STM and beyond...

[sugarbean17]

Are any of you feeling that nervous twinge of oh no what was I thinking having one more? How will I have enough time/love/etc... for another child?

[sugarbean17]

I personally had that a lot with my last pregnancy going from one to two. This time I thought I would skip that feeling, but I have still felt it from time to time. Especially when my 3yo starts attacking me for my attention, throwing a fit in the store, or deciding he is done walking and just goes limp noodle on the ground so that I have to pick him up to get to the car or into rhe house. My 8yo is great and will be awesome to have around for some help. But still #3 has me a little worried that I'm going to be in over my head.

[Deleted]

YEP!! And I'm also starting over with diapers after five years without. At least once a day I wonder WTF I was thinking!

[alayne926]

YES!

On the days that DS is having a rough two year old day, I just think, "My God, why am I doing this to myself again?"

On the days that he's a normal acting human, I'm like, "I can totally do this parenting thing."

[tatersalad]

Yep.

[lunalovegood]

I have a minor freak out every couple weeks or so. (If I am being completely honest, some aren't so minor. They are actually full on ugly crying and total panic.) This is baby #5 for us and our youngest is 6 1/2 so my last freak out was the WTF were we thinking?!? Our kids are mostly self sufficient and all in school!

[tiffbot]

I've had days where I just look at him and can't believe he's not going to be the only one anymore. He sleeps so good now, why am I already going to do this again! He gets so much attention from us, what is HE going to think?!

And then last night I was reading birth stories on other boards for the first time. And totally got baby fever all over again and can't wait to meet the new little person. And super excited to give DS a sibling. And he still kisses my belly every day. He was so good at the doctor today, she measured my belly and then needed to measure his head to check something and told him he needed to be measured like my belly/the baby and he just stood there smiling like it was such a big deal.

So I'm back and forth, depending on the day. We always knew we wanted a few (at least 2 or 3) but it's still crazy to think we are there.

[noeliav]

I wonder about having enough time and attention for two, but mainly I flip flop between "omg, she's so awesome I can't believe we get to do this *again* that's so awesome!" and "holy crud. We're totally crazy."

[theBeeMama]

I have definitely had a lotta moments. Of course not like regretting or resenting but just like... UMMMM, why did I think this was the right time for another baby?! DS is only 20 months and I often wonder if I'm stealing his babyhood from him by introducing a sibling so early.

[theBeeMama]

Thanks @jemomma! That's encouraging!! I guess maybe since DS is pretty small, people often think he's much younger so I get all kinds of comments about having two little ones. So that's probably why I start second guessing myself! But that makes me feel better!

[lunalovegood]

Mar 19, 2015 14:04:41 GMT -5 theBeeMama said:

I have definitely had a lotta moments. Of course not like regretting or resenting but just like... UMMMM, why did I think this was the right time for another baby?! DS is only 20 months and I often wonder if I'm stealing his babyhood from him by introducing a sibling so early.

I felt like this with my older boys, I thought DS1 was getting the short end of the stick.  They both adjusted really well and even now they don't compete for attention because they are complete opposites.  My DD is another story though - she is the only girl and constantly trying to get the attention from the older boys, but would do anything for her little brother.  Kids and dynamics are very interesting.

[tiffbot]

Mar 19, 2015 14:04:41 GMT -5 theBeeMama said:

I have definitely had a lotta moments. Of course not like regretting or resenting but just like... UMMMM, why did I think this was the right time for another baby?! DS is only 20 months and I often wonder if I'm stealing his babyhood from him by introducing a sibling so early.

DS is the same age as yours, and I thought this once after a good friend who has 3 kids each 3 years apart said to me "man, your LO1 is still going to be hitting some big milestones when baby is around, my kids were in such a different stage when the next one was born!"

I know she didn't mean anything by it, and I have a few friends with kids DS's age who are expecting (or already had) this year, so I know I'm really not crazy.  I actually just found out about someone who on her daughter's FIRST birthday last week announced her TWIN pregnancy!  And suddenly I didn't feel so overwhelmed..

[wegrowsheep]

This is my third, and I'm mostly stoked that this time around I have a bigger helper! DD was 22 months when DS arrived. DS will be 4 (maybe on the day of) LO's arrival, and both kids are pretty excited.
However, I've been having a lot of "Wait, what do I do with a new baby??" moments.
To all of you expecting your second with a toddler, don't be surprised if it's a lot harder than you thought. Just my personal experience, adjusting to 2 was tougher than 1... Didn't help that DD stopped napping when DS was 8 weeks old, and DS was a screamer.
On the plus side, PP bleeding was more like having a heavy period after the first day or so, in contrast to the WW3 that was my whole body after baby #1.
Just a heads up.

[wegrowsheep]

Mar 19, 2015 14:14:59 GMT -5 tiffbot said:

Mar 19, 2015 14:04:41 GMT -5 theBeeMama said:

I have definitely had a lotta moments. Of course not like regretting or resenting but just like... UMMMM, why did I think this was the right time for another baby?! DS is only 20 months and I often wonder if I'm stealing his babyhood from him by introducing a sibling so early.

DS is the same age as yours, and I thought this once after a good friend who has 3 kids each 3 years apart said to me "man, your LO1 is still going to be hitting some big milestones when baby is around, my kids were in such a different stage when the next one was born!"

I know she didn't mean anything by it, and I have a few friends with kids DS's age who are expecting (or already had) this year, so I know I'm really not crazy.  I actually just found out about someone who on her daughter's FIRST birthday last week announced her TWIN pregnancy!  And suddenly I didn't feel so overwhelmed..

Twins...I would have cried, lol.

[veggiemo]

I'm mostly worried about my and DH's mental state after this baby comes. DS is a difficult child and I think having another one is going to be very stressful on the two of us. We are both kind of preparing ourselves for the worst. Is that bad? I'm pretty freaking scared but I know we will just make it work and we will have our good days and our bad days, just like we do now.

[nettje]

I always second guess our decision to have a second when DD is having a particular rough day. And then I ask my husband why we thought this was a good idea. DD will be 3 a month after this one arrives and she's pretty independent but she also has her moments where she drives me insane.

[bendherova]

I'm nervous about how DS will react going from the ONLY--- child, grandchild on both sides, nephew, etc. He's had allllllll of the attention for 4 years. That said, he's an excellent helper when you give him specific jobs, so I think he'll want to be involved.

His preschool holds a camp from 6/1-6/25, and I think we're signing him up despite the $$, but my due date is 6/21, so I'm panicked about that.


The last thing on my panic list is what the hell do we do with him if i go into labor in the MOTN? we're 250mi from our nearest relatives. I absolutely refuse to send him to either grandparents' house before/immediately after delivery bc I do not want him to feel replaced in anyway. I know that's the solution the grandparents will suggest.

[sugarkissed]

I'm split between panic and excitement, depending on DD's mood. When she's throwing her tantrums and screaming at the top of her lungs, I'm convinced that I must be insane. But then she goes and does something adorable and I'm like "I'm so lucky I get another one of these little humans!!!" Looking at newborn photos of her sends me into baby fever overdrive too.

[honeybunches101]

Yes! Glad I am not the only one. I worry sometimes about what if I don't love this baby as much as I love DS, but then I remember I worried about if I would love him enough before he was born and of course I am head over heels for him. Hopefully the same thing happens with DD. I do feel like she is getting a little short changed in terms of how much I think about/plan for her, but that's all in my head. With DS I thought about being pregnant constantly, read tons of books, researched everything and bought tons of stuff. I have made a list of things to get for DD and so far it is just new pacifiers and bibs and tubing for my pump. And most of the time I forget I am pregnant until I see my giant belly in the mirror.

I am also really worried about sleep deprivation and how hard it will all be logistically. DS has been waking up with nightmares and I am destroyed after 1 or 2 brief wake ups in an 8 hour night. How am I going to survive the newborn phase again?? I am still rocking DS to sleep for naps, when I stop that he will drop the nap, and I will just have to deal with him being a cranky mess. AND we are buying our first house and moving right around my due date, about to start potty training, and converting DS's crib to a toddler bed. And brining a new baby into the middle of all of this. Gaaaahhh I am not sure how I will survive.

[nettje]

honeybunches101 that has been one of my fears too! What if I don't love this LO as much as I love DD???

And the sleep is also a concern. I'm a wreck lately because DD has been waking at night. I'm hoping and praying that this one doesn't nurse as much as DD did. She was a boob baby and would wake between 3-5 times a night when itty bitty.

[bendherova]

Mar 19, 2015 14:28:53 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

Mar 19, 2015 14:24:10 GMT -5 bendherova said:

The last thing on my panic list is what the hell do we do with him if i go into labor in the MOTN? we're 250mi from our nearest relatives. I absolutely refuse to send him to either grandparents' house before/immediately after delivery bc I do not want him to feel replaced in anyway. I know that's the solution the grandparents will suggest.

I have the same concern.   I have 2 that I need to find someone to watch during labor.  We don't live near family and none will be visiting until after I have this baby.  I was considering finding a babysitter who is available for overnights and seeing if maybe one would be okay with the situation.  IDK.  It stresses me out just thinking about it...  

I've thought about a babysitter also. I did have one friend offer to come over if MOTN happens, bc she's usually up anyway. I just hate to burden friends like that. I'm more than willing to be the person who is burdened, I just hate asking for help. ugh.

[tiffbot]

We have a neighbour who is willing to come over at any time of the if we need to get to the city fast (we're an hour from the hospital) at least until my parents can be here. (She's actually the secretary at H's school so if it happens when he's at work he's just taking her with him here haha). I've known her my whole life and she has a grandson herself and totally is the best option for us in an emergency, so I'm glad she said yes. She even told H to call her in the MOTN if we need to.  So we are definitely lucky that way.


My biggest fear is going into preterm labour again or spending NICU time again. I feel like I'd feel guilty spending so much time in NICU and not with DS. But I can't really think that way, because at this moment, I have no reason to think that and will just have to deal if it comes again.  H is actually making me pack my bag now that I've had my 28 week appointment today because he's so paranoid about it happening again ha, even though medically there is no reason why it happened the first time other than it was time, and medically there is nothing indicating it will happen again.

[veggiemo]

Mar 19, 2015 14:34:32 GMT -5 nettje said:

honeybunches101 that has been one of my fears too! What if I don't love this LO as much as I love DD???

And the sleep is also a concern. I'm a wreck lately because DD has been waking at night. I'm hoping and praying that this one doesn't nurse as much as DD did. She was a boob baby and would wake between 3-5 times a night when itty bitty.

I don't have this thought at all, but I guess it's pretty normal to feel that way? My mom felt that way before she had my younger sister. I don't know why I don't have that feeling and I've wondered if that means there something different with my bond with DS, like it isn't strong enough? Obviously I love my son in an unexplainable way, but I still feel like there is plenty of room for another. I'm a very logical thinker, so maybe I just know deep down I'll love this baby just as much when he/she gets here so I don't even question it.

[nicolec78]

Since this is my third I am not worried about spreading the love. For me it is OMG I am so tired. I've been a mom for almost 20 years already. What am I getting myself into starting over again. I know I'll be alright but have crazy moments of panic. I am worried I will become a smother. I start crying thinking about having to leave him!

[nicolec78]

Mar 19, 2015 14:04:41 GMT -5 theBeeMama said:

I have definitely had a lotta moments. Of course not like regretting or resenting but just like... UMMMM, why did I think this was the right time for another baby?! DS is only 20 months and I often wonder if I'm stealing his babyhood from him by introducing a sibling so early.

My sister and I are 13 months apart.  I am the older sister and I loved it.  I told everyone she was my baby.  We are so close even to this day!

[lunalovegood]

Since we are going to make Thursdays the day to talk about other kids and the trials that go along there I thought I would just add on to this thread instead of starting a new one.

I am ready to send DS1 off to military school. The attitude on that boy has been horrible lately. We have tried everything with being respectful, but the under the breath comments and eye rolls are testing me.

[lunalovegood]

Mar 19, 2015 18:41:04 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

Mar 19, 2015 18:12:31 GMT -5 lunalovegood said:

Since we are going to make Thursdays the day to talk about other kids and the trials that go along there I thought I would just add on to this thread instead of starting a new one.

I am ready to send DS1 off to military school. The attitude on that boy has been horrible lately. We have tried everything with being respectful, but the under the breath comments and eye rolls are testing me.

How old is your son?

He is 11

[Widget123]

I'm late to the party, but I enjoyed reading the previous posts. DH has made comments to me about how he is not sure he is going to be able to love this second child as much as he loves DD. I am a little hesitant about the timing between the two (23 months), but given how stressful having a newborn is, particularly this time I am talking about me as being a working mom, I think its going to be good to have another one here soon and then we can just say we are done. DD also seems like she desperately needs a playmate her age when we are at home sometimes (although I am glad she interacts a lot with other kids at daycare) and she absolutely gets excited every time she sees a baby.

I guess the thing that worries me the most is I know how much having a newborn put a strain on my marriage with DH and I am nervous about something like that happening again.

lunalovegood I don't have any words of advice, I just hope this is a phase. The two 11 year old boys in my life (nephew & brother) don't have those issues, but have plenty of their own challenges.

[junch817]

Pretty much everything everyone else said. I feel like I have zero patience with DD as it is, and it scares me for how much harder it'll be. Typical toddler, I want what I want, and I want it NOW, and I'm going to whine and whine until I get it or get sent to TO. Just putting her down for a nap (which she doesn't usually sleep for anymore) takes so long. I have to chase her around the house and do all these little routine things or she'll freak. Can't imagine doing that while a newborn is screaming to eat or pooped or needs held or is teething etc etc etc.

Butttt when DD says "goodnight baby brother, I love you" to my belly each night, I melt a little bit. Or when she excitedly talks about all the things she can't wait to teach him. I just HAVE to remind myself how fast the time goes and that eventually we will adjust, get into a routine, and that it will be the new norm, even if it's more difficult.

[veggiemo]

I'm going to use this thread to AW just a bit. I posted several weeks ago about DS switching to underwear and how he had a couple poop accidents right away and I was worried about if I had jumped the gun. Turns out, he was ready and we are fully using the potty for poop and pee, and in various toilets/potty seats. We have been for a awhile now and he seems to be doing great. No accidents!

So, we switched our amazon diaper delivery to newborn diapers last night! WHOA. That way we will be getting 2 boxes of newborn size before the baby comes. I can't believe A: that DS is potty trained (I feel so proud of him!) and B: that it's already time to buy diapers for this new baby. Holy crap.