Mom2Ms I'm sorry counseling wasn't a solution for you and H. Do you think he'd respond better to a male counselor?
I don't know how it would do for knee surgery, but my mom just had foot surgery and has to be non weight bearing for two months. She got this scooter and it's totally changed the way she gets around. But if you can't bend your knee I don't know if it would be helpful. Steerable Knee Scooter Knee Walker Turning Leg Walker Crutches Alternative in Green www.amazon.com/dp/B006G0M77C/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_Helovb1DCAV9T www.amazon.com/dp/B006G0M77C/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_Helovb1DCAV9T
T&Ps as you deal with all this. I think you mentioned therapy to help you with your son's accident; I hope you can talk all this through with your therapist also. (Assuming you're not stuck in military red tape trying to access therapy still.) We're happy to listen here too!
Having a nurse or an aide might be helpful. A home aide might be more helpful to do the heavy lifting of maintaining the house and the physical tasks with the baby. Meeting them beforehand might help with the stranger part.
This. Having a stranger in your home every day can be draining and stressful, but in this case the help might be worth it. And you know it's a time limited situation.
Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that! Would it help to talk to us about it? If not, hugs anyway!
He's just an a$$hole. Recurring theme. He was absent thought pretty much the entire pregnancy. It was really hard, considering I was on bed rest. Then when the baby was born, he changed a little. I've been trying extremely hard to give him what he wants "in order for him to change and treat me the way I want to be treated." I've been doing exactly as he asked & haven't been getting anything in return, so I casually mentioned it & asked how much longer it would be until I saw some change in him & he flipped out. Then his stupid job sucks, he's military. We have to uproot our entire family for an unplanned move and he's being completely insensitive. I have 3 surgeries coming up and I'm going to have to take care of a newborn & 7 year old because he all of a sudden can't be here to take care of me & help. And I'm an asshole because his suggestion of having a stranger (a nurse) come into our house to care for my children & me completely upset me. Thus, it's like I don't even exist on my birthday.
I'm so sorry. That all sounds extremely frustrating and upsetting. Huge internet hugs
Thanks ladies. God I hate being a Debbie Downer. It's just been really, really rough since the minute I got pregnant. We have these horrible situations and he acts completely insensitive. It just hurts. And he acts like a martyr. Everything is about him. It's never about my feelings. For instance, when trying to communicate how insecure & scared I felt about being stranded with no help & unable to walk, all he did was talk about how hard it was going to be on him. Um. Really? You're not having surgery. You are not the one being left with two kids, essentially unable to care for not only yourself, but two kids as well.... It's unreal. I also mentioned my concern about hurting myself trying to care for everyone by myself (This will be my 4th knee surgery.... I fell and hurt myself on surgeries 1 and 3 trying to care for myself & DD) and how he didn't have to worry about that, his response? He could get physically hurt driving here to see us. WTF?
I didn't even see him on my birthday. We were in the same house. He didn't bother to come in and say Happy Birthday.
I told him this morning I wanted a divorce. I can't continue to be with someone who is there for me emotionally and/or physically.
Mom2Ms Big hugs to you, I remember you mentioning things about your husband throughout the past year so this seems like a long time coming. He sounds like a huge asshole, I couldn't put up with the things you have so far.
What did he say when you told him you wanted a divorce?
I wish you the best going forward, maybe you can move back near family if that's something you want.
dacora - He got mad, screamed at me, stomped off, and then slammed the door and left. I've been begging him to change for a while now, he hasn't. I don't think he's going to. When we were dating & first got married, he was the most sensitive, attentive, caring, thoughtful person I had ever met. If I told him I was upset about something, whether it be related to him or not, I was met with a genuine & caring response AND action. I haven't seen that for a long, long time. Now he ignores my feelings, acts like he's done nothing wrong, acts like I'm an insane person for being hurt or upset, gets defensive, and makes excuses. It's so damn hurtful. I have literally spent 90% of my time since November in my room, by myself. (Now the baby is with me & DD is in & out) I honestly don't know how many times he can break my heart into pieces and it not go back together. I can't believe I'm in this situation with a new baby.
I don't know any person who when told by their husband that they are going to be abandoned by their husband following 1-2 surgeries with two kids wouldn't be completely devastated. Am I insane here for being upset and scared for what's going to happen?
Having a nurse or an aide might be helpful. A home aide might be more helpful to do the heavy lifting of maintaining the house and the physical tasks with the baby. Meeting them beforehand might help with the stranger part.
This. Having a stranger in your home every day can be draining and stressful, but in this case the help might be worth it. And you know it's a time limited situation.
I guess my issue with this is, a lot of my clients (I'm a criminal defense attorney) do this for a living. I don't really want them in my home, unsupervised because I'm drugged up, caring for my 4 month old.... Especially after everything that has happened with DS already.
dacora - He got mad, screamed at me, stomped off, and then slammed the door and left. I've been begging him to change for a while now, he hasn't. I don't think he's going to. When we were dating & first got married, he was the most sensitive, attentive, caring, thoughtful person I had ever met. If I told him I was upset about something, whether it be related to him or not, I was met with a genuine & caring response AND action. I haven't seen that for a long, long time. Now he ignores my feelings, acts like he's done nothing wrong, acts like I'm an insane person for being hurt or upset, gets defensive, and makes excuses. It's so damn hurtful. I have literally spent 90% of my time since November in my room, by myself. (Now the baby is with me & DD is in & out) I honestly don't know how many times he can break my heart into pieces and it not go back together. I can't believe I'm in this situation with a new baby.
I don't know any person who when told by their husband that they are going to be abandoned by their husband following 1-2 surgeries with two kids wouldn't be completely devastated. Am I insane here for being upset and scared for what's going to happen?
I think that his response to you is very telling. He screamed and ran away. If he cared more he would have stayed and talked to you, offered to try and make things better. You have every right to feel hurt and upset, I am so sorry you have to go through this with a new baby.
dacora - He got mad, screamed at me, stomped off, and then slammed the door and left. I've been begging him to change for a while now, he hasn't. I don't think he's going to. When we were dating & first got married, he was the most sensitive, attentive, caring, thoughtful person I had ever met. If I told him I was upset about something, whether it be related to him or not, I was met with a genuine & caring response AND action. I haven't seen that for a long, long time. Now he ignores my feelings, acts like he's done nothing wrong, acts like I'm an insane person for being hurt or upset, gets defensive, and makes excuses. It's so damn hurtful. I have literally spent 90% of my time since November in my room, by myself. (Now the baby is with me & DD is in & out) I honestly don't know how many times he can break my heart into pieces and it not go back together. I can't believe I'm in this situation with a new baby.
I don't know any person who when told by their husband that they are going to be abandoned by their husband following 1-2 surgeries with two kids wouldn't be completely devastated. Am I insane here for being upset and scared for what's going to happen?
I think that his response to you is very telling. He screamed and ran away. If he cared more he would have stayed and talked to you, offered to try and make things better. You have every right to feel hurt and upset, I am so sorry you have to go through this with a new baby.
Mommalawyer: big hugs! My heart dropped reading all that. This isn't the first time I've wished I could give you a real hug, creepy internet ones will have to do!
This. Having a stranger in your home every day can be draining and stressful, but in this case the help might be worth it. And you know it's a time limited situation.
I guess my issue with this is, a lot of my clients (I'm a criminal defense attorney) do this for a living. I don't really want them in my home, unsupervised because I'm drugged up, caring for my 4 month old.... Especially after everything that has happened with DS already.
I just feel stuck & screwed over.
That is a fair reason to be nervous about it. Referrals to particular people might be good and interviewing them might be beneficial. I have a number of friends who have been home health aides or CNAs, half of them started to put themselves through college, so there are reliable and noncriminal ones out there. For caring for DS you might be able to find a nanny or 2 that could help so that the person helping you medically or yo get around isn't the same person caring for your kids. Overall it's something you may need to throw money at since your husband isn't willing to help.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree that it's telling that your husband's response to you wanting a divorce is to get angry. I'm sorry he's not the same person to you that he used to be. Counseling could help if he was willing to change, but it doesn't sound like he is. Hugs to you and your kids. You'll make it through this.
Thanks so much ladies for your support. You have no idea how much it means & helps. Yesterday I sat & thought about what I could forgive, what I could forget, what I needed, and what was nice to have. In this process, I've realized that I've sacrificied a lot of what I needed and a lot of what I wanted. I drew one conclusion, I've become so pathetic & desperate that I've whittled it down to 1 thing, I need my husband to be there for me emotionally. I confronted him with this. He said that he couldn't do it. So, I either continue on knowing he won't be there for me, or I leave. I've been doing the part where he's never there for me for almost a year now. I can't do that anymore.
At least I won't get birthday presents that are "post it notes" that say Happy Birthday.
Post by seamonster on Apr 24, 2015 16:49:11 GMT -5
Mom2Ms, I'm sorry that your husband is so checked out. You are so strong. Do what's best for you and your kids. Even if it means leaving because you need a partner who is there for you emotionally even if they can't physically be there for you. I'm here for you.
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