3/16 Newbie Playdate

[daisy818]

Mar 18, 2015 13:00:46 GMT -5 fozziebear said:

Mar 18, 2015 12:08:39 GMT -5 daisy818 said:

NO, I'm not hands off and do not advocate that.  I'm glad you had a non-shitty stepdad.  And the research shows stepmoms vs stepdads in creating loyalty binds are substantially different.  But do I discipline him?  Handle doctor appointments? No.  I play a wonderful role model, help with homework, teach him to cook, but he's utlimately my husband's responsibility and my husband needs to spend time with his son.  YOu have both missed my point, which is that DH only has 6 days a month with SS and he likes to spend pretty much every minute with him.  That isn't going to fundamentally change.  

ETA: If it were a second child, DH would NOT be the sole caretaker, so while I spent time with my older child he could care for baby.  It wouldn't be that he would help me - it's that we would each share in the responsibilities for both children.  That's the difference.

All I was trying to suggest is that when you're a parent, you do the best you can in the moment.  When you have more than one kid, there are going to be a lot of moments that both of them are upset about something and you do the best you can. Step or biological, it's going to happen.

THanks for clarifying, you're right.  And I'm sorry I am overly-sensitive about the stepmom thing and overreacted to you (and everyone else) when you weren't trying to say I'm not properly caring for my SS.  I'm going to blame the impending CD1 that I swear has led to me crying 4 times already today (left my cell phone at home? tears. Dog wouldn't poop after lunch? tears). I'm sorry.

[daisy818]

Mar 18, 2015 13:01:36 GMT -5 @303sunshine said:

Mar 18, 2015 12:08:39 GMT -5 daisy818 said:

NO, I'm not hands off and do not advocate that.  I'm glad you had a non-shitty stepdad.  And the research shows stepmoms vs stepdads in creating loyalty binds are substantially different.  But do I discipline him?  Handle doctor appointments? No.  I play a wonderful role model, help with homework, teach him to cook, but he's utlimately my husband's responsibility and my husband needs to spend time with his son.  YOu have both missed my point, which is that DH only has 6 days a month with SS and he likes to spend pretty much every minute with him.  That isn't going to fundamentally change.  

ETA: If it were a second child, DH would NOT be the sole caretaker, so while I spent time with my older child he could care for baby.  It wouldn't be that he would help me - it's that we would each share in the responsibilities for both children.  That's the difference.

Shouldn't you treat you step child exactly the same as you would your own child?

I treat him as I child that I love and who I want to have a wonderful life and home. I do what I can for him, but as far as "parenting" responsibilities, the choices about his upbringing are, for us, totally up to DH and his ex-wife. They have the right to parent and raise their own child the way they see fit without interference from me. I simply support DH in his parenting choices and do the best I can to make SS have a happy, healthy childhood.  

[fozziebear]

Mar 18, 2015 13:05:58 GMT -5 daisy818 said:

Mar 18, 2015 13:00:46 GMT -5 fozziebear said:

All I was trying to suggest is that when you're a parent, you do the best you can in the moment.  When you have more than one kid, there are going to be a lot of moments that both of them are upset about something and you do the best you can. Step or biological, it's going to happen.

THanks for clarifying, you're right.  And I'm sorry I am overly-sensitive about the stepmom thing and overreacted to you (and everyone else) when you weren't trying to say I'm not properly caring for my SS.  I'm going to blame the impending CD1 that I swear has led to me crying 4 times already today (left my cell phone at home? tears. Dog wouldn't poop after lunch? tears). I'm sorry.

Damn those hormones!

[Deleted]

Mar 18, 2015 13:08:58 GMT -5 daisy818 said:

Mar 18, 2015 13:01:36 GMT -5 @303sunshine said:

Shouldn't you treat you step child exactly the same as you would your own child?

I treat him as I child that I love and who I want to have a wonderful life and home. I do what I can for him, but as far as "parenting" responsibilities, the choices about his upbringing are, for us, totally up to DH and his ex-wife. They have the right to parent and raise their own child the way they see fit without interference from me. I simply support DH in his parenting choices and do the best I can to make SS have a happy, healthy childhood.  

Oh good! Just love on 'em!

I'm sorry you're having a rough one today. I hope it gets better!

[cnf2013]

Mar 18, 2015 11:29:04 GMT -5 mistabinx said:

Mar 18, 2015 11:08:37 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

One more question - my VIP trial for FF runs out in a few days. If you've upgraded, what are your favorite features not available on the free version?

My free trial ran out and I thought it was NBD for me, but ended up getting the VIP a day or 2 later. I didn't like that the "specifics" no longer showed up under my chart, and you don't get the detailed analysis anymore. It was a deal breaker for me, so I caved and did it.

Not gonna lie, part of my decision was that when I do things that cost money, something happens that would have kept me from spending said money. So when I purchased it a little thought went through my brain that it probably meant I won't need it for long lol I can only hope!

I've read somewhere on FF's website that if you get pregnant you can freeze your VIP membership so you don't lose out on your money and can pick up with the same number of paid days if you decided to start using it again. Don't hold me to that, but I swear I read that somewhere. 

[twinkie0612]

Mar 18, 2015 11:41:43 GMT -5 spaghettioh said:

I don't have a question but I wanted to say twinkie0612 OMG the puppy in your avatar... cuteness overload!

spaghettioh,Thanks.  The picture is about 6 years old, but she was an adorable puppy.  Now she's a 65lb lap dog.

[anonymouseliza]

Mar 18, 2015 14:58:19 GMT -5 cnf2013 said:

Mar 18, 2015 11:29:04 GMT -5 mistabinx said:

My free trial ran out and I thought it was NBD for me, but ended up getting the VIP a day or 2 later. I didn't like that the "specifics" no longer showed up under my chart, and you don't get the detailed analysis anymore. It was a deal breaker for me, so I caved and did it.

Not gonna lie, part of my decision was that when I do things that cost money, something happens that would have kept me from spending said money. So when I purchased it a little thought went through my brain that it probably meant I won't need it for long lol I can only hope!

I've read somewhere on FF's website that if you get pregnant you can freeze your VIP membership so you don't lose out on your money and can pick up with the same number of paid days if you decided to start using it again. Don't hold me to that, but I swear I read that somewhere. 

It was true when I was pregnant with my DD.  I believe it's still true (I think I looked it up when I renewed last year).

[lemoncupcake]

Mar 18, 2015 14:58:19 GMT -5 cnf2013 said:

Mar 18, 2015 11:29:04 GMT -5 mistabinx said:

My free trial ran out and I thought it was NBD for me, but ended up getting the VIP a day or 2 later. I didn't like that the "specifics" no longer showed up under my chart, and you don't get the detailed analysis anymore. It was a deal breaker for me, so I caved and did it.

Not gonna lie, part of my decision was that when I do things that cost money, something happens that would have kept me from spending said money. So when I purchased it a little thought went through my brain that it probably meant I won't need it for long lol I can only hope!

I've read somewhere on FF's website that if you get pregnant you can freeze your VIP membership so you don't lose out on your money and can pick up with the same number of paid days if you decided to start using it again. Don't hold me to that, but I swear I read that somewhere. 

That's good to know - thanks. That make me much more likely to pay up when a promo comes my way.

[tromeo]

Thank you, anonymouseliza, ohinvrtedworld, expatmama11, and FDL (and anyone else I forgot who answered). I appreciate it!

[spaghettioh]

Mar 18, 2015 15:05:21 GMT -5 twinkie0612 said:

Mar 18, 2015 11:41:43 GMT -5 spaghettioh said:

I don't have a question but I wanted to say twinkie0612 OMG the puppy in your avatar... cuteness overload!

spaghettioh,Thanks.  The picture is about 6 years old, but she was an adorable puppy.  Now she's a 65lb lap dog.

What breed(s) is she?

[ghostmonkey]

Mar 18, 2015 17:39:57 GMT -5 @usherrr said:

Mar 18, 2015 12:09:58 GMT -5 anonymouseliza said:

Ok. So here is the thing about vitex - talk to your doc.  Be careful about supplements that are supposed to help regulate your cycle - mostly, they are unsubstantiated claims. 

That said, when I was ttc the first time, I took Vitex.  I never has a clear picture of dosage, and honestly, it didn't do anything for me.  Looking back (and with additional information from the hindsight perspective), I'm not sure why I thought it would.  It likewise didn't hurt anything for me, but I know others whose cycles were completely fucked after taking it.  Anecdotal, of course - but the flip side of what I've seen elsewhere.

With PCOS, I think there are safer, healthier alternatives that your doc can present you with - going gluten-free, reducing refined sugars, increased exercise/weight-loss have been shown to help.  Vitex doesn't have that claim.

Thanks for this, I really appreciate the feedback as I was about to open a bottle of vitex when I decided to check this thread first. Needless to say it remains unopened! Vitex is seemingly a "no harm in taking" kind of thing. Especially since there's no significant information online about adverse side effects - I seriously thought it was harmless.

Before I consider taking any medications for PCOS, I need to see a specialist - which costs anywhere between $150-$200 for one consultation. My doctor doesn't think it's necessary because MH and I aren't actually trying yet so he kind of pushes us away from it. I may have to go against doctors orders though, because I'd like to have everything in order before TTC which could be in the next few months for us.

I will stay clear of this thanks to the feedback I received.

ETA: Sorry, I had to re-read your post as you said nothing about meds! I just rambled about it because my doc mentioned it as a solution to help with getting pregnant once we are TTC. Sorry again, but as for the advice you have given, I'm going to the gym and reducing refined sugars to lose weight already and I'm hoping this makes a difference. Gluten free I may consider further down the track though

PCOS shouldn't be controlled only when TTC, especially if you are insulin resistant. You said mild PCOS. What are your symptoms? What tests were done to determine that you have PCOS? 

Reducing added sugars is a good thing no matter what, so that definitely can't hurt. 

[ghostmonkey]

Mar 19, 2015 9:36:12 GMT -5 @usherrr said:

Mar 18, 2015 20:06:44 GMT -5 ghostmonkey said:

PCOS shouldn't be controlled only when TTC, especially if you are insulin resistant. You said mild PCOS. What are your symptoms? What tests were done to determine that you have PCOS? 

Reducing added sugars is a good thing no matter what, so that definitely can't hurt. 

Right? That's what I thought but my doctor advised me to wait. I came to him when I suspected PCOS due to my irregular cycles, my fluctuating weight, excessive hair in unwanted areas and losing hair from my head. PCOS was confirmed with an ultrasound + transvaginal.

ETA my doc said that me trying to lose weight is sufficient for now and left it at that. I felt like I missed out on plenty of information though.

Sounds like you do have 2/3 of the indicators for PCOS (irregular cycles and I'm assuming microcysts seen with the ultrasound). Have you ever been tested for insulin resistance? If you are insulin resistant, metformin can be helpful in getting that under control. It's not a fertility drug. Many people that are IR are on it to improve their overall health.

[anonymouseliza]

Mar 19, 2015 9:53:23 GMT -5 ghostmonkey said:

Mar 19, 2015 9:36:12 GMT -5 @usherrr said:

Right? That's what I thought but my doctor advised me to wait. I came to him when I suspected PCOS due to my irregular cycles, my fluctuating weight, excessive hair in unwanted areas and losing hair from my head. PCOS was confirmed with an ultrasound + transvaginal.

ETA my doc said that me trying to lose weight is sufficient for now and left it at that. I felt like I missed out on plenty of information though.

Sounds like you do have 2/3 of the indicators for PCOS (irregular cycles and I'm assuming microcysts seen with the ultrasound). Have you ever been tested for insulin resistance? If you are insulin resistant, metformin can be helpful in getting that under control. It's not a fertility drug. Many people that are IR are on it to improve their overall health.

The kinda shitty thing about PCOS is that it can cause IR, which can cause some real difficulties with weight loss.  I think controlling diet, reducing grains and refined sugars is great for EVERYONE, but it can be especially beneficial with PCOS.  But some PCOS women have a difficult time losing weight, so that as a sole recommendation could be frustrating.

I would ask about insuling resistance, because it's an important piece to your overall health and while it can impact ttc, it impacts lots of other things too and puts you at higher risk for type II diabetes.  It can be treated now, if it is necessary.