These Duggars are flying off the shelves!!!

[Deleted]

Apr 13, 2015 11:56:47 GMT -5 @littlestjerry said:

Josiah always pinged my gaydar a bit so maybe they're trying to cover that up. Or has my Larry-ing made me a true tin hatter?

+1

[auburn]

Jenna is the oldest one right? The one Jim Bob tried to set up with Tim Tebow? (He was all HELL NO.) She turned down a courtship from the Bates family.

The guy that Jessa married is 19. He creeps me out a little.

I was wondering when the other dudes were going to start getting married.

[Deleted]

I feel it's young for sure but not "creepily" so. Not the age part anyway..... other things with this family are quite creepy, yes.

But at 17 (almost 18) I had been with my H in a relationship for 3 years already and was already quite convinced we would get married. And we did (7 years ago today in fact!). Although, I was a month shy of 22 and he was 24 so...I guess I'll be interested to see how long their "courtship" will last.

[chelseamp11]

Apr 13, 2015 12:14:08 GMT -5 auburn said:

Jenna is the oldest one right? The one Jim Bob tried to set up with Tim Tebow? (He was all HELL NO.) She turned down a courtship from the Bates family.

The guy that Jessa married is 19. He creeps me out a little.

I was wondering when the other dudes were going to start getting married.

Ben? Yeah he's a giant douche.  I seriously cannot stand the guy.
Most of the Duggars have gone from courting, to engaged, to married within the span of like a year and a half.  It just feels so YOUNG for these two.  
I'm curious too what's up with Jana (the oldest).  If it's a matter of her wanting to get an education and/or nobody has been good enough for her, then kudos to her.  I'm glad to see her not settle just because she is feeling the pressure to settle down.

[Mags748]

Apr 13, 2015 10:54:49 GMT -5 @annperkins said:

So it looks like #2 and #3 are going to be the old maids of the family at 25. Poor dears.

I was going to ask what's up with them. Those are the twins, right? Why haven't the parents arranged a marriage for either of them yet?

[auburn]

Apr 13, 2015 13:33:16 GMT -5 Mags748 said:

Apr 13, 2015 10:54:49 GMT -5 @annperkins said:

So it looks like #2 and #3 are going to be the old maids of the family at 25. Poor dears.

I was going to ask what's up with them. Those are the twins, right? Why haven't the parents arranged a marriage for either of them yet?

The dad tried to set one up with Tim Tebow. Lol.

[McBenny]

I already have my title picked for the next one.

[kbw12]

Apr 13, 2015 11:48:46 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

Apr 13, 2015 11:39:06 GMT -5 kbw12 said:

I don't mind the age as much I have issue with the control the parents have over it.

To me it is both. As a parent, I would never actively encourage my child to get engaged at 17. And I feel like this is what is happening here.

I will absolutely agree it is too young to get engaged. If it just courting(aka dating) I have no issue.

[reginaphalange]

Apr 13, 2015 13:48:34 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

OK but for all practical purposes, courting is being engaged for the Duggars.

Exactly. The only difference is you can hold hands and side hug

[chelseamp11]

Apr 13, 2015 13:48:34 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

OK but for all practical purposes, courting is being engaged for the Duggars.

Exactly. Assuming they don't break up, I can almost guarantee these two will be married by the end of 2016.  It wouldn't shock me if they were married even by next summer.

[DirtyLurker]

Apr 13, 2015 12:13:58 GMT -5 @littlestjerry said:

He's my favorite boy though. He seems really sweet. My fave girl is Johanna. Or Jessa.

I can't tell any of the boys apart. 

[Deleted]

Apr 13, 2015 10:54:49 GMT -5 @annperkins said:

So it looks like #2 and #3 are going to be the old maids of the family at 25. Poor dears.

They're practically dried up and useless now. Think of those 7 prime baby making years they've wasted.

[foolofatook]

Anecdote: entered into a courtship with DH at seventeen. Married him EXACTLY one week past my 19th birthday. We are going on six years in October and still going strong.

But yeah, married that young = hard. hard. hard.

[foolofatook]

Apr 13, 2015 13:48:34 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

OK but for all practical purposes, courting is being engaged for the Duggars.

Courtship IS engagement in this mentality. 

When DH and I were courting, his mom introduced me to the family as "J's future fiance." We'd been together about two weeks at that point. The first time I hugged him, we had been together over six months and I had just come back from being out of the country. 

Before ILs left this mentality, DH's sister was in a courtship with a guy from a large family (ten children to IL's eleven). When they broke it off, the guy's mother was in hysterics that "one of her children was now divorced." It was a huge fucking deal. 

[DirtyLurker]

Apr 13, 2015 15:39:30 GMT -5 foolofatook said:

Apr 13, 2015 13:48:34 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

OK but for all practical purposes, courting is being engaged for the Duggars.

Courtship IS engagement in this mentality. 

When DH and I were courting, his mom introduced me to the family as "J's future fiance." We'd been together about two weeks at that point. The first time I hugged him, we had been together over six months and I had just come back from being out of the country. 

Before ILs left this mentality, DH's sister was in a courtship with a guy from a large family (ten children to IL's eleven). When they broke it off, the guy's mother was in hysterics that "one of her children was now divorced." It was a huge fucking deal. 

So now I basically want to hear your life story please....

-Nosy


Edited bc it quoted twice.

[foolofatook]

Apr 13, 2015 15:40:14 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

That is exactly how we felt about the whole thing. By this point, DH and I had left the mentality and it was...bizarre. BIZARRE. 

Frankly, that gif pretty much sums up what it was like living in that mentality. 

[wildflower810]

So... I don't usually go here... but I'm lurking instead of doing laundry or making dinner.

I'm only two degrees removed from the Duggars. Friends of mine were invited to Jill's wedding and went. I was raised in a lot of the same weird ways that the Duggars were raised. Their initial TV shows (before they were a series) were watched in my childhood home with a lot of wishful sighing on my mother's part. I went through the whole "courtship" garbage, though thankfully we yanked it out of my parent's control and did our own thing and got married on our own terms. I was 13 when my father first picked out who he wanted me to marry (not the guy I did marry).

Anyway, y'all are right about the Duggars being creepy and things being weird and +1 for wanting to read the tell all book. It's actually refreshing to see real people not be all enamored with that family. Keep thinking skeptical thoughts. And tell all your friends to think skeptical thoughts too. Send positive thoughts for Jana... stay at home daughters are common in the fundamentalist circles (I was supposed to be one of them) and she's basically trapped as the eldest daughter.

[foolofatook]

Apr 13, 2015 15:44:54 GMT -5 DirtyLurker said:

Apr 13, 2015 15:39:30 GMT -5 foolofatook said:

Courtship IS engagement in this mentality. 

When DH and I were courting, his mom introduced me to the family as "J's future fiance." We'd been together about two weeks at that point. The first time I hugged him, we had been together over six months and I had just come back from being out of the country. 

Before ILs left this mentality, DH's sister was in a courtship with a guy from a large family (ten children to IL's eleven). When they broke it off, the guy's mother was in hysterics that "one of her children was now divorced." It was a huge fucking deal. 

So now I basically want to hear your life story please....

-Nosy

Apr 13, 2015 15:39:30 GMT -5 foolofatook said:

Courtship IS engagement in this mentality. 

When DH and I were courting, his mom introduced me to the family as "J's future fiance." We'd been together about two weeks at that point. The first time I hugged him, we had been together over six months and I had just come back from being out of the country. 

Before ILs left this mentality, DH's sister was in a courtship with a guy from a large family (ten children to IL's eleven). When they broke it off, the guy's mother was in hysterics that "one of her children was now divorced." It was a huge fucking deal. 

I actually have a photo of my first time hugging him (edited to add: from the front. We had side-hugged BRIEFLY twice before that. But the front hug, boobs on his chest and arms around his neck and his around my waist was the first time). The photo made his mother so angry that I had to take it off FB for a while. The first time we kissed, I ended up in the hospital with an anxiety attack and chest pains at eighteen because I was so afraid of their reaction...and it turned out to be grounded in reality, because when they found out, they told DH that if he wasn't already living in his own place, they would kick him out for "cheating on his future wife" by kissing me. Who ended up being his future wife. 

I could go on. I've considered writing this whole thing out, just to process the whole fucking mess. It just sounds so otherworldly. 

Also added: my parents were not this nuts. It was his parents that just about lost their shit over the whole thing.

[DirtyLurker]

foolofatook lovetit is out of sheer awe and wanting to hear more. Not bc it sounds like a good time.

[DirtyLurker]

Apr 13, 2015 15:53:18 GMT -5 @hilarityensued said:

But damn wildflower810 I want to hear more...

Totally mind boggling.

+1

[reginaphalange]

I just... I don't understand how that happens. Like, do they want to be a stay at home daughter? (wtf to that) Do they take pride in it? Do they not want to but don't want to go against mommy and daddy. I can't fathom letting someone do that to me without my consent. It's like brainwash or something

[foolofatook]

Apr 13, 2015 15:55:58 GMT -5 @hilarityensued said:

I am also intrigued by how people break out of this situation... Like how does one avoid the fate of having their mate plied out for them at 13? Do you have to cut ties with your parents?

Your options are limited. Sometimes, you get lucky and your whole family wises up in time. Otherwise, you either a) "submit" and have your life planned/marriage arranged, or b) you run away, you cut ties with your entire family, you become known as either "dead" or an apostate, which is frankly considered worse than death. 

[foolofatook]

Apr 13, 2015 15:51:24 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

What the actual fuck to stay at home daughter.

That is sick.

Girls aren't even taught anything except life skills for wife-ing and child rearing. That's why you see those older Dugger girls tending to their younger siblings. It's rehearsal for motherhood. 

What's even sicker is that they are to train by being a "helpmeet" (icky word for being a spouse) to their fathers. Dressing like he wants, wearing their hair how he likes, and even cooking meals for him/rubbing his feet/being a wife to him. Except without the sex. 

[reginaphalange]

I feel sick

[DirtyLurker]

Apr 13, 2015 16:03:39 GMT -5 foolofatook said:

Apr 13, 2015 15:51:24 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

What the actual fuck to stay at home daughter.

That is sick.

Girls aren't even taught anything except life skills for wife-ing and child rearing. That's why you see those older Dugger girls tending to their younger siblings. It's rehearsal for motherhood. 

What's even sicker is that they are to train by being a "helpmeet" (icky word for being a spouse) to their fathers. Dressing like he wants, wearing their hair how he likes, and even cooking meals for him/rubbing his feet/being a wife to him. Except without the sex. 

This is all kinds of disturbing. I just got the chills.

[foolofatook]

Apr 13, 2015 16:05:50 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

Like seriously, if you could see my face right now...

DH is sitting next to me on the couch. When I told him what we were discussing, he looked at me and goes, "you know  how crazy that shit sounds from the outside? Remember when it was normal?" 

And I do remember when it was normal. When I would be judging YOU for thinking it was anything but "normal, appropriate boundaries for a young woman to have." 

Ugh. Now I want to go take a shower. 

[goldenbird]

Apr 13, 2015 11:47:41 GMT -5 @juliagulia said:

I can't stop laughing at the thread title. Well done.

+1

[foolofatook]

Check out www.quiveringdaughters.com

It's an entire site with information about this kind of thing from women who have escaped this stay-at-home-daughter horror. When my family got out, that was the first site we were sent to.

ATI, Bill Gothard, IBLP, Vision Forum -- all stuff the Duggars use and all stuff that we used. It's so sick. And honestly, it's so scary that we were ever in as deep as we were...and we weren't even in as deep as it goes.

[goldenbird]

Apr 13, 2015 16:03:39 GMT -5 foolofatook said:

Apr 13, 2015 15:51:24 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

What the actual fuck to stay at home daughter.

That is sick.

Girls aren't even taught anything except life skills for wife-ing and child rearing. That's why you see those older Dugger girls tending to their younger siblings. It's rehearsal for motherhood. 

What's even sicker is that they are to train by being a "helpmeet" (icky word for being a spouse) to their fathers. Dressing like he wants, wearing their hair how he likes, and even cooking meals for him/rubbing his feet/being a wife to him. Except without the sex. 

Ugh at the helpmeet stuff. Ugh.

[goldenbird]

Apr 13, 2015 15:57:02 GMT -5 reginaphalange said:

I just... I don't understand how that happens. Like, do they want to be a stay at home daughter? (wtf to that) Do they take pride in it? Do they not want to but don't want to go against mommy and daddy. I can't fathom letting someone do that to me without my consent. It's like brainwash or something

This. Like, does Jana really want to stay there forever if she never had a courtship and marriage. I think she's the prettiest one besides Jessa. I'm betting once Josie is older she'll move in with a sibling to help with their children if she stays single.