Tough week vent/ramble **Trigger Warning Child Death**

[becwheat]

Ladies, On Tuesday night I held the hand of an 10 yr old boy as he passed away.


I have not been around as much this week (maybe you have notice... maybe not), because the son of a friend of mine was having severe heart problems and was in need of a transplant. Unfortunately he started having other complications. He coded twice and after a CT scan the family was told there was severe brain trauma and he would not make it.


The mom was distraught and after signing the paperwork and saying an emotional goodbye she could not bring herself to stay in the room when the turn off the machines. The rest of the family said they were going to leave with her... I asked mom if I could stay and she was thankful someone was willing. I could not bear the thought of this boy being alone when he passed. It just didn't sit well with me. (I was not judging his mom at all, she was not in a good state I really don't know if she could have handled it.) She thanked me and left. I thought maybe another family member would opt to stay instead, but everyone just left...

DH and my BIL stayed too. It was really hard, but I know I would want someone there with me at the end. I am honestly just emotionally exhausted. 

I am glad I was there with with the little one, but it is just hard. I can't describe the anxiety I felt when everyone was leaving and it looked like he was going to be left to die alone. I know a nurse would have been there, cause the hospital was amazing, but I just could not handle the thought of no familiar faces being there.

Anyway... I just needed to get that off my chest. 

[Deleted]

becwheat, I just broke down reading this. What an awful experience both you and his family had to go through. You are such a good friend to be there for your friend and her son. That would be the most difficult thing to go through, and I cannot imagine the pain his mother is going through.

I am so beyond sorry you and his family are going through this. All of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

::hugs::

[nerdykitten]

*hugs* becwheat You did an amazing thing by staying with that little boy and I am sure his family is grateful that you had the strength to stay when they did not.

[kellybenelly83]

Bec I am so sorry you had to go through this, but I am sure you provided the support and comfort he needed in his final moments. I will be thinking of you and sending prayers to his family.
((hugs)) You provided more than most people would have been able to and I am sure the family appreciated it very much.

[SheilaTheTank]

becwheat, This brought tears to my eyes. I don't think I could have left that little boy alone either. You are such a wonderful friend to those people and are an amazing person for what you did. All the *hugs* to you.

[joy]

I think if I could have emotionally handled it, I would've done the same thing as you, becwheat.

I have a lot of feelings about this one right now with my grandmother having recently died.

There was a time, early in my grandmother's brief illness, when she was not cognitively okay (she came back before the end). My sister and I went to the hospital feeling it was going to be the last time we saw her. I was scared, I was nauseous, I was really emotional, and I wanted nothing more than to not go in the room. But, what made me walk in there was this idea that she'd look around and wonder where I was. And that thought just hurt my heart. I couldn't handle the idea that she'd think that in her last moments that I couldn't be there because of fear or sadness. I don't know what death is like from the side of the dying, but I was going to give her as much comfort and happiness as I could emotionally handle.

On the flip side, two weeks later, my parents were called to the hospital because she was in the ICU. They asked for all the machines to be turned off because it wasn't what my grandmother wanted. They sat in the room with her until she stopped breathing. I've asked myself a hundred times since then if I could have done that; will I be able to do the same for my parents? I can't answer it.

I feel for both the little boy and his mother. Death is not an easy subject for people. It's certainly not for me. It's one thing to face the death of a beloved family member whose time has come to an end, but quite another to watch a small child who should have - for all intents and purposes - had so much more time.

Thanks for sitting with that little boy.

[westisleflower]

Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You are such a strong person and a amazing friend. I'm not sure I could do what you did. All the hugs to you.

[singingsea]

becwheat, you're an amazing person for staying with him. I don't know what I'd do if my son were dieing. I can't imagine the sheer agony the mom must have been going through. You're an awesome friend and please if you need to talk to someone do so. My T&P are with you and your friend.

[Sparkly]

Oh my gosh. I am crying. becwheat, you did an amazing thing. I cannot fathom what it would be like to be in this situation as the mom or part of the family. I can't imagine letting a child die alone, without family or loved ones by their side. I am so thankful for you & your family for being with that boy so he was not alone. I'm so very sorry for your loss and for your friend, my heart breaks for her. (((Hugs))) and lots of love & prayers for peace during this difficult time sent all of your way.


Edited: for clarity/choice of words

[singingsea]

Just touching on the family leaving...you have no idea what you'd do until you're in that position. Just throwing that out there.

[Andrea]

becwheat, you have the biggest heart. What a selfless gift you gave that family and that sweet boy. Big huge healing vibes sent your way.

[youdontsay]

becwheat I'm sorry for your loss but you are an amazing friend for doing this. I give you so much credit because it had to be so hard.

Where I work they just started a volunteer program for people to volunteer to do what you did. Everyone assumes that family will be at the bedside when a loved one passes, but it's not always the case.

[notthedroids]

::hugs:: That is a terrible thing to happen but what you did was incredible. For you to be that strong and selfless for your friend and for the child is beyond wonderful. My heart goes out to you and to the family.

[icaughtfire]

That is heartbreaking & I'm in tears just thinking about it. You are a good, kind, strong person to go through that, and I'm sure your friend is unbelievably grateful.

[LadyNymeria]

Hugs becwheat. You are so strong to have been able to sit there with him and an amazing friend for doing so. My thoughts are with you and his family.

[icequeen]

Wow. Just wow. You are an angel to that little boy. While I completely understand why the mother could not handle being in the room, I think someone other than the nurse should have been with him, whether he knew it or not. I personally don't know if I could stay if it were my child. You are a remarkably strong person and true friend to offer such tremendous support to the family during this unimaginably painful time. I'm sure they appreciate you so much, and I do too. I would have absolutely broken down and been a hysterical mess whether it was a complete stranger or my own child and I have no idea in hell how you can possible handle a situation like that. I am so thankful for people like you.

[mrsgbmack]

This is so sad, I'm sorry for your friend and her son. I think it's amazing you stayed. T&P's for you and his family.

[GoBigOrGoGnome]

That is so, so sad and I'm so sorry for you and his family. I'm glad you were able to stay there with him and hold his hand when his mom couldn't.

[PonyGirl]

becwheat what you did was amazing. It was a very good thing that he had someone there for him at the end. I am so sorry for your friends loss. T&P's and huge ((hugs)) for you and his family.

[mrss44]

Wow. You are an amazing and kind person. I'm so sorry for your loss. So many thoughts and prayers for the family. Because of you, this boy had a hand to hold.

[getzystark]

So sorry for your loss. Being with someone while they pass is a difficult experience.

[Sparkly]

Apr 9, 2015 9:25:58 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Just touching on the family leaving...you have no idea what you'd do until you're in that position. Just throwing that out there.

I agree and just to clarify, I wasn't judging them, because of course I have no idea what it would be like. I am just surprised, that's all...and thankful there was a friend willing to stay in their place.

[ruthgoose]

Wow, my heart aches for you and your friend. I commend your courage for being the hand for him to hold on his journey. I honestly don't even know what else to say, I am so sorry.

[rooskie]

becwheat - what you did was amazing. I'm always surprised to hear about the wonderful and selfless things the ladies here are doing.

Make sure you take care of your self the next few weeks. My mom had to make the decision to turn off life support for my stepdad and had awful nightmares for a long time and ended up having to take medication to cope.

But still you are amazing and a blessing in their life.

[becwheat]

It is has been said to me by a couple people that they could not imagine leaving their child's side when they are about to die.

Maybe they can't imagine, and I hope they never do have to face the reality... but in this situation the mother was by this boy's side for a week with barely any sleep. She was a single mother who was told after a week of praying, stressful testing, waiting, fear and anxiety that she was going to lose her son. She broke. She was strong for as long as she could be and IMO she did nothing wrong. I am glad I have never gone through what she id going through, but I have had a trauma that took away all of my strength for a short period of time. This mother gave everything she had and I did my best to help in the whatever way I could, cause I have needed friends to pick me up before too.

It was hard on me, but it was the right thing for him and for her. I wasn't alone either, my DH and BIL were there to support me and to watch over the little boy at the end. I have been able to talk to my family about it. I am glad I did it, it was one of those moments that grounds you. CD1 was not important. The FDA audit at work was not important. I hugged my kid closer and was thankful for our health.

ETA thank you ladies. I did not want to burden our friends by venting about this when everyone is trying to focus on helping the family. I am taking tomorrow off work as a mental health day and like I said I have had great support from my family and extended family. If it get to be too much I still have my counselor's info should I need it, but as of right now I am doing ok.

[singingsea]

Apr 9, 2015 9:46:48 GMT -5 Sparkly said:

Apr 9, 2015 9:25:58 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Just touching on the family leaving...you have no idea what you'd do until you're in that position. Just throwing that out there.

I agree and just to clarify, I wasn't judging them, because of course I have no idea what it would be like. I am just surprised, that's all...and thankful there was a friend willing to stay in their place.

I didn't think you were judging them and my comment wasn't aimed at you I was preemptively posting it before someone came in and said something inconsiderate.

[Deleted]

oh dear god becwheat, I am so very sorry, for the loss and for your experience. No words but thoughts of healing and compassion for you and that sweet boys family

[cakewench]

Oh my God, you are an amazing person. I am so very sorry you and your friends have to go through that - sending thoughts and prayers to all of you. ::hugs::

[diamondsndaisies]

Oh my, I can't imagine what you are going through. You are such a wonderful person do something so kind for someone. I hope you are able to get some rest and I hope you know in your heart you did a good a thing. 

[alwaysnc4me]

becwheat, what an incredibly emotional situation for that family and for you. I'm thankful he had someone there, like you, to be with him in the end.