It seems to me that you don't want to be married anymore, and you're looking for all kinds of outside factors to justify. Here's the thing, it doesn't need to be justified. If you just want out, think you made a mistake, whatever it's okay! Yes he's a good man, a good father, a good friend, but he's not who you want to be with and there's nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly fine to just say "This isn't working for me anymore."
Not what I was really saying. Actually his mother lives in Louisiana. I was saying people are against me taking my kid so I assume it would the same feeling if he did.
Is this other dude seriously a driving force behind you moving?
Again, you either want to be married to your DH or not? This should be the basis of your decision.
Not a job that you applied for in another state that you knew your H wouldn't move to,
Not the ex in TX that of course is going to look all shiney and new right about now cause you have no life responsibilities with dude like bills, kids, etc.,
Not closer to family when you knew when you moved to PA that you didn't know anyone there,
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
I live almost 2,000 miles away from ALL of my family. If H and I separated, I would do everything in my power to be able to afford to live here so that they can continue a relationship.
Would it be easier on me to move to be with my family? Of course it would. But it wouldn't be easier on DS. He needs his father in his life.
Yeah, but I get the feeling that this isn't about what's easier for her as much as it is about what gets her closer to Mr. Texas.
That makes it more disturbing. That dick isn't made of solid gold. I can guarantee you will feel like a pile of shit when it all blows up in your face.
Flirty facebook messages aside, it takes a lot more to sustain a relationship, as you so clearly should know.
Post by DirtyLurker on Apr 21, 2015 13:58:05 GMT -5
I'd recommend both couples counseling and individual counseling. It sounds to me like neither of you are 100% certain of what you want out of marriage. While I agree with hilarity that not being in love can be a legitimate reason for divorce, I also agree with much of what rvasc said. Namely, that you seem to be romanticizing being "in love" and not acknowledging that every relationship, including those that start off with all the lovey fireworks, fizzle over time. The feel in of being "in love" ebbs and flows over time. Having someone you love and who loves you is what makes the "being in love" part possible. Note- I'm acknowledging your differentiation of loving someone vs. being in love with someone here.
If I'm completely frank, my worry for you is that you seem to be seeing the whole "being in love" thing through rose colored glasses and are expecting perfection in your ideal relationship. I known that may not be true, but its just how this reads to me. It sounds like you're setting yourself up for disappointment should you go try things with Other Guy.
Also, I think it's totally unfair to your kid to put her in the middle of this. Definitely not cool to move her so far away from her dad unless you are already 100% sure and committed.
My mom's best friend fell in love with a guy in another state (via the internet)...and when she decided to leave her H she up and went out of town to meet him and start their relationship .... although she left the kids with their father so she could go meet him on her own, so I guess that may be the difference..but..
It was seen as abandonment by the law, and she lost custody of her children....over that one action on her part. She didn't even move, It was a prolonged trip out of town to go be with this guy.
Just...something to throw out there to be careful about another guy being any motivation for your actions...just be careful.
It seems to me that you don't want to be married anymore, and you're looking for all kinds of outside factors to justify. Here's the thing, it doesn't need to be justified. If you just want out, think you made a mistake, whatever it's okay! Yes he's a good man, a good father, a good friend, but he's not who you want to be with and there's nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly fine to just say "This isn't working for me anymore."
While on the 1 hand I can appreciate your caring, "it'll be okay" attitude, as I said before I do believe all good marriages take hard work. And I think it's relatively normal for relationships to go through phases of intense love, and just getting through the day "like". I feel like, based on all the vague information provided, it seems as if OP is just kind of bored with her life, and is missing her roots, and is willing to make a relatively rash decision based on the idea of a greater love that very well may not be there.
I have only one question. Will you honestly take any of the advice in this thread? Situations like this never end well and all you'll be left with is shoulda, woulda, could ofs.
And remember, you've invited an entire forum into your life. Your right to get defensive is off the table.
McBenny, I didn't have DD when I moved here. We had been trying for a while. Thought it wouldn't have happened. If I were pregnant before leaving Louisiana I would have never moved.
@pobrecita, I asked him that. Not a cult I know but the force is strong.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
It seems to me that you don't want to be married anymore, and you're looking for all kinds of outside factors to justify. Here's the thing, it doesn't need to be justified. If you just want out, think you made a mistake, whatever it's okay! Yes he's a good man, a good father, a good friend, but he's not who you want to be with and there's nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly fine to just say "This isn't working for me anymore."
While on the 1 hand I can appreciate your caring, "it'll be okay" attitude, as I said before I do believe all good marriages take hard work. And I think it's relatively normal for relationships to go through phases of intense love, and just getting through the day "like". I feel like, based on all the vague information provided, it seems as if OP is just kind of bored with her life, and is missing her roots, and is willing to make a relatively rash decision based on the idea of a greater love that very well may not be there.
I'm sure pbfox knows that marriage isn't something to leave on a whim.
If you truly just don't want to be with your H anymore because of where his life is going religiously, youre falling apart from eachother, out of love etc...that is OK. Get a divorce.
But since you insist you'll always be friends and can coparent effectively -- Stay there and continue to coparent. Eventually potentially meet someone else THERE and have a happy life. But your daughter still gets both her parents.
I can totally see that your H's new religion be a total WTF and change in your relationship and difference of values, etc being a thing. However, my issue is, you didn't say that.
You cite jobs, you cite Mr. Texas, then you say you will stay with your DH. So, again bottomline for me is DO YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOUR H OR NOT?
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
I have only one question. Will you honestly take any of the advice in this thread? Situations like this never end well and all you'll be left with is shoulda, woulda, could ofs.
And remember, you've invited an entire forum into your life. Your right to get defensive is off the table.
I don't think I have ever been defensive about this.
I will take the advice and contact my job's EAP to schedule a counseling appointment.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
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