People Staying With You After Baby's Born

[Deleted]

When DS was born my mom stayed with us for three weeks and, as strained as our relationship has been in the past, I was incredibly grateful she did. She was so much help with the kitchen, laundry, and just taking him for a couple of hours at a time so that I could nap or shower. She lives here in town now and we have already told her she is welcome to be here as much as she wants to be after this one is born. We have a guest room should she wish to spend the night, instead of going home. My IL's will be in town for about one week but they always get a rental house or condo near us to stay in. They just like their space when they travel, and that's fine. I know they will spend the bulk of their time during the day, here with us.

Everyone is different on this though. I've seen many people who want to be completely alone with baby for the first couple of weeks before having visitors come to stay and I get that perspective as well. Just depends on your personal comfort level and the attitude of the people who are staying with you.

[belle0720]

Not planning on having anyone stay with us. My mom lives 1/2 mile away so there's no need for her to stay. The ILs are 45 miles away, I could see them offering to stay at the resort we got married at for a few nights in order to be closer by to help out. We've told them that they are welcome to stay in our guest bedroom but I don't think they'd ever take us up on it and frankly I don't think I'd want anyone staying with us for the first month after baby is born. I mean, if there was anyone I'd be comfortable with staying over while I'm a postnatal mess it'd be my mom, but since she lives so close by it would be pointless.

[txngrl31]

Since we live so far away from family, I have invited my mom to come stay with us starting 2 weeks before my due date. My DH plans to work a lot leading up to the due date, so I wAnted my mom to come help with last minute things, cooking, cleaning and keep me calm/ entertained. My dad is scheduled to arrive a couple of days after my due date, and once he does, they will be staying in a rented vacation home for 2.5 weeks. My mother in law is coming about a month after my due date. I really wanted her to stay at a hotel for the week (it's different when it's not your mom), but my husband didn't think she could afford it or felt comfortable being by herself (she is very small town and doesn't travel much). I hope my hormones stay in check while she is here! I really don't mind having my parents here for so long, and then when they leave, having my MIL because we never see family or live near anyone, and I know once they leave, we will not be getting any support.

[gilder40]

My in-laws are wonderful, and all live in town, so there's no need for them to stay with us. We live within 4-5 miles of my husband's mom (step-mom, but she's the one who raised him) and grandparents. My parents live about 2.5 hours away, and my mom will probably be staying with me for a while after the baby is born. My dad and brother have talked about staying for a bit too. However, if that's the case, they'll be bringing their camper to park in the driveway to stay in at night. They can come in to shower and hang out, but they like their own space too. I'm fine with whatever they want to do. Doesn't bother me either way. My husband and I are so family oriented, and we are blessed with two wonderful families.

Now, if his real mother decides to come down for some odd reason, I'd be very uncomfortable with her at my house. I've never met the woman, and my husband and I have been together for over 7 years. She's just strange and a little flaky from what I've been told.

[Bluedaisy]

My parents live an hour and a half away so they'll be around a lot but I'm not sure if they'll actually stay. My inlaws are arriving two weeks after my due date and staying for a week, I'll probably kill them. It have nothing to do with hosting or guests it's that my MIL is SUPER pushy and has major boundaries issues.

[bendherova]

We don't have room. as it is, grandma will have to sleep on the couch (taking care of DS1). when I'm in the hospital delivering DS2.


If you have the room though, here's what we did with DS1. It was fantastic. H and I had the first two weeks solo to get to know ds1, and adjust a little. Then H went back to work and for the next 4 weeks after, the women in my family rotated spending weeks with us. We had both grandmas, my sister and my aunt. So I wasn't solo with ds1 until he was 6w old. (we had a 3rd bedroom when he was born) I highly recommend it. I loved the time of just the 3 of us, but the help was great too.

[silv3rlining]

With DS my mom came for a week when DH went back after paternity leave and 5th en mi ILs came a week or so later. This time MIL and/or FIL will hopefully be hhere before/when I go into labor so they can stay with DS. I'd really rather have no one home when I go into labor BUT also really hope they're here to tend to DS so bi can do what I need to do. Plus I think it might be nice to have an extra set of hands when we first get home this time. (Namely to help with DS who won't be 2 yet)

[Widget123]

No one stayed with us last time and no one is staying with us this time. Having a new baby is stressful enough, the more others are around the more likely it is to cause conflict, at least in our families.

[honeybunches101]

My mom will stay with us, she will hopefully be in town to stay with DS when I'm in the hospital. She is super helpful with him and I know she'll do laundry and help out. I also know I can tell her to go stay in a hotel and she won't be at all offended. I am not sure about my ILs. They are nice people but my FIL especially gets on my nerves. We are moving into a house right around my due date and will have an extra room, but it may depend on how my birth went and how I'm recovering. They are somewhat helpful so it might be nice to have them around, but last time around I was really really anxious for them to leave at the end of the day and give us some privacy. The house is small and we won't have much space to escape to if my ILs are getting on my nerves. My hormones were crazy last time and I sobbed hysterically every evening, I was glad we lived in a small apartment with no space for overnight guests. But this time we will need more help with DS and the move, so we'll see.

I will say that if you are on the fence because you don't get along so well with whoever, err on the side of saying NO. I am usually pretty easy going, but recovery was much much more difficult than I had anticipated and I resented even my closest relatives who just wanted to hold the baby 24/7 when I was trying to breast feed and bond.

[leenziepops]

Noone is staying with us. We don't really have the room to accommodate a guest properly anyway, unless they want to sleep on the couch. If we did have a spare room, I wouldn't be letting anyone stay over. I'm open for visitors but it's such an intimate bonding time. I'm also going to put out a request closer to date that everyone give us the first day home to settle in with the baby for at least a few hours before coming over. My MIL lives 2mins away so I'm mainly thinking about keeping her away. She completely ruined the moment when we picked up the keys to the house and invited herself along - even though we had shown her our future home 3 times prior. I had brought only 2 champagne glasses and wanted a moment with DH. As I was trying to soak in the moment she was marching through the house opening doors and cupboards for some reason and making all this noise. It was irritating. I regret not telling her so I'm not repeating the same mistake with something more important.

[mmo2112]

We aren't inviting anyone to stay overnight, and I very much hope no one invites themselves over. There are very few people I would be okay with hosting within the first few weeks, and none of those people are family members.

My stepmom has honestly been the best about this--she made a point to tell me that we shouldn't feel any pressure to host them or even invite them up (they're ~4 hours away) for the birth. She said they'd be happy to come up whenever we are ready, and they'll drive their RV and stay in it so that we don't have to worry about it. Honestly, she is a dream. (I wish I could say the same for other family members.)

[laurenlou83]

I love my family, and DH's family, but no one is staying with us after the baby is born. I want time for us to adjust to being a family and I don't want to be overwhelmed. We also live in a 2 Bedroom condo, so there isn't much room for house guests!'

My parents live 4 hours away from us. They will be coming soon after LO's arrival and staying for a few days. I told my mom I'm going to need her help those first few weeks since DH is only taking a few days off (week maximum), so she will probably make another trip or 2 and stay 5-7 days at a time during my maternity leave. My sister also lives 4 hours away and is a teacher so will have the whole summer off. She plans on coming within the first month and staying a handful of days, too, which will be nice! My aunt (mom's sister), lives 10 minutes from us and has a 4 bedroom house and all her kids are grown and gone, so basically any family members of mine have a free place to stay. I'm okay with them being at our place as long as they want to visit, but it is nice knowing they won't be sleeping here with us.

DH's family is 2 1/2-3 hours away from us. His dad and step-mom I'm sure will make the trip at some point, as will his sister and possibly aunts and cousins. I pretty much let all of them know they are welcome to visit at any time, but it is up to them to get a hotel room or find accommodations.

[erbear]

My in laws will be down within her first week and I'm sure mil will be here longer. My sister wants to visit in July with her teenagers and I love them but I can't imagine them being here (from Texas) and me having to entertain them.

I'm afraid I'll be uncomfortable breastfeeding with a lot of guests.

[mrskblack11]

I have only invited my parents to stay the night at our house while we in the hospital. If they want to stay longer, they will need to get a hotel. They live 1.5 hrs away so they can come up as much as they like. MIL lives about 10 mins away. FIL is about 20 mins away. Even though we do have a guest room, I really want bonding time between me, DH and our baby. I would imagine it being more stressful to have extra people in the house with the dogs.

They are more than welcome to be around during the day and if they want to cook or clean for us, I would be more than grateful but I do not expect the extra help.

[PurpleIris]

My MIL may be here for a day or two after the baby is born because she may be watching our son while I'm in the hospital, but other than that no one will be staying with us. If our parents could be helpful and not act like guests I'd be more inclined to consider it, but I'm not stressing myself out to host anyone. Pretty much I'll be sitting on the couch topless feeding a baby and no one needs to be witness to that.

[ThePalindromicOne]

My parents are flying in for a week 1 week after our due date (by golly they better meet a baby!) and hubs parents are flying in for a week 2 weeks later. I'm so glad they wanted to fly out even though I will be home with baby at, the latest, 9 weeks old. They will both stay with us and are perfectly fine fending for themselves and I anticipate them helping out tons so I won't feel like playing hostess

[ravinraven216]

My mom is coming, probably for a week, and she'll stay with us. She's a really helpful houseguest (she looked after our dog while we were on our honeymoon and my house had never been so clean as it was when we came home) and I don't feel like I have to entertain her. We also only have a single bed for guests (currently in what will be baby's room), so my in-laws, if the visit for any substantial time, would have to stay at a hotel. My in-laws are 1.5 hours away and are both retired, so they don't have anything better to do have more flexibility for single day visits than my parents, who both work.

[tiffbot]

Lucky for me, my H is a teacher. DS was born July 5, and with this one due in June (they do school right until the last day of June here), and H having a week or two banked up to take off, he's so far been able to be home with me in the early early stages. My parents also only live about 15 mins away, and besides my mom working full time, they are nearby if we need/want anything

[amber311]

I truly will be grateful for daytime guests and support. I know my mom will be here alot. However, the overnights, not so much. I may have FTM high hopes but I feel like that is bonding time that is uninterrupted by guests.

[maddib]

Apr 7, 2015 17:35:28 GMT -5 @demanda88 said:

kemdupuis post made me start thinking about this...is anyone letting people stay with them after the baby is born? My plan is to have my mom stay with us for probably a week right after the baby is born to help us out. But, my inlaws are planning on coming in mid-August and I'm a little torn as to whether or not I want them to stay with us or not. On one hand, I feel obligated to let them stay and feel badly asking them to stay in a hotel but on the other hand, they never offer to help with meals, never pick up the house, and pretty much just sit around on the couch and watch TV when they're here and I don't feel like having to host a month and a half after having the baby. Also, my grandparents are planning on being here around the same time which means that anytime they would come to the house, my IL's would always be there too. I'm sure we'll be settled into a routine by then so maybe it will be fine.   What is everyone else's plans for guests accomodations?

I would definitely have your in laws stay somewhere else. You don't need to deal with all of that on top of just getting into a new routine. And that's just rude that they don't do or help with anything!!! Say no!!! It's your right and if they get offended oh well!!

[maddib]

Apr 7, 2015 17:48:45 GMT -5 @demanda88 said:

Apr 7, 2015 17:42:11 GMT -5 @jimbobcooter said:

When DS was born my mom stayed with us for three weeks and, as strained as our relationship has been in the past, I was incredibly grateful she did. She was so much help with the kitchen, laundry, and just taking him for a couple of hours at a time so that I could nap or shower. She lives here in town now and we have already told her she is welcome to be here as much as she wants to be after this one is born. We have a guest room should she wish to spend the night, instead of going home. My IL's will be in town for about one week but they always get a rental house or condo near us to stay in. They just like their space when they travel, and that's fine. I know they will spend the bulk of their time during the day, here with us.

Everyone is different on this though. I've seen many people who want to be completely alone with baby for the first couple of weeks before having visitors come to stay and I get that perspective as well. Just depends on your personal comfort level and the attitude of the people who are staying with you.

I definitely don't think I could survive without my mom here that first week or so. I hope she stays longer! I'm incredibly close to her and so is DH so I know she'll be a huge help when it comes to meals, cleaning, and even help with breastfeeding, and just figuring things out. I'm not close to my IL's at all and I normally always feel extremely uncomfortable around them so thats why I'm not sure if I want them to stay here with us. It's just hard to ask people to get a hotel when they were obviously planning on staying with you.

Tell your DH this and have him speak with them. There is no reason for you to feel uncomfortable in your own home so soon after your whole world has changed!! And try not to feel too bad. It's going to be a new life and will take time to get into a normal routine. You are absolutely justified in telling them no that they need to get a hotel.

[sugarbean17]

My MIL is coming the first week of June. We are due June 10th. She wanted to come sooner. She also assumed she would be staying with us. However we are maxed out on space and her and I don't see eye to eye on a lot. Plus she is definitely a guest when she stays. I have to do the all of the cooking and buy all of the groceries, if we sit down to watch something it's her pick...etc...etc... I want to be comfortable in my own home after the baby is born I don't want to be playing hostess and new mama. She will stay with a relative that's lives close by and my parents live in town. So we can have support and privacy which will be nice.

[maddib]

No one will be staying with us. My step mom and in laws all live close so I imagine they will visit but not all the time. With DS I did it all by myself even without the help of the then DH. It was manageable. If my mom or grandma were still alive that would be a different story. I am of the opinion that if you want and are close with the person then that is wonderful for the help. But if you don't want anyone staying with you then tell them so. If they get upset that is their problem not yours.

[bruunk]

My mom is going to stay with us for a few days, hopefully a week after kiddo arrives and MIL will stay with us for a week in the end of July, but neither will actually sleep here. My mom will maybe stay with my sister (or her sister, I have a lot of family around for her to stay at) and we've gotten my MIL an air bnb to stay at. I want time where I don't have to be "on" and I also want them to be rested so they can be helpful in the day while they're with us

[nettje]

When DD was born both my mom and ILs stayed with us for a little bit. We lived about 6 hours away from everyone and in a book town where hotels are extremely expensive. My ILs stayed for about a week and my mom stayed a week longer. I had a c/s and my mom was a blessing (especially because DH had to go back to work so soon). My MIL did very little.

This time we live closer to the ILs but my mom is still about 3 hours away. Because she was so helpful last time, my mom will be staying with us for about 2 weeks. My DH was supposed to have vacation time for 4 weeks but has to take a course just over a week after this LO arrives. So my mom is going to stay to help out with DD and many other things. As I'm going in for a repeat c/s, I'm sure I'll have restrictions on what I can and cannot do. She'll be able to help me with that.

[baytosa2013]

We won't be having anyone staying with us. We don't have any family (well extended that we aren't close with) here in Texas, everyone is in CA. My BFF is coming at the end of July to spend some time with me and the baby but she most definitely does not expect to be hosted as a guest and wants to put in work haha. My SIL keeps saying she wants to come but my 14yo niece is trying out for Freshman Cheer the first week of June and if she makes it, they will have a lot of demands on their time so I'm not holding my breath. I haven't spoken to my mother in about 4 years so that's a definite NO.

[mrsmonogrammed]

My mom will be staying with us for a week or so after baby is here....im fine with it because I know I'll have no issues telling her what I need done or that I'm getting overwhelmed/frustrated. Bonus is that she's a nurse so that's kind of comforting in it self:) DH will only have 2-3 days off at the most (damn new job with no built in PTO!!) so I'm grateful someone will be able to help me!

[mathistm]

We won't have anyone staying with us as we just transformed our only spare room in our 2 bedroom apartment into the baby's nursery. My parents are about 2 hours away and we have offered to let them stay at our house while we are at the hospital. My in-laws are about 7 hours away and have told us to let them know when they want us to visit.
I kind of prefer this (not that I know for sure what it will be like with being a FTM) but so far I have been counting down the days to being home alone. My DH and I are pretty introverted and being around other people, even family, takes a lot out of us. I imagine we will be tired enough as it is.

[wifedeangel]

My mom is local, but works during the week, so we'll only see her on the weekends, along with the rest of my family.

The IL's however, are staying with us for the whole month of June. They are very sweet and helpful, but as I'm very inteoverted, having house guests for a month is hard.

Having people staying with you is a very individual decision, based in your tolerance and and the people visiting. If there aw hard feelings, or the guests aren't helpful, I'll wouldn't have them stay.

[turtletyme]

My sister is coming for two weeks, but not until July. I expect her to be a big help. My dad will come sometime after as well. They are both out of state,and know they are coming to help, not be entertained. My DH gets stressed out about people staying with us, but he definitely sees the benefit in this case. (I hope he still does when they get here!)