Etiquette question!

[Girlymama79]

My SIL is pregnant and due in July. I'm pregnant and due in June. I always thought I would throw then a baby shower when the time came. But she lives 1000 miles away. I offered to throw one for them but it would of had to of been in march when she was only 22 weeks. They declined because of a previous loss they were not comfortable with it. I get that and I'm cool with it.

However, they don't really have anyone else that would do it for them bc of the community they live in. My mom and I were talking about it and we are wondering what if I was the host and she put it on. I would send invites and buy all the decor and send it to my mom and she would do the leg work.

Is this wrong? Is there something else I would need to do as 'host' to make this ok?

[Bluedaisy]

Wouldn't this just mean your mom is hosting and you're helping out?

[Girlymama79]

Jan 22, 2015 23:07:02 GMT -5 Bluedaisy said:

Wouldn't this just mean your mom is hosting and you're helping out?

That's what I'm wondering. Is the host a person who puts out the table clothes or the person that pays for and organizes everything?

[ombradellarosa]

Jan 22, 2015 23:31:51 GMT -5 Girlymama79 said:

Jan 22, 2015 23:07:02 GMT -5 Bluedaisy said:

Wouldn't this just mean your mom is hosting and you're helping out?

That's what I'm wondering. Is the host a person who puts out the table clothes or the person that pays for and organizes everything?

I would tend to say the latter. But I don't get how it would be bad etiquette either way? Is there a reason you want to avoid the appearance of your mom hosting? 

[Deleted]

Jan 23, 2015 3:23:43 GMT -5 ombradellarosa said:

Jan 22, 2015 23:31:51 GMT -5 Girlymama79 said:

That's what I'm wondering. Is the host a person who puts out the table clothes or the person that pays for and organizes everything?

I would tend to say the latter. But I don't get how it would be bad etiquette either way? Is there a reason you want to avoid the appearance of your mom hosting? 

It's generally considered poor ettiquette for the moms to host. That being said, most people would not side-eye it. OP I feel like if you're doing all the leg work and it's simply being held at your moms it would be NBD. Personally, I think that would be fine, especially if people know you are pregnant yourself and would likely be unable to travel to the party.

[chad5285]

People think it's fine to throw their own baby showers for kid number 4 so I doubt anyone will care of your mom does it. I think it's nice that you're trying to do so much for your friend.

[mandjs]

Jan 23, 2015 13:54:17 GMT -5 chad5285 said:

People think it's fine to throw their own baby showers for kid number 4 so I doubt anyone will care of your mom does it. I think it's nice that you're trying to do so much for your friend.

Most people do NOT think it's fine to 1) throw their own baby shower or 2) throw a shower for kid 4 (at least, not around here). That said, I agree it's fine to ask your mom to cohost. 

[ombradellarosa]

Okay so is this SIL your brother's wife? So your mom is her MIL? Or is she your DH's sister?

[Girlymama79]

Jan 23, 2015 18:29:53 GMT -5 ombradellarosa said:

Okay so is this SIL your brother's wife? So your mom is her MIL? Or is she your DH's sister?

My brothers wife so yes my mom is her mother in law

[andindria]

Go for it. It works out better for the SIL and she is not hosting, essentially your mom would be a co-host, there is nothing wrong with that.

[ruemorgan]

Jan 23, 2015 8:34:20 GMT -5 @snuff9861 said:

Jan 23, 2015 3:23:43 GMT -5 ombradellarosa said:

I would tend to say the latter. But I don't get how it would be bad etiquette either way? Is there a reason you want to avoid the appearance of your mom hosting? 

It's generally considered poor ettiquette for the moms to host. That being said, most people would not side-eye it. OP I feel like if you're doing all the leg work and it's simply being held at your moms it would be NBD. Personally, I think that would be fine, especially if people know you are pregnant yourself and would likely be unable to travel to the party.

Why is it poor etiquette for your mom to host your baby shower?

[Deleted]

Jan 24, 2015 19:51:18 GMT -5 ruemorgan said:

Jan 23, 2015 8:34:20 GMT -5 @snuff9861 said:

It's generally considered poor ettiquette for the moms to host. That being said, most people would not side-eye it. OP I feel like if you're doing all the leg work and it's simply being held at your moms it would be NBD. Personally, I think that would be fine, especially if people know you are pregnant yourself and would likely be unable to travel to the party.

Why is it poor etiquette for your mom to host your baby shower?

According to the sticklers for etiquette, it comes off as gift grabby. But I highly doubt anyone would side-eye it. I had two showers, each hosted by my mom and MIL respectively.

[downtheshore]

My mom and I threw my SIL's shower. I know that traditionally any close relative throwing you a shower was frowned upon but I think that has changed over time. I've been to plenty of showers hosted by moms and sisters.

[TheEleventhHour]

Jan 25, 2015 7:41:07 GMT -5 downtheshore said:

My mom and I threw my SIL's shower. I know that traditionally any close relative throwing you a shower was frowned upon but I think that has changed over time. I've been to plenty of showers hosted by moms and sisters.

This. I only find it gift grabby if the parents to be host or if it is a 2nd (3rd, 4th) shower. I know it isn't proper etiquette but it doesn't bother me if mothers or other close relatives throw the shower.

[Girlymama79]

Thanks for all the replies ladies!