As a FTM and full-time pessimist I have spent the entire pregnancy imagining the first few weeks in our house post-partum. IRL anything that doesn't involve my cats/husband becoming semi-ferral and foraging through the garbage for food while i drift through the house in an assortment of mismatching sick-stained clothes with boobs that resemble 2 ferrets fighting to get out of a sack is going to be a bonus for me.
But seriously, I do appreciate the advice from STMs and it rarely comes across as preachy. I feel like maybe I have unrealistic expectations sometimes but for the most part I can't imagine how its going to change my life so I try not to have any expectations!!
I must be a pessimist too because this is pretty much what I'm imagining. A friend of mine just had her baby two weeks ago and when I visited her house, I was shocked to find it pretty clean, her hair washed AND she had clothes on! I guess I was imagining my zombie self drifting through the house in blood and vomit covered pajamas while my dogs look at me with pleading eyes amid the train wreck.
As a FTM and full-time pessimist I have spent the entire pregnancy imagining the first few weeks in our house post-partum. IRL anything that doesn't involve my cats/husband becoming semi-ferral and foraging through the garbage for food while i drift through the house in an assortment of mismatching sick-stained clothes with boobs that resemble 2 ferrets fighting to get out of a sack is going to be a bonus for me.
But seriously, I do appreciate the advice from STMs and it rarely comes across as preachy. I feel like maybe I have unrealistic expectations sometimes but for the most part I can't imagine how its going to change my life so I try not to have any expectations!!
+1 -- couldn't have said it better myself! I keep thinking that if I imagine it as horrible as it can be, the reality will be so much better. Maybe that's naive, but the bolded says it so perfectly!
I think pessimist idea is a good way to live life in general for me. If my expectations aren't very high then when things go the way I think they will (horribly) I won't be upset or stressed/disappointed. And when they are the opposite and everything turns out way better then hey that's a bonus and fabulous because I wasn't expecting it. But honestly I don't anticipate it being too bad the first few weeks. Because a. My DS was pretty easy just every two hour feedings and b. I still deal with waking up multiple times a night for all of DDs medical stuff. But I may be shooting myself in the foot and have a very needy baby who wants to eat all night and still have to do all the things for DD. So I will try to look at it like that. That this baby will want to be on my boob all night while I am trying to suction DD out and dealing with all her damn alarms that go off five times a night for no reason half the time. We shall see!!!!
@badwolf321, not a bad idea! I kept my shit together fairly well with my first, but there were certainly days (especially after family left, and H was back to work) that I didn't shower and used dry shampoo just to make myself feel better. I hate feeling greasy hair!
It also came in handy the first month or two (or more if we're being honest) when I returned to work.... Hell, she's almost 3 and there are still times I use it, especially on weekends, just because I don't want to shower!
My fffc: its after 2pm and I've achieved less than zero today, except for finishing off the nutella in front of some shitty 'i escaped from jail' type tv marathon in my PJs. I also don't intend doing anything until approx 615 whereby I'll run around the house like a lunatic shoving shit in cupboards and putting the washer on so that when DH walks in at 630 I'll be looking busy and hassled, like its been a gruelling day of nesting.
I love this! I don't even pretend anymore, though. I feel like the worst wife ever, I just have absolutely 0 energy.
As a FTM and full-time pessimist I have spent the entire pregnancy imagining the first few weeks in our house post-partum. IRL anything that doesn't involve my cats/husband becoming semi-ferral and foraging through the garbage for food while i drift through the house in an assortment of mismatching sick-stained clothes with boobs that resemble 2 ferrets fighting to get out of a sack is going to be a bonus for me.
But seriously, I do appreciate the advice from STMs and it rarely comes across as preachy. I feel like maybe I have unrealistic expectations sometimes but for the most part I can't imagine how its going to change my life so I try not to have any expectations!!
I must be a pessimist too because this is pretty much what I'm imagining. A friend of mine just had her baby two weeks ago and when I visited her house, I was shocked to find it pretty clean, her hair washed AND she had clothes on! I guess I was imagining my zombie self drifting through the house in blood and vomit covered pajamas while my dogs look at me with pleading eyes amid the train wreck.
I'm with you ladies. I think my brain keeps telling me that this will be the most difficult experience of my life, so that if it really is that bad, I'll be prepared.
Post by leenziepops on May 22, 2015 18:04:13 GMT -5
@pcrunk , Your vag sounds so beautiful that I think your SO should wear a GoPro so we can all have the privilege to gaze upon your blossoming blooming lotus blossom and watch the butterflies come out.
Post by mrskblack11 on May 22, 2015 18:12:37 GMT -5
My friend, who is a FTM, gave birth at 34 weeks, said her labor was easy and she actually enjoyed the birthing experience. She looked awesome after giving birth. She went home after 3 days and her baby never had to go to NICU. Baby is up to breastfeed every few hours she is getting limited sleep but she has zero complaints.
I see nothing wrong with being positive and hoping for an awesome experience. Is this reality for most? Maybe not. But I don't think just because you are a FTM and you don't know what to expect makes you naive. I think most of the ladies on this board are intelligent and know it won't always be glitter farts and roses. STMs also don't know how their next labor will go or how new baby is going to act.
To wish a "reality check" on FTMs just makes you an asshat.
Post by pghtruelove on May 22, 2015 18:34:41 GMT -5
I never know what to tell people when they ask me if this is my first baby. I had one before and gave her up for adoption since I was so young, but I don't discount her. Sometimes I say it's my first other times I tell people it's my second. When I do tell its my second I lead people to believe I still have her. It gets very confusing for me.
Also on he first time mom reality check... My first was extremely easy. Went to the hospital at 3am, slept until 9:30am, pushed, and she was born at 9:47am. I credit this mostly to I was 13 and played competitive sports the entire time I was pregnant and in the best shape of my life, and I was 13 and was pretty sure I was going to die during child birth, so anything that wasn't death was awesome. I am terrified that this labor is going to be AWFUL. I am preparing myself for the worst again.
Post by sonuptosondown on May 22, 2015 21:28:11 GMT -5
My youngest is 5 and turns 6 June 3rd. I have forgotten so much about pregnancy that I feel like a ftm as far as the actual pg part goes!
But my fffc is that a few times in the past month I've climbed in bed with ds1 or ds2 even though they are 5 and 7. I am feeling a bit emotional about how old they are getting and might be babying them a bit. I truly believe in a parenting style that encourages independence but I have to admit that I haven't been quite as into it lately especially with my youngest (I can't believe that he won't be my baby anymore!) My brain says they are big boys- let them grow up and my hormones are saying come to me my little babies!
Post by sugarkissed on May 22, 2015 21:50:33 GMT -5
I seriously hope that I've never come across as a know-it-all-STM either! That is far from the case, I still have no freaking idea what I'm doing some days. If anyone has ever gotten the wrong impression though, I apologize!!
My FFFC: I told my SIL that I was too exhausted to come over for lunch and board games this weekend. I actually feel great and have been going for long walks every day... I just don't want to waste our entire Sunday sitting around watching her kids run wild. I really don't enjoy board games anyways.
FFFC: I'm secretly glad that I have pregnancy as an excuse to get out of the hard manual labour of deck building this weekend. I should be totally ashamed that I am so lazy but I'm not....at all.
My friend, who is a FTM, gave birth at 34 weeks, said her labor was easy and she actually enjoyed the birthing experience. She looked awesome after giving birth. She went home after 3 days and her baby never had to go to NICU. Baby is up to breastfeed every few hours she is getting limited sleep but she has zero complaints.
I see nothing wrong with being positive and hoping for an awesome experience. Is this reality for most? Maybe not. But I don't think just because you are a FTM and you don't know what to expect makes you naive. I think most of the ladies on this board are intelligent and know it won't always be glitter farts and roses. STMs also don't know how their next labor will go or how new baby is going to act.
To wish a "reality check" on FTMs just makes you an asshat.
After DD I thought I was an expert, lol. Apparently, she falls into the category of "sucker babies," you know, the easy ones that make you think parenting is a piece of cake. Then I had DS, which was likely karma for my know-it-all attitude. Sweet Jesus.... And now? Now I'm praying this next one likes pacifiers, long naps, and never has thrush.
+1 -- couldn't have said it better myself! I keep thinking that if I imagine it as horrible as it can be, the reality will be so much better. Maybe that's naive, but the bolded says it so perfectly!
I'm usually more of an optimist, but I have decided to take this approach to pretty much everything involving delivery and post-partum. I feel like if I prepare for the "worst", then I can only be pleasantly surprised if things go better.
I try to be as realistic as possible, and since I don't know for sure, I tend to try to just keep an open mind. But DH thinks it's not going to be hard at all, and this concerns me. I wish he'd take more of your approach because I'm afraid he's going to be frightfully disappointed. Then again, he's a pretty easy-going guy so perhaps he'll do fine either way. He tends to think that worrying about something in advance won't do any good, so maybe that's the reason behind his attitude. I can't turn off the worrying, personally!
And my FFFC? Hair dryer on low to dry under the massive boobs. So amazing.
Oh I've totally done that before.... pits too on the cold setting in the summer, yes please.
After my csec with my 1st (in mid-July) I had a little pooch that hung over my incision, and I would lift the little pooch and do the same to help dry it without using a towel... it was perfect, and felt so good!
As a FTM and full-time pessimist I have spent the entire pregnancy imagining the first few weeks in our house post-partum. IRL anything that doesn't involve my cats/husband becoming semi-ferral and foraging through the garbage for food while i drift through the house in an assortment of mismatching sick-stained clothes with boobs that resemble 2 ferrets fighting to get out of a sack is going to be a bonus for me.
But seriously, I do appreciate the advice from STMs and it rarely comes across as preachy. I feel like maybe I have unrealistic expectations sometimes but for the most part I can't imagine how its going to change my life so I try not to have any expectations!!
I must be a pessimist too because this is pretty much what I'm imagining. A friend of mine just had her baby two weeks ago and when I visited her house, I was shocked to find it pretty clean, her hair washed AND she had clothes on! I guess I was imagining my zombie self drifting through the house in blood and vomit covered pajamas while my dogs look at me with pleading eyes amid the train wreck.
If it wasn't for my SO, this would totally be me. He is amazing at getting things clean, cooking, and letting me get a nap. I would be a total zombie otherwise. We will see when he returns to work next week
Post by musicfrk2002 on May 23, 2015 23:22:02 GMT -5
I unfriended my grandma on Facebook. I repeatedly asked her to stop sharing my posts and she wouldn't...I think maybe she is confused between sharing and liking
I unfriended my grandma on Facebook. I repeatedly asked her to stop sharing my posts and she wouldn't...I think maybe she is confused between sharing and liking
My husbands family has a problem with this but instead of sharing they tag themselves in every picture. I would put up a picture of me and my boys and his mom, aunt and cousin would tag themselves in it! But then I turned on tag approval. I still sometimes will get massive random notifications where one of them clearly has gone through tons of pictures and tried. Sometimes the pictures are from years ago!
I unfriended my grandma on Facebook. I repeatedly asked her to stop sharing my posts and she wouldn't...I think maybe she is confused between sharing and liking
My husbands family has a problem with this but instead of sharing they tag themselves in every picture. I would put up a picture of me and my boys and his mom, aunt and cousin would tag themselves in it! But then I turned on tag approval. I still sometimes will get massive random notifications where one of them clearly has gone through tons of pictures and tried. Sometimes the pictures are from years ago!
My in-laws do the opposite of this all the time! I guess they want me to see something so they'll tag me in the picture. So then you look at photos of me on Facebook and it has a picture of SIL's painted toenails. Which I didn't care to see enough for her to tag me in the first place. Ugh.
My husbands family has a problem with this but instead of sharing they tag themselves in every picture. I would put up a picture of me and my boys and his mom, aunt and cousin would tag themselves in it! But then I turned on tag approval. I still sometimes will get massive random notifications where one of them clearly has gone through tons of pictures and tried. Sometimes the pictures are from years ago!
My in-laws do the opposite of this all the time! I guess they want me to see something so they'll tag me in the picture. So then you look at photos of me on Facebook and it has a picture of SIL's painted toenails. Which I didn't care to see enough for her to tag me in the first place. Ugh.
I hate bring tagged I in things. I set mine up to where I have to accept it to be on my timeline. Ya there's like 100 things that I have yet to approve.
I set my privacy settings so even when people share my photos only our mutual friends can see them. It worked for a little while, but now my MIL just saves the picture and reposts them as her own. I'm not fighting her on dog pictures, but baby pictures will be a problem since she has a lot of Facebook friends that she doesn't actually know.
H and I refuse to friend my MIL on FB for this reason... among many, many others.
Unfortunately my husband and I had to "unfriend" my mother in law around Christmas last year after she made some pretty rude comments about my family on a picture I posted. I am actually glad that it happened now that baby is coming because it is definitely easier to not have to worry about her. She is very jealous and used to post on every picture. She would regularly comment on pictures of my mom and the boys "those are mom mom's boys" (she is mom mom) and it certainly wasn't in a fun manner. But I could go on and on. One day when you all are bored I could share some pretty hilarious stories about her.
sonuptosondown, did she come up with "mom mom" as her name for the grandchildren to call her? If so, it does not surprise me that she believes she's the center of the universe. I would hate the name "mom mom" for a grandma... just doesn't sit well with me.
Totally late to this party but...I still sometimes lurk on TB and constantly there's a woman on there like, "my DH and I are so poor and I can't get a job yada yada". I think that's complete bullshit. If I were in the dire financial situations that these ladies were in, you bet your ass I'd be flipping burgers, stocking shelves at Walmart or whatever. I don't get how people say there "are no jobs". They're all over the place--unless you're a criminal. Which, may be the case of some of these mommies. Who knows.
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