Post by kayladawn91 on Jun 21, 2015 10:24:23 GMT -5
Mother's Day was hard for me and I cried a lot. This week is our EDD, and so I'm pretty sad today, more so than MH seems to be. So far he's good. He doesn't get too emotional about this kind of stuff. Plus, he is excited about the race tickets he got for his dad and can't wait to surprise him with them today. I'm going to try not to mention our loss or anything and just give MH some extra attention today.
Post by easilyunamused on Jun 21, 2015 11:40:06 GMT -5
MH wouldn't really think of today being anything for him. He's not quite affected yet by not having kids.
Today has always been hard for me, not having a relationship with my bio-dad. Feelings of abandonment and sadness creep up that I usually hide away for the most part. I have never really had a "father figure" or a man to look too in my family. My grandpa was a good man, just never filled the role for me.
Big hugs to all of you strong ladies though. I'm glad we have this outlet and each other for when people irl don't understand.
Post by housecarder on Jun 21, 2015 11:46:53 GMT -5
Hugs to everyone. Mother's Day was hard for me even with living children, but TTC seems to be bothering me more than H. He is enjoying time with DS who he adopted and not focusing on not having biological children yet.
MH wouldn't really think of today being anything for him. He's not quite affected yet by not having kids.
Today has always been hard for me, not having a relationship with my bio-dad. Feelings of abandonment and sadness creep up that I usually hide away for the most part. I have never really had a "father figure" or a man to look too in my family. My grandpa was a good man, just never filled the role for me.
Big hugs to all of you strong ladies though. I'm glad we have this outlet and each other for when people irl don't understand.
Post by kawaiikitsune on Jun 21, 2015 12:27:48 GMT -5
Aside from DH's dad, we do not acknowledge Father's Day. Despite his stoic demeanor, I know he is aching inside at not being a dad yet so I tend to "spoil" him. Dinner, video games with the guys and sex. Not necessarily in the order.
MH is spending the day with his declining dad in hospice. This'll be the last Father's Day he has with him, so I'm not even mentioning anything. He knows and its hard enough on him.
Father's day is a little easier for me than Mother's Day, but not much. I have a somewhat passable relationship with my dad so there isn't an addition of insult to heartbreak. But still a little. All phone calls on father's day involve him talking about what a great dad he was, and I have to bite my tongue a lot, nod, and agree.
Husband, I think, doesn't even know it's F-Day. He's pretty clueless so I'm not saying anything. It sucks though. I forgot it was F-Day weekend and I was slated to sing in church yesterday. The homily? All about wonderful dads. And if you didn't have a great dad, or one who was abusive, then (to quote) "Well, if you are still alive and have kids of your own he didn't do so bad."
I had to resist the urge to throw my fucking music stand at him like a javelin from hell.
MH is spending the day with his declining dad in hospice. This'll be the last Father's Day he has with him, so I'm not even mentioning anything. He knows and its hard enough on him.
Father's day is a little easier for me than Mother's Day, but not much. I have a somewhat passable relationship with my dad so there isn't an addition of insult to heartbreak. But still a little. All phone calls on father's day involve him talking about what a great dad he was, and I have to bite my tongue a lot, nod, and agree.
Husband, I think, doesn't even know it's F-Day. He's pretty clueless so I'm not saying anything. It sucks though. I forgot it was F-Day weekend and I was slated to sing in church yesterday. The homily? All about wonderful dads. And if you didn't have a great dad, or one who was abusive, then (to quote) "Well, if you are still alive and have kids of your own he didn't do so bad."
I had to resist the urge to through my fucking music stand at him.
And this is why I am so so glad I have a legitimate excuse not to be in church today.
MH is spending the day with his declining dad in hospice. This'll be the last Father's Day he has with him, so I'm not even mentioning anything. He knows and its hard enough on him.
MH is spending the day with his declining dad in hospice. This'll be the last Father's Day he has with him, so I'm not even mentioning anything. He knows and its hard enough on him.
Huge hugs for you and YH. That has to be so very hard.
MH wouldn't really think of today being anything for him. He's not quite affected yet by not having kids.
Today has always been hard for me, not having a relationship with my bio-dad. Feelings of abandonment and sadness creep up that I usually hide away for the most part. I have never really had a "father figure" or a man to look too in my family. My grandpa was a good man, just never filled the role for me.
Big hugs to all of you strong ladies though. I'm glad we have this outlet and each other for when people irl don't understand.
MH is spending the day with his declining dad in hospice. This'll be the last Father's Day he has with him, so I'm not even mentioning anything. He knows and its hard enough on him.
I got mh a card from the dogs. Otherwise it's a normal day.
MH admitted that even though we haven't been trying super long it was harder than he expected at church when they had all the dads stand and get recognized.
MH is spending the day with his declining dad in hospice. This'll be the last Father's Day he has with him, so I'm not even mentioning anything. He knows and its hard enough on him.
I got mh a card from the dogs. Otherwise it's a normal day.
MH admitted that even though we haven't been trying super long it was harder than he expected at church when they had all the dads stand and get recognized.
Our church did the whole 'stand up if you're a dad' thing too. I wish they would just stop with that. You can recognize the dads without having people stand. MH was not too upset by it, but there's another couple in our church who have had a miscarriage and are dealing with IF, and I noticed that he didn't stand up with the dads. His wife was crying and had her arm around him during that time in the service. There has to be a way to acknowledge fathers without the awkward standing and excluding dads without living children. (note- he probably could have stood up if he wanted to but it was obviously a tough moment for him and his wife)
DH was adopted and Father's Day is always awful for him and last year I came home bawling from church since my dad is a jerk.
This year we skipped church, ate waffles, then went on a long bike ride. The cats wished him happy Father's Day and now we are camped out on the couch. I have not logged into Facebook today.
Post by shadesofgold on Jun 21, 2015 17:55:54 GMT -5
I don't go to church anymore, but I do know a lot of pastors (including my own FIL) and I truly cannot believe that was said in your church dovahfel. That is fucked up. The "stand up if" moment also sounds really painful ceejay. Why are people who are supposed to be the most sensitive and supportive often so clueless? So sorry you had to deal with that in what is supposed to be a safe space.
I'm going to bypass the hugs and go right for the kisses, kariann12. I'm sorry you and YH are going through such sorrowful time.
MH is spending the day with his declining dad in hospice. This'll be the last Father's Day he has with him, so I'm not even mentioning anything. He knows and its hard enough on him.
Post by kayladawn91 on Jun 21, 2015 20:19:52 GMT -5
Thanks everyone, and hugs to everyone else that needs them today too! My church also does a "stand up if you're a dad" so when H asked me if we were going today I told him "no". He may not have thought about our loss much today, but he would have been crushed if we would have went to church and been there for that. I purposely skipped church on Mother's Day for the same reason.
This is a hard day for me. Lost my dad 2.5 years ago from Lung cancer complications. This would have been DH's 1st father's day if we carried to term so I pretended it was a normal day!
Thanks everyone, and hugs to everyone else that needs them today too! My church also does a "stand up if you're a dad" so when H asked me if we were going today I told him "no". He may not have thought about our loss much today, but he would have been crushed if we would have went to church and been there for that. I purposely skipped church on Mother's Day for the same reason.
Do you feel comfortable saying something to your pastor/priest? I feel like that is valuable feedback.
Thanks everyone, and hugs to everyone else that needs them today too! My church also does a "stand up if you're a dad" so when H asked me if we were going today I told him "no". He may not have thought about our loss much today, but he would have been crushed if we would have went to church and been there for that. I purposely skipped church on Mother's Day for the same reason.
Do you feel comfortable saying something to your pastor/priest? I feel like that is valuable feedback.
My BIL is actually the pastor. No one knows that we're TTC and no one know about our loss, so I don't want to say anything about it.
DD and I made one of those candy poems for DH for Father's Day, he loved it! I also cooked him his favorite breakfast and gave him a massage with a happy ending
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