CLNBC

[hydrangea1019]

I'm so sorry to read this. Take care of yourself! Sending you ((hugs)).

[ldubhawksfan]

((Hugs))

[morwen]

Hugs, take care of your self, I'm so sorry to hear that.

[fuzzylogic]

I'm so sorry, dovahfel -- many hugs to you.

[GoBigOrGoGnome]

I'm so sorry Big, big hugs.

[easilyunamused]

Hugs, Please take care of yourself.

[cateyes]

Oh man. I am so very sorry and want to send you all the hugs.

[dovahfel]

Thank you everyone.

I am not getting my hopes up for things changing though. It took my husband so long (7 years) to even be ready to TTC and even that took blood sweat and tears. After that he reneged several times, and then when I told him he needed to pull his head out of his ass and look at reality when we'd gone over a year and half with not even a regular cycle (I said it nicer than that, of course) he actually said he's relieved we can't have kids. RELIEVED. I'm going through the biggest emotional crisis and he's RELIEVED.

Then, the conversation ender was him saying "You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me." because of my depression that has resulted from IF with no answers. Apparently me being upset and not RELIEVED that the one thing I wanted my whole life is gone is too much for him to handle. Maybe it's a good thing we never did get pregnant. *sigh*

Yes, there was stuff before and after it that I am sure was meant to cushion that blow.....but I don't think there is any word or combination of words that can ever change what he said. Right now I am just trying to figure out my marriage. I certainly can't bring a kid into it. I'm probably going to go to my GP as soon as I can scrape up enough money and get back on The Pill or something else so I can at least stop this 4 month long period.

[Cythe]

Oh Dovafel. I'm so sorry to read this. I wish you guys nothing but the best of luck.

[bunnyfungo]

((Hugs)) dovahfel. I'm really upset that YH said that to you. Are you seeing someone for your depression? I would strongly recommend it if you aren't already. I also think YH should be a part of that therapy.

[dovahfel]

Mar 16, 2015 17:55:48 GMT -5 bunnyfungo said:

((Hugs)) dovahfel. I'm really upset that YH said that to you. Are you seeing someone for your depression? I would strongly recommend it if you aren't already. I also think YH should be a part of that therapy.

I've been in therapy since June when I was hospitalized. My husband has been coming, but it just seems to be agitating him more than anything. I don't think he's the kind of person who can really understand and accept what I am going through.

The thing is...I never really had a family growing up.  Mom was addicted to drugs and drunk all the time.  She beat the living hell out of me and tried to kill herself several times, one of which happened when I was 6. My dad dealt with it by travelling all. the. time.  When he found out about it all he blamed me and started beating the hell out of me too.  I made a promise to myself that if I could keep my head through it all I would come out the other side and have a husband and kids and make up for my lost childhood by being the best mother I could.  Life, it seems, likes to bleed people dry sometimes.  So that's where I am.  No parents, no kids, and a husband who classifies me as "the worst thing in his life."  Apparently I am worse than that cancer killing his dad....

It's a bit hard to handle.

[hydrangea1019]

I'm so sorry he said that to you! I hope you're able to see/speak with someone IRL to sort these things out.

[thechickencoop]

Oh I am so so sorry you're going through this. {{hugs}}

[bunnyfungo]

dovahfel Obviously, I don't know all the details of your relationship, and I think you need to do what you think is best. That being said, if it were me, I would strongly consider leaving. Everyone deserves happiness and to have a partner that is in their corner. Given what YH said, I don't think he is that person.

[mrsjene]

bunnyfungo said it much better than I could have.

I'm so sorry.

[kariann12]

Dovah. My heart absolutely breaks for you. No one should have to go through all that you have. But bunnyfungo is right, you deserve to be happy. You need to decide what or who will do that for you. I don't know if I could look at MH if he ever said that to me. That's terrible.

[helloerrbody]

I'm sending thoughts, prayers, and hugs your way!!

ETA that I agree with bunny.  This does not seem like a healthy relationship in any way, shape, or form.  You are an amazing woman and need to be treated as such.  HUGS

[getzystark]

Oh gosh dovahfel, what he said is not okay. So many hugs to you. Take care of yourself.

[SheilaTheTank]

This is heartbreaking. I'm so so so sorry that you are going through this. I do have to agree with bunnyfungo,. From what you said YH doesn't deserve you. I hope things get better for you soon. *hugs*

[joy]

Dovah, hun. No. Just fucking NO to what your husband has said to you.

I can understand him being hesitant to having kids; I can understand him being relieved that kids didn't happen; but I can't understand my husband ever saying to me "You are the worst thing that ever happened to me." Those are not words you say to your wife, who you love, and who is hurting. These are not the words of kind partner; they are cruel and heartless.

::hugs:: to you.

[craftytype]

I am so sorry for all that you're going through.

[DanaScullyX]

dovahfel, I have loved chatting with you back in the day and all your posts on TD, and I am so sorry that you are going through this. You absolutely deserve a husband that treasures you, and a family of your own if possible. Please, please take care of YOU, and do what you need to be happy. No one can blame you for stepping away from here or any choices you need to make, but you are NOT, nor will you ever, be, alone. HUGS.

[butlerfan]

I'm so sorry to hear this. *Hugs* We are hear if you do decide to come back.

Eta just saw your other post...I agree with joy and bunnyfungo. Those are not things he should be telling you ever.

[teenybenoit]

I'm sorry to hear that you are facing such challenges, sometimes this whole baby making process sucks. Just know that I am here to support, especially in circumstances where you need to vent or have some empathy. I guess all I'm saying is don't isolate yourself, take a break if you need it but know that there is support here for you anytime you need it. Hugs.

[renbee]

I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself!

ETA: I just saw your update. I can't believe YH would say something like that to you. Please know that you are worthy of love and kindness. Don't tolerate behavior like that!

[GoBigOrGoGnome]

I am so sorry he said that to you. I don't think I'd ever be able to get over it if my H said something like that. My unsolicited advice: do whatever you have to do to be happy and healthy. If you want to have (or adopt) kids, you go find someone who wants kids as well. I'm not saying your marriage isn't important, but you shouldn't forsake your own happiness just to keep the marriage together.

Huge hugs to you.

[Unknown]

((Hugs)) listen to these ladies and your heart. You are awesome and deserve to be treated as such and respected. I understand you needing to walk away from this board, but we are always thinking of you and you are welcome to stop by.

[thelittleredm]

I'm so sorry. Sending lots of loving hugs your way.

[kawaiikitsune]

My heart is absolutely breaking for you. To have your husband say such awful things, I can't even imagine. I second what bunny said. I don't know you or your relationship but it seems to me like the emotional toll is not worth it. I truly wish you all the best while you are gone and hope that you find your way back in the future, in a much better situation.

[dee]

All the creepy internet hugs to you, I'm so sorry you're going through this. What he said was incredibly cruel, ditto joy and bunnyfungo, and the other PPs.