DD and DS1 are 3 1/2 years apart. Then DS1 and DS2 are 20 months apart. I really like the spacing of both. I like that the boys are close in age because they're the same gender and I picture them being into the same things. But it's nice having DD older because she's been a big help to me.
Post by KC thepouchh8r on Jan 23, 2015 14:18:28 GMT -5
I feel like 99% of responders to this question say their own spacing. If they have multiple spacing they find the good in each.
With that being said I love a year apart. Doing pregnancy with an infant who was content to stay home and took multiple naps was a breeze. There were some challenges in the first year but I was glad to not have to deal with jealousy. For me the first two years are easiest so I was glad to get to the more challenging stages with #1 when I was in a groove with two kids. Now that they are 5 and 4 they share similar interests, can go hang out in their room together and let me get stuff done and get along well overall.
I agree that most answers are going to be what people currently have because that's what they know.
Mine are 19.5 mos apart. It was obviously very hard at the beginning but now my LOs are super close and have a lot of the same interests and same skill level. When this one comes DD will be 4.5 and DS will be almost 3 and that age gap is much scarier for me since I haven't done it yet. So we'll see.
I agree that whatever we have is ideal to us - but I know people who try to have them under 2 years apart. I always knew I did not want that. Even though they're 6 & 3, they still play together all the time, etc. we also never had jealousy issues. Just minor transitions, imo. But the kid's personality is a lot of that.
My older three are 23 and 21 months apart. My third and fourth are almost 5 years apart. Benefits and draw backs to any age gap. I don't feel like there is the perfect situation, it something you chose to do what you feel is best for your family. Having close and far apart I can attest to that ;)I feel like this article is pretty spot on. www.thealphaparent.com/2012/07/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child.html?m=1
I enjoyed 2u2, they play together great and I hope they grow up being good friends. I will say I am nervous for 3u3. I think no matter what the age gap is you will find things you like and don't like about it.
I always thought I wanted a two or three year age gape but now that DS is here, I'm intrigued with one year apart. I kinda miss being pregnant and DS is a easy baby now but not might be in two years.
Post by silentsara on Jan 23, 2015 16:33:44 GMT -5
Well, I think a 14 year gap is perfect...
Seriously, though. In some ways, the 14 year gap was better than I expected. My son is great with DD. He loves that her first word was his name. He won't change her diaper, but he can watch her long enough to let me run to the grocery or fix dinner. I guess it's a built in mother's helper.
The 18 month gap is making me very nervous. We'll see how 2u2 goes. I was hoping for about a 2.5 year gap between these two.
There are pros and cons to any age gap. It is mostly a difference as to what struggles you have - kind of a six of one, half dozen of the other type situation. I think the biggest factors are personalities of the kids and personalities of the parents. You obviously won't know the personality of a future kid until they are here, in which case the gap is what it is, so you just have to go with what feels right for you and your family. For me personally, the baby stage was very hard (granted I had a high needs baby on top of migraine issues made worse by the lack of sleep), so yeah, some time to recover in between was important to me and MH if - huge IF - we even TTC again (for far more reasons than just that). My LO has continued to be high needs (and always will be), so a second baby being high needs close in age would have been a lot to handle but seems more manageable the more independent LO gets. In our situation, a bigger gap is beneficial. For some people I know, the close gap has worked very well.
My siblings and I all had bigger gaps, and my mom loved it (but as PPs have said, you enjoy the benefits you are familiar with). The youngest was a difficult baby, so it was a huge help that the oldest could provide assistance. After the baby stage, there was the expected ups and downs. It didn't avoid sibling bickering, just changed the topics. We played together, got annoyed by each other, and all the usual stuff but in different ways than siblings close in age. Our personalities meshed well. Some won't no matter what the gap. It's all a roll of the dice in the end.
I enjoyed 2u2, they play together great and I hope they grow up being good friends. I will say I am nervous for 3u3. I think no matter what the age gap is you will find things you like and don't like about it.
Where are you guys in your profile pic? Looks cool.
I enjoyed 2u2, they play together great and I hope they grow up being good friends. I will say I am nervous for 3u3. I think no matter what the age gap is you will find things you like and don't like about it.
Where are you guys in your profile pic? Looks cool.
Post by queenbabee on Jan 23, 2015 18:20:37 GMT -5
I've heard a lot of people say 2-4, but my brother and I are 14 months apart and it's awesome! We are best friends and have always been super close (with lots of same friends). My mom said it was hard in the beginning, but worth it to have everyone out of diapers at the same time lol. I'm personally OAD, but if I were to want more, my vote would be closer than further apart.
I enjoyed 2u2, they play together great and I hope they grow up being good friends. I will say I am nervous for 3u3. I think no matter what the age gap is you will find things you like and don't like about it.
I completely agree with 2u2! And 3 just makes me nervous no matter how far apart. Although FWIW, I'm freaking out with just my one.
I enjoyed 2u2, they play together great and I hope they grow up being good friends. I will say I am nervous for 3u3. I think no matter what the age gap is you will find things you like and don't like about it.
I completely agree with 2u2! And 3 just makes me nervous no matter how far apart. Although FWIW, I'm freaking out with just my one.
Well I am hoping it goes good, my boys are very well behaved but they have their moments. I wear my baby's a lot during the day until they are 3-4 months old so that will help.
I think how close they are once they get to be school age really depends on personalities.
my ideal age is 5 years apart - we will TTC again this time next year or a bit sooner depending on life. I love the idea of having a newborn when my older child is already in school so I can focus on the baby. Maybe I'm bad at multitasking
For us, 3 years. I like that my eldest is able to do more for herself when I'm stuck nursing or bouncing the baby. Also, she is super helpful and will play with her sister if I need to get something done.
I like 2.5-3 years apart. My sons are 2 years and 9 months apart and it was great as far as playing together, being close and limiting jealousy. They are 19 and 16 now and they still get along really well. (a lot I think depends on their personality) I would like my next baby to be roughly that far apart from my daughter. (if possible)
My daughter is 19 months and so the age gap with her and her brothers is much greater. The boys love her and she loves them. They won't have a lot of the same experiences growing up because by the time she is a bit older they will be away at school and then probably living on their own. They can still have a special relationship. I did not use them as babysitters and I did not ask for much help from them. I wanted them to be close to her on their own terms. It worked for us and now they volunteer to help.
I know siblings less than a year apart and siblings 19 years apart and there are positives and negatives about any situation.
I did not want to have kids too close in age. My sisters are 9 months younger than I am and I did not like it growing up. Now it does not matter so much but I am closer to my sibling who is 4 years older.
EDIT Every kid will be different so some kids close in age will get along great. If you ask my parents it was great having us close together. We played with the same things, we enjoyed a lot of the same movies and even some friends were the same, we did not have huge fights. It might have been easier for them but I hated it. I disliked it as a young kid and I hated it as I got older. Not every person will feel that way but some will.
My first two are 2 yr 9 mo apart. I wanted them closer to 2 years apart, but that didn't happen. I think a three year age gap was really hard just because three was a really difficult age for DS. He had to get used to a new baby, deal with potty training, and adjust to wearing glasses all in a 6 month time period. It was tough for all of us. But we got through it and now I love the age difference. They're such sweet friends (for now) and love playing together.
This baby will be 22 months younger than DD. I'm interested to see how the 2u2 thing plays out.
I agree with PP that there are pros and cons to every age difference.
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I completely agree with 2u2! And 3 just makes me nervous no matter how far apart. Although FWIW, I'm freaking out with just my one.
Well I am hoping it goes good, my boys are very well behaved but they have their moments. I wear my baby's a lot during the day until they are 3-4 months old so that will help.
I think how close they are once they get to be school age really depends on personalities.
You're lucky! My ds and nephew are 3.5 years apart. While nephew loves ds and they will play nicely for a while eventually he gets annoyed at ds acting like a preschooler. There's some overlap in interests but overall they seem on different levels. Hopefully it gets better when ds is school age and they are 7/10.5.
Well I am hoping it goes good, my boys are very well behaved but they have their moments. I wear my baby's a lot during the day until they are 3-4 months old so that will help.
I think how close they are once they get to be school age really depends on personalities.
You're lucky! My ds and nephew are 3.5 years apart. While nephew loves ds and they will play nicely for a while eventually he gets annoyed at ds acting like a preschooler. There's some overlap in interests but overall they seem on different levels. Hopefully it gets better when ds is school age and they are 7/10.5.
I think siblings is different then cousins. Plus 3.5 year difference is pretty big to expect them to be enjoying the same activities.
You're lucky! My ds and nephew are 3.5 years apart. While nephew loves ds and they will play nicely for a while eventually he gets annoyed at ds acting like a preschooler. There's some overlap in interests but overall they seem on different levels. Hopefully it gets better when ds is school age and they are 7/10.5.
I think siblings is different then cousins. Plus 3.5 year difference is pretty big to expect them to be enjoying the same activities.
I realized I quoted the wrong poster. Someone said their kids 3 years apart enjoyed all the same things and I meant to say she was lucky.
My kids were close to 3 years apart and they enjoyed enough of the same things to get along. They had completely different tastes in many things but had common interests too. I think many times it was the younger one trying to be like his older brother or the older brother trying to include his brother. They were never forced to play together and I never told the older boy to include his brother.
In certain creative play the older would assign us characters who we were and his brother would always get one too. (this was as an infant)
As I mentioned, I think for the most part it is about the individual child. (and about the reaction of the parents) Close in age does not mean close in any manner other than age, they might never get along.(or they might always get along)
Hearing the 2u2 gang say it's not that bad is encouraging my late night habit of using Nymbler, looking for baby names. I am itching to get going on baby #2 but want to be done BFing first. This spring/summer most likely.
Right there with you! I think we may hold off until she's closer to 1.5 though before we start trying... still undecided.
Post by Girlymama79 on Jan 27, 2015 17:02:46 GMT -5
I love this thread!
My girls are 2.5 years apart and I like that a lot. But I don't know any different. By the time I have this baby my current youngest will be 4.5.
I'm glad to see all the good reports about 2u2! I'm almost thinking about ttc again right away, but I might be thinking crazy. We also had IF issues so there is a big chance I wouldn't get 2u2.
DD and DS are four years apart, and DS and #3 will be 3 years and 3 months apart. I have always known I wanted my kids spaced out, and that spacing was more important to me than being able to have X number of kids. (I've had them all in my 30s - I'm 39 now - and gotten pregnant easily when I wanted to, but I realize I'm really lucky.) I'm just not the sort of person who handles concentrated chaos very well. I liked that DD understood what was going on and was old enough that she didn't really act out when DS was born. DS is not quite as aware of what's about to hit him, but he's becoming more independent and spends a few hours a day at playgroup now, so I feel like it'll be easier to deal with a newborn than it would be if he were younger.
I'm sure every sibset varies, but DD and DS play together well despite (or perhaps because of) the age difference. The main down side is that I'm going to have three kids at three different stages who will need to be in three different places at once sometimes. I just realized that the year DD starts middle school, they'll probably be at three different schools. Even next year when I have to take her to school and DS to preschool is going to be kind of a hassle.
My grandparents spaced out their three kids (4-5 years between each) and while I have no idea what that was like when they were children, as adults they get along very well. So I hope my kids do too.
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