"I'm not going to be that parent..."

[maddib]

I agree with just about all of these and have had success with them. My father always told me that he started saying the word no when I was a newborn to me just to get me used to it! Lol. I started early too. And didn't give in when I said no. I have to brag a little and say I have two really well behaved kids. My seven year old son has never in his life told me no or thrown a tantrum. EVER! Most people don't believe me until they are around him. I have always talked with my kids and enjoyed their company. I HATE when parents tell their kids to go away when they just have a question or want to show them a picture they drew. I have too many friends like that. I think starting early and sticking to my guns no matter what is a big reason my two are they way they are. I also can't stand when they give in to their kids just to get them to stop crying or behave. That is a really bad habit to start and will set the kid up to think that they can get whatever want if they just cry loud enough. I don't mean to sound judge mental but that's just my opinion.. Oh and I have a friend (well ex friend after I went off on her) who constantly cusses at her kids. Sometimes not even mad or yelling just something like "go sit your ass down on that fucking couch" or "shut up you little asshole!" Oh hell to the NO!!! I will never tolerate that shit! I have yelled at a woman in walmart for calling her five year old a little bitch! That is so beyond messed up and pisses me right the fuck off.

Ok sorry rant over!

Edit to add I am not against some electronics in moderation or as a "treat" for being good without me having to say anything. And my daughter loves looking at her pictures and videos on my phone! And if out in public to distract an upset kid I do not side eye parents the distract said kid with their phone or tablet. My kids do have tablets but they have limited use and have chores and homework first.

[wegrowsheep]

I hated pacifiers, and swore DD would never use one. FAIL

That lasted 3 weeks, when I had a contrast study done on my lungs and couldn't BF for 24 hrs. And she loved that thing. But she was also easy to wean from it at 2, so yay.
I would have given anything for DS to take one, but he preferred screaming. Sigh.

I was adamant that they would be good farm kids and know about dirt, plants, animals, etc. DD raised turkeys and helped butcher them last year, and is fascinated by the slaughter process. DS is cool with it too, but prefers all things tractors, so big fat PASS on that one.

[tatersalad]

Mar 11, 2015 14:15:02 GMT -5 wink568 said:

I will admit when I see commercials for the Nabi tablet, I'm a pretty smitten with it.

We had the notion that our kid would not be playing with our phones or tablets. That didn't last long. I started with the Nabi and it is all educational, which is nice. Of course he now loves to do You Tube videos on the tablet too...

[mixnmatch372]

I will not be the mom who walks around with her kid on a leash. Will not. Cannot do this!

[sugarkissed]

Mar 11, 2015 21:37:25 GMT -5 mixnmatch372 said:

I will not be the mom who walks around with her kid on a leash. Will not. Cannot do this!

Oh, I failed on this one too. My kid loves going for walks but bolts for the street, so we put on her "puppy backpack" these days.

[Deleted]

Mar 11, 2015 21:37:25 GMT -5 mixnmatch372 said:

I will not be the mom who walks around with her kid on a leash. Will not. Cannot do this!

Just make sure you don't misguidedly move into an urban high rise in a congested, major downtown area where you walk everywhere with your suddenly developed a habit of random sprinting three year old. Because I was totally the mom who said that until it became a legit life and death issue of making sure my kid didn't run into traffic. Much to my own dismay I gladly busted out the leash and wore it proudly...  but with a live child on the other end.

[leenziepops]

FTM
I will not give my kid a pacifier

I will not potty train my kid in the lounge/dining area. I have seen this happen with a 4yo while I was a guest eating lunch at someone's house. They let this little boy shit right next to the dining table. WTF. Seriously! All because he was addicted to TV and had to eat & shit in front of the TV.

[effthisnoise]

FTM. Mine are the same as most of yours....

I will not get a minivan...but my husband might. We had several discussions when buying our Toytoa Highlander back in August--I wanted an SUV, he wanted a minivan and we got something in between. As with most compromises, I'm still not thrilled with the end result. I have a great car that's going to work really well for us for many years, but it's just not what I wanted. Anyway, I told him that if he wanted a minivan so badly, he could get one for himself...but I wouldn't be driving it.

I'm going to try very hard not to give my kids my iPhone to quiet them down.

No co-sleeping. I don't mind kids getting in bed with mom and dad occasionally, but they have to start out in their own beds.

No TVs/computers in their bedrooms. I want to limit screen time anyway, but I think bedrooms should be quiet environments. We have one TV and a movie screen--that's enough for our house.

Aaaaaaand...pretty much won't do anything that my cousin does as a parent. She was a spoiled brat as a kid (got better as an adult) and now she's a single parent to two boys (8 and 6). Some of their behavior issues come from the divorce and their shitty father who just won't co-parent well (in fact, he sets out to undermine their mom). but I think she also wasn't taught well about threats and consequences when SHE was a kid. We recently went out to lunch and the boys wouldn't stop hitting, kicking, rough-housing with each other (they were having fun, but it wasn't the place for it). She kept saying that the younger one couldn't have another sugary drink if he didn't behave, but then she allowed him to have one anyway. And she wouldn't give over her phone unless they behaved, but gave it over just to shut them up, lamenting that her dad wasn't there to give his phone to the other one.

Also, she dresses them identically. I've never seen them in non-matching clothes. The best part of having two kids of the same sex right in a row is hand-me-downs, but not in her house. I wouldn't dress my kids alike (except maybe very occasionally) even if I had identical twins. Let them pick their own outfits and express their individuality!

[jcprn]

FTM here and I agree with most of the wishful thinking of all the other FTM's. Here are my, let's call them goals:

- No cosleeping for us.
- Taking the pacifier away around 9 months-1 year.
- I like the "no empty threats" rule that someone said. All threats are credible and will be enforced
- I have a Subaru Impreza Hatchback so hopefully no minivan in my near future.
- No multiple meals. It's bad enough DH doesn't eat fruits, vegetables, or half the shit I make because he is the most picky eater. Drives me crazy. Sorry kids, you get what you get.
- No TV/electronics for the first 2 years, maybe limited after that. DH and I don't have cable anymore, just Hulu and Netflix so we watch only the shows we really care about and we'll probably end up watching our shows only at night/nap time when hopefully LO is sleeping, instead of having the TV on in the background of life.
- No swearing around and definitely not at the children. This is such a huge pet peeve of mine, I can't handle it. And relatives will be following this rule as well, no exceptions. (In-laws, I'm talking to you)
- We will not talk about money/ bills/ needing to work a little extra and such around our small children. They don't need to hear and be burdened with any of that stuff.
- No cell phone until they can drive. We'll see how long we can hold out on this one. If our child is older and has a legitimate reason for needing one then we'll consider it. But I don't give a crap if every single one of your friends has one, THAT is not a reason for "needing" one.
- I also don't think they need their own tablet at 5 years old. This is one that DH and I feel very strongly about. Obviously schools are changing and they may need a tablet for school in a few years but over the years my niece and nephew have had Kindle Fires and iPad Mini's and a few other different devices that I can't think of right now. Like really? They need MULTIPLE tablets now??? My MIL is a huge culprit and believer in showing that you care by buying things/ spoiling your children/grandchildren. I wholeheartedly disagree with this philosophy and she will probably have to run gifts by us first to abide by this.
- I'm going to try to not use my phone/tablet/computer around my child too much because I don't want them feeling like all of those things take priority over them and real human interaction. When DH and I were having trouble getting pregnant we were out to dinner at Outback and saw a young couple with a 3-4 year old child sitting next to us. I think during the whole meal they did not say one word to the child; instead both parents were on their cell phones THE ENTIRE TIME. And the poor little fella was so well behaved and just sitting there being ignored. I was so upset and saddened by this that my whole meal was just ruined. The poor child.
- Also I'm going to take a page from my mom and what she said she would do if we (me and my 2 sisters) weren't behaving/ throwing a tantrum and we're at or going to a restaurant: there are just some nights where you just can't go out for dinner and that's that, so you turn around and go back home. Public tantrums will not be tolerated and I certainly won't subject the general public to my children acting like brats.

We'll see what happens in real life...

[honeybunches101]

I have done so many things I swore I wouldn't do that I've lost count. Some things have been easier for me than others, but that is due almost entirely to DS's personality and not my stellar parenting skills.

DS eats what we eat - true most of the time. He is a good eater, loves Indian food, spices, started going to dim sum as an infant etc. But sometimes he is tired and melting down and refuses to eat something he normally likes and I have no problem letting him have something easy like yogurt, cereal, PB&J etc. It's just not worth the compliance and he is only almost 3, I am not going to send him to bed hungry just to prove a point.

No electronics until 2 and then limited after. This is a massive fail. We watch hours of TV a day and he gets the iPad all the time in the car and at restaurants. DS is insanely high energy and won't sit still to read books, do crafts, play with toys, or any of the other things I envisioned us spending our days doing. I am alone with him 12 hours a day and there's no way I would survive without electronics. We have been in speech and occupational therapy and the therapists agree that technology actually helps him learn because he will sit still and play an app or watch an educational show and pick up language that way. I hope DD will be calmer and more interested in playing quietly while I unload the dishwasher or make lunch.

No pacifier past age 1. Easy because DS never took one! If it would help him sleep, I would have no problem giving one to him now!

No soda or juice in a bottle, no junk food as a meal. I mostly succeed here, except last night on a flight at dinner time I let him have goldfish for dinner when he didn't like the sandwiches I bought. I have never put soda or juice in a bottle or sippy cup, I think that is horrible, but DS loves water so it's not an issue.

[jessila]

FTM's thoughts:
No cosleeping. I wasn't allowed to crawl in bed with my parents when I was little but DH was. I guess weekend snuggles are okay.
I absolutely abhor baby-talk. I know that it's natural to use a higher pitched voice with babies but please use real language. It drives me crazy and as a teacher I feel like there is always a teachable moment.
He'll eat what we eat or he'll be hungry. I know that this doesn't always work out especially if there are strange allergies (my sister couldn't have milk, eggs, or beef when she was a baby).
Avoid sugar for as long as possible.
Let's play together instead of with electronics. My nephew has watched a movie to go to sleep since he was about 18 months old and it's always made me crazy. Additionally, I'd rather have a conversation in the car than have him absorbed in some sort of electronic.
I realize that I might be able to succeed at one of these.

[Widget123]

Yeah never say never. Just figure out what is the most important to you and try to stick it out with that.

I never thought I'd do cosleeping but cosleeping > not sleeping, because how am I supposed to get up for work at 4am, drive 30 miles, and be able to concentrate without at least 5 hours of sleep? I've nearly fallen asleep at the wheel multiple times, it's scary. Making sure DD gets a proper nap and enough sleep is important to me. I've kicked the ILs out of the house multiple times because of this.

Nutrition is still one of my biggest pet peeves. I will do almost anything to make sure my DD eats well, even if that means feeding frozen chicken if that's what she wants. The transition away from bottles has been harder than I thought but we'll get through it.

And ive held strong with limiting TV until recently. DD watching an episode or two of Sesame Street a day has saved my sanity in recent weeks.

[noeliav]

Ditto Widget123. I'm not finding it very difficult to stick with the things that are important to us.

DH has recently started letting DD watch 30mins of Sesame Street in the mornings and, while it's not my favorite way for him to keep her occupied while I handle all our morning chores, it gets the job done.

[jcprn]

One thing I forgot is my children WILL have a bedtime! None of this up as late as they want crap.

[Widget123]

Mar 12, 2015 13:02:53 GMT -5 @littlechivette said:

FTM thoughts:

No cosleeping...my cousin just broke that their daughter(she has a bed in their room) because she started humping stuffed animals...

No cell phone until he's a teenager...

No tablet, you'll have blocks and cars

The thing about tablets is if you want them never to want to use it then you can never use it... When they see it they want it immediately.  And not using your tablet is hard.  DD goes nuts the second she sees my cell phone too.

[dojo]

I said I would NEVER EVER EVER co-sleep. We co-slept for 2 months and it kept us from going insane.

I said I would NEVER negotiate with my toddler. HA!

I wouldn't use food as bribes/ rewards. HA!

[noeliav]

Mar 12, 2015 15:01:31 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

Mar 12, 2015 13:02:53 GMT -5 @littlechivette said:

FTM thoughts:

No cosleeping...my cousin just broke that their daughter(she has a bed in their room) because she started humping stuffed animals...

No cell phone until he's a teenager...

No tablet, you'll have blocks and cars

The thing about tablets is if you want them never to want to use it then you can never use it... When they see it they want it immediately.  And not using your tablet is hard.  DD goes nuts the second she sees my cell phone too.

This is true. So so true. DD grabbed my phone from the nightstand this morning, handed it to me and requested "dolphins swimming, please." lol.

She turns into a little screen zombie and I hate that. So we went downstairs to make mama coffee instead

[wink568]

Mar 12, 2015 16:58:56 GMT -5 @demanda88 said:

I'm kind of curious as to why people are against tablets. I mean it's not like a one year old is going to be texting, facebooking, or doing other mindsucking activities. What's the difference between playing a learning game on a Nabi that teaches them to count, learn colors, etc and coloring? Is it just the premise that its an electronic?

My issue is that it depends on the setting.  Maybe this is more the case with cell phones than tablets, but it kinda encourages people to tune out their surroundings.  If my child is coloring or doing a puzzle I feel like I would have an easier time interacting with him/her than if her nose was glued to a screen.  Fine for some quiet time at home, but not for a family meal.

Again, it might be different for a tablet because it's a larger screen easier to interact with, but I don't even have my own tablet.  Maybe we'll get something like the Nabi, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

[noeliav]

Mar 12, 2015 16:58:56 GMT -5 @demanda88 said:

I'm kind of curious as to why people are against tablets. I mean it's not like a one year old is going to be texting, facebooking, or doing other mindsucking activities. What's the difference between playing a learning game on a Nabi that teaches them to count, learn colors, etc and coloring? Is it just the premise that its an electronic?

My issue is that screen time's effects on the brain, and we don't really know all its impacts. So, I'm passionate about no screen time before 2 y/o (we'll see how that holds up with the younger sibling), and very limited screen time after. DD gets about an hour of screen time a day now (27m) and I'm not a fan of even that amount.

[noeliav]

Oh, I have a good one for "I won't be that parent who..."

I swore to DH that we would have regular date nights and leave DD with a sitter no later than 6 weeks postpartum. Ummm. Not so much. We've been on *two* day dates in 27m. Whoops. We just don't have a trusted sitter, and now I'm saving all my vacation time to pay for my FMLA leave.

[bruunk]

I'm pretty sure if I plan too much, those plans will just laugh at me. I do know that I won't cook more than one meal - if you don't like it, you know where the sandwich stuff is (obviously age appropriate - 2 yr old prob can't do this). And I'd really like to have a kid who can sleep through anything bug I know that's up to him, not us!

I used to think I'd never allow a kiddo to have a public melt down and then my nephew, at like 3, had this huge, hungry/tired, over stimulated melt down while with me and DH. Thank god DH thought on his feet - swooped up kiddo and went out to the car so I could pay for the groceries. I just stood there staring in horror at what was usually a cute kid.

So, pretty much going to play it by ear? Is that totally naive? The goal is happy/adjusted kid and not totally dead on her feet mom?

[bruunk]

Mar 11, 2015 23:33:17 GMT -5 leenziepops said:

FTM
I will not give my kid a pacifier

I will not potty train my kid in the lounge/dining area. I have seen this happen with a 4yo while I was a guest eating lunch at someone's house. They let this little boy shit right next to the dining table. WTF. Seriously! All because he was addicted to TV and had to eat & shit in front of the TV.

No!! That's -- no!! I second this one - potty training does not happen in the dining room (gah!!!)

[PurpleIris]

My son is 5. At this point I'm down to the biggies:

I won't budge on carseat safety - rearfacing per guidelines, 5 point harness, etc., regardless of convenience or complaints.

No soda, though not really an issue was my husband and I don't drink it so it's not in the house.

No empty threats - if I say I'm going to do it, I follow through (I've learned on this one, don't make threats for things you don't actually want to take away because it ends up punishing you)

Manners - I won't say I'll never had a kid who forgets their manners, but it will not be without consequence.

As for screen time - meh. Bigger battles, I guess. My son gets about 15 min a day during the week (however long an episode of something is), more on the weekends so that I can get some sleep. He's occasionally gotten my phone in restaurants, though usually due to them taking forever to get our food out and having exhausted all other options. It actually gets easier to not do this as he gets older and can entertain himself better.

[tiffbot]

Mar 13, 2015 20:55:29 GMT -5 bruunk said:

So, pretty much going to play it by ear? Is that totally naive? The goal is happy/adjusted kid and not totally dead on her feet mom?

Not naive. It's how I get through every learning curve! The best thing I ever did was let go of every preconceived notion I ever had of parenting. When we make changes or decisions when we are ALL ready to learn the next step, and not force change, sleeping habits, eating, for example, I am able to enjoy being a mom again.

[trixi282]

@demanda88, there are actual reports and studies of extreme cases of electronic/tablet use in babies & toddlers where they have used it so much in replacement of physical toys, coloring books, and activities that the children never developed some important skills. Gross and fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, and other things. I remember reading that one child could use a tablet very efficiently, but when they asked the child to stack blocks, they literally couldn't do it, because he/she had never been exposed to physically stacking toys before and didn't know what to do.

Like I said, its an extreme case, but limiting electronics is most certainly a good thing early on when children are literally learning how to use their bodies and developing gross and fine motor skills. They don't need to swipe their fingers to play every game... They NEED to play and explore to learn how things work

[Flick]

My nephew has his own tablet and plays on his moms phone whenever he wants. He's 2.5 and can read. I'm not saying there's any correlation there, but I don't think being into electronics fries the brain like most people think. Every generation will have one controversial thing that parents from the previous generation swears they'll never let them use. Way back when it was disposable diapers or electricity, now it's portable technologies. I've refrained from saying that I won't do something because I'm a FTM and I will probably try it all out.