOT think they should be getting married at all. It has been rushed and all they do is fight and call off the wedding. I really truly believe they will be divorced within 5 years.
I was completely in that boat except my situation was worse, because she discovered he was arranging to cheat on her three months before the wedding, right after they sent off the invites. I tried to get her to postpone the wedding and she wouldn't. It made me and the other bridesmaid drag our feet about setting up our hair appointments and the figuring out a bachelorette party, because we were afraid she would discover he was cheating on her again at any moment. He wouldn't look at her during the wedding rehearsal; even the pastor noticed and told him he should be looking at his bride. I should have pushed her again to not go through with the wedding the night before, but I didn't. I totally took a hit of the scotch the best man had hidden in a flask at every opportunity the wedding day (it was a dry wedding).
They were divorced in under a year, because he knocked up a chick while on duty...he was a cop.
She still mopes on the wedding date and the date they divorced; I don't understand it. I feel like maybe this makes me a bad friend, but it has been five years and I would be celebrating to be free of that mistreatment.
Holy shit this is awful! My friend as actually made her future husband go 45k into debt in the last few weeks! She made him take a $15,000 loan out for their wedding, and then she needed a car because hers broke down, so she had him get a $30,000 van and have his father co-sign. She told him she couldn't sign for any of these things because it has to be one of his parents- because they aren't married yet. It's total bullshit but she doesn't want the debt on her hands. It's been a gong show! They constantly fight about money, or his lack of money. He makes $12.50 an hour, and she wants him makeing $20+, but he LOVES his job. It's all a giant mess.
My ex-boyfriend's roommate in college didn't shower much and when he did, didn't use soap. I checked his shower basket. Lol kid you not, never used soap. So his dorm room always smelled like BO. . So I took a bottle of Febreeze and emptied it into his shoes and sprayed the shit of his bed and waited till he got back notice. He never said a word. Don't know which is worse, that he never noticed his own smell or the extreme scent of perfume....
Maybe he didn't have a strong (or any) sense of smell. That happens.
But does that explain not using soap...? Like, you know using soap cleans your body.
I see what y'all are saying and I know you are referring to my own marriage. It's really hurtful to me to read this and part of me feels really dumb for even voicing all the butthurt to you, since I know it won't matter because I can't dictate what you write. I did apologize and I realize my mistake. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not trying to be a dick, but it is laughable to see you talking about the extreme meaningfulness of your wedding rings when in almost every other post you make, you're complaining about something your husband says or does, or how he treats you. Just doesn't add up.
I agree with Frank. My comments were made before your apology, but I do stand by what I say.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
My last job they would spray so much in the bathroom downstairs it would seep through the ceiling and into my office. Disgusting.
I'mma break up the current friction by commenting on this.
I would hate Febreeze, too, if this happened to me.
I don't mind Febreeze, but I get sick to my stomach if we use a scent too long in the bathroom, and then I smell it out somewhere else in public (like, someone else's house, Walmart, etc.). "Don't you know that's what I spray after taking a shit?" Hahahaha.
This. H bought some Glade spray at the store the other day. I was walking upstairs near the guest bathroom and smelled it and immediately felt sickly because it's the exact same scent people spray at work after using the bathroom. And it's always the "clean linen" smell mixed with a slightly shitty (literally) smell. It makes me gag. I think I'm going to replace the one at home with something different because I just can't even.
I was completely in that boat except my situation was worse, because she discovered he was arranging to cheat on her three months before the wedding, right after they sent off the invites. I tried to get her to postpone the wedding and she wouldn't. It made me and the other bridesmaid drag our feet about setting up our hair appointments and the figuring out a bachelorette party, because we were afraid she would discover he was cheating on her again at any moment. He wouldn't look at her during the wedding rehearsal; even the pastor noticed and told him he should be looking at his bride. I should have pushed her again to not go through with the wedding the night before, but I didn't. I totally took a hit of the scotch the best man had hidden in a flask at every opportunity the wedding day (it was a dry wedding).
They were divorced in under a year, because he knocked up a chick while on duty...he was a cop.
She still mopes on the wedding date and the date they divorced; I don't understand it. I feel like maybe this makes me a bad friend, but it has been five years and I would be celebrating to be free of that mistreatment.
Holy shit this is awful! My friend as actually made her future husband go 45k into debt in the last few weeks! She made him take a $15,000 loan out for their wedding, and then she needed a car because hers broke down, so she had him get a $30,000 van and have his father co-sign. She told him she couldn't sign for any of these things because it has to be one of his parents- because they aren't married yet. It's total bullshit but she doesn't want the debt on her hands. It's been a gong show! They constantly fight about money, or his lack of money. He makes $12.50 an hour, and she wants him makeing $20+, but he LOVES his job. It's all a giant mess.
These men might be smart guys (the guy and his father), but they were both stupid about this. Like, how does someone make you do that? That term bothers me.
But does that explain not using soap...? Like, you know using soap cleans your body.
I don't use soap every day that I shower. I have very sensitive skin and soap leaves it quite dry and irritated. I don't think I smell. I also rarely wear antiperspirant or deodorant. I guess this is my FFFC for the day.
I have the same problem with my skin. I just got Nivea shower lotion and it's pretty fantastic! They have deodorant at Lush for sensitive skin. I had to use it a few years back. It wasn't too bad. I only use non-scented deodorant because I cannot stand the smells of that shit!
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