This is not really a confession as much as an epiphany...
I've been having lots of weird feelings about being old and thinking (based on nothing) that H was going to leave me for a younger woman. I've been making him crazy with stupid comments and digs.
Then, like a bolt of lighting, it hit me. That he is getting old too. And if he goes two or three days between shaving his beard is salt and pepper. His chest hair too. He is fold too and probably can't do better.
This whole thought process was like a balm to my soul.
I Googled "how to pronounce 'clitoris'" the other day. I don't even remember why now. I always get hung up on putting the wrong emPHAsis on the wrong syLALLBLE (which is also probably a metaphor for something).
Did it or did it not rhyme with Doris? I wonder if I'm saying it wrong now.
I *might* be nursing this cold thing a little. Not for attention, but because it gets me out of doing things I know I should be doing. I'm not close to 100% yet, so I'm not faking anything, but I'm probably more capable than I'm letting on. Im going to hell.
I don't plan on taking LO to see the Easter bunny this year. I also didn't take her to see Santa. Waiting in line for a 2 minute thing and a $20 picture sounds like my idea of hell. I will probably take her when she is z little older, though.
I'm a bad mom ..... I don't take them to see any of the holiday characters because they creep me out.
my confession...the things that crazy facebook lady was saying about working moms really got to me and has made me second guessing everything.
There was just a story in the morning news yesterday saying that working moms generally spend more quality time with their children and studies have shown that the quality of interaction with kids makes more of a difference than quantity. Don't second guess yourself, you are providing a wonderful example of a well-rounded woman for your children
I also have an irrational fear of DH meeting a younger, skinnier woman. Its really ridiculous because I'm in better shape and look younger than him
I think this is a common fear among moms. I honestly think it's because our media shows it as the norm. Think about it....soap operas, Mad Men, etc...... It's apparently an "acceptable norm" in Cinema, and it plays on our subconscious . Same thing with body image, or mom shaming, etc, etc.
Also, now that I follow a bunch of you on IG, I know what a devastatingly gorgeous group of women we are. I totally get the insecurity stuff but, seriously, no guy is going to do better than a f14 chick
I also have an irrational fear of DH meeting a younger, skinnier woman. Its really ridiculous because I'm in better shape and look younger than him
I think this is a common fear among moms. I honestly think it's because our media shows it as the norm. Think about it....soap operas, Mad Men, etc...... It's apparently an "acceptable norm" in Cinema, and it plays on our subconscious . Same thing with body image, or mom shaming, etc, etc.
That makes a lot of sense. Still sucks for the psyche, though!
I think this is a common fear among moms. I honestly think it's because our media shows it as the norm. Think about it....soap operas, Mad Men, etc...... It's apparently an "acceptable norm" in Cinema, and it plays on our subconscious . Same thing with body image, or mom shaming, etc, etc.
That makes a lot of sense. Still sucks for the psyche, though!
I think a lot of it is also the kind of more, more, more, upgrade, upgrade, upgrade society we've evolved into. Like lease a car so you can have a new one, buy a bigger house, get new boobs or calves, get hair extensions. The idea that you can always make yourself and your "things" better.
@unicornofthesea I don't feel like I have that much quality time with him because he always wants karlamo when we are both home. Unless he's nursing. then he's all over me. But that doesn't feel like quality time. Ugh. Being a parent is hard. Right?
I don't know how the two mom dynamic works between you guys but in my (limited) experience kids vascilate between favorite parent. There have been times with T it's mommy mommy mommy and a week later she wants daddy for everything. Or my personal favorite "mommy, do it how daddy does it" (I don't know howTF he cuts her sandwich, how many ways are there?)
But Moka probably won't get the luxury of picking a favorite. 2nd children kind of get stuck with whoever #1 is over that particular week.
Eta... my first sentence reads kinda assholey and I don't mean it that way at all. I mean it in the sense that kids usually prefer their mommy.
laur I'm waiting that to happen and I know karlamo is too. It's exhausting and annoying for her and hurtful for me. He's just obsessed with her. I really believe it had to do with the timing of my surgery being the exact time that separation anxiety set in. And then it just snowballed from there. He wants Karlamo during the day and me at night. I'm the booby call.
It started being equal opportunity probably around 18mos. H he did a lot of special fun, daddy only things that I never do. Like letting her ride his back like a horsey or pillow fights or the T-ball set in the yard. It sucks that he felt he had to make her like him, but it's just a turning point that I think maybe coincides with the desire for independence that happens around that age.
@unicornofthesea I wouldn't worry too much that you aren't spending quality time with lo. The fact that you worry about it means that you are probably doing pretty good. I hate all the which type of mom is better, who is winning the mommy wars stuff. There is always going to be a study that "proves" one way is better than the other but these studies are often so biased and then distorted in the media. The winning mom is the one who loves and cares for her child whether she works outside the home or in. /gavel
I don't plan on taking LO to see the Easter bunny this year. I also didn't take her to see Santa. Waiting in line for a 2 minute thing and a $20 picture sounds like my idea of hell. I will probably take her when she is z little older, though.
@unicornofthesea I wouldn't worry too much that you aren't spending quality time with lo. The fact that you worry about it means that you are probably doing pretty good. I hate all the which type of mom is better, who is winning the mommy wars stuff. There is always going to be a study that "proves" one way is better than the other but these studies are often so biased and then distorted in the media. The winning mom is the one who loves and cares for her child whether she works outside the home or in. /gavel
This. I hate that no matter what we do we're setting ourselves up for guilt. There's no such thing as the perfect situation, or perfect parent. Why are we feeling bad, about doing the best that we can do?
There was just a story in the morning news yesterday saying that working moms generally spend more quality time with their children and studies have shown that the quality of interaction with kids makes more of a difference than quantity. Don't second guess yourself, you are providing a wonderful example of a well-rounded woman for your children
This makes me kinda sad. As a SAHM I've realized more lately that I'm always so busy with laundry, meals, naps, cleaning, etc that I really don't spend much quality time with LO even though I'm with him 24/7. I feel like I'm constantly making meals, changing diapers, doing baths etc. I kinda envy H because when they see each other they just play or we are doing something fun together.
I'm right there with you! I felt kind of bad about my mommy abilities when I was listening to the story. But then I realized that the take-away message is quality not quantity, so I've just been trying to be more conscious about carving out time during the day where I only focus on DD.
I also want to clarify that SAH parents also provide well-rounded role models, because I realize that I made it sound like they didn't, and that was not my intention!
Ugh, now I'm legitimately freaking out that you all think I'm a giant A-hole. I don't believe it's an either-or situation, or that one position is better than the other. I think both SAH and working parents face guilt about their position, and it's silly, really. Like PP said it's really just about providing love for your kiddo. I just didn't want mamosey to beat herself up, but I never intended to make anyone feel badly in the process. I'm sorry!
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