Do you get a break on weekends? What kinds of things...

[bakingbetty]

Hi all!

Had a convo with a friend who just had her first (he's 9mos). She's feeling really shitty about her marriage and her husband's lack of support of her needing a break when he's home on weekends.

Because I'm nosey and this comes up a lot with all parents:

Do you get a break from the kids and your parenting obligations on weekends and/or when your spouse/so is home?

What kinds of things do you do?

Do you trade off things like sleeping-in/who gets up with the kid(s)?

Perhaps you spend all weekend as a family, not off doing things alone?

[lala]

Yes I get breaks except in the very early newborn days it's harder. But we do take turns sleeping in a bit (not later than 8/9). Anytime he's home it's 50/50. I do things alone whenever they come up, girls night, shopping alone, meetings/volunteer work. Usually several times a month at least. Some are more fun than others!

Weekends are pretty well shared. I'm rarely resentful because he carries his weight & then some.

[beckyrosen]

My DH definitely helps more on the weekends. Sometimes he gets up with her so I can "sleep in" and he's able to get some baby/daddy bonding in. I think it's good for both of us that he is able to step up more on the weekend because he doesn't spend much time with LO during the week since he gets home so late (and by that time she's either sleeping or fighting sleeping).

[bakingbetty]

Do you get a break from the kids and your parenting obligations on weekends and/or when your spouse/so is home? Yes. My husband always does the bath/bed time routines on Fri/Sat/Sun night so I can get a break from doing it and it's by far the best part of him being home and helping out!

What kinds of things do you do? The above allows me to go out with friends, take a bath and read a magazine, go for a run, etc. at times I normally wouldn't be able to.

Do you trade off things like sleeping-in/who gets up with the kid(s)? Not every weekend because my husband actually gets up with the kids every morning. He's just a light sleeper and up when he hears them.

Perhaps you spend all weekend as a family, not off doing things alone? Some weekends we do this but most weekends we tend to divide and conquer so we can accomplish everything we want to do. Last weekend, I took the kids to the park so hubby could get up on the ladder and trim some trees, mow, etc.

[gwapes]

Jan 23, 2015 19:41:02 GMT -5 bakingbetty said:

Hi all!

Had a convo with a friend who just had her first (he's 9mos). She's feeling really shitty about her marriage and her husband's lack of support of her needing a break when he's home on weekends.

Because I'm nosey and this comes up a lot with all parents:

Do you get a break from the kids and your parenting obligations on weekends and/or when your spouse/so is home?

What kinds of things do you do?

Do you trade off things like sleeping-in/who gets up with the kid(s)?

Perhaps you spend all weekend as a family, not off doing things alone?

Heck yes. I hide in my room, crochet, or play WoW. 

And Drink coffee without little fingers trying to get in my cup. 

Usually, I'll sleep in one day, he'll sleep in the other. 

We will do stuff together on teh weekends during the day. Depends on what's on the agenda that weekend. 

[ashiscute]

Like Lala we are 50/50 whenever DH is home. It's great not being the only one on all of the time.

On the weekends we do most stuff together but definitely take turns getting things accomplished if it's needed. We also go out without each other if one of us has plans or whatever.

We don't sleep in much now since the kids are older but when they were little he did take them so I could sleep in. When this baby come he'll probably do the same.

[babygsmommy]

I get more breaks now, but not many for the first year. I was exclusively nursing and ds was hit or miss with the bottle. Now, I run to target or go to the grocery store by myself, while dh stays home with ds.
I have started having one Sunday a month where I go scrapbook with my aunt. Dh keeps ds and I get a whole day to myself. I could also use that day for anything else. When he is home, he helps to entertain ds, so I can do dishes or shower in peace.
As for sleeping in, I deal with all wake ups. Dh gets up early every day and so I deal with it. I feel bad if he has to get up all the time on his days off.
When he is home (he travels too) we do family stuff and sometimes do things alone.
It's nice when dh just takes over some chores and I don't have to ask.
I feel like as ds is getting older, it's easier to have more alone time.

[cam]

Do you get a break from the kids and your parenting obligations on weekends and/or when your spouse/so is home?
We don't have a typical schedule for having him around, but any time he is, we both have downtime. If I need downtime when he is away, he is very encouraging of me getting a sitter to make up for it.

What kinds of things do you do?
For time away from MH and LO: I go for walks with a relative(s), grab a meal and/or drinks with friends and/or family, go to some local event, get a massage, give one of my hobbies some attention, take a nap or go to bed early, read, bake, etc.
For a general break which is often just as helpful as time away: MH and I switch off who has to get up every few minutes because LO wants something.

Do you trade off things like sleeping-in/who gets up with the kid(s)?
MH is more of the sleep-in type while I am more of a napper when needed type (based on LO's current sleep patterns, exception being when LO gets up excessively early for some reason), but if either of needs sleep at any time, we get it if the other is available to be with LO.

Perhaps you spend all weekend as a family, not off doing things alone?
This is by far our most common use of downtime. Neither of us needs alone time as much as we need time to relax and get away from work, household tasks, and other responsibilities. LO so far has taken to our shared hobbies which is beneficial. There is still the matter of childcare duties, but family fun time is very different than times when LO needs bathing or a haircut or to pick up toys or work on a skill or any of the less pleasant parts of childcare duties.

[velouria]

Do you get a break from the kids and your parenting obligations on weekends and/or when your spouse/so is home?
Yes, to an extent with the two kids. When we just had one kid, very much yes. DH would take DS out on excursions and I would have the house to myself. Now, he will still do that and I'll just have DS2 and we'll try to time it over a nap so I have some down time. He will sometimes take both boys out and I imagine that will get easier as DS2 gets older. Mostly we are just 50/50 on weekends and our downtime is in the evening after they are in bed.

What kinds of things do you do?
If I have the house to myself I will often get caught up on housework (yawn!) Boring, I know. It just feels good to be productive in a way I can't be with two very needy kiddos around.

I might try to tackle a bigger project. I want to paint my bathroom, for example, but when?!

I get my hair done every few months and that gets me out for an afternoon. I may go shopping alone, to Target or the grocery store.

Do you trade off things like sleeping-in/who gets up with the kid(s)?
DH will often take both kids in the morning because I do all the overnight wakings for DS2 and some nights are still pretty rough (he's 10 months but we are just coming out of a major regression). I will sleep in until 8/9 at the latest. Occasionally he has done some overnights and then he gets to sleep in.

Perhaps you spend all weekend as a family, not off doing things alone?
We definitely try to get some good family time in. Either go out for a meal or to a park. When the weather is nice we do so much more.

We are also trying to have a regular babysitter come every other weekend so DH and I can get out for brunch and then we just walk around the city checking out new shops or bookstores, that kind of thing. Eventually we'll have the babysitter come for dinner and bedtime but we're not there yet. Our goal is to have a standing Friday night date with a regular sitter booked.

[Deleted]

gwapes I'm kinda jealous....I wish I could hide and play computer games sometimes. I've tried a couple of times where my husband will watch S and I'll try to get on the computer, but she'll just knock on the door and cry. I'm play Dragon Age Inquisition right now and can only play at night when she's sleeping!

Do you get a break from the kids and your parenting obligations on weekends and/or when your spouse/so is home? Not really...I usually get a few hours one Sunday a month and every Monday night.

What kinds of things do you do? Usually going to band practice...or a concert. Sometimes I'll go to the store just to be by myself for a bit.

Do you trade off things like sleeping-in/who gets up with the kid(s)? Yes, DH usually gets up with her on the weekends.

Perhaps you spend all weekend as a family, not off doing things alone? Saturday mornings we usually do things as a family... like go to the zoo or the park. DH and I have a trade off...he gets Sat nights to play board games with friends, and I get Mon nights to go band.

[namastebiotches]

Yep, dh pretty much takes over when he gets home/weekends. Usually, I hang out with them but DH will tend to DS' needs so I could be lazy. I typically watch tv and/or mess around on my phone.

[masonjar]

I'm pretty jealous. I get a break to shower or sometimes catch a half hour nap.
Our little one is ebf too, so that's DH's excuse. He spends time with LO and changes a few diapers, but it's mostly all me.

[KC thepouchh8r]

Yes I get a break. Dh sleeps in on Saturday; I sleep in on Sunday. I generally try to make Saturday/Sunday family time so if I want a night out with friends I usually go out on Friday nights. I usually do 2-3 nights a month out with friends. Dh takes half of kid/house duty.

[KC thepouchh8r]

Jan 24, 2015 7:29:25 GMT -5 masonjar said:

I'm pretty jealous. I get a break to shower or sometimes catch a half hour nap.
Our little one is ebf too, so that's DH's excuse. He spends time with LO and changes a few diapers, but it's mostly all me.

When I was ebf I'd leave immediately after a feeding. I'd get everything ready ahead of time. There was no chance for dh to have an excuse--I'd say I'm leaving bye.

[masonjar]

Jan 24, 2015 7:31:35 GMT -5 KC thepouchh8r said:

Jan 24, 2015 7:29:25 GMT -5 masonjar said:

I'm pretty jealous. I get a break to shower or sometimes catch a half hour nap.
Our little one is ebf too, so that's DH's excuse. He spends time with LO and changes a few diapers, but it's mostly all me.

When I was ebf I'd leave immediately after a feeding. I'd get everything ready ahead of time.

I left LO with DH one time for two hours. It was horrible. He said LO screamed the entire time. He even went to his mom's for help. DH was pissy with me the rest of the evening for leaving, even though he offered.
I'm hoping it will get better when LO gets older.

[KC thepouchh8r]

Jan 24, 2015 7:33:44 GMT -5 masonjar said:

Jan 24, 2015 7:31:35 GMT -5 KC thepouchh8r said:

When I was ebf I'd leave immediately after a feeding. I'd get everything ready ahead of time.

I left LO with DH one time for two hours. It was horrible. He said LO screamed the entire time. He even went to his mom's for help. DH was prissy with me the rest of the evening for leaving, even though he offered.
I'm hoping it will get better when LO gets older.

You have to keep doing it. He needs to learn his own special ways to comfort your lo. It's important for bonding so I'd make it a priority.

[masonjar]

Jan 24, 2015 7:35:12 GMT -5 KC thepouchh8r said:

Jan 24, 2015 7:33:44 GMT -5 masonjar said:

I left LO with DH one time for two hours. It was horrible. He said LO screamed the entire time. He even went to his mom's for help. DH was prissy with me the rest of the evening for leaving, even though he offered.
I'm hoping it will get better when LO gets older.

You have to keep doing it. He needs to learn his own special ways to comfort your lo. It's important for bonding so I'd make it a priority.

You're totally right. I keep putting it off, but it would be good for all of us.

[KC thepouchh8r]

Jan 24, 2015 7:38:21 GMT -5 masonjar said:

Jan 24, 2015 7:35:12 GMT -5 KC thepouchh8r said:

You have to keep doing it. He needs to learn his own special ways to comfort your lo. It's important for bonding so I'd make it a priority.

You're totally right. I keep putting it off, but it would be good for all of us.

It doesn't need to be a long excursion. Maybe say every Thursday night you leave for 30 minutes to grab a coffee, walk around target, whatever. The first few weeks will likely suck but with practice it gets better.

[lala]

Agree w/ KC - you have to let them figure it out. It might suck for him the first time or 2 but the sooner you do it the better. I would have been pretty angry if he had ran to his mom's for help b/c his baby cried. That's life, dude.

[gibrown]

I wish my H was a light sleeper!

He definitely helps split the duties on weekends, but sleeps so deep that when LO wakes up I'm the only one to hear it. I don't see the point in waking him up when I'm already awake, so I let him sleep and usually grab a nap later in the day.

[caybeh]

Yep. I sleep in Sat, well DH will get up with DS. I sleep in until DD gets up. I also get naps anytime during the weekend. DH will pretty much occupy DS for quite awhile so that I have a break from him.

I do girl's night monthly and leave the kids home with DH. I leave a bottle for DD and just pump when I get home. They figure it out.

[queenbabee]

DH travels for work a lot, so when he's gone, I'm pretty much on autopilot. On weeks that he works from home, is really good about sharing of the duties and I get to go play a bit. It's always an ackward transition though if he has been gone a while...like we both forget how to do everything as a team and kinda have to start from scratch. FTM and DS is only 4 months still so we are still figuring it all out.

[bobcat]

I'm breastfeeding and little one has recently been protesting any kind of bottle, so I don't have much flexibility. But, we're working on a but of sleep training, so we decided to split night time duties (if it isn't time to feed baby). My hubby is also great about letting me get a nap or out of the house for an hour or two when he's home and not studying (he's in business school right now). He helps with chores that I don't get accomplished during the week. Thankfully he understands a fussy, clingy baby can often mean an all together unproductive day. Yeah, I guess he's pretty awesome - prob more awesome than I give him credit for.

[sagen]

Yes I do, we just trade off a bit. Nothing set in stone. He just got back from the gym, and took the kids outside for a minute. I am in here taking a break. My dad babysits every Saturday at noon and H and I go to lunch, it is so nice of my dad, and so great to get alone time with H each week.

[marshmallow]

My husband and I have had so many conversations about this.  I was feeling resentful for a while because of this issue.  I think because I'm home with the baby all day, his mentality was almost like that is my territory on weekends too.  Things have gotten a lot better, but I still would love for him to do more.  (I still handle meals and diapers and the majority of care on weekends).  I read the book Babyproofing your Marriage (I'm cheesy like that) and it was helpful for me.  
Our deal now is I get at least a two hour break on weekends (which usually just involves my taking a nap).  We also each get one Friday out a month.

[redhorizon343]

I definitely feel like I picked a winner. DH pulls his weight when he is home. Neither of us get too many "breaks" but it's a lighter load when we both do it. We do trade off who gets up in the morning, or in the MOTN.

A break for him is usually a few uninterrupted hours of video games online with his friends. I might go to lunch with a friend or just shop at target without lugging a child around.

Before the baby I would get pissed because he does ZERO chores. I even take out the garbage and shovel the driveway. But now that I'm SAH, it makes more sense because I'm in the house more.

[BostonKisses]

I do get breaks, on weekends and evenings. If I don't get breaks from him, my parents give me a break on weekends when he's at workshops or working at the church. When he's home, though, he knows he's expected to help at least a little bit so I have some time to decompress.

[penguin129]

DD woke up at 4am for the day today. DH took her from 5:30-8 and I went back to bed. It was so nice. Usually I do everything on the weekend to. DH offers to take her so I can stay in bed and I usually say no. Not today!

[Leapinglizards]

DD is in a I only want to quiet for mommy stage so no breaks here. If it gets real bad he will take her in the morning. I am still EBF and my supply has tanked recently so I don't have too much choice. I think my freezer stash is all bad it tastes metallic

[jamjoyful]

He helps out whenever. Sometimes he may do bathtime during the week or the weekends. If I really need to I could take a nap on the weekend and he will do his best to keep them downstairs.

Yesterday, I hid in the bathroom and did a little pedicure and painted my toes. We typically spend the weekends together. Sometimes we have fun things to do, others it is just lounging at home. I definitely take a break from all my cleaning and running around.