What Would/Does M14 Do?

[sanibel21]

If you had the opportunity to go out once per week or every other week, but LO was just awful for bedtime for DH, would you keep doing it? I've been having a bit of difficult time being a SAHM, probably because I have and take zero time for myself. So DH and I discussed that every week or every other week I would go out on a weeknight. Only problem is LO has been the worst shes ever been going down to bed for him. Screaming, gagging, etc. Falling asleep finally an hour later than normal. So of course I'm wracked with guilt and thinking maybe I won't do this. But I dunno. I need it. But I don't want to scar her for life. Always my biggest fear. WWYD?

[babycaps]

Go! And during the week start having DH be more involved in bed time and in a couple of weeks it will be so much better!!!

[jtizzay]

Yes. I would definitely. You're not scarring her. She's scarring you in all seriousness though it will get better. We had that. Now DH puts her to bed if I am out and it's fine. Took a while but that's life

[bsouls]

You should go. Everyone will benefit from it. LO needs to learn to go to bed for other people. And, your husband needs to figure things out for himself.

[fish8412]

I'm also a SAHM so I understand how you feel. LO always wants to cuddle with me at bedtime, instead of my husband. If I want to go out, I just do it after LO goes to bed (7 or 7:30). I enjoy the cuddles and this is just what I would prefer. I know that she would give my husband a really hard time if I wasn't there to help put her to bed. What time does your LO go to bed? Could you go out afterwards? If you really want to go out, then do it and LO will adjust. It might just take some time. However, if you are feeling guilty while out, then maybe it's not worth it? Just do whatever makes you happy!

[katka512]

I think you should go. LO and DH will get their own routine going and it will get easier and easier for him to put her to bed. It will be better for all of you!
There may be a few rough nights but it will get better. And don't go home to help if he calls and says it's tough! That will just make it worse in the long run. I know it hurts you but you'll be happier getting out by yourself.

[lakecountrygal]

Everything they said!! Happy Wife=Happy Life and that goes for a Happt Momma to!

[zandeela]

I agree with everyone, take time for yourself, dh can suck it up. About to start that with my dh, I'm looking forward to it!

[sanibel21]

Thanks guys! I totally needed the reassurance and I appreciate it! DH is part of bedtime every night except the nursing. LO goes to bed around 730-8 and I'm just too damn tired to wait to go out until then. I'm gonna keep at it for a little while and see if it gets better. DH is still up for it. My main thing is mom guilt about causing LO anxiety. Thanks again!

[Deleted]

I would keep going. They will figure it out. It just takes time for babies to adjust to changes. They will find their groove!

[younglove316]

I would also say to go out. I am the primary bedtime person but recently I've started going out on occasion and my husband has a routine with her now and it works for them.

Edited to say she also used to give him a hard time but now she's fine.

[wildhoney4508]

I,too, say go I was just crying about this yesterday to DH. Now that it's the summer I'm off school so I am a stay at home mom. Last week was my first week with them and it was exhausting to say the least. I have mom guilt all the time. I somehow feel that I have to be with them all the time and if I don't I'm a bad mom. My counselor says no woman wants to be with her kids ALL the time, which I keep telling myself. I think your DD will adjust, as pp said. Sometimes I am not there for bedtime (rarely) and it's all good. In the end, I'm the one with the anxiety. But I know that motherhood is hard and if I don't get my me time in, I'm not as good of a mom to them, one that they deserve. Here's an article I read and found to be very helpful about this subject:
m.huffpost.com/us/entry/2558642

[RandomName]

I'd defiantly go. And have fun, no shame or feeling guilty. You figured out a routine that works for you and LO, now your H can figure out one that works too.

[kimberpoo]

Glad you decided to go! Go was going to be my vote too! SO important to take time for yourself!

[newmomma8]

I'm late to the party, but definitely go. If he can't put her to sleep one night a week/every other week, then what happens if ya'll want a date night? Will the sitter have trouble too? She needs to get used to depending on him and eventually be comfortable enough to go to sleep for someone close to ya'll if they babysit.

[Somers Isles]

Did you end up going out yet??

I hope so Maybe to make things easier you can try to give him more responsibilities at the bedtime routine... minus the nursing of course... hahahaha. Is it just the nursing that throws LO off? If so, that's a bit tricky, but maybe you can do some experimenting on nights you don't plan on leaving to see if you can figure out more successful strategies.

No matter what, you will not be scarring LO. A routine will get worked out.

[sanibel21]

So yes I did go out the following Wednesday and it went much better. She had had shots that day and DH had given her Tylenol but I'm chalking it up to that. I'm going out again tonight so we'll see! But it helps so much. It's the only 2 hours (minus her nap, which I'm usually doing chores during) that I ever get to myself. Thanks everyone for the push to keep it up!

[ellabee]

Good for you sanibel21! You deserve "you" time!

[Deleted]

Hope you have fun sanibel21, Your lo will be just fine!

[mrssmith613]

Can I ask what you do in your time away? There are times I want to go do something but I don't have a huge selection of friends and I never know what to do..

[sanibel21]

Jul 15, 2015 18:27:16 GMT -5 mrssmith613 said:

Can I ask what you do in your time away? There are times I want to go do something but I don't have a huge selection of friends and I never know what to do..

I've gone out three times. I met another mom for dinner, gone shopping, and got my nails done. I'd like to just gobti a bookstore with tea but we don't have any close any more!

[Somers Isles]

Jul 15, 2015 18:27:16 GMT -5 mrssmith613 said:

Can I ask what you do in your time away? There are times I want to go do something but I don't have a huge selection of friends and I never know what to do..

When in doubt.... browse Target

[nattybumppo]

Jul 15, 2015 18:27:16 GMT -5 mrssmith613 said:

Can I ask what you do in your time away? There are times I want to go do something but I don't have a huge selection of friends and I never know what to do..

 mrssmith613, i hear you on this.  Sometimes when DH can tell I'm at the end of my rope, he suggests I just get out of the house and I'm like "and do what??!!"  Even just walking around the block alone is nice.  Or we have a nice outdoor shopping center near by - nice to walk around and maybe grab a coffee and a cookie.  And now that I have a fitbit I love the excuse for any extra walking around to get my steps in.  As a PP suggested, getting nails done is always a treat!  (Though I usually go to a place that doesn't take walk ins so I have to plan in advance.  :/ )  But solo trips to Target or the grocery store are so nice!  Just being able to get in and out of the car without having to deal with carseats!  Or if I need clothes or shoes, that's something I always prefer to do solo.  And honestly, I'd be totally down for going by myself to see a movie - that sounds wonderful.  Or go grab a magazine or book and a drink!  So it's not that I don't have ideas, I'm just usually too tired to execute any of them when the chance arises.  Boo!

[younglove316]

Jul 15, 2015 22:27:39 GMT -5 Somers Isles said:

Jul 15, 2015 18:27:16 GMT -5 mrssmith613 said:

Can I ask what you do in your time away? There are times I want to go do something but I don't have a huge selection of friends and I never know what to do..

When in doubt.... browse Target

I would recommend for and against this. It's a good time kill and fun to do but for me at least, leads to a lot of extra (read unnecessary) spending

[Somers Isles]

Jul 16, 2015 9:28:03 GMT -5 younglove316 said:

Jul 15, 2015 22:27:39 GMT -5 Somers Isles said:

When in doubt.... browse Target

I would recommend for and against this. It's a good time kill and fun to do but for me at least, leads to a lot of extra (read unnecessary) spending

True... lol