~UO Thursday~

[catinatophat]

UO - It's too early to debate BF vs. FF.

[sweett11]

UO: I like winter

I will say though that I'm very ready for spring this year

[onyx]

Mar 12, 2015 11:16:18 GMT -5 soultrane said:

Mar 12, 2015 11:06:50 GMT -5 onyx said:

I will agree that you are right I did judge, but not in the way that I was shaming anyone or saying they were a bad mother or like I've encountered saying they are perverse. I also don't look at a woman with a bottle or FF and say "oh wow she's doing it wrong" because I don't know her reasoning for not BFing. My mom couldn't BF because a medication she was given made her supply so short that I would have starved. It damaged her even in the future with my two sisters. My cousin had a disease that was transmittable through breast milk so she didn't BF. I also know pumping is stressful (I did it for a short time) and understand when women don't feed because they would have to pump to go to work or school, etc. I'm talking about people who choose not to BF because they think it is sexual or something like that. I think creating this stigma and choosing not to BF for those reasons creates a problem for women who want to BF and are uncomfortable about how other people treat them. I should add that, when I posted this, like mcncheese said I didn't think about a woman being uncomfortable with her own body being her reason for not BFing. I just think BF is the healthiest and best way to provide nutrition and should be encouraged and embraced.

I've gotta say, I appreciate that you're willing to admit that you didn't consider all factors instead of just digging your heels in.  It's refreshing! 

I tend to be sensitive when I see or hear people judging parents because in most cases, there is probably way more to the story than they'll ever know. My son was born with a condition that required him to wear a full leg cast for 6 weeks as an infant, so I've been judged (and harshly) because people didn't take the time to ask why he was in a cast. They just assumed that I must have done something to harm him, which is heartbreaking as a hormonal first time mom. You never know why someone is choosing to FF, and like @zoegirltx said, there could be personal reasons that they just aren't comfortable sharing so maybe they revert to the "I just don't want to" excuse hoping that it will save them from having to talk about something they aren't ready or willing to share.

I am so sorry you went through that. I had a lot of similar judgment. Trigger warning. I didn't know I was pregnant with DS until 12 weeks. I didn't have major symptoms, was on depo, and told I would never have children. I was also used to have irregular periods. So when I found out I was pregnant and that there could be complications from my medications a lot of family was really harsh to me and assumed I hid my pregnancy because I was young. My MIL even told me that I selfishly hid my pregnancy and it was my fault there were problems. Nobody other than my H, even to this day, believes I genuinely didn't know I was pregnant. People also assumed that I was just carelessly having sex without birth control instead of thinking that it was failed depo.

I've also never asked a stranger why they weren't BFing. I'm not so strong in my opinion that I feel like I need to ask strangers or anyone why they choose not to because its not my business and you both are right it could be personal or embarrassing. My opinion was based from people who told me I shouldn't because it was wrong or that my son was too old and because I think it is best when possible.

[rztrumpet]

bluebird44 - I agree, you actually furthered the point I was hoping to make

Mar 12, 2015 11:16:49 GMT -5 catinatophat said:

UO - It's too early to debate BF vs. FF.

I had to do both (done make enough milk, after I tried EVERYTHING, so I breast feed and supplemented), so I always find these "debates" funny...

[mtnmomma13]

Mar 12, 2015 10:20:45 GMT -5 bluebird44 said:

Mar 12, 2015 9:53:28 GMT -5 rztrumpet said:

This is a great argument and one I honestly hadn't considered. I've never read the studies you mentioned so now I'm going to find them.

Thanks for offering some insight...I truly don't believe the system is set up correctly now. I just don't know what the right answer is. So I'm always open to learn and be taught on this topic.  

ETA: Crap...I lost the quote...I was trying to quote bluebird44's comments about public assistance and how we all pay in. And the studies that show moms who get mat leave end up with better outcomes.

[Deleted]

Mar 12, 2015 9:06:37 GMT -5 dazdareis said:

My UO is that I cannot stand couple accounts on FB. It drives me mad. I know it literally has *nothing* to do with me, but I cannot help but speculate about how untrustworthy you must be of your spouse to have a joint FB account ...

I want to like this 10000 times. It screams INSECURE.

[Deleted]

Mar 12, 2015 11:16:49 GMT -5 catinatophat said:

UO - It's too early to debate BF vs. FF.

PREACH!!!!

[jemnj]

Mar 12, 2015 11:11:17 GMT -5 onyx said:

Mar 12, 2015 10:53:00 GMT -5 @zoegirltx said:

Here's an UO.....I get the BFing is important & women should try to do it as long as they can, but I don't get moms who are BF-ing martyrs. If it makes you so miserable & unhappy & you are literally crying over spilled milk, then it may be time to consider something different. I want to support & encourage those who want ot BF & we all need a "YOU CAN DO IT! KEEP GOING!" on tough days, but be realistic & don't kill yourself. I agree with the advice- don't quit on a bad day, but also you don't need to make everyday an uphill battle if it's not necessary.

I definitely agree with this. I choose to stop because I went back to school. It was best for me and while I wanted to continue, I just couldn't.

I agree with this. When I was pregnant with my DS, I admit I was a little freaked out about BFing. I told myself I need to get it a try for as long as I can before giving up or refusing to do it. I'm still nursing 22 months later but there were a lot of ups and downs. There were many days where I wanted to give up but I reached out to lactation consultants and a local BF group which helped a lot. I believe that helped me keep going.  

This also ties into maternity leave. I was very lucky to have an extra month off (4 months) for my leave. My manager at work was extremely understanding about pumping at work. My friend wasn't so lucky. Her manager gave her hard time about it and asked her to make up the time she lost during her pumping sessions. That made it extremely difficult and discouraging for her to continue. There has to be a support system because it's not going to be easy at all. 

Whether you FF or BF, you will hear those annoying comments. I can't even tell you how many times I've been asked, in a mean way, if I'm going to BF my son until he's in college. Yes yes, that's the plan. Nursing and co-sleeping until he's 18.  

[sunfrogger88]

Mar 12, 2015 10:31:39 GMT -5 mynameiscarrie said:

I get 12 weeks due to FMLA. I could use short term disability to pay be a % of my pay but I didn't opt into that and it's too late now. It sucks. I'm saving a TON of my paycheck each month so I can "pay" our joint account during maternity leave. I'm also saving my sick/vacation days to see if HR will work with me and let me use those for the first part of my leave. I'm due right before Thanksgiving and we get paid holidays in November and December so it would be great to be able to use my vacation days in between those paid days and then just use a few weeks of maternity leave. It would definitely lessen the burden of no pay for 3 months (and it's BULLSHIT that there is no pay for 3 months, in my opinion. I AM GROWING AND BIRTHING A HUMAN BEING. Even 50% pay would be fine with me).

I work for a Fortune 100 company. Our HR policy is you have to exhaust your STD which is 8 weeks and is covered by the company at 65% or 70% of your salary. first. Then use the 2 weeks paid at 100% by the company (called parental leave which men get too), then use vacation days if you had any. Since I'll be out over the holidays I won't get holiday pay because I'm already scheduled to be out on leave. I think. If not... Bonus!

After our vacation days you can opt to set up an AWA, or take 26 weeks unpaid leave with job security, or come back to work full time.

So in short that is my experience and what I know will happen so I hope it helps with some insight on yours. !!

[rztrumpet]

Oh oh, I thought of one that will be unpopular, and is this-board specific.

I think daily symptom check-in are kinda ridiculous. I mean, are our symptoms really changing that much day-to-day?

Day-ticker changes and weekly symptom threads really seem sufficient.

[onyx]

Mar 12, 2015 14:19:02 GMT -5 rztrumpet said:

Oh oh, I thought of one that will be unpopular, and is this-board specific.

I think daily symptom check-in are kinda ridiculous. I mean, are our symptoms really changing that much day-to-day?

Day-ticker changes and weekly symptom threads really seem sufficient.

I completely agree with this. Even though I started one today to bitch about my own symptoms. Lol

[mcncheese]

Mar 12, 2015 14:23:26 GMT -5 onyx said:

Mar 12, 2015 14:19:02 GMT -5 rztrumpet said:

Oh oh, I thought of one that will be unpopular, and is this-board specific.

I think daily symptom check-in are kinda ridiculous. I mean, are our symptoms really changing that much day-to-day?

Day-ticker changes and weekly symptom threads really seem sufficient.

I completely agree with this. Even though I started one today to bitch about my own symptoms. Lol

Basically this. I think they are really NOT necessary, but I add my shit because there isn't too much going on yet and feel like I need to contribute

And because I am bored at work and sometimes like to bitch

[mcncheese]

OK so my recycled UO - I think its dumb when ladies need to go to the bathroom together. Why do you need a group of women to help you pee???

[onyx]

Mar 12, 2015 15:08:49 GMT -5 mcncheese said:

OK so my recycled UO - I think its dumb when ladies need to go to the bathroom together. Why do you need a group of women to help you pee???

this is something I never understood. I remember in middle and high school my friends would all be like let's go to the bathroom! And I just never understood why they couldn't pee alone. It's awkward for me.

[hismom12]

I FF from day one. I knew I was going to be heading back to work and I would not have breaks during the day to pump. I never had the desire to BF. Meh, judge away--my child is healthy.

[teambrink]

Mar 12, 2015 16:37:16 GMT -5 onyx said:

Mar 12, 2015 15:08:49 GMT -5 mcncheese said:

OK so my recycled UO - I think its dumb when ladies need to go to the bathroom together. Why do you need a group of women to help you pee???

this is something I never understood. I remember in middle and high school my friends would all be like let's go to the bathroom! And I just never understood why they couldn't pee alone. It's awkward for me.

THIS!!! I teach junior high and girls can't even come ask a question without support, it's so weird. I make the extras go away and have them independently ask for what they want. The whole bathroom in groups thing just baffles me too. 

[ashleymarie26]

Mar 12, 2015 15:08:49 GMT -5 mcncheese said:

OK so my recycled UO - I think its dumb when ladies need to go to the bathroom together. Why do you need a group of women to help you pee???

I'm just gonna leave this here for my fellow Potterheads....

[sunfrogger88]

Yaaaaas.