Post by shadesofgold on May 7, 2015 10:25:55 GMT -5
Cycle/Month: Cycle 5 (3 AL - benched)
CD: 6
What are you doing to get knocked up? Vitamins, charting, sex next cycle
R/R/CS: On vacation for a friend's wedding. Stayed with some friends last night who are preparing for a baby next month. Nursery is decked out, car seat is in the living room, mama was doing prenatal yoga this morning. As expected, I am feeling excited for them and vaguely sad for us.
GTKY: How do you learn about current events? Twitter,NYT and Washington Post (my local paper). When I am looking for content, I will also read Daily Beast, Slate, Vox and BBC.
---' So my ultrasounds were clear, but my doctor is on board that something is off. She does not have an explanation as to why I'm experiencing so much pain during my luteal phase, and would like me to have an HSG has been done. She also ordered an SA for MH as well. She will refer us to an RE pending the results of these tests. I'm 100% in agreement with this plan. I'm not quite mentally ready for the RE referral; but the unexplained pain has been nerve racking and needs to be figured out.
I've been having waves of sadness and fear lately too as the months pass and other people's pregnancies are announced and babies arrive. The uncertainty is so hard.
ETA: bro-five on the NYT shadesofgold. Every time I see your avatar, I question my decision not to have mine be Sally Draper.
Post by mustloveerica on May 7, 2015 11:32:03 GMT -5
@wallflower926 I'm glad your ultrasound was clear but sorry you didn't get the answers you were hoping for. Lots of squishy boob hugs coming your way. I'm keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for you to feel better!
It could have gone better. Exams like these skyrocket my anxiety, and even though they gave me something for it, I couldn't deal with the probe. So they tried to get what they needed with the normal u/s, but my bladder was too empty so I had to chug water and even then they barely got what they needed. RE is supposed to call me later but the PA doing the u/s is so worried about my anxiety she is worried about my HSG next week, or even being able to get iui or ivf if it comes to that.
I am so embarrassed and humiliated and then MH and I got in a fight on our way from the office to my work. I feel like we are wasting everyone's time because we clearly have a sex problem. I feel like we have no business TTC, even though I want a family with the man I love, because we can't figure out our bedroom issues and I can't get past my own head when it comes to exams. I don't know what to do anymore except cry.
It could have gone better. Exams like these skyrocket my anxiety, and even though they gave me something for it, I couldn't deal with the probe. So they tried to get what they needed with the normal u/s, but my bladder was too empty so I had to chug water and even then they barely got what they needed. RE is supposed to call me later but the PA doing the u/s is so worried about my anxiety she is worried about my HSG next week, or even being able to get iui or ivf if it comes to that.
I am so embarrassed and humiliated and then MH and I got in a fight on our way from the office to my work. I feel like we are wasting everyone's time because we clearly have a sex problem. I feel like we have no business TTC, even though I want a family with the man I love, because we can't figure out our bedroom issues and I can't get past my own head when it comes to exams. I don't know what to do anymore except cry.
Whoa, I'm really sorry. Is there a story behind this I'm missing?
Post by mustloveerica on May 7, 2015 11:44:20 GMT -5
cakewench hugs for you too. This is a sucky day for a lot of people. Have you and H considered couples counseling to sort through your problems. It may help get you in the right frame of mind before you do all the testing.
cakewench, I am so so sorry! Giant ((HUGS))!! I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. Tests are nerve-wracking and stressful and uncomfortable. It sounds like what they gave you didn't work... is there another medication you could try next time? I apologize if you have already addressed this before, but have you talked to someone/therapist about the bedroom issues? It can be so alienating to feel like you are going through something like this and talking out loud may help.
It could have gone better. Exams like these skyrocket my anxiety, and even though they gave me something for it, I couldn't deal with the probe. So they tried to get what they needed with the normal u/s, but my bladder was too empty so I had to chug water and even then they barely got what they needed. RE is supposed to call me later but the PA doing the u/s is so worried about my anxiety she is worried about my HSG next week, or even being able to get iui or ivf if it comes to that.
I am so embarrassed and humiliated and then MH and I got in a fight on our way from the office to my work. I feel like we are wasting everyone's time because we clearly have a sex problem. I feel like we have no business TTC, even though I want a family with the man I love, because we can't figure out our bedroom issues and I can't get past my own head when it comes to exams. I don't know what to do anymore except cry.
Whoa, I'm really sorry. Is there a story behind this I'm missing?
Thanks. Um... Well I guess long story short H has low T and low drive, so our sex life is often not... great. My anxiety during exams stems from my first exam when I was out of college and still a virgin and so was totally unprepared for what was coming. So I just associate those exams with stress and pain which I know makes it worse. Couple that with a less than stellar sex life and yeah, I am a giant ball of crazy on the exam table. They keep telling me I'm not the only one like this, but I feel like it. I know these exams are going to be uncomfortable, but o think my anxiety keeps me from relaxing so that makes it hurt and it's just a repeating cycle. Im in therapy, but clearly something else needs to be done.
cakewench, I am so so sorry! Giant ((HUGS))!! I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. Tests are nerve-wracking and stressful and uncomfortable. It sounds like what they gave you didn't work... is there another medication you could try next time? I apologize if you have already addressed this before, but have you talked to someone/therapist about the bedroom issues? It can be so alienating to feel like you are going through something like this and talking out loud may help.
I agree about not being embarrassed. We've all been there! I sobbed on my way home from my appointment today. It's nerve wracking to be poked and prodded and not have any answers. We're here for you girl!
Whoa, I'm really sorry. Is there a story behind this I'm missing?
Thanks. Um... Well I guess long story short H has low T and low drive, so our sex life is often not... great. My anxiety during exams stems from my first exam when I was out of college and still a virgin and so was totally unprepared for what was coming. So I just associate those exams with stress and pain which I know makes it worse. Couple that with a less than stellar sex life and yeah, I am a giant ball of crazy on the exam table. They keep telling me I'm not the only one like this, but I feel like it. I know these exams are going to be uncomfortable, but o think my anxiety keeps me from relaxing so that makes it hurt and it's just a repeating cycle. Im in therapy, but clearly something else needs to be done.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry. I think all of us have been at a point where TTC is less fun and more complicated than we ever imagined. I think couples' counseling might be a good idea, as a PP suggested. Sending hugs for you today. It's totally natural to fall apart in such high-stress situations.
mustloveerica, ((hugs)) to you too! cakewench, thanks for sharing your story. maybe therapy for you both? This sounds like so much to deal with alone. I'm sorry.
Sorry everyone for being such a Debbie downer yesterday. It's been a rough month but I really appreciate all the support here. I couldn't imagine doing this without GKU. mustloveerica - hope your appointment went well this am. And now I want a burrito @cakewench - *little boob squishy hugs* I hope you can work through your issues @ wallie (I don't know your tag on mobile) - I hope they can get you some answers. Remember to take everything at your speed and not the doctors if you're not ready.
Cycle/Month: 9/9
CD: 17
What are you doing to get knocked up? Waiting for my 3rd high temp
R/R/CS: my goal is to stay as busy as possible doing non-GKU related things for the next two weeks. I'll still be here I just don't want to think about my ute.
GTKY: How do you learn about current events? Print, TV or Online? Which channel, website, or magazine/newspaper do you like best? I'm a nbc loyal. I watch the local in the am, have the local app on my phone for push notifications, and follow them on Facebook. DH watches squakbox in the morning and Jim Cramer at night so I listen to that.
GTKY: How do you learn about current events? Print, TV or Online? Which channel, website, or magazine/newspaper do you like best? I only get a few channels so we don't really watch tv. I get my news from fb, other wise I am happy to live in my naive little bubble.
ETA: I do have a rant. My bbt is favoring temps and it's annoying me.
Post by mustloveerica on May 7, 2015 12:12:09 GMT -5
Alright well I guess I'll do my update too...
I guess I was totally not mentally prepared for this appointment. The doctor is nice and all and the facility is supposedly the best in the city, but it was extremely overwhelming. I feel like I almost had a panic attack, I could literally feel my blood pounding in my ears. She asked us a ton of questions about our lifestyle, my cycles, our history. She studied my charts pretty in depth and said they look biphasic but that my spotting is a little concerning. And all of that was find but then she wrote up orders for a million blood tests for both DH and I, a sperm analysis, an HSG, and ultrasound. Then she started rattling on about chlomid and twins. She described the HSG in detail and now I'm panicking about it because it sounds painful. Then she started talking about genetic testing and IVF.
This is where I fell apart. DH is deaf. She started telling us that we should do genetic testing to determine which gene caused his hearing impairment, then when we do IVF we will choose against that gene to prevent that "defect". I am not ok with that. Not at all. 0%. And neither is DH. I would NEVER choose my children based on their genes or their "defects", nor have we even decided if we would ever consider IVF at all.
It was just so overwhelming and so much to take in at one time. I literally was sobbing in the car because I'm so freaked out.
So I think we will do the blood tests, the SA, the HSG and the ultrasound and then we will decide if we want to continue from there.
I'm still freaked out by the genetic testing for DHs "defect".
It was just so overwhelming and so much to take in at one time. I literally was sobbing in the car because I'm so freaked out.
I'm really sorry that it was a lot and that the re's choice of wording or whatever it was was so upsetting. I don't blame you and would feel that way too.
Big hugs to all who need it today. Anyone in favor of starting the drinking thread early?
Cycle/Month: 9/9
CD: 5
What are you doing to get knocked up? just hydrating, will start temping in a few days.
R/R/CS: anxiously awaiting my results from all the testing I started this month at the RE office.
GTKY: How do you learn about current events? Print, TV or Online? Which channel, website, or magazine/newspaper do you like best? I'm not to good at keeping up. I'll turn on the news sometimes around dinner.
mustloveerica - I'm so sorry it was overwhelming for you today. Just take a couple days to let it all sink in. You have the right to ask for a second opinion if you dont feel this doctor is going to properly meet your needs a patient.
mustloveerica - I am so sorry you had such a rough appointment. Sending you lots of hugs.
And thanks ladies, for the support. I need to talk to MH more tonight obviously, and the RE about what to do next. I really did try to not be nervous for this. I told myself that if we want a baby, I need put on my big girl panties and just do this and yes it won't be pleasant but that I was strong enough to handle it. And apparently as soon as my ass hits the table, that goes out the door.
mustloveerica, I am so sorry. That sounds so overwhelming and frankly the doctor (who I am sure is very good) sounds SUPER insensitive. Sometimes I feel like doctors are so into the science part of the problem they forget there are human issues too.
I guess I was totally not mentally prepared for this appointment. The doctor is nice and all and the facility is supposedly the best in the city, but it was extremely overwhelming. I feel like I almost had a panic attack, I could literally feel my blood pounding in my ears. She asked us a ton of questions about our lifestyle, my cycles, our history. She studied my charts pretty in depth and said they look biphasic but that my spotting is a little concerning. And all of that was find but then she wrote up orders for a million blood tests for both DH and I, a sperm analysis, an HSG, and ultrasound. Then she started rattling on about chlomid and twins. She described the HSG in detail and now I'm panicking about it because it sounds painful. Then she started talking about genetic testing and IVF.
This is where I fell apart. DH is deaf. She started telling us that we should do genetic testing to determine which gene caused his hearing impairment, then when we do IVF we will choose against that gene to prevent that "defect". I am not ok with that. Not at all. 0%. And neither is DH. I would NEVER choose my children based on their genes or their "defects", nor have we even decided if we would ever consider IVF at all.
It was just so overwhelming and so much to take in at one time. I literally was sobbing in the car because I'm so freaked out.
So I think we will do the blood tests, the SA, the HSG and the ultrasound and then we will decide if we want to continue from there.
I'm still freaked out by the genetic testing for DHs "defect".
I'm sorry your feeling so overwhelmed. I recently felt the same way at my first RE appointment. It sounds like she may not have worded some things the best way about the testing. But just to let you know, I think the genetic testing is typical whether you have a family hx or not. I had a huge panel of genetic tests run, and when I looked through the large list I didn't see a family hx of anything there. Either way, I hope your day gets better :/
Post by mustloveerica on May 7, 2015 12:36:49 GMT -5
I think it was the amount of information and tests that were ordered coupled with the emphasis on testing out the genes for deafness so our child won't be deaf that got me. I really think she is a good doctor that knows her stuff. Maybe her bed side manner needs a little work. It was just so so much at once. locopollo I'm assuming the genetic testing is only for IVF? Can you opt out of that? Morally I don't feel right choosing my child based on genes. I will love a deaf child just as much as a hearing child and I will under no circumstances choose to select embryos or whatever based on that gene.
mustloveerica, I'm so sorry about your stressful appointment. It sucks that it's so common for people to immediately identify difference as problematic. I hope you and your H are able to get the TTC help and answers you need without anymore of the ignorant assumptions.
cakewench - Take your time. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. Do not put yourself in the mindset that you are wasting other people's time. If you are meeting with an RE, then your gyn must have enough concerns to refer you.
Just remember deep breaths and you will get throuh this.
I think it was the amount of information and tests that were ordered coupled with the emphasis on testing out the genes for deafness so our child won't be deaf that got me. I really think she is a good doctor that knows her stuff. Maybe her bed side manner needs a little work. It was just so so much at once. locopollo I'm assuming the genetic testing is only for IVF? Can you opt out of that? Morally I don't feel right choosing my child based on genes. I will love a dead child just as much as a hearing child and I will under no circumstances choose to select embryos or whatever based on that gene.
My RE gave me the option of not doing it. The only reason I know this was because it was pretty expensive to run the panel of tests. It makes sense if its for IVF, but to be honest I'm not sure .... I have only met with my RE once, and just had my cycle day 3 bloodwork and ultrasound this past week, so its all new to me too. But I can understand why you could be so taken aback by her words though. I would imagine if you didn't want to do the testing, you wouldn't have too.
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