I was looking at myself yesterday in the mirror and man do I look like shit. I've adopted these wonderful dark circles under my eyes, my skin is this hideous pale sometimes grayish color, my hair is usually pulled up & unfixed, and I still have 13 pounds to lose to be my normal size (fit in my clothes).... The lack of sleep and inability to lose the weight has me in a serious self esteem funk. Who else is with me? And what do you do to feel better or try to feel better?!!
I love, love, love DS & having a baby, but I know I can't be the only one in a funk.
I too am in a funk. For me it's not my appearance but I feel like a shitty mom, wife and person. So far all I have done is cried, which didn't help much. I haven't figured out the getting out of the funk yet.
I'm with you. I was exercising a few times a week from about 4 weeks to 7 weeks. Around 7 weeks dd started this can't be put down thing/must be held by mommy and only mommy thing (wonder week?), so I've mostly been sitting around the house doing nada but holding her and praying my cell phone battery lasts. I'm looking forward to other people sharing how they do it!
I am with you. I haven't been doing much to make myself feel better either. I feel like I have no time for what NEEDS to get done that I can't even think about what I would like to do for myself. I have been trying to eat better and go for power walks, but the walking happens so rarely it feels almost pointless.
Post by lotsofdotts on Apr 20, 2015 10:10:22 GMT -5
Along with the PPD/PPA I have been experiencing, my husband and I aren't having sex. It is not that we don't want to have sex, but it seems like we don't have time or energy. It is starting to get to me because I start to feel like my husband doesn't find me attractive anymore. I know I am being irrational, but I can't help but feel that we are not as close. Luckily we talk about it and are working to "reconnect" and bring the romance back into the relationship. Last night we decided that we are going to turn off the TV and have some time for us before going to bed each night. I'm hoping that will help because right now we are either busy with the baby/housework or sitting like zombies in front of the TV when we have some down time.
I too am in a funk. For me it's not my appearance but I feel like a shitty mom, wife and person. So far all I have done is cried, which didn't help much. I haven't figured out the getting out of the funk yet.
I've got some of that looming in too. I think a lot of mine is due to lack of patience, which is probably from lack of sleep. I'm quick to snap over stupid shit. On top of that, I can't get anything done around the house during the day, so I feel like a useless wife. I actually texted DH last week & told him that caring for a newborn & a 7 year old is quite time consuming & I swear I didn't sit around doing nothing all day, despite the fact it looks like I do.... Crying hasn't helped me either.
Mom2Ms eye to eye on the housework. I only have DD but she hates not being held during the day I keep trying but 10min in a swing and she is screaming. Makes it so hard.
@nolagal I need to get out I think that is a huge part of the problem. I haven't had time "off" at all for at least a week. H took responsibility for her yesterday eve but I took a nap and was stuck in the house.
Post by jensoprano82 on Apr 20, 2015 10:55:17 GMT -5
I was thinking so much about this yesterday. For me, it's that it seems like the first week you have your baby, everyone descends upon you. Casseroles, help with housework, visitors, offers to hold the baby while you shower, nap, run to target.... Anything you need! Then around week three it just....stops. So now you have a baby who is awake literally twice as much and zero well wishers/baby entertainers. It's not that they don't still love you and the baby, it's just that the novelty was worn off.
I dunno. Just sayin.
To feel good I've just gotten back into running again but it's slow slow SLOW going. It's hard because if I have an hour of babysitting do I go for something "frivolous" like a run? Or do I go get some work done?? (I still work full time and took no leave... Self employed).
Getting out is huge for me, even if it is just taking dd for a run around the neighborhood. Also showering, it sounds so minuscule but just getting clean every day even if it means dd fusses in her rock n play in the bathroom with me for 5 minutes makes a difference.
Last Friday I went to my local babywearing meeting and I must say that getting out and being around other moms was nice bc there is no judgement if LO throws a fit or you have to pull a boob out and feed them. Plus learning new wraps is fun too and makes me want to take dd out to show off! Also, no one cares if you look like crap bc everyone gets it.
I'm also in a funk. I have tons of weight to lose that I'm balancing with keeping my supply up. My hair is getting done next Saturday so I'm hoping that will help.
DH and I are also in a funk. I'm not exactly nice to him all the time which I need to change. I'm just like mom mom mom all the time and forget to be a wife sometimes
I still have 15lbs to lose as of my 6w pp appt and I don't think I've lost more than a pound since then. I'm 5'2" and I gained 41lbs while pregnant.
My cousin who had a baby in late October lost all her weight plus by this point. It makes me not want to go on our family vacation in June.
I've been trying to put on makeup everyday again and straighten my hair when DH is around to watch DS. I've also started back at my barre classes. It's hard be DH has to watch him for me and he's really busy with work and grad school. I feel so much better when I go.
As far as appearance, I try to take even 5 minutes to do makeup and try to shower (even just a rinse) once a day. I put DS in his bathtub (without water) and give him his pacifier; the fan usually calms him so I have a bit before he cries.
As far as feeling like a good mom/wife.. I've had to change my mindset. I'm so type A and it drives me nuts not getting things done. I've just had to figure out how to let some things go... Which has been easier said than done. But I have to tell myself if the dishes aren't done it's not the end of the world, they'll wait, etc. it still makes me moderately uncomfortable, but I have to have this mantra of "it'll go back to normal eventually" even if it's a new normal!
Eta; oh and as far as appearance... I was okay with the belly, the stretch marks, the saggy boobs whatever.... But can my boobs at least go back to the same size?! One is drastically bigger!
As far as appearance, I try to take even 5 minutes to do makeup and try to shower (even just a rinse) once a day. I put DS in his bathtub (without water) and give him his pacifier; the fan usually calms him so I have a bit before he cries.
As far as feeling like a good mom/wife.. I've had to change my mindset. I'm so type A and it drives me nuts not getting things done. I've just had to figure out how to let some things go... Which has been easier said than done. But I have to tell myself if the dishes aren't done it's not the end of the world, they'll wait, etc. it still makes me moderately uncomfortable, but I have to have this mantra of "it'll go back to normal eventually" even if it's a new normal!
Eta; oh and as far as appearance... I was okay with the belly, the stretch marks, the saggy boobs whatever.... But can my boobs at least go back to the same size?! One is drastically bigger!
me too on letting things go, its so hard! I have company coming on thurs to visit and its stressing me out!
I went out and got a pedi last week and it was awesome, a girlfriend and I brought wine and chatted. I was only gone for 1.5 hrs when Dh got home from work. I also got a massage recently and was gone the same amt of time, my neck is killing me from breastfeeding.
As far as weight, I have 17 lbs to go and it feels like it will never come off! I have two outfits I switch on and off with and its super frustrating when food really fills a void I have right now. So I set a goal of my bday to breastfeed until and lose the weight. My bday is aug 1, since months from baby DOB
Post by modernfairytale8709 on Apr 20, 2015 14:05:04 GMT -5
Add me to the funk club. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle between adjusting to LO and my DH going off the deep end.
It helps that the weather is getting nicer, and everything is greening up. DH and I dropped LO off at my MILs house on Saturday, went to the farmer's market, and spent an hour at a nearby park. Being outside helps me tremendously.
ETA: I noticed that in every one of the pictures we took, I look like absolute crap. I think it's the new mommy look, and I'm not digging it.
I'm right there with you, ladies. The first couple of weeks by myself found me in a serious funk.
I think the nice weather and being able to take the dog and DD for long walks has helped tremendously. It also helps for me to set goals: plan at least 2 outings per week. Luckily, two of my friends just us their babies and we can all meet up.
Post by lilyelayne on Apr 20, 2015 15:22:50 GMT -5
Hugs all around.
Another vote for getting out of the house, even if that just means literally standing outside the front door for 5 minutes. Sometimes I leave the door open and LO inside for those 5 minutes. Also I try to remember to open all the curtains / blinds in the morning, even if the weather is crappy. Closed blinds make me itchy and depressed by the end of the day. Kinda weird but true for me.
When LO is high needs and I can't get anything done around the house that day (..week..weeks..) I remind myself that I let housework/cooking slide when I would have a big project at work and be at the office early and late, and right now LO is my job. Just like a project, this newborn period is time limited. Some days this helps; some days it doesn't.
Showering helps. Showering with DH is even better.
Post by lilyelayne on Apr 20, 2015 15:51:52 GMT -5
Also going out and doing something that isn't productive. Taking DS for a stroll around downtown instead of going grocery shopping. Taking a slow walk and talking to DS instead of thinking I need to keep my heart rate up because cardio is how I'll lose the rest of this weight.
I keep a big plastic tub of bubbles on the deck in the back yard. Blowing bubbles is always a happy thing.
Post by seamonster on Apr 20, 2015 16:09:08 GMT -5
A shower and a glass of wine after LO goes to sleep makes me feel almost normal. I just need to convince DH that he should stay up with me for the wine (he usually drinks his glass while I'm nursing LO to sleep).
Getting out helps. It's so hard to get out of the house for anything planned in the morning. LO has started swim lessons and has decided that he now wants a nap at that time so I feel guilty that I can't get him to fall asleep just 30 minutes sooner so he can be awake and enjoy the water. We're also going to mom and baby yoga, but I let him nap then since it's more for me and he's so freaking heavy to lift in the class.
I wish there were more postnatal exercise classes in my area in the evening so I could do them when I go back to work. But since most people have 6 months paid time off here, it's only during the day except for one that's a 40 minute drive from my house on the day I agreed with DH that he could go run a weekly evening race. I'd feel better if some of this flab would shape up. I'm at or below what I was prepregnancy, but had to buy new jeans to get them to button. Same label size, but different brand. I lost the weight in 2 weeks as most of it was a baby, but the weight loss has stalled. Not that I've been eating great.
I've been going to a breastfeeding support group and it's more just a bunch of moms chatting some about breastfeeding and more about whatever else is going on. It's nice to have the social aspect because I feel really isolated a lot of days. It's in the afternoon, but I may try to sneak out of work early some Mondays to go. I like the ladies and will miss meeting with them.
Post by mommadozer on Apr 20, 2015 16:10:26 GMT -5
I am in a funk as well. Over the past week, my horomones have been all over the place. My period showed up and I have acne like a high school student all over my body. Ugh. It's driving me nuts, I use the loofah in the shower every day. I need to just learn to accept it is part of the baby making deal and no worry.
DH and I relationship needs some major work. He's stressed at work and wants to go do non-kid friendly things every weekend. Doesn't work that way. I need to work on my tone with him. I have been super snippy.
We walk to the park almost every day and being in the sunlight helps me out. LO really enjoys it now because we don't use the infant seat attachment and he looks around. Vitamin D impacts my mood, getting outside and getting some sun makes me feel so much better.
Chiming in here, I hope you all don't mind. I really hope to post more...
This time around has been the worst for me, my 3rd daughter is now 2.5 months. I have 30 pounds to loose before I can even think of buying new clothes. I've had severe PPA/PPD and did not leave the house for the first 7 weeks, for which I'm now medicated and finally starting to see the light with all of this madness. Still at the end of the day, its becoming a struggle with all of my relationships. I push everyone away, but at the same time, I need all the help I can get. I don't know if it's a funk, or the hormones or what, but the idea of getting outside the house, let alone giving my husband attention, has been a real struggle here. I've asked this on another board, but is there a PPA/PPD sub-board here? I'd really like to participate.
And also, BIG HUGS all around! I second the getting outside. As much as the "getting ready for outside activities" suck, especially if you have toddlers, it really does help to get some vitamin D!
lotsofdotts - I haven't had sex since Oct (anniversary). Tried once PP and miserable fail. We're both exhausted and life-stressed now.
my3gals - Hugs. I likely had PPA/PPD after my first. I wanted to be supermom (WTF is that?!!) and "fix" everything on my own. Not asking for help adversely affected me for over a year. DS was 2yo when I hit my low point and got help (counseling, anti-anxiety meds).
Funk: I felt elated this time as I lost tons of weight the first 2 weeks..... still at that same weight 8 wks later. Joy. Fail-safe: low cut shirt (great BF boobs here) to distract from saggy tummy.
Post by toadandbuggie on Apr 21, 2015 7:38:08 GMT -5
Also in a funk. How could you not be after such a life changing event as having a baby?!
Adjusting to having a LO with H has been a struggle. I try extra hard to not be resentful and mean when I am frustrated from having LO all day and he comes home from work and wants some me time. However, I've been putting LO to bed earlier than we do now so we get some quality time before we go to sleep. It's been helping a lot. The other night we got to hang out outside and talk for 2 hours, which made life feel a little bit more manageable again.
It really does suck when LO has a bad day and needs to be held constantly/won't nap and I have housework to do. I hate when it looks like I just sat on the couch all day (which I guess I do when he's being difficult) but it's not like I want to be sitting around all day. It's extremely frustrating to have to entertain a fussy baby all day without getting anything done that you want to do. On these days I've just been getting out of the house any way I can. That means going to the mall to just walk around, taking really long walks... anything that makes him go to sleep and I can think in peace.
Right now I'm struggling with being the one that has LO 99.9% of the time, even when we go out. For example, we went to a BBQ over the weekend at a friends and H got to play games, have fun, walk around & socialize while I stayed with baby because he was sleeping in his carseat and I didn't feel comfortable walking away. Then when he was up I was holding him while he was fussing the whole time. It's annoying because I also want a break to talk to friends and hang out without having the responsibility of LO ALL the time.
I just keep telling myself it will get better. It already is in some regards - LO can entertain himself for longer stretches now without being held and is sleeping is improving.
Post by toadandbuggie on Apr 21, 2015 8:21:31 GMT -5
BTW is anybody else eating crappy because they feel crappy? I can't kick this chocolate/cookie/candy desire. I didn't even crave sweets as much pregnant. I think the lack of sleep/feeling shitty makes me want to eat bad things to make myself feel a little better. I find myself snacking a lot more than I used to. I know part of it is breastfeeding, but I'd still like to lose weight and I don't think I'm going to if I continue to cave to cookies everyday.
BTW is anybody else eating crappy because they feel crappy? I can't kick this chocolate/cookie/candy desire. I didn't even crave sweets as much pregnant. I think the lack of sleep/feeling shitty makes me want to eat bad things to make myself feel a little better. I find myself snacking a lot more than I used to. I know part of it is breastfeeding, but I'd still like to lose weight and I don't think I'm going to if I continue to cave to cookies everyday.
I am actually more prone to not eat anything when I feel down and give myself awful headaches. Which is just as bad for you. Why do we so this to ourselves?
Post by mrsclark731 on Apr 21, 2015 9:10:10 GMT -5
Also in a funk. I have about 25 pounds to loose--I gained 70 (gasp) during pregnancy. H is so supportive and points out I'm more than halfway with weight loss. It's so hard to look at myself in the mirror... Nonetheless look at my closet full of gorgeous clothes I can't fit my right leg into.
I just got cleared for exercise last week, and I'm trying to figure out where to fit in some hardcore cardio everyday. Before H leaves for a lunch meeting today he is bringing my erg upstairs. I was a collegiate rower and there is no sweat like a sweat from the erg.
We've cleaned up our eating significantly and I've been cooking almost every night again. I'm also trying to soak up some sun and get outside with DD. I'm hoping that the older she gets the easier it will be to get on some sort of schedule and then stick to it!
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