paddyb,We have separate accts. I pay all daycare - which is equal essentially to our mortgage. He pays all mortgage currently.He's being a baby. He just doesn't want to see it come out of his account out of some sort of pride thing. HE also doesn't want a home payment after 55 so I'm racing a clock considering I'm 43. Currently I/we have 10-15% in savings for a downpayment of a dream home(depending on how high we go). We also have about $120,000 or so in equity on our current place to roll over. So in the end we end up with a slightly higher mortgage but ony by about $300-500 a month more from my estimates which isn't horrible. Especially considering daycare will be ending soon and we aren't scraping by. It's doable I just cannot seem to get him there. Pffhthht Sorry all - Didn't mean to take over. I just wanna buy a house!!!!
I feel like he is very one sided. He said no more kids also right? Hugs! That sucks.
xanthepants, vent away lately. I agree it seems very one sided. . From what I've gathered, there are more positive points about it than negative. Maybe a more extensive discussion is necessary. For me it would be a huge issue if he wouldn't compromise at all on something that would be better for the family. Lately with issues with H I've started speaking up and not letting my wants go by the wayside. I don't want to say an ultimatum needs to be made, but if it is better for Coco then maybe it's something that needs to be done/said. Hugs lady!
laurski81 - my kids were 6 lbs 10 oz and 6 lbs 9oz. Apparently my body doesn't want bigger kids than that. I'm kinda fine with that too since they were both quick deliveries. Although missing out on a massage because of it sure does suck. Make sure you get to schedule another one!
Post by xanthepants on Apr 17, 2015 13:33:35 GMT -5
Maybe we are just in that 7-8 period where we've known each other a long time and we are both digging in and simultateously going through a rough patch. I've known a long time he is stubborn and I'm usually easy going but these are big things(kids, move) that I've always thought would just eventually happen. And now eventually is here and we are both not giving in. I'm ready to throw our vacation on the table this year and give it up and day let's take that money and put it towards a DP so he sees how serious I am about moving this forward.
xanthepants - feel free to vent! It's not easy to not be on the same page, especially something so big. He is being silly and hard headed about it. It's one thing if maybe it was just the two of you, but this decision also greatly effects Coco. Does he not see the importance of a better school district or family friendly area?
Post by junkytrunk on Apr 17, 2015 13:43:09 GMT -5
xanthepants that has to be so frustrating. For us, my H has been begging to move...anywhere. For a long time I said no, no, no because I am just so comfortable, so why change things when nothing is wrong. Well much like you, I've found our schools aren't so great in our town, so I pitched the idea of moving to my hometown, which has better schools and he jumped on it. So here we are in escrow of our house.
Maybe you need to create a plan and present it to him. Like how much you will make on your house, how much a new house would be, change in payments, etc and he can see how much better it would be for you all. Hopefully you can change his mind in the next 2 years before Coco starts school!
Post by huskiefanuw on Apr 17, 2015 13:54:15 GMT -5
About 1/3 of my office has been sick in the last 2 weeks so today I wiped down all the communal hard surface in the office. I don't want to get sick, but also this morning I really didn't want to work so I got out of doing my work for about 45 minutes and got all the paise for cleaning when truthfully I was avoiding my work.
Maybe we are just in that 7-8 period where we've known each other a long time and we are both digging in and simultateously going through a rough patch. I've known a long time he is stubborn and I'm usually easy going but these are big things(kids, move) that I've always thought would just eventually happen. And now eventually is here and we are both not giving in. I'm ready to throw our vacation on the table this year and give it up and day let's take that money and put it towards a DP so he sees how serious I am about moving this forward.
Hugs girl. Such big issues to disagree on. Hear for you when you need to vent!
I've been making Tumaini pee behind trees at the playgrounds and on our walks lately. There's no toilet anywhere nearby, and I don't think we'd make it home in time (and I wouldn't want to have to come home everytime she needs to pee).
I've done this! I feel bad about it, but if she can't hold it what can you do? Ask her to pee herself? Nope.
My kid will announce to random people that "I pee pee'ed in the woods! Mama said yes!" so I never can get away with keeping it a secret.
I've been making Tumaini pee behind trees at the playgrounds and on our walks lately. There's no toilet anywhere nearby, and I don't think we'd make it home in time (and I wouldn't want to have to come home everytime she needs to pee).
I've done this! I feel bad about it, but if she can't hold it what can you do? Ask her to pee herself? Nope.
My kid will announce to random people that "I pee pee'ed in the woods! Mama said yes!" so I never can get away with keeping it a secret.
Post by summergirl1211 on Apr 17, 2015 16:00:37 GMT -5
xanthepants, hugs friend. I'm sorry I'm so late to this but stupid work keeps getting in the way. I agree that you need to find a way to show your H how serious you are and how unhappy you are with the current situation. Somehow he has to see that you guys are in this together and you need to do what's best for you as a FAMILY. I hope you can figure out a good way to get through to him. I can see how he would be proud of that house and not wanting to part with it, but he needs to take your feelings (and Coco's educational needs) into account. We're always here for you. Vent whenever you need to.
My kid loves to pee outside. We did it a few times last year while we were hiking and she was in the PTing phase. Now she regularly asks us if she can pee outside, even though we are right near an actual bathroom.
Big hugs xanthepants! I agree with PPs I would say this is a big issue and more cons to staying than positives. Especially having the funds to do so. He needs a reality check, although I understand my H is so comfortable and hates change it would take a lot to get him to move!
I LOVE being able to do that. I've take days and my H didn't even know before because he left for work before me.
These days are the best! Although I always have intentions of doing absolutely nothing and then I end up spending all but an hour or so cleaning, doing laundry, etc. I can rarely just sit still and relax!
These days are the best! Although I always have intentions of doing absolutely nothing and then I end up spending all but an hour or so cleaning, doing laundry, etc. I can rarely just sit still and relax!
trixi282, I know, right? I just can't help myself. Although I plan on taking a me day sometime soon to go to the outlets and do some more shopping. I'm in serious shopping withdrawal!
xanthepants, K has to realize that as proud as he is of himself and his house, he's married now and has a family. You moved into his house and sold your own house that YOU had bought with the understanding that someday you would buy a house together as a family (right?). I think you need to remind him that as awesome as it is that he was able to buy the house in his 20's and it's been a great house so far to start your family... it's time to move on and buy a house together, that is yours as a couple, as a family. A place that you can both love together.
I'm sorry he's being so stubborn. I think taking that big step of saying you'd rather use the money for a down payment than vacation could really send the message home for him... at least I hope. I think it's a good strategy.
I like my husband a little less because he isn't a Star Wars nerd. He doesn't really like enjoy Lord of the Rings or most Sci Fi for that matter. Sigh. Not who I pictured myself with.
My husband is probably feeling the same way about me!
Also, about the house, I agree with most other ladies. You need to let him know how serious this is to you. It is more than just a house- it's Coco's education, it's quality time with her, when she gets older it will probably effect extracurriculars, it's also your happiness. This is all important stuff!
Post by xanthepants on Apr 17, 2015 23:02:49 GMT -5
Thanks guys for the pep talk. I need to figure out a way to turn it from nagging to a real earnest and laid out plan he can't refuse. Though I keep thinking I've done that already. He is beyond stubborn and very much a minimalist and content, so I've got my work cut out for me.
Post by origamimommy on Apr 18, 2015 12:32:58 GMT -5
I have 2 SC! 1. Last night was Tyler's summer camp open house and they do lots of fun things, including face painting. We were waiting in line with one of his best friends, a girl, and she asked to be Spider-Man. The lady made a big fuss about "well don't you want to be something for a girl? Okay, what about a pink Spider-Man? Are you sure you want a red, boy Spider-Man? Oooookaaaaaay." Not my kid so I didn't say anything. But when Tyler asked to be a rainbow butterfly and she started on him I couldn't hold my tongue. It wasn't too bad, but I'm the only parent that made a scene.
2. H and I wanted to have sexy time this morning, so we locked the door but thought we had plenty of time. More than halfway through, Tyler starts jiggling the door knob and calling for us. When we were decent, we let him in and he kept asking why we locked him out, lol! We just said it was an accident. Whoops. Won't be trying that again anytime soon.
origamimommy Oh man, I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue at that face painting lady either! We just had a whole inservice at work on gender identity and that's exactly the kind of thing that drives me up a wall. Spiderman being a boy =/= being ONLY for boys.
Post by ThePinkSuperhero on Apr 18, 2015 19:58:33 GMT -5
On the nights I'm home alone for bedtime, I let O use Daddy's toothbrush. He wants to be like Daddy, who am I to deny him? Shame my toothbrush is in the other bathroom!
Here he is!! The face painting lady kept trying to convince him to be something else and it pissed me off. Don't mess with my kid!
starfishy, did you not believe that he asked for a rainbow butterfly?
I totally believed you, but I wanted to see that cute face rocking a rainbow butterfly. God, I love kids. They don't give a shit. They just do what makes them happy- whether it's Spider-Man or rainbow butterfly! He looks great though. Too bad that lady was a bitch.
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