WWYD: Showers for subsequent pregnancies?

[Deleted]

I had a shower with my first, I had a shower with my 3rd because my family/friends knew I had completely purged my house of all things baby following my loss with pregnancy #2. My in laws (first grandbaby) are asking to throw me a shower because BOY BABY and I "have nothing boy" (except for the stuff I am starting to buy now) and it will be a HUGE church shower. Work buddies have also asked to throw me a shower. I just feel icky about it and want to decline but I do not want to offend anyone. Would you shut up and just accept the love/stuff or decline and go about your business?

[SheilaTheTank]

I would decline, but if they insist then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and just go. You MIL may have been secretly squeeing about this for years so if she's really insistent than I wouldn't want to take that away from her.

[keen]

Would not side-eye at all anytime a shower is offered.

[PonyGirl]

Jun 30, 2015 11:32:08 GMT -5 @iliketurtles said:

Well, you've never had a boy, and your current youngest is 3 years older, I wouldn't side eye.

That's exactly what I'm thinking. Plus you're not the one asking for it, other people are wanting to do it for you.

[valie]

If it is the first child for your SO, I wouldn't side-eye a shower hosted by your IL's side. Go for it! With that being said, if it was me I'd keep the guest list from my side very small (mother, sisters, grandmothers only).

[bunnyfungo]

Jun 30, 2015 11:55:48 GMT -5 valie said:

If it is the first child for your SO, I wouldn't side-eye a shower hosted by your IL's side. Go for it! With that being said, if it was me I'd keep the guest list from my side very small (mother, sisters, grandmothers only).

This. I'm usually pretty anti-second showers, but I feel this is a big exception.

[ldubhawksfan]

Jun 30, 2015 11:59:07 GMT -5 bunnyfungo said:

Jun 30, 2015 11:55:48 GMT -5 valie said:

If it is the first child for your SO, I wouldn't side-eye a shower hosted by your IL's side. Go for it! With that being said, if it was me I'd keep the guest list from my side very small (mother, sisters, grandmothers only).

This. I'm usually pretty anti-second showers, but I feel this is a big exception.

. Yep this is where I stand too. But obviously only if you want to accept the shower. If it's the IL's first and they are hosting, I think you are ok to accept.

[ugotstarbucked]

I'd probably decline. It would be one thing if your kids were 10+ years apart, but you had a baby 3 years ago and had a shower then. Maybe instead ask the grandparents to consider celebrating the new arrival with a nice dinner.

[Deleted]

I think I am definitely going to decline the work shower. I think that I would much rather everyone go to lunch and celebrate that way or just congratulate me after the fact. The in-law stuff is trickier because it is my husband's first child and their first grandchild. I feel like I have to be on board. I will also not be inviting anyone besides my moms and maybe my sister with the understanding they aren't expected to buy anything at all.

[allycat]

Jun 30, 2015 12:46:00 GMT -5 @wren said:

I think I am definitely going to decline the work shower. I think that I would much rather everyone go to lunch and celebrate that way or just congratulate me after the fact. The in-law stuff is trickier because it is my husband's first child and their first grandchild. I feel like I have to be on board. I will also not be inviting anyone besides my moms and maybe my sister with the understanding they aren't expected to buy anything at all.

You've settled on what I was going to say. I definitely wouldn't want to short your ILs any excitement, but I'd try to avoid inviting people who came to the first shower (extended family on your side, etc.). If they want to throw a shower for you and invite their side, I think that's totally understandable. 

[tinydancer]

Jun 30, 2015 11:55:48 GMT -5 valie said:

If it is the first child for your SO, I wouldn't side-eye a shower hosted by your IL's side. Go for it! With that being said, if it was me I'd keep the guest list from my side very small (mother, sisters, grandmothers only).

+1.

[Sparkly]

It's pretty much been covered, but I agree with what you're planning to do. I don't really side-eye second+ showers as long as they are offered not requested (or demanded), and the hosts and shower recipient are gracious about the whole thing. If it's not common in your family/group of friends definitely keep your side of the guest list limited.

[diamondsndaisies]

I would never ask for one, but if someone decided to throw one, I would probably just request it be very casual and no major gifts. I would prefer a bbq or something similar.

[ldubhawksfan]

I think any showers, even for a FTM, should not be requested. Showers are gifts and if no one offers, then no shower.

Eta: I just wanted to clarify since some responses indicate that it shouldn't be requested, but if offered.....

[yummeecookee]

Jun 30, 2015 12:57:06 GMT -5 allycat said:

Jun 30, 2015 12:46:00 GMT -5 @wren said:

I think I am definitely going to decline the work shower. I think that I would much rather everyone go to lunch and celebrate that way or just congratulate me after the fact. The in-law stuff is trickier because it is my husband's first child and their first grandchild. I feel like I have to be on board. I will also not be inviting anyone besides my moms and maybe my sister with the understanding they aren't expected to buy anything at all.

You've settled on what I was going to say. I definitely wouldn't want to short your ILs any excitement, but I'd try to avoid inviting people who came to the first shower (extended family on your side, etc.). If they want to throw a shower for you and invite their side, I think that's totally understandable. 

Totally agree. Let your ILs do their thing but don't invite ppl that had been to your previous showers.

[becwheat]

A friend has already offered me a shower because it is my husband's first baby. Also because a lot of my current friends were not around 5 years ago when I had my first.

Eta: I do not think it is weird

[Deleted]

I say go for it. It will make your MIL happy. Since you aren't being gift grabby about it I don't see anything wrong with it.

[tarheelmom]

Jun 30, 2015 12:46:00 GMT -5 @wren said:

I think I am definitely going to decline the work shower. I think that I would much rather everyone go to lunch and celebrate that way or just congratulate me after the fact. The in-law stuff is trickier because it is my husband's first child and their first grandchild. I feel like I have to be on board. I will also not be inviting anyone besides my moms and maybe my sister with the understanding they aren't expected to buy anything at all.

I actually declined the work shower the first time around and said lets do lunch instead (I made sure the local ladies were invited to my family hosted shower - there are only a few of us).  We had a lot of fun just having a celebratory, no present lunch.  

The in-law situation is harder to turn-down.  I would make sure your husband attends so you can shift a lot of the focus to him!

[anonymouseliza]

I think it's covered pretty well and your compromise is a good one.

For me, Dh and I are both in new departments at the same company. His new department is big on celebrating things and have already said they're throwing a shower (meaning, they'll go in on a group gift and his boss and his boss' boss will probably buy a onesie or something and they'll have cake) and I have to be there. And there are rumors about my new department having lunch or something. I'm down with that. Especially at work - I love excuses for cake and a break. But I think lunch with everyone is a really nice thing.

[laurasuzanne2006]

We are having two showers for our second. I'm usually pretty no second showers, but we moved about 1800 miles so these are all new friends who are really excited about doing it

[Deleted]

Jun 30, 2015 11:55:48 GMT -5 valie said:

If it is the first child for your SO, I wouldn't side-eye a shower hosted by your IL's side. Go for it! With that being said, if it was me I'd keep the guest list from my side very small (mother, sisters, grandmothers only).

This exactly.  My mom and I did this for my SIL when she had my nephew.  It was her 3rd and my brother's 1st.  It was more for my mom than SIL for a couple of reasons - 1st grandchild but also an opportunity for those who's showers/kid's showers she'd attended to reciprocate (not exactly the best way to look at it, but that's important to some people).  If I recall correctly, she kept the guest list from her side small as well (this was 11 years ago).