I mean, I love having my nails done and wearing dresses. But my husband knows how to use the washer and dryer. If his clothes are dirty, he does them himself. I'm his partner, not his mother.
I'm quoting you because I like this sentence. Relationships should always be a partnership. Household tasks should not be assigned based on traditional gender roles. They should be based on your personal strengths and desire to complete the task. (i'm having an off day, does that make sense?)
FTR, MH's nails are always in better shape than mine and he does 90% of the cooking. I'm not overly girly, but I clean up ok. Also I have always made the larger salary and manage the bills; however, I pay the bills, not because I make more, but because he is an impulsive spender and I like to keep a roof over my head.
Additional fun fact: I also do all the bug killing in my house. You never guess a 300 lb burly guy with a huge beard would be afraid of spiders, but he most definitely freaks out and begs me to kill them.
UO: I don't intend to color my hair to cover my greys. I think a head of silver hair can look so classy and I've seen some really bad dye jobs that only call attention to the covering up of the grey hair. I have a couple of subtle streaks already and I fully plan to let it happen.
I think grey hair can be incredibly sexy and refined.
UO: I don't intend to color my hair to cover my greys. I think a head of silver hair can look so classy and I've seen some really bad dye jobs that only call attention to the covering up of the grey hair. I have a couple of subtle streaks already and I fully plan to let it happen.
+ 1 I used to dye my hair all the time. One day, I decided it was not what I wanted to go any more. The greys have slowly been creeping in, but it's ok.
Yes racial stereotypes bother me and I always speak up when I hear them being used. I guess the unpopular part about my opinion was that it doesn't bother me that people assume certain things just because I'm female. For example, it doesn't bother me that my husband assumes I will clean the house each week because I also assume that he will now the grass each week. This in no way reflects my views on how you or anyone else structures your relationship. I didn't mean to offend you. If you and your husband share the cooking and cleaning at your house and it works for you, that's great. The important thing is that it works for you and YH.
Traditional gender stereotypes go beyond chores, though. It's not just about assuming you will cook and clean (which is rather offensive to me personally), gender stereotypes have traditionally defined women as being weak, subservient, emotional, etc.
Saying that you are ok being stereotyped is mind-blowing, to me, because it's not just about assuming what chores you will do in the home. It's so very much more than that.
Do what works in your home, I guess, but if MH ever walked up to me wanting to know why I didn't clean the house, he would get an earful from me.
Maybe I used the word stereotype wrong? When I said stereotype I was thinking about things like how my male boss always holds the door open for me when we go places, or that my brothers always allow me to be served first at dinner. It doesn't bother me that my male colleague always carries the heavy supplies when we go to recruitment events. Stuff like that.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
Traditional gender stereotypes go beyond chores, though. It's not just about assuming you will cook and clean (which is rather offensive to me personally), gender stereotypes have traditionally defined women as being weak, subservient, emotional, etc.
Saying that you are ok being stereotyped is mind-blowing, to me, because it's not just about assuming what chores you will do in the home. It's so very much more than that.
Do what works in your home, I guess, but if MH ever walked up to me wanting to know why I didn't clean the house, he would get an earful from me.
Maybe I used the word stereotype wrong? When I said stereotype I was thinking about things like how my male boss always holds the door open for me when we go places, or that my brothers always allow me to be served first at dinner. It doesn't bother me that my male colleague always carries the heavy supplies when we go to recruitment events. Stuff like that.
Maybe I used the word stereotype wrong? When I said stereotype I was thinking about things like how my male boss always holds the door open for me when we go places, or that my brothers always allow me to be served first at dinner. It doesn't bother me that my male colleague always carries the heavy supplies when we go to recruitment events. Stuff like that.
Manners =/= stereotypes.
I guess that's why I thought they were stereotypes. I don't carry heavy things for my male colleagues. I do hold the door though, that is just good manners.
Married since 2010 DX w/PCOS in Feb 2011 Five cycles w/Letrozole+TI+IUI BFP w/injects+IUI in 2012 DD born May 2013 NTNP since 2015 Early miscarriage March 2015 TTA April/May BFP June! DS born February 2016
shadesofgold, I agree, silver/white hair is pretty if not downright sexy! I have a good bit of silver/white but do choose to color at this time, perhaps it is bc my hair is naturally so dark that it appears (to me anyway) silver /white rather than grey. I think shiny, healthy any color hair is more attractive than dull/over colored hair. I'm probably about 15-25% silver so I'm getting very close to no coloring.
Huh. After a two-week hiatus, racism is back in the UO thread.
Why do I get the feeling rutherily will pop in today?
Well now you've summoned her so I'm sure she'll be here any second. Perhaps she can give LovesMeSomeCake some advice on how badly racism is viewed here.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
Why do I get the feeling rutherily will pop in today?
Well now you've summoned her so I'm sure she'll be here any second. Perhaps she can give LovesMeSomeCake some advice on how badly racism is viewed here.
Traditional gender stereotypes go beyond chores, though. It's not just about assuming you will cook and clean (which is rather offensive to me personally), gender stereotypes have traditionally defined women as being weak, subservient, emotional, etc.
Saying that you are ok being stereotyped is mind-blowing, to me, because it's not just about assuming what chores you will do in the home. It's so very much more than that.
Do what works in your home, I guess, but if MH ever walked up to me wanting to know why I didn't clean the house, he would get an earful from me.
Maybe I used the word stereotype wrong? When I said stereotype I was thinking about things like how my male boss always holds the door open for me when we go places, or that my brothers always allow me to be served first at dinner. It doesn't bother me that my male colleague always carries the heavy supplies when we go to recruitment events. Stuff like that.
Yeah, no. That's exactly what we're talking about. You know when I want a guy to hold the door open for me? When I'm carrying the heavy supplies. And my hands aren't free. Then that's good manners, not a gendered favor where I feel like I'm being "princessed."
FWIW, I'm probably on the more extreme end of this, because I've never let a man buy me a drink in a bar (unless we were on a date and going back and forth on rounds) or pay for dinner on a first date (again, unless you're dating and alternating meals).
The tradeoff of feminism, in my mind, is that you get treated like an adult and an equal, all of the time. When you're in a committed relationship, you can renegotiate that based on one another's strengths/weaknesses/preferences/turn-ons/earnings/whatever, but in my life, I have been happy to forego the princess treatment in the early stages of a relationship in order to feel like I was being treated as an equal.
Again, not for everyone, and I get that, but I think that's why the area of opening doors and carrying heavy stuff has become a weird one lately. Men's rights activists always latch onto that: "Oh, you want equal pay, but I still have to buy you dinner?"
Maybe I used the word stereotype wrong? When I said stereotype I was thinking about things like how my male boss always holds the door open for me when we go places, or that my brothers always allow me to be served first at dinner. It doesn't bother me that my male colleague always carries the heavy supplies when we go to recruitment events. Stuff like that.
Yeah, no. That's exactly what we're talking about. You know when I want a guy to hold the door open for me? When I'm carrying the heavy supplies. And my hands aren't free. Then that's good manners, not a gendered favor where I feel like I'm being "princessed."
FWIW, I'm probably on the more extreme end of this, because I've never let a man buy me a drink in a bar (unless we were on a date and going back and forth on rounds) or pay for dinner on a first date (again, unless you're dating and alternating meals).
The tradeoff of feminism, in my mind, is that you get treated like an adult and an equal, all of the time. When you're in a committed relationship, you can renegotiate that based on one another's strengths/weaknesses/preferences/turn-ons/earnings/whatever, but in my life, I have been happy to forego the princess treatment in the early stages of a relationship in order to feel like I was being treated as an equal.
Again, not for everyone, and I get that, but I think that's why the area of opening doors and carrying heavy stuff has become a weird one lately. Men's rights activists always latch onto that: "Oh, you want equal pay, but I still have to buy you dinner?"
Gender politics. They are complicated.
What if it's a lesbian couple? I think the asker should pay on the first date. Not because of gender or stereotype, but because they literally asked that person to dinner with them. It's a nice gesture and romantic. Thoughts?
Well now you've summoned her so I'm sure she'll be here any second. Perhaps she can give LovesMeSomeCake some advice on how badly racism is viewed here.
Yes racial stereotypes bother me and I always speak up when I hear them being used. I guess the unpopular part about my opinion was that it doesn't bother me that people assume certain things just because I'm female. For example, it doesn't bother me that my husband assumes I will clean the house each week because I also assume that he will now the grass each week. This in no way reflects my views on how you or anyone else structures your relationship. I didn't mean to offend you. If you and your husband share the cooking and cleaning at your house and it works for you, that's great. The important thing is that it works for you and YH.
But that also means that you're okay with people assuming certain things about the female role in life / in a marriage / in a home / in general. And that's what's not okay. Because it's not okay to assume anything about anyone based upon their genitalia.
There would be a lot of shit not getting done at my house if we stuck to gender stereotypes!
Why do I get the feeling rutherily will pop in today?
Well now you've summoned her so I'm sure she'll be here any second. Perhaps she can give LovesMeSomeCake some advice on how badly racism is viewed here.
I stepped back from commenting a lot but I do always read most of the threads. I was only going to comment on the gender stereotypes and how my household is the opposite of stereotypes but I see my presence is merely a running joke now. Thank you for clearing this up for me.
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