Birth Orders and Your Relationships

[valie]

DH and I are both oldest. We both fit the stereotype, with me on the more extreme end. DS is the first obvs and we're pretty sure he is going to "take over" one day.

Poor future child, living in a home where people have only known what it is like to be a first.

[Deleted]

Apr 22, 2015 11:33:41 GMT -5 pippacricket said:

Apr 22, 2015 10:39:33 GMT -5 @erin2021 said:

I am the eldest, my husband is the baby in the family. He is very go with the flow, laid back doesn't fight/hates confrontation. I am bossy, high strung, and I have no problem standing up in an argument.

+1. Are we the same person?

 

[wirt2cute]

I am the only child, and the only granddaughter on my mom's side. Because my mom had me while she was in college, I lived with my aunts and grandmother while she tried to finish school so I was spoiled by everybody. I can say that I am spoiled but not a brat. I am now outspoken and I don't take crap from people, but as a child/teen I wanted everybody to like me so I was a pushover. H is the middle child and was raised by his grandmother. He is a total go with the flow type of guy, very dependent (money wise), and would rather be alone then with a group. The only thing is that his grandmother did everything for him and the whole family. They never had to clean, cook, wash clothes,or clean up their messes. I have had to tell him many times, "I am not your grandmother, throw that shit in the garbage".

[trutru127]

I am the oldest of 4, and DH is the youngest of 5. There is a 5 year span from oldest to youngest in my family and an 18 year span in DH's family. DH's closest sibling is 7 years older. He is very much the baby and acts like it in every way. It doesn't help that he lost his dad at 2 so he was babied even more than he probably would have been. I do fit the typical oldest child as well. Definitely makes for some interesting dynamics in our household.

[wanderingheart]

Psych degree coming through....I am fascinated by Adler's birth order.

I'm the baby of 4, married to another baby of 3. MH and I are complete opposites in our families. I'm definitely the youngest in my role, but MH acts more like a middle child. His oldest sibling acts like the youngest (very attention needy), his middle brother acts like the oldest (definite leader), so MH adapted and takes the middle child role in his family. He's very laid back and goes with the flow and doesn't speak up in his family.

#MHisaspechulsnowflake

[ohinvrtedworld]

@erin2021, pippacricket, longhornwino0907, trutru127 -- I'm in your club too! I am the oldest of 2 and H is the youngest of 5.

We are so stereotypical that it's not funny. I am a little more type A and kind of bossy. H is "class clown" to the core and loves being silly and entertaining everyone. He was totally babied a little bit and has a hard time owning chores and doing things around the house without a little push from me

[Deleted]

Are there any studies on middle children being unable to proofread? Jeez, I suck at words.

[thelittleredm]

I'm the baby of the family and DH is the middle child. I'm pretty laid back and definitely non-confrontational. He's very confrontational and he gets defensive easily. He's very firm in his convictions and beliefs and he doesn't budge easily. He's definitely a take-charge personality unless it comes to making decisions about where to eat Lol

[becwheat]

I am a middle child of three, and he was the baby of three. Though I have some older kid tendencies since my older brother took a little longer to mature and become the responsible guy he is today.

It works well for us. We both compromise well and we can talk through conflicts without getting into an argument most of the time.

I am pretty straight forward about my feelings. I tell him how I really feel and it sometimes takes him off guard... as the baby I think he was used to getting his way a lot and I do not always agree with him. He also has a bad memory, and I think that is from being the youngest too. He had two older brothers and his mom to keep track of things for him and he got really used to not having to remember stuff. However, I am a nervous Nelly and have to remind people about things 2-3 times to feel secure that they will remember so that works out.

[ohinvrtedworld]

Apr 22, 2015 12:21:31 GMT -5 becwheat said:

I am a middle child of three, and he was the baby of three. Though I have some older kid tendencies since my older brother took a little longer to mature and become the responsible guy he is today.

It works well for us. We both compromise well and we can talk through conflicts without getting into an argument most of the time.

I am pretty straight forward about my feelings. I tell him how I really feel and it sometimes takes him off guard... as the baby I think he was used to getting his way a lot and I do not always agree with him. He also has a bad memory, and I think that is from being the youngest too. He had two older brothers and his mom to keep track of things for him and he got really used to not having to remember stuff. However, I am a nervous Nelly and have to remind people about things 2-3 times to feel secure that they will remember so that works out.

Omg, I've never made this connection before but I think you are onto something! Because this sounds like MH to. a. tee.

[becwheat]

Apr 22, 2015 12:23:42 GMT -5 ohinvrtedworld said:

Apr 22, 2015 12:21:31 GMT -5 becwheat said:

I am a middle child of three, and he was the baby of three. Though I have some older kid tendencies since my older brother took a little longer to mature and become the responsible guy he is today.

It works well for us. We both compromise well and we can talk through conflicts without getting into an argument most of the time.

I am pretty straight forward about my feelings. I tell him how I really feel and it sometimes takes him off guard... as the baby I think he was used to getting his way a lot and I do not always agree with him. He also has a bad memory, and I think that is from being the youngest too. He had two older brothers and his mom to keep track of things for him and he got really used to not having to remember stuff. However, I am a nervous Nelly and have to remind people about things 2-3 times to feel secure that they will remember so that works out.

Omg, I've never made this connection before but I think you are onto something! Because this sounds like MH to. a. tee.

Seriously, it is not a bad memory as much as a bad habit. He lived with one or more family member his whole life till we got married. Thank goodness for smart phones! He can put it all in the calendar and it will alert him to things he needs to do. 

[daystardreams]

I'm the youngest. He is not the youngest but I think he has the same personality type as me. We're both laid back and I don't think we've ever had an argument that we didn't end laughing about either during or shortly after. We're both slightly pushovers.

I think he sort of has youngest mentality however as he was the youngest of three boys for 14 years or so until his little sister was born. They were so far apart that they didn't really have the dynamic that most siblings do.

I don't know about sterotypes for the different birth orders. I'm not sure if we fit or not.

[Deleted]

MH and I are both only children. We both don't like others touching our things and don't like a lot of company. We are fine with sharing with each other of course.

[wowcheezits]

I am the oldest child in my family, and while I am not a spotless person, I still do things to keep the home livable. DH is the baby in his family. While we're both stubborn, he keeps things dirty and he doesn't cook. Other than that, we've already done the live hard, love hard thing and now we're both pretty laid back.

[joy]

Apr 22, 2015 12:23:42 GMT -5 ohinvrtedworld said:

Apr 22, 2015 12:21:31 GMT -5 becwheat said:

 He also has a bad memory, and I think that is from being the youngest too. He had two older brothers and his mom to keep track of things for him and he got really used to not having to remember stuff.

Omg, I've never made this connection before but I think you are onto something! Because this sounds like MH to. a. tee.

I'm the baby and remember everything.  I'm insanely independent.  Even as a young kid, my parents tell me one of my first phrases was "No, my do it."  I wanted to do everything myself.  And still do.

I have characteristics of being the youngest child and I used it to my advantage at times (being little, sweet, and innocent definitely got me out of a few jams as a kid), but mostly I don't fit the mold.

[dashook]

Apr 22, 2015 11:23:54 GMT -5 valie said:

DH and I are both oldest. We both fit the stereotype, with me on the more extreme end. DS is the first obvs and we're pretty sure he is going to "take over" one day.

Poor future child, living in a home where people have only known what it is like to be a first.

This is how I feel about my family's future, as well.

[Deleted]

We are both the oldest kids in our families.  I'm not sure which traits are "typical" for oldest siblings but we are both mature, hard working and responsible.  We are also easy going, but not spontaneous.  

We often complain to each other about our youngest siblings and how they are both entitled, spoiled and had it easy growing up. Although I will say that my youngest brother doesn't act so entitled anymore but DH's sister sure does!

[Lollipop]

H and I are both the oldest of 2. He feels like the black sheep in his family, because his sister is a perfect little angel, who never questioned or went against their parents.

Whereas I was the better behaved of my sister and I (according to everyone but my dad, but that's a whole other post)

We don't actually fight much, because we're both pretty easy going for the most part. I hate confrontation, and he's just too... Lazy? Possibly the wrong word, but I can't think of the right one.

[ceejay]

Apr 22, 2015 10:42:02 GMT -5 shadesofgold said:

I'm the oldest of three and so is MH. I think we're both pretty independent, outgoing people who both like to be leaders. That seems pretty stereotypical. We have very similar personalities in groups and our families - we always feel like we have to coordinate holidays and events, and feel responsible for everyone's comfort and things going well. I would say this can sometimes be a liability, because we can get too wrapped up in the logistics of things and too absorbed in making sure things go well to really enjoy ourselves. If we disagree on how things should run, things can get testy. We also both feel like we have to take care of our siblings, sometimes even giving them financial support and elaborate gifts. And when we get into arguments with each other, we both have to be right. We'll argue about the factual correctness of who said or did what, who was at fault, etc. We have to be really intentional on focusing on "I feel" statements and giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.

@underdog25 God, I still can't look at your siggy gif too long without getting uncomfortable. I need to find that episode... maybe some night when H is out.


Edited. Tagging.

MH and I are similar in many ways to you and your H. We are both the oldest (I'm oldest of 3, he's oldest of 6!) and take on a lot of responsibility in our families of caring for our younger siblings (and now for our parents as they've been getting older). I tend to be responsible more so for logistics and planning and organizing things in my family, while MH is responsible for the feelings and relationships within his family (makes sense... I'm a scientist, he's a family therapist!).   I've organized every family vacation and major purchase for my family since I was a teenager. MH is the one that his siblings and parents always call for relationship advice and wisdom. 

As firstborns, we both like to be right, and it's taken us many years of marriage to learn to let the other person do things their own way, though DH has always been better at this than me! (I'm always a perfectionist...)

My family has 3 girls and has always fit very well with the stereotypical birth order traits. I'm the oldest - perfectionist, leader, likes to be in control, organizes everything, overachiever, etc. My middle sister is the scatterbrained and artistic dreamer. My youngest sister carefree and sometimes self-centered, doing things on her own without thinking of what would be best or most helpful to others.

[icequeen]

Good question!

I am the oldest and DH is the youngest. We both just have one sibling, although DH's older sister died a few years ago from Melanoma. I definitely fit the bill of the outspoken, argumentative, and controlling older sibling. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and usually don't think before I act, making me very impulsive and reactionary. I pay extraordinary attention to detail and don't give up until I get my way. These traits have their ups and downs but overall DH and I really help bring out the best in each other, especially lately. He is very calm, rational, and stoic. I love that he can handle any kind of situation without flying off the handle, and can work through problems step by step instead of catastrophizing everything right away. He is rarely emotional, but will bring out a deeper side of him when he is pushed enough. I honestly could not imagine being with anyone else, no matter how imperfect our marriage is. Wouldn't trade it for anything!

[shadesofgold]

Apr 22, 2015 17:15:20 GMT -5 ceejay said:

Apr 22, 2015 10:42:02 GMT -5 shadesofgold said:

I'm the oldest of three and so is MH. I think we're both pretty independent, outgoing people who both like to be leaders. That seems pretty stereotypical. We have very similar personalities in groups and our families - we always feel like we have to coordinate holidays and events, and feel responsible for everyone's comfort and things going well. I would say this can sometimes be a liability, because we can get too wrapped up in the logistics of things and too absorbed in making sure things go well to really enjoy ourselves. If we disagree on how things should run, things can get testy. We also both feel like we have to take care of our siblings, sometimes even giving them financial support and elaborate gifts. And when we get into arguments with each other, we both have to be right. We'll argue about the factual correctness of who said or did what, who was at fault, etc. We have to be really intentional on focusing on "I feel" statements and giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.

MH and I are similar in many ways to you and your H. We are both the oldest (I'm oldest of 3, he's oldest of 6!) and take on a lot of responsibility in our families of caring for our younger siblings (and now for our parents as they've been getting older). I tend to be responsible more so for logistics and planning and organizing things in my family, while MH is responsible for the feelings and relationships within his family (makes sense... I'm a scientist, he's a family therapist!).   I've organized every family vacation and major purchase for my family since I was a teenager. MH is the one that his siblings and parents always call for relationship advice and wisdom. 

As firstborns, we both like to be right, and it's taken us many years of marriage to learn to let the other person do things their own way, though DH has always been better at this than me! (I'm always a perfectionist...)

My family has 3 girls and has always fit very well with the stereotypical birth order traits. I'm the oldest - perfectionist, leader, likes to be in control, organizes everything, overachiever, etc. My middle sister is the scatterbrained and artistic dreamer. My youngest sister carefree and sometimes self-centered, doing things on her own without thinking of what would be best or most helpful to others.

Yep, sounds familiar! Even your description of your roles with your siblings is spot on for me. 

[onesweetworld]

Apr 22, 2015 10:48:52 GMT -5 SheilaTheTank said:

I am an only child.

I am the youngest, oldest, and middle.

I don't like sharing. As far as any other only child stereotype I don't know. I fall more into my zodiac sign as far as personality goes.

MH is the oldest and his brother is 7 years younger. They are best friends and have been even since they were little kids. Most of my friends that I know who have that large of a gap would always fight as kids and it wasn't until they were older that they became friends.

+1 except MH is 3 years older than BIL.

Only Children FTW