My husband is back to work today after 3 glorious weeks. He's working from home today but planning to be back in the office tomorrow. MIL came over last night to take care of baby so we could sleep. I just had to nurse him.
My question for you is how do you do night time? I feel bad waking husband for help knowing he has to perform at work but I can't be solely responsible for baby care 20 hours a day. What has been working for you?
DH doesn't help out at all MOTN sun night thru Thurs night because of work. But I have been really insisting that he can't go to bed until the kids are both asleep as that is much more of an endeavor. LO isn't that bad MOTN most of the time lucky for me and I have been sleeping in in the AM.
eTA when I go back to work again at 12 weeks I expect that I will be handling all of the MOTN wake ups by myself then too as that is what happened last time but DD was down to usually only one at that point.
Post by mrsmonogrammed on Jul 6, 2015 9:05:50 GMT -5
My H is in charge of feeding LO a bottle of pumped milk while I go downstairs and pump for the next night's bottles. It really streamlines things, he's back to sleep within 20 minutes because DD is basically dream feeding and not fully waking up. It's nice for me because I don't have to fight back with her to actively nurse during the night and it only takes me about half an hour to pump and make bottles:)
Post by carolyngrace on Jul 6, 2015 9:28:31 GMT -5
mrsmonogrammed, wait, so you're able to pump enough bottles for the entire night in one sitting? How does that work??
wormgerm, I also do 99% of nighttime duty. Since I'm a FTM (no toddler or older kid to keep me busy during the day) I just sleep when baby sleeps. So I usually get 6 hours of sleep at night (not all at one time, obviously), and take a 2-3 hour nap during the day. I've been staying pretty functional that way.
Not sure how we'll handle things when I go back to work. That's a problem for a month from now! Hoping DB wakes up a little less by then...
My DH went back today too, also after 3 weeks off. We both cried when he left. Our plan is that I go to bed at 9pm and DH gives LO her last bottle around 11, then wheels the bassinet in our room and I sleep till she wakes up next. That way I get 4-5 hrs before the first MOTN feed. Then he gets up about 40 mins earlier than needed to get ready for work and hangs out with LO for a bit so I can shower and eat before he leaves. Last night went well doing it that way, so hopefully it will continue to work. DH has a super stressful and demanding job, so he's got to be totally on his game at work. He feels terrible sleeping 6 straight hours while I'm up but I keep reminding him that this is just a phase and soon she'll be sleeping better so I can too. I'm def tired but if that's the price of being home with my girl I can deal with it.
Post by mrsmonogrammed on Jul 6, 2015 9:58:51 GMT -5
carolyngrace I wake up to pump 2x's at night and also "wake" DB and DH to feed her at the same time. If I let her, she would slee through the night (9 or 10pm to 4 or 5AM). I'm a day ahead with pumping so DH feeds her yesterday night's pumped milk while I pump for the next night. I'm getting about 5 or 6 ounces each night. (Roughly an ounce and a half from each breast both times). DB eats at least 10 times during the day and never goes longer than 2 hours between feedings so I'm comfortable letting her go 3 hours at night before I wake her up:)
Like most, I generally handle it. DH has been helping with the diaper changes but today is his first day back to work so I expect that will stop soon. I did it all with DS1 (SAHM) but there were nights I should have asked for help earlier, even with the ability to nap it wasn't sufficient. This time since I am SAHM with DS1, too, I won't hesitate to wake DH to help if it is a rough night because I can't rely on napping during the day. He can handle being tired at work sometimes if it means my sanity.
I'm doing 99% of MOTN duties because she pretty much just nurses and is right back asleep. If she's having a lot of trouble going back down I'll occasionally wake MH to rock her while I get some sleep.
This is what we do. DH will also get up for diaper changes.
As far as that 2-3 hour period of wakefulness, I'm assuming you're breastfeeding for part of it, right? So DH wouldn't be up 2-3 hours at that time. You'll be up for part, and he'll be up for part.
I don't feel too badly for having DH help sometimes because he could go to bed earlier and make up for the sleep missing in the middle of the night. Plus, sleep becomes disrupted for at least 3.5 years based on my experience. Last night DH had to get up with LBB for a bathroom trip and for a "Daddy I'm thirsty" call while I was feeding BH.
DH does the early shift from 8pm midnight or 1 am (and I nap or at least lie down), then goes in the guest room to get some uninterrupted sleep. Shit will get real when I go back to work, but this works for us for now.
H gets up to change her and strip her (she won't nurse MOTN unless she's in a diaper; she falls asleep!) and he usually naps on pillows on her floor while I feed her. He takes her while I pump and gets her to sleep. Last night she was really fussy and h took her and gave her a bottle while I slept - glorious!
He's not as helpful when he needs to be up in the morning - he will get up and change her but he goes back to bed & I need to redress her and get her to sleep.
Like many of y'all, my DH has a demanding job. He usually works from home 2 days a weeks, which is a huge help. He usually takes any feeding from the the time he gets home until about 11 pm Sun night thru Wed night...I take all MOTN feedings those nights. Thurs/FriSat nights, we alternate MOTN feedings. He usually gets any late night am feedings and I get early morning feedings.
I am probably no help since I care solely for LO at night. If you are nursing, is there really a reason your H needs to be up with you? It's not as though he could actively help with feedings. I would only wake H if I was having a really tough night and was worried about my ability to handle LO. Otherwise, I let him sleep.
Same here. There is no point in both of us being exhausted. And I can nap during the day when LO sleeps, he can't nap at work.
ETA - because I responded before reading all of the comments. My LO also nurses and is pretty much right back to sleep. He has reflux so I do have to hold him upright for a bit after eating, but I am back to sleep within an hour. DD2 went through a phase where she would only sleep if being held and we took shifts. Mine were longer because I was nursing, so I would nurse, hold her through my shift, nurse again, then DH would hold her until she was ready to nurse again, rinse and repeat. Those nights were rough. Luckily it didn't last long.
We alternate getting up with him for each feeding. I usually take the first one and DH takes the second (where LO is up longer). But my DH works evenings, not a traditional 8-5 schedule. I'm the one who sometimes has to be up and out the door for morning hearings so we'll have to figure it out when I go back to my full work schedule.
Sunday - Thursday I do all of the MOTN feedings so DH can sleep and go to work. When I go back to work we will alternate feedings. It's really hard on the nights that she doesn't want to go down. Last night I was getting really frustrated with her and almost woke DH up to sit with her for an hour so I could rest, but I finally got her to settle. He takes baby duty all night on Friday and Saturday nights so I can sleep. We FF, so we are able to do this easier than BF.
Post by purpledaisy923 on Jul 6, 2015 11:50:15 GMT -5
DH and I both get up to do MOTN feedings. With twins, it is just so much easier to have one parent feed one twin and another parent feed the other twin. We do the "one up, both up" method for the twins, so we wake them up and feed them at the same time. We will continue with this MOTN schedule when I go back to work.
I deal with Little Man most of the time at night... DH goes and deals with DD if she wakes. He's still off right now (he's used all of his vacation time) and goes back to work next week. I have a feeling, I'll be most of the middle of the night wakings from both DD and DS when he does go back to work. Unless I'm feeding DS when DD wakes up.
When it was just DD, I dealt with all of the MOTN wakings... And she woke a lot. Then I'd nap when (if) she napped.
DH goes back this week on Thursday. I've been trying to rock it alone for MOTN stuff knowing that he'll need to sleep in order to function at work. LO will be two weeks on Wednesday. I think I'm figuring out some sort of sleep/eat/awake rhythm for him...kind of. I realize that as soon as I think I have something figured out that it will change. I really only wake DH if I'm at my wit's end and can't function enough to discern what's going on with the baby. If DH hears LO crying for a long period of time he'll usually wake up to help me or at least check to make sure I'm okay.
wormgerm, my LO usually has a long stretch of awake time at night, too. Luckily, he's a content little guy and will just lie there awake looking around the room. So if he's awake, content, and safe I'll just (try to) go back to sleep.
Right now, it's just me. My husband works from 1:30a-10:30a, so I'm pretty much on night shift by myself. I'm hoping by the time school starts next month, Tins will be sleeping much better through the night. She will give me a four hour stretch, but a lot of times she's waking up squirmy and gassy after that, and she wants to eat every two hours. She usually goes from 10 or 11pm to about 2 or 3am, then wakes at 5, 7, and 9 to eat. After that, we usually get back to the every 3 hour feeding schedule.
I'm not sure what will happen when I go back to work. She will be at the sitter's house, so I'm probably going to have husband pick her up around 2 or 3 once he naps after work, and I'll give him afternoon/evening duty so I can nap and cook dinner. I don't know. We will cross that bridge when we get there.
@jemomma baby has been throwing a wide awake block of 2 or 3 hours in MOTN. H had been doing all the diapers up until now.
I would try DH not having any contact w baby at night and especially no diaper change. If I really ever want to wake baby up DH does the diaper change haha. This might be waking the baby more and causing the 2-3 hour block. If just you have contact w baby and feed things could go faster since baby isn't changing hands and he would feel secure
Post by mrskblack11 on Jul 6, 2015 12:40:18 GMT -5
I handle all MOTN feelings and changes. We are cosleeping and I have everything I need for changing next to the bed (changing pad, diapers, wipes) so I don't have to get out of bed. I do side lying nursing in the MOTN which works out great for the both of us. Baby falls asleep after nursing. I usually can get two stretches of sleep at night, the first for 4hrs hours the second for 3hrs.
DH usually falls asleep on the couch so LO and I have had a king sized bed all to ourselves for at least half the night.
DH is back to work today. LO and I were able to do it on our own last night. We let him wake us up for feedings, vs me waking him up every 2, 2.5 hours. DH would totally help if needed but I wanted him to sleep. We'll see how it goes during the growth spurt that's right around the corner.
Post by honeybunches101 on Jul 6, 2015 13:10:57 GMT -5
I do all MOTN stuff with the baby, DH handles 3yo DS. DS has been having nightmares and wants DH to rock him back to sleep, and he is up at 5:30 or 6am. . I only change DD overnight if she poops and I usually fall asleep nursing her in bed. I sleep in as late as she will let me.
mrsmonogrammed, wait, so you're able to pump enough bottles for the entire night in one sitting? How does that work??
wormgerm, I also do 99% of nighttime duty. Since I'm a FTM (no toddler or older kid to keep me busy during the day) I just sleep when baby sleeps. So I usually get 6 hours of sleep at night (not all at one time, obviously), and take a 2-3 hour nap during the day. I've been staying pretty functional that way.
Not sure how we'll handle things when I go back to work. That's a problem for a month from now! Hoping DB wakes up a little less by then...
omg, I miss the naps. I'm so envious!
DH only took one day off from teaching, and had a day off between that ending and his new job starting. However, if he falls asleep with LO 3 hrs before I have the other 2 in bed (like last night), he brings me a hungry baby, and then burps him and gets him back to sleep.
And last night LO slept for 5 hours solid, 4 of which I was doing battle with sibliings.
I married a teacher/vice principal who works online from home on his own schedule during the summer and somehow managed having June and early July babies
But seriously, I bedshare so that's how I've found it easiest to encourage night from day and quiet, simple overnight feedings. (in my situation with my kids, everyone just needs to find their rhythm that works for them!) H typically has gotten up with our older LO since I quit breastfeeding him if he wakes up overnight, though that is rare now, or now that we have DD if Im just exhausted or need a baby break on bad nights he doesn't mind getting up and giving me an hour of sleep or whatever she needs to settle down. I was a lot harder on myself with DS and wouldn't ask for help, I've gotten a lot more relaxed this time around and both H AND I feel ok with waking him up if I need to.
DH and I both get up to do MOTN feedings. With twins, it is just so much easier to have one parent feed one twin and another parent feed the other twin. We do the "one up, both up" method for the twins, so we wake them up and feed them at the same time. We will continue with this MOTN schedule when I go back to work.
Same here! The only exception is the last feeding of the night (typically around 5 or 6am). I'll feed the baby that woke up and wake the sleeping baby after I get the first back to sleep so that my H can have an extra hour of two uninterrupted before he has to get ready for work.
We are both off for the months of September and October and will really work on a schedule for them during that time.
I am probably no help since I care solely for LO at night. If you are nursing, is there really a reason your H needs to be up with you? It's not as though he could actively help with feedings. I would only wake H if I was having a really tough night and was worried about my ability to handle LO. Otherwise, I let him sleep.
Ditto...I handled all overnight care with DS and am with this LO as well. There's not much they can do (if you're nursing) so no point in both of you missing sleep. DH has helped hold her some this time bc she hates being out down at night and sometimes I have to pee and sometimes her crying keeps us both up.
DH went back to work after 4 days? I've been doing everything MOTN and during the day even when H's home. I nap a little in the morning and than try and nap during the day if I can. I go back to work tomorrow so hopefully peanut only has one or two MOTN feedings.
Good luck tonight and tomorrow. I hope peanut sleeps well for you!
Post by ravinraven216 on Jul 6, 2015 21:12:47 GMT -5
I'll sometimes wake DH to do a diaper change, generally around 2:30-3:00. If LO is fussy we may do shifts of chest time, but that's been increasingly unnecessary.
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