When it gets too messy, he helps. But if I want it done right, I have to do it myself. And he takes forever to do it. Although, he does cook more. But that's because he hates the dishes.
Post by KC thepouchh8r on Jan 22, 2015 9:20:04 GMT -5
It's varied over the years. When I was hugely pregnant with an infant/had 2u2, I did hardly anything. Dh would come home, cook and clean. Now that I have two preschoolers in school every am and ds is old enough for chores dh hardly has any responsibility. He takes out trash, does our budget and does some random deep cleaning project one Saturday morning a month but that's about it.
DH helps out with DS getting to bed when he gets home in time. He'll do the odd job around the house like fixing a curtain rod last week at my request. Everyday stuff? None. He works long hours, travels quit a bit and often works when he's at home. We do have a twice a month gardener and someone who cleans the house so it's not like I'm stuck doing everything either.
We don't really have specific jobs, if something needs to be done then someone does it. Sometimes I need to point out things that need to be done, but over all he's pretty helpful. DH works an odd schedule, he's home Monday through Thursday afternoon, so it actually works out great for him being around to help out around the house. We have a 7 month old and he knows DS's whole schedule so we swap off on everything involving him.
I do pretty much all of the housekeeping and cooking. I also pay the bills and manage our money (he just makes it!) He will pick up toys and clean up the kitchen in the evening while I am putting the boys to bed if I haven't gotten around to it. He usually helps with one of the boys' baths and will do any bedtime stuff I need/want him to. He also often walks the dog in the evenings. He helps with DS1 overnight if he wakes up.
Parenting is split 50/50 when he is home. He often takes the boys out on the weekends to give me a break or some quiet time to get caught up on other housework.
I manage all our social stuff, shop for and send presents and cards for both families, organize family photos, schedule doctor appointments, etc.
He loves to cook and will when it makes sense for the day's schedule. Sometimes he'll cook for us after the boys are in bed.
Our HOA takes care of all our lawn care, landscaping, and exterior maintenance.
Overall, I am glad to be Chief Household Officer! I'm comfortable with the division of roles, it just makes family life run smoother. He is also super laid back and does not care at all if I let the house go a bit. He will help out in any way I ask.
Post by beckyrosen on Jan 23, 2015 20:33:50 GMT -5
DH took on most of the responsibilities when I went back to school. Then he kept them when I was pregnant and battling morning sickness and other fun things about pregnancy. I'm just now starting to get back into stuff (LO is 6 weeks). I'm cooking dinner and doing daytime dishes, DH cleans up after dinner. I do the tidying up, organizing and vacuuming, DH does the bathroom. And I'm starting to take back the laundry.
There is no division in this house. It simply does not occur to DH that if the dishes are piled up in the sink, and I'm nursing the baby, to just go load the dish washer. I have to specifically ask. It is annoying as FUCK. I do the dishes, the laundry, the childcare, the shopping, and about 90% of the cooking. But I flat out refuse to do the trash-- unless he isn't home. And even then I usually just pull the bag higher and shove more in.
I also have strongly resisted doing the snow removal. I do everything else around here, he can do that. Either he'll get the hint and help out, or we'll get a snowblower. I'm okay with either.
I'll never understand why women expect their husbands to mind read. My dh wouldn't instinctively go do dishes either but if I ask for his help with something he does it. Big deal. I don't get being passive aggressive about household stuff at all.
There is no division in this house. It simply does not occur to DH that if the dishes are piled up in the sink, and I'm nursing the baby, to just go load the dish washer. I have to specifically ask. It is annoying as FUCK. I do the dishes, the laundry, the childcare, the shopping, and about 90% of the cooking. But I flat out refuse to do the trash-- unless he isn't home. And even then I usually just pull the bag higher and shove more in.
I also have strongly resisted doing the snow removal. I do everything else around here, he can do that. Either he'll get the hint and help out, or we'll get a snowblower. I'm okay with either.
I'll never understand why women expect their husbands to mind read. My dh wouldn't instinctively go do dishes either but if I ask for his help with something he does it. Big deal. I don't get being passive aggressive about household stuff at all.
It's not about being a mind reader, it's about seeing that something needs to be done and taking the initiative to do it.
I don't expect my husband to read my mind, but I do expect him to take care of obvious chores when he is able. (Ie. When you go to put something in the trash, and it is full, take it out.)
Post by redhorizon343 on Jan 24, 2015 12:37:30 GMT -5
I do 100% of all the work. Occasionally DH will cook or food shop. When I worked this bothered me immensely. He doesn't even know where the cleaning supplies are.
But he does make up for it by taking care of LO when he is home, and I do have more time to stay on top of those thugs while I'm home. I think it would be a MAJOR adjustment if I went back to work
I do 100% of all the work. Occasionally DH will cook or food shop. When I worked this bothered me immensely. He doesn't even know where the cleaning supplies are.
But he does make up for it by taking care of LO when he is home, and I do have more time to stay on top of those thugs while I'm home. I think it would be a MAJOR adjustment if I went back to work
When women are in these kinds of relationships they only have themselves to blame. You're being a doormat. You can demand your husband act like an adult and do his share or you can silently resent that he acts that way. It's your choice.
Post by BostonKisses on Jan 24, 2015 14:11:40 GMT -5
We have things split about 60/40, with more on me because of DH's jobs. some weeks it's more of a 90/10 split if it's his heavy meeting week, and those are the absolute killers. Tons of stuff sits until I get to it or until he has a moment to do it.
He takes care of the trash, cleaning the bathrooms, mopping the floors, some of the kid's treatments on weekends/days off, and poop scooping the yard. I handle all of the cooking and grocery shopping, paying bills, laundry, sanitizing surfaces/high touch objects, do most of the vacuuming, the majority of the kid's treatments, and all of the scheduling and taking to appointments. Dishes are split about 50/50, and are usually done by the person that gets to them first.
I do most of the housework. He always takes the trash out. We don't have much for outdoor work but he does the few things that need taken care of. If I am exhausted or sometimes just because he will clean up the kitchen after dinner. I keep a pretty good flow of chores during the day/week so there isn't much for him to do even if he wanted. I get bored and I guess housework is just something to do. We also meal plan so I will start dinner. This is more for me because I'm starving by 4 so I want to eat right at 5 when he is home. Other than that, he just pitches in whenever I need him or he wants to. He is pretty helpful.
I do most of the "inside" stuff such as cleaning and cooking. He does the outside stuff, yard work and snow shoveling. He takes care of the bills but we do our taxes and big financial planning together. I suck at saving so it's better he takes care of that. Right now we have a new born that is up once a night so we take turns getting up with her.
I do all of the indoor housework, unless it is too high for me to reach This includes dishes, laundry, washing/sweeping, vacuuming, cleaning the appliances, picking up after everyone, etc. It is only DH, DD and me, but man, can I ever have clean floors?!?! Never. I cook during the week and prepare all the meals. We split grocery shopping duties, depending on who is where.
DH is super great at taking care of the yard work, paying our bills, and cooking on the weekends. He is an expert at all things electrical, so if something is broken, I probably have to call on him to fix it. I don't expect him to do many chores, because he is gone at 5am and comes home at 7pm. He mainly interacts with DD when he gets home, and on the weekend. I don't mind though, as long as I can have some "me time" on the weekend
Post by Lrachelle80 on Feb 1, 2015 17:58:43 GMT -5
DH works 80 hours a week, so I pretty much do everything. He watches the kids for four hours a week on Sunday when I'm working. We don't get to see him often enough. But I do 95% of the house work and child-related things.
Post by URMySunshine77 on Feb 1, 2015 18:11:18 GMT -5
We have a pretty traditional relationship. DH works a lot, so I do the cooking, laundry, dishes, and spit-and-polish cleaning. I have a cleaning lady come once a month, but it should be every two weeks. I work at my at-home job when DS goes to sleep, so I don't clean often. DH helps cook a little on the weekends and takes out the garbage and compost.
Post by sarahandeddie on Feb 2, 2015 0:55:40 GMT -5
I do all the cleaning, laundry, dishes and cooking. I also take care of bath time and bed time (DH works during that time). I also take care of paying the bills and do most of the drop off/pick up for DD#1's preschool.
DH takes care of the yard work (mowing in summer and snow removal in winter). He also takes care of all the car maintenance.
I take on most of the home and child care responsibilities simply because of DH's work schedule. He's a cop and frequently gets held over late, and he already works nights. In addition to his regular shift he has frequent court appearances and it's just easier if I take care of things. He does help if I specifically ask him to do a certain task.
I do the actual cleaning and most of the care for LO but DH sometimes helps out feeding LO dinner, changing diapers, and doing dishes. He is also open to doing other things I just have to ask.
Nope. I do just about everything. DH brings home the bacon but I budget, grocery shop, pay the bills, do most of the things for DD (he changes an occasional diaper), do all the cooking and cleaning.
We used to pretend like he would do things, but I'd just end up doing them anyway. He really doesn't understand how difficult it is to be a SAHM. He thinks that because he used to take care of her while I worked when she was 4-5 months old that he knows what it's like taking care of a 16 month old all day.
ETA he does tuck DD into bed every night as well as play with her and keeps her out of my hair while I cook dinner
When DH is home he does bathtime/bedtime, takes the three ring circus Sunday mornings so I can sleep, takes out the trash and does most yard work not pertaining to my veggie garden.
I take care of the kids. I cook and clean the kitchen. Dishes are 65% mine. We outsource laundry and ironing, and I put it away once done. I do the groceries. I tidy up the house. I clean/declutter the ref weekly.
DH mops the floors. tidies up the house and makes the bed most of the time . Does all the deep cleaning. Cleans the bathroom. Cleans and maintains the cars. Takes out the trash. I can say that I'm lucky to have a neat freak DH
Post by younglove316 on Feb 6, 2015 9:41:50 GMT -5
I do the shopping, bill paying, most of the house cleaning, and cooking.
He does the vacuuming though because apparently there is a right way to do it and he says it's relaxing so I'm not going to argue. He will also do the laundry on occasion and then I just put it away.
We split cleaning the litter box and when he is off we split baby responsibilities 50/50.
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